Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22484
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Mental health
Families
View All
Favorite Columnists
karenR
Razhie
isis
Alin75
Nallie
MaxwellsSilverHammer
TheTeenGirl
thistimeofyear
|
| |
Hi Brenda ,
I really need someone to listen to me becuase I'm so cofused and God knows I need help otherwise I will go CRAZY
I had a hard life ..I will make a long story short
My mom left us when
I was around 12 years old and one sis of 11 and other of 5.Back than I couldn't find proper help becuase on my island all of this is remain secret ..So I took care of my sis till they where full grown up but instead of growing togheter we grow apart ..We were living in the same house and share the same bathroom and other rooms from the house but we didn't really talk to each other (my sis was reallyrude with me and I'm kinda soft hearted)
I had to work and clean house ,take care of my sis and go to school
I MADE IT!
I finished shool with succes and now I'm a college girl (I'm 23)
It's hard to live this way ...For a while I thought I was over this but It keep coming back all the pain all the lonliness ,all quilt and now this is getting worse becuase now I'm aware of how much I missed
I never was a child /teenager and this hurt like hell
I live now with my bf and when we fight I tend to hide in my own sorrow and things seems to hurt twice as much as they should
2 hours ago me and my bf had a big fight because when he goes over t his mom he always give a time and he comes back 4 to 6 hours after that and I don't like that ....We laways are calling each other make shure everything is alright but when he goes over there he always seems to avoid my phones and I hate that and that hurts me like hell
I even told him that it hurted me but he keeps
doing this
In my life I always had to beg for love and in the beginnning it wasn't this way with him
But now I feel like i'm begging for love
again .
Help me brenda ..please
I don't know what to do ...I'm feeling the same way when my mom left
I'm confused
(link)
|
Hi
First I have to say CONGRATS!!!!! Look at all you have overcome in your life. Good for you, for coming as far as you have....and you have so much potential to go even farther.
I can't imagine what it must be like for you to have to be a mom to your sisters. It must have been pretty rough. You missed out on life as a youth. You probably feel some regret over that...and I can't say as I blame you. Unfortunately, you can't get that time back. What you can do is look at all it did for you. Every rough road we go down, only makes us stronger.
As for your relationship with your sisters...it's unfortunate that you guys can't be close. They too, had to deal with your mother leaving the family.
I'm thinking you all would benefit from some counselling. You must all have issues that don't really have to do with each other, they have more to do with what you all went through. Those issues are going to follow you the rest of your life, and until you deal with them constructively, they will only keep destroying you.
As your sisters get older, hopefully they will realize how much you did for them. If everyone can get help within themselves, then the three of you can come together.
Now, for your boyfriend. To me it sounds like you both have a great basis to your relationship. You have love, respect, and loyalty.
What YOU also have, is a fear of abandonment, which is completely natural due to your past. You fear that your boyfriend is going to leave you too. These are issues that you have to work on yourself.
You should NEVER have to beg for love. If you say your boyfriend keeps hurting you, then you need to have a serious talk with him.
You sound like such a great person, who deserves to be loved 100% unconditionally. That is something we all deserve, but if we let people treat us badly, then they will continue to do so.
With all that being said, I think the first thing you need to do, is work on yourself. You need to love yourself, if you expect anyone else to love you. You need to realize your potential, you need to realize that you deserve the love and respect of a man. You also deserve the love and respect of your family.
For so many years, you thought about everyone else, and didn't think of yourself. You were forced to grow up so fast. It's your turn now. Keep your head held high, and go out and get what you want, need, and deserve. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Brenda
|
|
Rating: 5
|
Thank you so much ..you really understands me and with your words I feel a peace within me
Thank you so much and God bless you
marilu
|
|