about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.


I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.


Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.


Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.


I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.






advice

This past year, I was in an abusive relationship you could say. I liked him for some reason, and so my friend set us up. Well, nobody at my school approved and I couldn't understand why. Until...well, apparently he'd had a reputation for sexually abusing girlfriends. And I was next? Whenever we'd go anywhere, he'd sit way too close. Hold me way way uncomfortably tight. He'd smell my hair and my face when I wasn't looking. This was the first week of our relationship. He was too intense, too much. I felt overwhelmed. And I went in to kiss him gently once, but the next thing I know we were making out. I'd never made out with anyone before and I didn't like it at all. It just felt empty and yet invasive and disgusting. And I tried really really hard to pull away, but he wouldn't let me the first time. The second time though, he did. I hated it.

Then, after taking a little over a month of this...I dumped him. But he was manipulative and intimidating and somehow managed to make me feel so guilty that I went out with him again. I don't know why. I was so so stupid. But he made me feel so stupid too. And I still feel stupid. I finally broke out of the relationship seven months ago. But then he wouldn't leave me alone. He kept trying to talk to me forever until finally I just freaked out at him and he doesn't ever try to talk to me again.

It was seven months ago. And I'm still not over the way he made me feel. And that is so not a good thing. He made me feel stupid. Stupid for ever going out with him in the first place, stupid for kissing him, stupid for wanting to go back to him. Just stupid.

I just want to be loved. He didn't care for me at all. He just wanted me as some...some sex machine. And I wasn't ready for that. At all. He didn't rape me, but he made me feel like he might. I don't even know. I feel like nobody wants me. I feel so stupid, like it's my fault that I keep getting hurt. Is it? =[

-15/f

Why is it your fault that he's a weirdo? How are you stupid for giving someone the benefit of the doubt?
Sure, it ends up he's a jerk who made you totally uncomfortable. But why should that make you feel stupid?
He's underhanded and manipulative and made you feel guilty until you went back to him. HE is the person who has something wrong with them. HE is the stupid one. HE is the one at fault. YOU ARE NOT.

You live and you learn, dear. Sometimes you learn things you don't want to, sometimes you end up learning those things the hard way, but that never makes you stupid. NEVER.

Give yourself time to be able to move past all this. If you feel you need to seek counseling, there's no shame in that. Whatever helps you to move on with your life with your head held high. You certainly don't deserve to have some stupid bozo making you walk around looking at your feet.

ygs-30/f

[view]

(Rating: 5) Thanks. I was just giving him the benefit of the doubt.
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