Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22510
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Mental health
Families
View All
Favorite Columnists
karenR
Razhie
isis
Alin75
Nallie
MaxwellsSilverHammer
TheTeenGirl
thistimeofyear
|
| |
My problem is not depression. I have never been diagnosed with anything, and there is nothing "the matter" with me. My only problem is that I feel unhappy for 90% of my waking life. I am nearly 23 and I often feel ugly and unattractive, despite what boyfriends have said to the contrary. I feel that I will never have a decent partner, a loving man who i will be able to have children with. So far, all the men I have dated have just been out for what they can get. It is a side issue, but I wonder whether there are any MEN who get angry at the way a lot of men treat women. There must be some out there, I'm not saying all you guys are a**holes.
But I digress......
Basically, I just wonder if any of you out there have gone through or are going through the same thing. Share your thoughts. Thank you. (link)
|
Hi
I have totally been where you are, and it's not fun!!
You say you're not depressed, but if you are unhappy 90% of the time, then what would you call it?
I hope I don't sound insenstive when I say this, because I don't mean to. I say this because this was me a few years back.
If you don't love yourself, then how do you expect anyone else to love you? If you let guys use you for whatever it is that they want, then they will continue to do so.
You need to start respecting yourself. Take a self-confidence course, see a therapist, anything that will give you a better outlook on life.
I know what it's like to hate the way you look. I was so down about myself at one point that I wouldn't leave my house...please don't get to that point.
It's ok to admit you need help...mental health is just as important as physical health, if not more.
Confidence is such a HUGE boost to ones character. People will see this within you, and you will instantly become more attractive.
As for finding a decent guy...that's up to you. Set your standards higher, and love yourself enough to want someone who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.
Good luck, and take care.
Brenda
|
|
Rating: 5
|
Thank you so much for your advice, it makes really good sense. I have been in therapy before, and didn't get that far. But I'll try again....Thanks again.
|
|