Just a warning, this is gonna be long. There's a lot of background that I'm trying to make more concise. I'm 20/f, he's 23/m.
So...I've been in a really effed up relationship for the past three years. The worst part is that we really loved each other. He broke up with me because he was having depression problems, and that kind of emotional drowning that we were both feeling for each other was too much for him to handle. We took the titles off, but we stayed together. We tried a couple of times to actually break up but it never worked. Then we kind of regressed to a "friends with benefits" type thing because we both knew there were feelings there, but neither of us could handle having a title on our relationship at that point. He wound up living with me for a short while, and I gave him a copy of my key because I felt weird about him being at my place, then maybe leaving and leaving my place unlocked. I never asked for it back after he was able to go back home because I thought of him as my best friend. He knows me like the back of his hand, and I know him just as well. I felt totally comfortable around him, and trusted him completely. I was in a horrible car accident a couple years ago and he was the only person who was able to drive me around and not cause a panic attack.
Now...when we lived together, we didn't fight at all. We had fun, we laughed, we cuddled at night, and talked all the time. It felt like the way our real relationship should've been.
But his brother goes through periods of loving me and hating me. My guy has to deal with his brother talking shit about me all the time when he hates me, and sometimes it gets to him. Don't get me wrong, I know he's a wimp for caving, but I also get where he's coming from.
The more we're apart, the more "we" diminish. The less we see each other, the less we see each other, and the less we see each other, the more we fight. It hurts, but I've finally gotten to the point where I feel kind of...numb about the whole thing, like I don't have it in me to care anymore. At the moment, I'm avoiding him and avoiding talking to him because I feel like I can't say anything without some of this coming out, and I'm not ready for it to, I don't think.
I felt from the moment I met him that he was my soulmate, and I still feel that way, but I'm scared because I feel like I'm pushing him away and I don't know what to do about it.
I keep thinking I want to ask for my key back - and I have, but every time I've asked, he's turned the conversation away, or managed to make me forget about it in some way. I asked him point blank last time I saw him, "Are you still planning to hang onto my key?" and he said "Why not?" I didn't know what to say.
"Because we're not really friends anymore"? "Because I don't feel like I trust you"?
Both of those things are unfounded, I have no reason not to trust him - he hasn't even tried to look for another girl since we "broke up" the first time in 2006. He never cheated on me, he never lied to me. He can't lie to me, I always know. I'm the same way. I can't even convince him I'm happy when I'm not, and that's part of what I get paid to do, be happy and make people smile.
Anyone have any thoughts? I'm not really looking for specific advice, I just kinda need some new ideas, or something. I'm stuck...or maybe I just don't know what I need to do now?
Help =(
All I can do is share my own experience...
Once upon a time... I met this guy. And I was totally 'gaga' for him from day 1. After six months we finally got together. Two weeks later he told me that he felt like we were 'moving too fast' and needed a break. Another month and we were back together, and this time it was serious. Nine months later... He broke up with me again, because he 'needed to straighten out his life.' But he was still in love with me. (So he said.) We could still date, we could still have sex... But the title of 'boyfriend' was just too heavy a burden to bare at that time of his life. After that one... I lost count.
We would get back together... And then break up again about four more times after that. Our relationship lasted a total of 2-3 years. One time he broke up with me AGAIN. One time it was mutual. And the last two times I broke up with him because I was beginning to have serious doubts about our relationship and I was beginning to feel... Numb, as you so aptly put it. I cared... But I didn't have the energy to pursue a relationship with him anymore.
He never cheated on me either. Never really looked for another girl to replace me. There were times when he said he wanted to marry me and I believe he meant it.
But in the end... I came to this conclusion. When you're in a healthy relationship, a title isn't a burden. When you're in a healthy relationship, your partner doesn't make you feel like !@#$. When you're in a healthy relationship... You don't just break up with someone because life is hard. He and I didn't have a healthy relationship.
And... I felt like he was always waiting for someone better to come along. My suspicions were confirmed the last time I saw him.
After the last time we broke up... After not talking for two years... On a whim I sent him a text message. We texted back and forth for several days until we thought we could handle talking on the phone together. And then we decided we should meet up, just to catch up with each other. This casual meeting lead to a few dates... A conversation about how maybe we should try one more time... Then he stood me up one night and I was DONE. After that I would log onto myspace and read a blog about he had met the woman of his dreams.
But guess what... The woman of his dreams ended up dumping him. And when he was lonely he sent me a text message trying to re-establish contact. But it was too late. Instead of wasting my time pining away for him I had found a wonderful man that wanted to proudly carry the title of 'boyfriend/fiance/husband.' I realized then that I had always been just a person to fill the void for him.
So... If my situation sounds anything like yours... Do yourself a BIG favor and cut him loose once and for all. No calling, no texting, no emailing. No IM's. Nothing. A clean break, because that's the only way you're ever going to move on. Move on and find a guy that wants the benefits as well as the title.
And... Either way... Whatever you decide... Don't bother asking him for the key. Just change the lock.
-------------------------------------------------
Sounds like a good idea. Best of luck ;)
[view]
(Rating: 5)
That sounds familiar. He's coming here after his exam tomorrow to talk. I wrote him a goodbye letter. Wish me luck...
|
