"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1511
Last Update: August 15, 2011
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I killed my baby - now i can't live with the guilt. I don't know what to do.I am angry at the father for not caring and so I harass him as much as possible. My therapist says I need to let it go but I can't. Help me! How do I move on? (link)
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Since, in all likelihood, you're speaking about abortion, I will answer as if you specifically said "abortion."
We all make mistakes.
What you did was wrong. You know it, I know it. It's a part of being human though. You make bad decisions from time to time. You learn from the consequences (in this particular case, depression), and you grow to be a better person.
Don't run from the truth or look for sugar-coated responses. You did a bad thing. You did the wrong thing.
Fortunately, everyone deserves a second chance because everyone has the ability to learn from their past mistakes.
It's not that you need to "let it go" but you need to learn this lesson. You need to acknowledge your mistake and take actions to be a better person now. It's time to move forward to the next step in this process. It's time to do better and be better.
You don't need to forget the mistake. That's not even going to happen. It isn't that you need to pretend the mistake never existed in life. You just need to learn from it. You need to realize that it was a mistake and that you don't have to continue to be that person who made that mistake in the first place.
While the father of the child may not be very caring in this situation, he has a lot less burden than you do. To be perfectly blunt, you are the one that chose to end a life. He didn't. While he may have not done something to prevent you from making this mistake, it is entirely your mistake to carry. While his mistake was probably not taking better precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, he isn't the one who actually went into the medical center, signed forms that agreed to this procedure, and allowed a doctor to end the life of his first born. Unfortunately, the most a man is "allowed" to do now is be supportive of the female's decision to abort the life inside of her womb. If he fights it, he's mocked and told that he is hurting women.
So, instead of dwelling on the mistake, focus on the improvements you need to make. Focus on taking the new knowledge gained and being active with it.
Making the father feel bad because you feel bad isn't helping. If he doesn't feel bad because he lost his child then you can't make him feel that. Making him feel bad for your mistake helps nobody.
So, yeah, hey, you made a mistake. It happens. You're human. We all make bad decisions every once in awhile. It doesn't mean you need to keep repeating the mistake or dwelling on the fact that you messed up. It's time to say, "Yeah, I did do that. I'm not happy about it. I'm not proud I did it. But it happened, and I realize that I'm NOT that person. I don't want to be that person. I want to be something better."
When the time comes that you feel you've grown from this lesson, consider being more active in telling your story and how this has made you feel. While some women don't want to listen, some others will have their entire lives changed because you spoke out and acknowledged this. If anything, this one mistake could become an opportunity to save the lives of others.
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Rating: 5
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I know you are trying to help and I thank you for that but the reason I can't get past this is that I was 6 months pregnant when I got my first stretch mark and I didn't want any more so I did "things" so my baby would STOP MAKING ME UGLY, but now i really want a baby again and I wonder if I made a mistake? But if I got another stretch mark I would probably do this again so what do I do?
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