26, male.
I've been with my girlfriend for five years. And lately, it just feels like we're killing each other slowly. And she has high hopes about us getting married. But I'm currently unemployed, and struggling just to get back out there. Throw in my low self-esteem, and other issues between us like religion, our families, and it's just so damn hard.
She almost walked out on me crying because she felt stupid for waiting for me. I managed to talk her down, and we're still together. But looking back, a part of me feels like she really would be better off without me.
I always look at my relationships as things to continue working on and trying to make work to the very end. Is it wrong that I keep trying to make this relationship work, or am I being selfish for not wanting to let her go?
First, I'd like to mention that I have an upgraded account... And I've read all the other questions that you have asked. Before you become paranoid that I know who you are... I don't. Even though my account is upgraded, I still don't know your name or anything about you... All your questions are still 100% anonymous.
Second, I'm noticing a trend in the questions you ask. You're having problems with three things: letting go of past hurts, self-esteem, and your relationship with your girlfriend.
Third, I'm going to tell you something about myself. I battled with depression for seven long years... I still occasionally struggle with it. Once upon a time, I hated myself... Had a laundry list of symptoms, disorders, and was suicidal. One day I read something that changed my life. The sentence that changed my life forever: if you're unhappy, it's YOUR fault. What are you going to do about it?
Forgive me for sounding insensitive... I understand that you have been hurt by many people, that forgiveness is hard, that you need sympathy... And really, I do have sympathy. I know what it feels like to be where you are now. To feel like you are nothing, that you will never get anywhere or do anything with your life. That everything is pointless, hopeless... And that no one really loves you. And when I say that it's your fault... I'm not trying to wound your self-esteem. I'm trying to empower you.
You can do this. You can feel better, you can change your life. I know that it's hard... But if you feel like you need help, ask for it. Not a bunch of strangers on the internet... Your family, your friends, your girlfriend, your doctor. It's okay to say, 'I'm struggling and I need help.' Doesn't make you any less of a man, or less of a person.
And finally... Stop BEATING YOURSELF UP. Okay... So you don't have a job. That doesn't make you a failure. Dude, our economy sucks right now. A lot of people are having a problem finding a job. If you have to resort to taking a part-time job flipping burgers... That's okay. Your job doesn't define you. Neither does your relationship with your girlfriend... Or the circumstances of your life. You define yourself.
So... Get help. Stop hating yourself. Do something to make yourself happy.
And lastly... After reading so many questions pertaining to your girlfriend... To be perfectly honest... I don't understand why you are with her. It's not that you aren't good enough for her, it's that I think she isn't good enough for you. But that's just my opinion and I don't know her. So... If you can't decide whether or not to end the relationship, at least attend couples counseling. Please.
You're in my thoughts and I wish you the very best. I know what I've said may sound harsh... And I'm sorry. I just want for you to feel better. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.
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(Rating: 4)
You seem earnest in your hopes of me getting better, and I appreciate that.
However, you're right about it all being my fault. And as for what I'll do about it: nothing. I've never been able to make my life better or achieve any of my pathetic dreams, so I've come to accept that. Nothing I'll do will change anything. So, I'm just going to idle on until I simply vanish from memory.
Thanks for trying, anyway.
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