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smoking and love
My girlfriend has been lying to me about smoking since we starting going out. I caught her about 6 months into it and a couple of times after that and she has tried but its not working out.
This question is for smokers
Would you be able to quit smoking for your boyfriend or girlfriend?
she says she loves me and wants to marry me but she cant do this even with my help it seems
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You should explain to her how you feel about her smoking... because she's basically taking years off of your love and future marriage. It hurts to see someone you love kill themselves...but if she really did love you, she would find ways to quit. Try helping her find ways to quit. I would quit for the one I love...that is, if I did love someone. Hope everything will workout eventually.
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i'm a smoker and my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it but the taste and smell is really nasty and i want to stop for myself but i've found this to be extremely difficult and it plays on you mentally so for now you should just ask her to cut down until she can quit because trust me it's not easy at all
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quitting smoking is one of the hardest things ive ever tried to do, & yet ive still not accomplished it. some people can smoke a pack one day & then not a single cigarette the next, but for people like me, its very hard. when I dont smoke, I shake, cry, get angry, get chest, back, & joint pains, head aches, I feel lonely & depressed. its horrible. that being said, your girlfriend is probably someone like me. instead of hounding her about it, tell her she doesnt have to hide it & youre there to support her when SHES ready.
trying to force someone to quit is pointless & kind of cruel. you smoke when youre stressed, & youre puttin stress on her. she will be more succesful with a loving hand, not a pointed finger.
be supportive, not controlling.
x sweeethoney
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I've had a friend with a similar problem as yours. Her boyfriend was smoking behind her back and she told him if he wanted to be with her, he couldn't smoke.
She eventually realized that you can't change someone. If they want to do it, they will. If they really want to stop, they will.
She might need help to stop, but you can't try and change who she is or what she does.
She's addicted to it, but she also wants to be with you.
Get her some other help, because you might not be able to do it alone since you've already tried. Good luck!
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Smoking is more than a bad habit. It's an addiction. There are things that happen within the brain when a smoker inhales a puff of a freshly lit cigarette. When they go hours without smoking they have withdrawal side effects such as minor tremors, headaches, fatigue, irritability, and strong cravings.
She may WANT to quit.
She may be physically unable to just quit though.
It's like a cocaine junkie. Do you just tell them, "If you love me, you'll never snort that again!" and they follow-through because they love you?
It isn't that she loves cigarettes more than you or doesn't love you any more or less because she's a smoker.
It means she's addicted.
Her lying is the REAL issue.
Why does she lie?
Is she ashamed?
Or does she seriously not WANT to quit but wants to keep you around?
That's what the problem is.
If she WANTS to quit then it's a process that takes time. She has to gradually cut back or look for alternative solutions to help curb those cravings and reduce the desire for nicotine. The patch, gum, electronic cigarettes, even.
But that's only going to happen if she truly WANTS to quit.
It's a process.
Talk with her. Communicate your feelings. Tell her that you're so unsure now. That you know she says she'll quit and that she promises she has but then you realize she's still smoking and that it is hurtful. Encourage her to seek some additional help. Sometimes smokers get some guidance through therapy sessions with a counselor to help reduce some of the stress they may experience.
And smokers do tend to do very well with getting into a scheduled routine. If she smokes very often then maybe a smoke every hour or two can be scheduled. Then, after a week of being on a set schedule, she cuts one of the smoke breaks out and see how she does. If it's difficult to cut out a smoke break, give it another week, and then during the time she would normally be having a smoke (and is cutting this one particular break out) she has a healthy snack of, say, baby carrots. Smokers tend to do REALLY well with something like that.
Help her find alternative solutions. Maybe the patch program. Maybe the gum. Maybe a hobby that she'll get swept up into and it'll help her cut back on the smokes. Talk with her. Get your feelings out there. Work on this TOGETHER.
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