I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
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pretty long... but please read and help
ok so around the beginning of october this guy told me he liked me.. i sorta liked him and we were good friends but i still didnt know him too well.. ok so he asked me out on the 6th.. but i said no.. we kept talking and we ended up going out 3 times between them and now. we talked all the time and it was like i knew him better than any1 else EVER i had fun with him and i liked how he treated me..he seriosuly treated me the best!!!!..ok so i broke up with him 3 times.. and during those times we still acted liek we were going out, we just sorta took space, and eventually went out.. its kinda like i want what i cant have!! && i hate that!..i dont know but on monday i found out from my friend that he smoked that saturday [we broke up thursday] i was so mad.. he didnt even tell me and he also told me he stopped.. i 4gave him b.c we werent going out then and it wasnt toooo big of a deal but still.. the next day i find out he likes another girl.. now when we were going out he would always say i love you soooooo much blah blah and he really did, but he said the same thing to that girl! he lied to me alot these last few days.. he even said he wanted me and didnt like the girl anymore, then that night he came out and said it was a lie.. so now he doesnt like me or the other girl BUT a new girl [he went out with a couple months ago] theyre prob going to go out and i just dont know what to do and feel..this last week i coudlnt concnetrate at all at school and ive been so sad. now i know this sounds really stupid but there is so much more to our situation and so many more lies.. but now that he lieks this other girl def. i just idk i like him so much! i dont know what to do.. i think i might have loved him..please just tell me what im going through and what i do and how i get over it
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Sounds like you guys have had a really up and down relationship from the start - and the relationship wasn't even that long. Wow, that's hard. And, it could be an indicator that this is just not going to work out between the two of you.
Why did you break up with him three times? Was it all because of his lying? If that's the reason, then I can understand why you'd want to break up with the guy, but why did you let him continue his games after the first time you forgave him and took him back? There's an old saying, "Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me."
What did you mean that you want what you can't have? It sounds like you had this guy and then you broke up with him, so again, I'm a little confused as to why you broke up with him so many times. Maybe NOW you're feeling like you want what you can't have because he's unavailable? Ahhh, that does happen, doesn't it? Yep, I think we all go through that and it's usually been my experience that we do because we still have feelings for the other person, we haven't moved on yet, and we're wondering why in the world it didn't work out between US!
If this guy has the nasty habit of lying all the time, how would you ever trust him? I'd really look hard at that and let that help guide you in trying to let this guy go. Sure, this business about him telling you about the other girls he likes is painful. But why is he doing that? To make you hurt because he hurt when you broke up with him? OK, well, that's not a great sign - to hurt someone back because you're hurting, though it's all too common. Or does he get off on trying to make you jealous to see if that gets you back around to him? OK, then, that isn't good either! Playing mind games is so completely immature, insensitive and unnecessary.
Sounds like this guy isn't worth your attentions. I'd be very wary of a relationship that has had so many ups and downs in such a short period of time. Who needs to have his or her emotions on a roller coaster all the time?!
I'm wondering if you really "loved" this guy or if maybe you just felt a connection with him that was different from any other guy you've known so far. That doesn't necessarily mean love. It can...eventually. I don't doubt that you think you might have loved him. Love feelings are totally confusing sometimes. But you shouldn't have to feel confused throughout your entire relationship with someone AND there should be honest communication between two partners. I strongly suggest that you acknowledge your feelings for this guy, tell yourself that you had a mostly good time with him but it wasn't healthy, allow yourself to grieve a little while, but try moving on because you deserve so much better! You deserve to be respected and if someone is telling you lies, then he or she is not giving you any respect. So, respect yourself, and go about your business with school, activities and your friends. Try not to dwell too much on this even if that's hard to do right now. Keep reminding yourself that you don't need this kind of aggravation. You also don't need to be in a relationship where you're having to set up "rules," like not smoking, no lying, etc. That's not exactly the basis for a long-lasting relationship. Try to find a guy who has your same set of values, i.e., no smoking, no lying.
Yep, you're hurting right now and that is SO normal. It will always be that way when a relationship ends - a good one or a bad one. But the pain WILL go away and later, when you find someone who deserves you, then you'll probably laugh at how much you allowed this guy to get into your head. Believe me, you'll be okay IF you can move on and away from this particular guy. Good luck. I know it's not easy to let go.
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