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I became depressed and never liked myself because of who I am I want to run away from every one to keep them away from my depression. But I couldn’t hold it in, I told them what was wrong and they said I should tell Lara how I feel. I deny it for 7 years to not tell her but it got to the point that I was about to blow! So I told Lara that I am bi sexual and I am in love with her. Lara was in shocked but stayed there by my side to listen to me. She respected me and will try to help me as much as she can.

After I told Lara how I felt 10 months ago I went to a party and met this guy, nothing happen but I told Lara about it. She then got mad, she said she was not sure to be happy for me or pissed. I didn’t understand what she meant.

I told her that I am moving on and you are not making it easy on me. And she said she was jealous because she didn’t want to drift apart from our friendship and was afraid that we won’t be close anymore. She told me that she was jealous of my last two boyfriends in the year of high school. I told Lara that the reason why I went out with them is because I want to get over her and move on. And that’s why I want to move away to rethink my thoughts. She ask me why I liked her and I said i don’t know how it happened but it did. but i am attracted by smarts, mysterious and adventures personality and that’s what you are.
but i really can’t explain it, its hard to put into words.
I even ask her if she wanted a boyfriend and she said “no not really”.
I got mad at Lara because it sounded like she like me back and I didn’t want her to (even thou I do wish it)
Because I don’t think I can be good in a relationship because of me not believing in myself.
I told Lara that but she didn’t respond to it.

Everything is slowly getting together and right now I am letting things settle.
But I am wondering…

Did she like me back more than a friend or was she afraid of losing our friendship?
And
What does she mean “we won’t be close anymore”?
(The only thing of close I can think of is that she leans on me and holds me sometimes for no reason)
and
When she said she was jealous of my last two boyfriends did that mean she like me then in our high school year or she wanted a boyfriend?

Okay, I'm a little bit confused. So you told her how you felt 10 months ago, and you're just now deciding that you should maybe go out with her because she likes you too. And now that you have the chance to go out with her, you're scared that if things don't work out then you'll lose her as a friend, and you don't want to lose her because you love her. So being just her friend might be more important than losing her if your relatioship doesn't wrok out, correct?

I think Laura maybe isn't quite sure about her sexuality yet. She doesn't know whether to be happy you may have found someone else or pissed because she may be confused and jealous.

She could have been jealous of your boyfiends because she doesn't want to lose you as a friend or because she likes you. She might be just as afraid of ruining your relationship or she just may be confused about whether or not she likes you as more than a friend. When she said “we won’t be close anymore” I think she meant when you said that you were trying to get over her.

I think Laura is just as confused as you are, so give her a break. Both of you need to think about your feelings, what you want, and what's important to you. Then you need to talk to each other.


::Jasmine::

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