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my friend is becoming a problem
Hey so i posted a question about this already, but it didn't make sense. So i have a friend and ever since she's become a christian and well she always thinks that her point of view is right and we always end up getting in a fight about it. She treats me like crap. On Saturday she didn't want to watch this movie and wanted to watch something else and kept saying it was bad because they were cursing, and i told her i didn't care what she though. And she said well you wouldn't be saying that. And the weekend before i was eating and watching a movie and i came back and i said out loud that i didn't understand the movie and she rudely replies with well maybe if you weren't eating and paying attention to the movie and i got mad and started telling her off. She's such a bitch. I mean i try to talk to her but she just says well your mean too and justifies what she does be cause she thinks what she does is ok. I am getting sick of her. And not only that whenever we hangout i'll ask her what time and she says oh i don't know. And whenever we do hangout and this happens a lot but not all the time, she always wants me to come over to her house. it's annoying. noto nly that but she'll say something rude to me and then i'll say something back and will be like i don't care what you think i have jesus in my life. blah blah blah. I don't know what to do. it bothers me a lot even though in a way it doesn't matter because she's leaving on friday. what should i do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Please re-read what you typed here:
"...well she always thinks that her point of view is right..."
But, then, later you completely dismiss what she feels is right and absolutely must have it you way, even when she supplies a valid reason for why she chooses not to do something YOU want to do:
"...she didn't want to watch this movie and wanted to watch something else and kept saying it was bad because they were cursing, and i told her i didn't care what she though."
If she has to "have it her way" all of the time then contemplate this one:
"...whenever we hangout i'll ask her what time and she says oh i don't know."
...Doesn't sound like she's forcing you to do something you don't want to do at a time you don't want to do it. "I don't know" may signify just what it says. She's undecided and is leaving it open for YOU to decide along with her. This is where normal conversation comes about.
Her: "Wanna hang out tonight? I was thinking of seeing that new movie we talked about."
You: "Sure! I'd love to hang out! What time were you thinking of getting together?"
Her: "Oh, I don't know."
You: "Well, since we're probably going to be seeing that movie after our usual pizza I guess it'd be smart to get there like an hour early so we'll have plenty of time to eat. That'd mean we'd have to be there at 8 since the movie starts at 9. What do you think about that then?"
Her: "Yeah, that sounds like a good plan then."
You: "Cool. 8 it is."
Conversation!
It really kind-of sounds like you are just as "bad" as she is in the bickering department. You would prefer her to not be so public about her passion in Christ, right? You get upset when she feels it's wrong to do something against her religion even though YOU want to do it, right? You are upset when she rationalizes things based on her religious beliefs, right?
Think about it.
Read what you wrote over.
Relax. Deep breath.
End the friendship if you can't accept her. She's changing her life. She is developing a strong belief in something and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm not talking about just Christianity either, so, please, don't get me wrong on that. I'm saying: she's developing a PERSONALITY with likes and dislikes based on things she believes in and trusts. That happens, you know ;) and tends to be the smartest way to handle life.
I know you're upset and you feel she is completely wrong. I understand not being compatible with a long-time friend any longer and feeling upset about parting ways. There isn't anything wrong with that and it isn't either of your faults. The truth is: it's life. You grow, you learn, and you begin making your own decisions based on your knowledge. Sometimes you find out you weren't meant to be friends for eternity.
If your best friend in the whole wide world said:
"I want you to watch this movie where they kill babies."
And you said, "That isn't right. I don't believe in murdering innocent children."
And she turned around to you and said, "You bitch! I don't care what you think!..."
and then started to watch the movie anyway...how'd that make you feel?
What if you left the room in hopes that she'd start the movie and say, "Wow! She was right! This is awful!" and you came back with her still watching the movie, seeming to enjoy it? Wouldn't you say something to acknowledge it and your disapproval? You'd say, "So...you're STILL watching that, really?"
Cursing is a sin to her. She is taught to not do that sort of thing. Christians, in general, would prefer to steer away from the "evil" of the world. It's fairly true that the more cursing you watch and encounter leads you to begin saying those naughty words, too. She doesn't want to see, hear, or engage in sinful acts. A sinner ends up being punished, basically, and it sounds quite scary to the average person.
It's rational to want to not do or see the bad things then.
If she would prefer you to not watch something like that then she is only wanting the best for you, really. She feels that you would be somewhat engaging in a sinful act. That sinful act could send you to eternal punishment, based on her beliefs. You are her friend. She cares about you. She wants the best for you.
Try not to jump down her throat.
This is all a part of respect.
You should respect her religious beliefs and not engage in things that make her uncomfortable while she's around if you want to continue the friendship. This doesn't mean stopping everything you do or enjoy but making a conscious decision to "mind your manners" when she is around and about. It might be easier to think of it like this: You don't have to say sorry every single time a curse word slips out of your mouth in front of her but you do want to try to cut cursing down in front of her out of respect for her beliefs.
She should respect you, as well. If you say you strongly disbelieve in something she is going to do then she should take that into consideration if she'd like the friendship to continue. She, too, should "mind her manners" to some degree. For all you know, she is tolerating a lot of "sin" you engage in every day and overlooking that for the sake of your friendship. Who knows.
This doesn't mean giving up your personal belief system though.
Friendship is give and take.
If you can't respect her then just end it now.
If you feel she isn't respecting you then just walk away and end the friendship.
If you have a problem with her having Jesus in her life then it's best you two part ways now instead of trying to get her to change her beliefs. Seriously. Nobody likes to be told what to believe in, especially if they already have something they strongly believe. It's like somebody pressuring somebody else to believe in Christ. While it's nice to be invited to church functions with you friend so that you feel included in her activities, it's a totally different story when she buys you a Bible and tells you that you're going straight to Hell if you don't throw away your favorite Britney Spears CD right this very moment.
I suggest that if you feel so incredibly mistreated that you call her up and end this friendship now. It's all downhill from here if you cannot see the "other side" to what you have typed here. It's already gone sour.
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Wow , well let the girl be on her own for a bit then , if she is leaving Friday , why should you care? You said your sick of her and she is so annoying , so should you be happy about it then since your not happy with what she is doing and acting? I think you should talk to her or her parents or her other friends or your parents or get advice from a coucillor or anyone like that in particular.That is really rude of her , but she can get better and have a better soul. My advice to you is , you should go and and talk to her , if that does not work , then when she moves send her an email or something so you guy's do not see eachother face to face (or eventually) or even do it face to face if you want , really. I just think you should be sure what you want because this is really not something to fight over. It will get better, do not worry.
Good luck girl : )
- Do not let her get to you!
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It sounds like your friend has become self-righteous since she has found religion. It should be about being positive and spreading goodness, but she didn't get the memo. I think that the way you are being treated is unfair and I suggest that you just take some time apart from her...sort of like a break. Decide if she is someone you really want in your life and if things can be worked out. If you do decide to remain friends with her, take a break and then when you are ready to talk to her you can let her know exactly how you feel. Try to be polite, but don't hold your feelings back. If she is really your friend, she will at least try to understand where you are coming from and make things better. If she chooses to create another argument and not listen to you at all, I would just not even be bothered with her anymore because she doesn't get it. Its not worth it to have someone constantly causing you drama and headache. Friends are going to have disagreements sometimes, but when it becomes too much you have to minimize the amount of stress they can cause you. She can only get to you as much as you allow her, so give her an opportunity to show you she cares. If she doesn't, you don't need to keep being bothered by her.
Good Luck ; )
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