Alin75's advice column

So something happened the other day with my boyfriend that kind of upset me for some reason. We were just messing around, like play-wrestling, and he pinned me and I was laughing and stuff and hes like "Okay try to get up." And I giggled and was like "Ha-ha, okay." and so I tried and I couldn't. And at first I was just like oh whatever, giggle-giggle. And then I tried again and I couldn't and I got really frustrated even though we were just playing and I was like "Okay, let me up." And he did, but he could see that I was suddenly sour, so he says "What's wrong?" and I was like "Why aren't I strong?" and he says "Awh baby, you're strong, just not as strong as me." and I said "Well how come you get to be so strong?" He says "Um... I lift wieghts I guess." (He plays football) then I'm like "Well I do too. I've been lifting for two years." He kind of studys me a bit and is like "Uhh, really?" and then I got really mad and tried to storm off, but he's like "Hey, no, get back here. Look babe, you're a girl, you don't need to be strong. You got me to protect you."

I don't know but that really makes me mad. Like I don't need a guy to take care of me, right? And why do some guys think that? That they have to "take care" of girls? Mostly what we need protecting from are other guys, so what the heck?

Yeah and then there are those boys who go around saying that girls shouldn't play sports. That really upsets me. I've seriously had a guy say to me "girls don't belong in sports, and they suck anyway, so they shouldn't try." If we aren't in sports, what the hell are we supposed to do? Go bounce up and down and yell and YOUR games? Some girls are into that, yeah, but not all. Not me.

Okay. Let's just get one thing straight though. I am not a boy hater. I know that MOST boys are really sweet and awesome and stuff and I'm not one of those girls who goes around and complains that boys suck, normally I just overlook those few boys that are jerks because, yeah, I know that there are those few girls who are brats. I get that. What I don't get is why those few boys think like that. The ones who think that girls are weak and need to be protected and can't take care of themselves, and the ones who think they're so superior because, yeah, they're good at sports. So if anyone could help me understand those few minds, that would be really cool. Thanks.

I think some aspects are mixed in a bit here. There is a difference between having a protective instinct and thinking women are weak. The latter is more of a rational thought, while the former is often more of an instinct.

The whole protection thing is kind of in-built into us. As far as I heard they even made studies in the army where they found that men were far more likely to risk themselves for a wounded female soldier than for a male. It created problems because they were no longer acting rationally.

So let me say this, no matter how much one represses it, this is an instinct that I believe is built into most, if not all men.

However, there is a long leap between feeling protective and acting sexist. Furthermore, we are rational beings and should be able to suppress some emotions that are not reasonable.

That being said, I think you pushed your boyfriend into this a bit. From your own account he dodged the question as much as he could, and you kept pressing him for an answer. He should of course just come right out and said it- men have a clear genetic advantage when it comes to strength. There is nothing shameful in that, its just the way it is. However, he was probably afraid that this would offend you. Instead he really chose the wrong thing to say. Honestly though I am not really sure where you were going with your questions- what did you want him to say?

Its ok to let him know that you didn't like his statement, but its probably also ok to let this one pass without too much argument.

Now, as for the other guys that say women should not do sports, they are plain stupid. That kind of nonsense is either just an ego booster for them, or else they are just aiming to provoke. Whatever you do, dont grant them the satisfaction of getting visibly upset (often thats what they want). Either just brush them off as imbeciles, or else argue them to the ground. The latter requires preparation but it can be worth it.

As for why they do it... why does anyone put another person down? Usually its to make themselves look better, to gain status/ acceptance, etc etc. The same guys probably also laugh at the nerds.

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(Rating: 5) Ha. yeah. I have no idea where I was going with those questions, I was just pissed off.

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