|
Can't get over loss of killing my baby
I killed my baby - now i can't live with the guilt. I don't know what to do.I am angry at the father for not caring and so I harass him as much as possible. My therapist says I need to let it go but I can't. Help me! How do I move on?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Since, in all likelihood, you're speaking about abortion, I will answer as if you specifically said "abortion."
We all make mistakes.
What you did was wrong. You know it, I know it. It's a part of being human though. You make bad decisions from time to time. You learn from the consequences (in this particular case, depression), and you grow to be a better person.
Don't run from the truth or look for sugar-coated responses. You did a bad thing. You did the wrong thing.
Fortunately, everyone deserves a second chance because everyone has the ability to learn from their past mistakes.
It's not that you need to "let it go" but you need to learn this lesson. You need to acknowledge your mistake and take actions to be a better person now. It's time to move forward to the next step in this process. It's time to do better and be better.
You don't need to forget the mistake. That's not even going to happen. It isn't that you need to pretend the mistake never existed in life. You just need to learn from it. You need to realize that it was a mistake and that you don't have to continue to be that person who made that mistake in the first place.
While the father of the child may not be very caring in this situation, he has a lot less burden than you do. To be perfectly blunt, you are the one that chose to end a life. He didn't. While he may have not done something to prevent you from making this mistake, it is entirely your mistake to carry. While his mistake was probably not taking better precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, he isn't the one who actually went into the medical center, signed forms that agreed to this procedure, and allowed a doctor to end the life of his first born. Unfortunately, the most a man is "allowed" to do now is be supportive of the female's decision to abort the life inside of her womb. If he fights it, he's mocked and told that he is hurting women.
So, instead of dwelling on the mistake, focus on the improvements you need to make. Focus on taking the new knowledge gained and being active with it.
Making the father feel bad because you feel bad isn't helping. If he doesn't feel bad because he lost his child then you can't make him feel that. Making him feel bad for your mistake helps nobody.
So, yeah, hey, you made a mistake. It happens. You're human. We all make bad decisions every once in awhile. It doesn't mean you need to keep repeating the mistake or dwelling on the fact that you messed up. It's time to say, "Yeah, I did do that. I'm not happy about it. I'm not proud I did it. But it happened, and I realize that I'm NOT that person. I don't want to be that person. I want to be something better."
When the time comes that you feel you've grown from this lesson, consider being more active in telling your story and how this has made you feel. While some women don't want to listen, some others will have their entire lives changed because you spoke out and acknowledged this. If anything, this one mistake could become an opportunity to save the lives of others.
]
You can only move on when you stop with the negativity. Stop blaming yourself, your circumstances and the father. You cant move on until you come to terms with what has happened and accept that it did. You need to want to move on yet it seems you are intent on making yourself feel worse by being passive aggressive.
Confront your feelings, thoughts and emotions; deal with what you're going through: scream, cry, lash out (at things - not people), whatever it takes to get all of this out of you. Go through the grieving process and then deal with what youve gone through.
If youre talking about abortion - which im assuming you are - then you've most likely done it for logical reasons: such decisions are seldom done lightly. Once you have dealt with the emotional aspects of the situation you can start looking at the reality for what it really is. Theres a REASON why you gave the baby up.
Even so, there are different methods of abortion and time frames as well as limitations by law for a good reason. And the earlier you had it aborted the less it was a baby. Likely to be only a stem cell to the growth of major organs. Dont look at this so much as killing a baby, rather you've stopped the process of it growing into one.
Whatever way you choose to look at things or whatever you do, only you can make the decision and put in the effort necessary to move past this emotional trauma.
]
I'd say keep your mind on something else.
Do you mean like abortion?
If it was abortion, then there must have been a good reason for you to abort your child.
Just keep telling yourself that what you did was the right decision.
Time will heal your wounds of what happened.
You just need time. Don't forget your baby but also think of it as a blessing. If you couldn't raise the child, it is in a better place.
]
More Questions: |