bLue_in_tHe_faCe's advice column

his name is adam and he's one of my best friends--and i love him. i've known pretty much all along he never had those feelings for me back, but six months ago i told him how i felt for him. it was a little awkward at first, but we got over it and managed to keep our friendship. i told him i didn't ever want him to hesitate when telling me anything, especially about his love life or whatever. now, five months later, i'm not so sure i want to hear it anymore. last night he told me he liked our best friend, lauren. we're all mutual best friends and that's what makes it so hard. he told me he wanted me to tell him what i thought of it and if i was okay with it. i think i was so shocked and hurt at first i didn't realize it was true, so i said i supported it and i didn't want him to hold back. i thought that's what being a good friend was all about. i want to see him happy, but i don't know how she feels nor does she even know he likes her. but i still feel caught in the middle--i mean he told me he would try to forget her if it meant things between the three of us would get weird.
i love him so much, and i have for a year and a half. he means the world to me and the last thing i want to do is hurt him, or be the reason he's unhappy. but i know it would kill me inside to see him with anyone else. do i suck it up for their sake like i had originally planned, or do i be brutally, selfishly honest and tell him i don't want him to go after her?

You're being a great friend first of all. Having the heart to love someone so much and hear their hearts wants.. hats off to you! You should be considerate of others, but sometimes there is a limit. I mean, you live your life, for yourself. You dont live for someone else, only for you. You don't want to waste your teenage years being in the dumps and sad about someone. You are really considerate, but treat your own emotions too! He should understand this. Maybe try telling him that you love being best friends and you love knowing that he tells you stuff, but sometimes your feelings are overcoming you and you cant hear everything he has to say. It seems tourture to me.. listening to your love talking abuot what he wants.. that hurts alot. You don't have to take away his happiness and keep him all to yourself. You can try and keep him away from her but he might still like her. So if you do tell him that it might make things akward between you he might not go for her and thats not nessicarly telling him "Dont go after her" straight up. But sometimes you can't help who people like and he might still go after her. Just try and make yourself happy before others, not saying don't think of other peoples feelings, just think of yours too! I hope this helped and if you need to talk to someone you can i.m me anytime.

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(Rating: 5) thanks for spending the time to answer my question. it helped considerably

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