Jeanne's advice column

ok so in the last two days one of my classmates' mother died. It was really unexpected to me even though she had been fighting off cancer. her son, who i dont really talk to that much, is in a group project with me for a class. I don't know what to say to him when i see him. The family is keeping this all really private and I don't want to be pushing. Since I think that they had seen it coming for a while, he doesn't seem to be all that depressed but maybe it's just taking a while for it to sink in. help me on what to say ! 16/f thanks in advance

I used to feel the same way you do... I was never sure what to say, or even if I should say anything at all. I always worried that I would make the person feel worse by bringing it up, or that I would say something that just sounded stupid.

But then my own dad died, and I got to see things from the other side. It was definitely better when people said something, anything really, it didn't matter what. Because when someone didn't mention it at all, it just seemed weird. I could tell they wanted to say something but they just didn't know what to say, so there was this awkward unsaid thing hanging there and I felt kinda bad for THEM... I wanted to tell them, "It's okay, you can say something!"

So yeah... you should say something. Maybe just "I'm real sorry about your mom". It just lets him know that you care.

Also... this probably doesn't apply in your case, since you did't know his mom, but just for future reference... when my dad died, it really made me feel good when people talked about him to me; when people told me things they liked about him and things they were gonna miss. It was really comforting to know that other people loved him or appreciated him, etc. And now that I know how I felt in that situation, it's easier for me to know what to say when someone loses someone close.

Hope that helps some!

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(Rating: 5) thanks so much =)

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