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My girlfriend has been lying to me about smoking since we starting going out. I caught her about 6 months into it and a couple of times after that and she has tried but its not working out.
This question is for smokers
Would you be able to quit smoking for your boyfriend or girlfriend?
she says she loves me and wants to marry me but she cant do this even with my help it seems (link)
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Smoking is more than a bad habit. It's an addiction. There are things that happen within the brain when a smoker inhales a puff of a freshly lit cigarette. When they go hours without smoking they have withdrawal side effects such as minor tremors, headaches, fatigue, irritability, and strong cravings.
She may WANT to quit.
She may be physically unable to just quit though.
It's like a cocaine junkie. Do you just tell them, "If you love me, you'll never snort that again!" and they follow-through because they love you?
It isn't that she loves cigarettes more than you or doesn't love you any more or less because she's a smoker.
It means she's addicted.
Her lying is the REAL issue.
Why does she lie?
Is she ashamed?
Or does she seriously not WANT to quit but wants to keep you around?
That's what the problem is.
If she WANTS to quit then it's a process that takes time. She has to gradually cut back or look for alternative solutions to help curb those cravings and reduce the desire for nicotine. The patch, gum, electronic cigarettes, even.
But that's only going to happen if she truly WANTS to quit.
It's a process.
Talk with her. Communicate your feelings. Tell her that you're so unsure now. That you know she says she'll quit and that she promises she has but then you realize she's still smoking and that it is hurtful. Encourage her to seek some additional help. Sometimes smokers get some guidance through therapy sessions with a counselor to help reduce some of the stress they may experience.
And smokers do tend to do very well with getting into a scheduled routine. If she smokes very often then maybe a smoke every hour or two can be scheduled. Then, after a week of being on a set schedule, she cuts one of the smoke breaks out and see how she does. If it's difficult to cut out a smoke break, give it another week, and then during the time she would normally be having a smoke (and is cutting this one particular break out) she has a healthy snack of, say, baby carrots. Smokers tend to do REALLY well with something like that.
Help her find alternative solutions. Maybe the patch program. Maybe the gum. Maybe a hobby that she'll get swept up into and it'll help her cut back on the smokes. Talk with her. Get your feelings out there. Work on this TOGETHER.
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Rating: 5
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thank you for your advice. That i know of she hasnt smoked in 2 weeks. I told her that its ok that she messes up and smokes but that she has to tell me. Yes i hate what she was doing to herself by doing that but the bigger problem was the lieing. If i catch her doing it again without telling me it would be a 3rd time, i dont think i can do it anymore if that happens. what do you think i should do if she keeps lieing?
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