about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

Lately I've been thinking I'm depressed and I've been very unexpected with my moods. I was talking to my boyfriend either and this is what was said:
Me: I don't understand myself sometimes..
Him: honestly, i dont understand you sometimes either

Allowing myself to say it and then hear him say it feels so different. It hit me hard when he said that. Would anyone else be not offeneded, but confused if your boyfriend said that to you? It hurts so much more hearing it from him rather than myself...

It depends on how he said it. If his tone of voice was haughty or annoyed then I would have to say that he's doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend.
It's not so bad if he was upset, or exasperated about it. If someone said something like that to me, and I didn't really feel like I understood them, then I would want to lie about it.
If he wasn't mad about it, then the chances are that even though he wants to help you, sometimes he feels like he doesn't understand you any better than you understand yourself.
He definitely could have done better. Especially if you were upset at the time. The best thing to do would probably have been to calm you down, and just hold you, but maybe he wasn't feeling comfortable, or maybe like he didn't know you well enough. Either way, it's happened and you have to figure it out now.
The best thing you can do now is decide (and it's your decision, because you were there, and you know what he MEANT when he said it) what he meant.
Did he mean that sometimes he doesn't know you, and he liked the way you were before you were so uncertain, or was he dying on the inside because he wanted to help you but just didn't know how?
If it's the first, then he obviously doesn't understand, and you shouldn't let it get to you, but I wouldn't be queueing up to let him hurt you again.
If you think that he's just a retard, but he really does want to know you, then you should try to help him out. Do stuff with him, and give him a chance to redeem himself. Hopefully he'll help you feel a little better about yourself.
If you do start to feel really depressed, private question me, or send me an email (address in column). I know what it's like to go through - kind of like a yoyo actually, you don't go through it, you just work your way up and down until finally you find that the string's spent and everything calms down for a bit.
Anyway, I hope that I eased your mind for now, or at least helped you to make a decision.

-K

[view]

(Rating: 5) That was incredible, thank you
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker