Hi, love your column. I have a real problem with a flatmate of mine. I am mixed caucasian/african and he is South African. The first time we met (I am the newest flatmate in a long established shared house) he just glared at me , didn't smile or introduce himself.
Now, he is forever accusing me of not doing my share of the cleaning and making a mess in the bathroom, which is unfair. Up until now, i have just aplologised in order to keep the peace, but his unjust attitude(which i suspect, as i have implied, is caused by racism) is really starting to bug me. Any suggestions? Thanks, Lucretia xx.
It sounds like racism to me, too. From what you describe, it sounds like it's gotten to the point where there is going to have to be a confrontation, since it's not fair for you to have to keep living like that.
Unfortunately, it seems that your only options are talk it over, or keep living with his behaviour.
Make sure he realizes what your share is, and be sure that he and your other flatmates all realize that you are doing it. My best suggestion is to point out to him what is going on. Make sure that he knows how you feel, and that you feel that you ARE doing your share. His behaviour might not be concious. If he feels that you are not doing your work, find out what he thinks is your share of the cleaning, so that you can discuss why he thinks that it is not getting done.
If all else fails, you might try talking to your other flatmates. They might have suggestions, or they might be able to help you talk to him. Remember though, that this is probably your last resort. You best chance is to talk to him directly.
Let me know if I can help you with anything else!
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Thank you, that's exactly what I'll do. I agree that roping in the others is a last resort(esp as one of them is his girlfriend) but if it needs to be done, I'll do it! Lx.
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