I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
Answers: 116
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okay theres this person at school that I really hate! He is so mean to mean! He calls me a lesbian and I'm not one! What should I do!? He's really mean and I tried ignoring him but it doesn't work...I don't want to tell a teacher though because it would be very uncomfortable telling them what he calls me! Please help me! I'll rate 5's unless you're mean! (link)
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Man, it's hard when people make fun of you for anything! And kids CAN be so mean because they just haven't reached a level of maturity that makes them think before they talk, or that makes them just NOT think about the mean things they say. (By the way, there are way too many adults who are not very mature either, and they don't think before they talk!)
OK, ignoring this kid is a good idea even if it doesn't seem to be helping at the moment. You can also just laugh when he says this stuff to you because what he wants is for you to react negatively to his comments. THAT'S what gives him the thrill. He WANTS to bug you.
I have a question for you: Has this guy ever asked you out, or if you're too young to date, had he shown signs of an attraction to you before all this started? Did you turn him down when and if he asked you out? Did you turn away his affections if you guys are younger than dating age? Now, let me make myself clear: YOU have done NOTHING wrong if any of the above has happend. He would be acting out of hurt and being very childish with his reactions. This will pass. Another question that may seem completely weird to you is: Do you think this guy is trying to get you to go out with him, or be his steady by claiming you're a lesbian? Meaning, do you think he wants you to prove that you're into boys vs. girls? Of course, he would absolutely be doing this in the wrong way, and once again, very immaturely.
There is NOTHING wrong about being a lesbian, but I can understand how you feel when in fact you're interested in boys and you most probably want boys to know that! When I was in my twenties, I worked at a restaurant and was very private about my life, never talked about my dates with men, just listened to all the other waitresses spill their life stories. The owner of the restaurant decided for some reason that I must be gay because he'd never met any of my dates nor did I speak of them. I laughed it off and finally said, "Sure, what's the big deal?" He was so surprised by my answer that he stopped asking questions and his "teasing." Now, I'm not recommending that you do this because you may feel totally uncomfortable and fear that he will start a rumor that will bother you. But my point is that if you don't let the offending person know that they're bothering you, they eventually give up trying.
Should this guy keep up his shenanigans, I wouldn't hesitate to talk to a teacher about this. I know you say that you'd be uncomfortable doing that, but remember: 1) there is nothing wrong about being a lesbian and since being gay is much more out in the open these days, teachers are not apt to think a thing of this guy's comments EXCEPT to acknowledge that YOU don't like them and that they're untrue; and 2) a teacher should be able to talk to this guy discreetly about HIS problem and hopefully end your problems with him. Better yet, you could talk to the school counselor and ask for advice in how to handle this guy. Counselors counsel and they've heard everything so you don't have to be embarrassed about revealing what the guy calls you.
Ignore him, laugh at his remarks, go about being yourself, and try, try, try not to let him get under your skin. This probably won't be the last time you're teased about something in or about your life, or about things that are untrue about you. I was teased to distraction about having a northern accent when I moved to Alabama. It got old and the teasing was NOT nice because most of the guys who did the teasing made a big deal out of the fact that I was from a part of the country that fought their part of the country during - of all things! - the Civil War!! And honey, I ain't that old by any means! The other thing I was "teased" about was the fact that my family (Caucasian) lived on on an African American college campus in a tiny town in that deep south state and it was the 60's when there was much civil unrest between the two races. My entire family was heavily involved in the Civil Rights Movement which did NOT make us very popular at that time. This particular teasing was very vicious, but I knew that what they said was entirely misguided and downright WRONG! I ignored them, laughed at them, and got up on my soapbox to tell them about the politics that they knew nothing of. For the most part it helped with stopping that nonsense. The reason I mention this is there is always the route you can take of telling this guy that he's really not bugging you because you know there's nothing bad about being gay, even though you are NOT gay. You can tell him that he is just spewing nonsense and making judgments about people he obviously knows nothing about - YOU and those people who are indeed gay.
So, you have several choices here and I hope that at least one of them will work for you. You'll be okay once you learn to let go of whatever kind of teasing you encounter. And yes, I do know that's easier said that done. You just have to work hard at it. ALWAYS, ALWAYS be yourself and others will see who the real you is. Forget this jerk. Don't waste your energy on him. He's just not worth it.
Good luck and remember that you are who you are no matter what other people try to make you out to be.
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Rating: 5
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wow thanks! thats a lot and its very helpful...and to answer your question he absolutly hates me lol
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