about

I'm Jessie. I've been on here on and off for about 7 years. I'm 22 :) I am currently in my final year of college studying English and new media
I'm from Ireland I dye my hair way too much. I've been blonde,brown,brown with blonde,black,red,and blonde again!I love helping people I found advicenators when I was just 15 and didn't understand the world! I feel I have matured with this site. The people on here are amazing and I love coming on here in my spare time to be there for people in need. I won't tell you what you want to hear because that's not advice it's just fooling yourself. I try to help in whatever way I can I try not to judge and try to relate to a situation if I can. :) If you don't like honesty then you won't like my advice.
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advice

Hello.... My name is Sara. Im 22 F.....I guess my question story is this.... I was in a relationship with my ex for five years. We were highschool sweethearts...It had been a rocky road for us and we had our breaks and break ups...but we always got better and ended up with eachother in the end. I loved him in every way I could...with everything I had. A few years ago, while I was living in another city (only 2 hours away) for college, he confessed to me that he had sent graphic nude, and explicit images of himself to his then 13 year old step sister....and she had sent them back. He was 21.
I had never cried so hard in my life, and even though it was probably stupid of me, I loved him, and took him back. its been almost 3 years since then. And over this valentines day, he proposed. I said yes. Life was amazing ya know? well...3 months into the engagement, I came across some old emails between his step sister and him that just were "off"....and it lead me to question him. Well, as it turns out, while we were on a break, he had sent and recieved pictures from her again, used them as pornography, and talked to her about how badly he wanted to be physical with her. this was when she was 15...he was 22. He was trying to hide it from me and never planned on telling me what he had done with her agian. And 2 months before our wedding, i had found out.....
Funny thing is, I wanted to go to counciling. I wanted to hold off on the wedding and work on us. He showed nearly no remorse for what he did. Never really talked to me when I was crying, never really held me...not the way you should when you see the person you are saposed to love that hurt. and you are the one who hurt them....and he left.
Its been a couple months...I am seeing an AMAZING man, who treats me so well, and in all fairness to him does know EVERYTHING, and is helping me get through this. But I recently found out that my ex is now dating his step sister. living in the same house with her and their whole family...the family is ok with it....she is 16 he is 23....and it is disgusting. I cant just cut off all ties with him because he is in the same click of friends that I am...his best friends are my best friends....and I am having en extremely hard time coming to terms with this. He has cussed me out for telling him I think he is disgusting, and finally coming clean with our friends as to the REAL reason our marriage failed, as to what lies he was telling them, and has told me he hopes I die...he has called me an F'ing Bitch, a chicken shit and F'ing puss(because I would ignore his multiple calls)and the C word. I cant take this. and I dont know how to handel it. Do does anyone have advice?? ANyone know of any support groups for such a thing? Or even just someone to talk to, or has been through something similar. Im drowning in my own hate...and I am not this girl.....I am falling for the man I am with, but he deserves more than to put up with this bullshit. Im not selfish like that. any advice???

Hey there,
first off let me say how much I admire you for everything you have put up with and gone through.
so were so right to leave that man and reading half way through I was praying that you had.
he is disgusting down right pathetic excuse for a man. I try not to judge but in this case i feel the need to express my disgust over what he did. this man seems like a pervert and I cannot believe the family consents this "relationship"
its obvious all he wants.
you were 100% right to inform your friends of the real actions don't listen to his insults and cussing he is severly immature to do that to you,dont let them get to you.
as for your friends,do they still want anything to do with him after that?if so thats truely shocking.
What you should do is talk to your friends and say you would really rather not be around them while hes there,so if it all possible arrange to meet up and do stuff together without him being there,they should totally understand and respect that as friends. how dare he call you a chicken shit and he is the one who wouldnt come clean and man up to all his foolish mistakes.
If your friends cant understand that you cant be with them while hes there then i think its time to find new friends,to be blunt. because things are never going to get better with this man around.
I'm not aware of any specific support groups but there is always the samaratians?,or just google specialised support groups and maybe something will come up.
this new guy seems really nice and understanding hang on to him,I can see why you don't want to be this person full of hate around him and its good you want help letting go of that you should see a one on one counseller maybee?
My inbox is always open if you need anything else or want to talk I really hope I helped
Much

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(Rating: 5) Thank you so much for your answer. You are truly amazing and I love your honesty. Its tough to hear, but its that kind of strength I need to move on! Thank you again, so so much.....
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