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obsession (sorry so long)
Every since a couple of years ago i've kinda had an obsession with rape. And i feel like there is somethin majorly wrong with me. It's not like i enjoy it i mean im still repulsed and it freaks me out more than most. It's like i look for movies with rape or books about or with it. I feel stupid and my friends know that i like to read about it but i just feel messed up. when i was little something bad happend but it wasnt a huge deal to most.I had 2 best friend i was 8 and the other 2 were 10 and 11 one of the girls had a step brother who was 14. It was the first time i had met him we were by a church and my friend said " he says if u show him urs he'll show you his" i wasn't stupid i knew it was wrong so i said no. but he still showed me his and the girls began to touch it. then they both pulled down there pants and he stuck his fingers in them i was there the whole time. i went home and i just cried i told me parents and they made a report. the girls had to go to the hospital and they wanted me to also but my said no i didnt do anything. childrens survices came to my house. i know its not a huge deal but is it possible that its part of the reason why i obsess over rape. i still remember details and how i felt bad because my friend said i betrayed them because they told me not to say anything. i just i want to stop feeling like there is something wrong with me. but is there?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I don't know... But I'll venture a guess...
I'm guessing that the event you described caused a lot of mixed feelings. Fear, repulsion, shame... And later... Guilt. (Though you haven't cause to feel ashamed or guilty. You didn't do anything wrong.) Because the people surrounding you at the time didn't think that it was a big deal... These feelings, as well as any trauma, were never adequately addressed. You could be suffering mentally as a result... And the continual search for stories featuring rape could be a subconcious attempt to face your fears... Or even to find a character that would sympathize with your feelings.
My opinion aside... You should discuss your concerns with your parents, a doctor, a teacher, or a school guidance counselor. One of these people will certainly listen and be able to provide you with the help you need to address these issues.
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im guessing it's not a bad obsession? you probably just want to know more about it and how to be prepared. you are probably also looking for other examples of it. you did the absolute right thing! it doesn't matter what your friends think of you. if they like that kind of stuff anyway, and tell you to do it they really aren't your friends. they are definately going in the wrong direction. a big step in not being afriad of it is to pledge to be pure. that means to not have sex before marriage. i prefer that to be one of the most important decisions of your life.
there is definately nothing wrong with you :)
you are just scared about what happened to you.
btw im sry about that =D
remember, don't worry about your "friends" they think it's cool to do stuff like that. its actually the exact opposite. find new friends who like you for who you are and don't pressure you to do bad things. you'll be much happier i promise you =]
i hope i helped :) contact me if you need anything else!
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