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I also had a friend like that a while back- she would say rude, sarcastic remarks all the time, indirectly put me down, etc., I thought that was "just how she is," but I learned that she was getting away with being that way because I let her. My mom and sister mentioned they didn't like the way she talked to me- she even talked sarcastically, in a "yeah, no shit" kind of way to my sister, who told me she doesn't like the way she talked to her. I hardly saw her at the time since i was away for college, but when I did see her (that is, when she didn't flake on me), it was always the same. Long story short, I finally came to the realization that I was better off without her- she was just not a good friend (always flaking, making excuses, being rude and sarcastic, etc.).
All of these behaviors, including those of your friend (or rather, "friend"), stem from a deeply rooted insecurity. It's a call for attention; a way of bringing herself up by putting others down. You know it's a problem when you can sense a pattern; you aren't the only one she puts down. Bottom line, there are no excuses for a friend to mistreat another friend. My best friend is a therapist, and she mentioned something that one of her old professors told the class: (something along the lines of: bad friends can be extremely draining, and put a lot of stress on you.- and that ultimately, you're better off cutting out the bad people in your life, if they are totally unwilling to change).
You mentioned that you aren't sure if she's joking or not- putting people down is not a joke, whether she claims to be joking or not. You should have a good talk with her, and tell her upfront that you feel she is putting you down a lot, and that it really bothers and hurts you. See if she is totally stressed out or is going through something very painful that could be causing her to be on edge lately. Maybe she needs someone to talk to. But even then, she should not be treating you this way. You need to make it clear to her that it hurts your feelings, and is not something you are willing to put up with. She might deny it, because sometimes people don't fully realize how hurtful they can be. You still need to firmly (without yelling) address this- otherwise, she will continue with her ways. If she doesn't take it to heart, and continuously puts you down, then you really should re-evaluate the friendship. It isn't worth it for you to feel miserable and put down due to someone else's insecurities. Trust me, I have had a few negative, insecure friends in the past, and have learned that A) they are insecure, and B) i would have to be strong and not put up with their crap. You are young enough where it's understandable for you to be going through these things, but old enough to really take a stand for yourself.
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