I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
Answers: 116
Last Update: February 25, 2006
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Well I'm 16/f.
Sorry this one is kind of long.
Well I really need to let go of my past but everytime something good happens I think back to how I messed it all up the last time and just get depressed. Well you see, I have quite a few guy friends who when they want to say something to me or get my attnetion they tap me on the shoulder, pat me on the head, or grab my arm loosely. I know they don't mean anything bad by it but it freaks me out since last summer at a camp I went to in Colorado I was hit on and basically molested by a guy I thought was my friend. I had to sit by him on the bus ride (which took basically a whole day) and even though I told him and begged him to stop he wouldn't stop touching me inappropriately.
Well we got off the bus and I told my friend Daniel what happened and Daniel kept the guy away from me but that wasn't the end of it. Later in the week at camp two more guys kept coming up to me and making me sit on their laps and try to give me back rubs and stuff like that. I of course protested but they were way too strong for me to get free and they would cover up my mouth if I tried to speak to someone near us. It was freaking me out. Every night when we finally had to go to bed I would sit up all night wishing that the next day would never come. I talked to my camp leader and she said she'd do all she could to keep them away from me but it never worked. So when I was supposed to be having fun at camp I was always looking around me and wondering when they would hit on me again.
My question is how can I let go of those emories so that I don't get freaked out anymore.??? (link)
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I just read your feedback and it made me really sad. It also brought back memories for me. A long while ago my parents and I were not that close because they tended to react to things the same way your parents did - even to a vicious rape that happened to me and really messed my head up. They have since been in counseling - of sorts - and have become more enlightened about the world in general, thus we have a much better relationship. Nevertheless, this is about you. I was so glad to read that you're in counseling! Good for you. I hope you realize how much strength and courage it takes to go to counseling. It is NEVER a sign of weakness in case anyone tries to put that on you.
You did all the right things about those guys in camp. You told the camp counselor, your guy friends, and your parents. It seems like the only people who really came through for you were your guy friends who could only do so much. Thank God for them! The "boys will be boys" comment from you dad is still such a common comment made by men AND women and it's absurd! But unfortunately too many paretns STILL raise their boys with that concept and thus we STILL have inappropriate behavior from too many boys/men and there is a definite lack of respect for girls/women. This angers me to no end! Your mom's silence must have hurt a lot. For all we know, she could have agreed with you that what happened was awful but was afraid to mention her feelings in front of your dad...for whatever reason. And that's sad for your mom. If you talked to her in private, then I would imagine that she just can't handle that sort of thing and would rather pretend that it doesn't happen. I'm sorry that you encountered these kinds of reactions from your parents. I'm sure you've talked about all of this with your counselor. But make sure you talk about the feelings - if you haven't already - you had and still have re: the poor responses of your camp counselor (even though she tried to a certain degree, but not hard enough as far as I'm concerned) AND your parents. They just weren't there for you and that's absolutely unfair and is totally sad. Feel free to e-mail me at soysusana@verizon.net if you want to talk about this anymore, especially after seeing your counselor. As I told you before, I had very similar experiences and I've been in a lot of counseling and have come a long way in my life with a great deal of healing, which hasn't always come easily. You'll be okay. I know it. Just make sure you don't stop talking with your counselor, especially now. And, like I said, if you want to talk with someone who's "been there" and you're not in group counseling, then write to me. I will listen and I will empathize more than you know. Hope you have a good counseling session tomorrow.
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Rating: 5
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THe thing is that I did tell my parents but all my dad said was that boys will be boys and my mom didn't say anything. It's like they don't acknowledge that this is hurting me. And I was basically crying when I told them because I had just gotten back from camp. Actually things happened to me when I was younger too. I will go see my counselor tomorrow. Thanks.
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