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Every since a couple of years ago i've kinda had an obsession with rape. And i feel like there is somethin majorly wrong with me. It's not like i enjoy it i mean im still repulsed and it freaks me out more than most. It's like i look for movies with rape or books about or with it. I feel stupid and my friends know that i like to read about it but i just feel messed up. when i was little something bad happend but it wasnt a huge deal to most.I had 2 best friend i was 8 and the other 2 were 10 and 11 one of the girls had a step brother who was 14. It was the first time i had met him we were by a church and my friend said " he says if u show him urs he'll show you his" i wasn't stupid i knew it was wrong so i said no. but he still showed me his and the girls began to touch it. then they both pulled down there pants and he stuck his fingers in them i was there the whole time. i went home and i just cried i told me parents and they made a report. the girls had to go to the hospital and they wanted me to also but my said no i didnt do anything. childrens survices came to my house. i know its not a huge deal but is it possible that its part of the reason why i obsess over rape. i still remember details and how i felt bad because my friend said i betrayed them because they told me not to say anything. i just i want to stop feeling like there is something wrong with me. but is there?
I don't know... But I'll venture a guess...
I'm guessing that the event you described caused a lot of mixed feelings. Fear, repulsion, shame... And later... Guilt. (Though you haven't cause to feel ashamed or guilty. You didn't do anything wrong.) Because the people surrounding you at the time didn't think that it was a big deal... These feelings, as well as any trauma, were never adequately addressed. You could be suffering mentally as a result... And the continual search for stories featuring rape could be a subconcious attempt to face your fears... Or even to find a character that would sympathize with your feelings.
My opinion aside... You should discuss your concerns with your parents, a doctor, a teacher, or a school guidance counselor. One of these people will certainly listen and be able to provide you with the help you need to address these issues.
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(Rating: 5)
thanks so much u made me fell like less of a freak. yea my parents think that it couldnt have caused any damage now but i guess i always did think they were wrong. thanxs so much
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