"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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I've been with my boyfriend for five years. Last year we broke up but then got back together 5 months later. We've almost been back together for a year. We broke up becos I felt unappreciated, there was no romance, and it got so boring that I was going crazy. It's actually worse since we've gotten back together. There's never any thank yous or appreciation shown when I do things for him. He helps me out financially so I feel indebted to him. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision if I leave. Where do you draw the line? (link)
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Well, if you're not going to have an adult discussion to express your true feelings towards the lack of "spark" in this relationship then you need to get out now. Sitting down and talking things out is a rational way to handle this situation. He can't read minds and you can't convey your message to him about being under appreciated if you never tell him there is a problem or how to fix it for optimal happiness.
This is a part of any long-term relationship. It's referred to as the comfort factor. He's become comfortable with you. You're basically a part of himself. Does he thank himself for going grocery shopping? Nope, but it doesn't mean he doesn't like or appreciate it. He just kind-of forgets that it's important to say, "Hey...thanks for that...really."
You're doing him a favor by leaving if you haven't sat down and talked with him yet and are debating on just up and leaving. Adults sit down and say, "I am not happy. I wish you would do x, y, and z. THAT would make me happy. Can we please work something out here so I feel better? I love you but I'm becoming very unhappy with this current situation. I NEED x, y, and z to happen or this cannot last any longer." Adults don't just get up and walk out one day because they never chose to express their deepest desires to their partner.
You can either be an adult and try to salvage the relationship by talking with him like an adult.
Or
You can leave and spare him the heartache when you finally blow up and freak out on him from bottling all of this stuff up inside of you. Bottling stuff up doesn't get you anywhere.
The choice is yours.
Save it or don't. It can only go two ways from here. It's completely your decision. If you want to make it work then you have to talk to him. Sometimes it takes more than one talking to to get your point across and your thoughts clearly expressed.
As a late note: If you never express your dislike about something then how will he ever know? How will he ever stand a chance at pleasing you? You can't really just say, "I feel like you don't appreciate me!" because it doesn't REALLY get your message across. What doesn't he appreciate, specifically? What can he do to make it better? He can't read minds. He doesn't think exactly like you. You have to clear, specific, and willing to have a little "give" in YOUR wants. Think about it.
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Rating: 5
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Rating changed by moderator:
1 ratings are for abuse only. This is obviously not abuse.
Original: ok I was just tryin to keep the question brief. I've talked with him numerous times, and last time when he never made an effort, I finally left. I just wanted advice on when to walk away or pointers on how to get the spark back not about how you think I'm not an adult. Thanks for the friendly advice, you sound a little bitter.
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