"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1511
Last Update: August 15, 2011
Visitors: 143987
Favorite Columnists
karenR
DangerNerd
russianspy1234
GilbertMar
ThirdQED
mikesadvice
Eldritch
my2cents
|
| |
|
Hey so i posted a question about this already, but it didn't make sense. So i have a friend and ever since she's become a christian and well she always thinks that her point of view is right and we always end up getting in a fight about it. She treats me like crap. On Saturday she didn't want to watch this movie and wanted to watch something else and kept saying it was bad because they were cursing, and i told her i didn't care what she though. And she said well you wouldn't be saying that. And the weekend before i was eating and watching a movie and i came back and i said out loud that i didn't understand the movie and she rudely replies with well maybe if you weren't eating and paying attention to the movie and i got mad and started telling her off. She's such a bitch. I mean i try to talk to her but she just says well your mean too and justifies what she does be cause she thinks what she does is ok. I am getting sick of her. And not only that whenever we hangout i'll ask her what time and she says oh i don't know. And whenever we do hangout and this happens a lot but not all the time, she always wants me to come over to her house. it's annoying. noto nly that but she'll say something rude to me and then i'll say something back and will be like i don't care what you think i have jesus in my life. blah blah blah. I don't know what to do. it bothers me a lot even though in a way it doesn't matter because she's leaving on friday. what should i do? (link)
|
Please re-read what you typed here:
"...well she always thinks that her point of view is right..."
But, then, later you completely dismiss what she feels is right and absolutely must have it you way, even when she supplies a valid reason for why she chooses not to do something YOU want to do:
"...she didn't want to watch this movie and wanted to watch something else and kept saying it was bad because they were cursing, and i told her i didn't care what she though."
If she has to "have it her way" all of the time then contemplate this one:
"...whenever we hangout i'll ask her what time and she says oh i don't know."
...Doesn't sound like she's forcing you to do something you don't want to do at a time you don't want to do it. "I don't know" may signify just what it says. She's undecided and is leaving it open for YOU to decide along with her. This is where normal conversation comes about.
Her: "Wanna hang out tonight? I was thinking of seeing that new movie we talked about."
You: "Sure! I'd love to hang out! What time were you thinking of getting together?"
Her: "Oh, I don't know."
You: "Well, since we're probably going to be seeing that movie after our usual pizza I guess it'd be smart to get there like an hour early so we'll have plenty of time to eat. That'd mean we'd have to be there at 8 since the movie starts at 9. What do you think about that then?"
Her: "Yeah, that sounds like a good plan then."
You: "Cool. 8 it is."
Conversation!
It really kind-of sounds like you are just as "bad" as she is in the bickering department. You would prefer her to not be so public about her passion in Christ, right? You get upset when she feels it's wrong to do something against her religion even though YOU want to do it, right? You are upset when she rationalizes things based on her religious beliefs, right?
Think about it.
Read what you wrote over.
Relax. Deep breath.
End the friendship if you can't accept her. She's changing her life. She is developing a strong belief in something and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm not talking about just Christianity either, so, please, don't get me wrong on that. I'm saying: she's developing a PERSONALITY with likes and dislikes based on things she believes in and trusts. That happens, you know ;) and tends to be the smartest way to handle life.
I know you're upset and you feel she is completely wrong. I understand not being compatible with a long-time friend any longer and feeling upset about parting ways. There isn't anything wrong with that and it isn't either of your faults. The truth is: it's life. You grow, you learn, and you begin making your own decisions based on your knowledge. Sometimes you find out you weren't meant to be friends for eternity.
If your best friend in the whole wide world said:
"I want you to watch this movie where they kill babies."
And you said, "That isn't right. I don't believe in murdering innocent children."
And she turned around to you and said, "You bitch! I don't care what you think!..."
and then started to watch the movie anyway...how'd that make you feel?
What if you left the room in hopes that she'd start the movie and say, "Wow! She was right! This is awful!" and you came back with her still watching the movie, seeming to enjoy it? Wouldn't you say something to acknowledge it and your disapproval? You'd say, "So...you're STILL watching that, really?"
Cursing is a sin to her. She is taught to not do that sort of thing. Christians, in general, would prefer to steer away from the "evil" of the world. It's fairly true that the more cursing you watch and encounter leads you to begin saying those naughty words, too. She doesn't want to see, hear, or engage in sinful acts. A sinner ends up being punished, basically, and it sounds quite scary to the average person.
It's rational to want to not do or see the bad things then.
If she would prefer you to not watch something like that then she is only wanting the best for you, really. She feels that you would be somewhat engaging in a sinful act. That sinful act could send you to eternal punishment, based on her beliefs. You are her friend. She cares about you. She wants the best for you.
Try not to jump down her throat.
This is all a part of respect.
You should respect her religious beliefs and not engage in things that make her uncomfortable while she's around if you want to continue the friendship. This doesn't mean stopping everything you do or enjoy but making a conscious decision to "mind your manners" when she is around and about. It might be easier to think of it like this: You don't have to say sorry every single time a curse word slips out of your mouth in front of her but you do want to try to cut cursing down in front of her out of respect for her beliefs.
She should respect you, as well. If you say you strongly disbelieve in something she is going to do then she should take that into consideration if she'd like the friendship to continue. She, too, should "mind her manners" to some degree. For all you know, she is tolerating a lot of "sin" you engage in every day and overlooking that for the sake of your friendship. Who knows.
This doesn't mean giving up your personal belief system though.
Friendship is give and take.
If you can't respect her then just end it now.
If you feel she isn't respecting you then just walk away and end the friendship.
If you have a problem with her having Jesus in her life then it's best you two part ways now instead of trying to get her to change her beliefs. Seriously. Nobody likes to be told what to believe in, especially if they already have something they strongly believe. It's like somebody pressuring somebody else to believe in Christ. While it's nice to be invited to church functions with you friend so that you feel included in her activities, it's a totally different story when she buys you a Bible and tells you that you're going straight to Hell if you don't throw away your favorite Britney Spears CD right this very moment.
I suggest that if you feel so incredibly mistreated that you call her up and end this friendship now. It's all downhill from here if you cannot see the "other side" to what you have typed here. It's already gone sour.
|
|
Rating: 2
| |
I don't have to always have it my way, we always do what she wants. I understand what your saying, but its just that she wants to hangout at her house, and she'll sit on her laptop, most of the time. And when we're with our friends she'll either ignore me or she's rude. I don't think when she says she doesn't know what time she wants to hangout that she's leaving it up to me, because she takes a really long time to get ready and on top of that i have to wait for her, so i don't think it's fair. I am not condemning her for her beliefs but she thinks that her beliefs are right. Like that movie for example, i had to watch it because it was already overdue. And now that she's become Christian she thinks everything is bad. I mean so what if there bad words? what movies doesn't have that? And besides just because she thinks its bad that doesn't give her the right to tell me not to watch it since it's my house. And maybe to her it's sinful to watch these movies and i don't know if it truly is, but in my opinion i think that it isn't and she shouldn't make a big deal out of it. As for the part where i can't accept her. I have accepted her. I know people change and everything and it's difficult to except,but i don't think it's her job to tell me what's right or what's wrong based on what she believes in. That's what i have problem with, and i feel like with that she's pressuring me to believe in Christ. She even texted me and asked me if i was mad at her and i said no, but then i told her how i felt and she was like well your always saying im wrong or whatever, and that we're both equally guilty, but i don't fell like i am because i usually don't try to be mean to her unless she's rude, and i feel like she's out of line. but thanks for the advice, you've really opened my eyes.
|
|