about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

-My mother's a whore who doesn't care to sleep wit several guys within days, married or not
-My father used to serial cheat on her, ever since the first 3 days of their marriage, and now she's gettin revenge
-No one could give a shit about me, so their shipping me off to another country
-Their pretendin to care, and sayin they want me to stay, though i'm not stupid, they both want to make me suffer(if i live wit my mom, i live wit her 2 BF's, and if i live wit my dad, i live wit his GF
-I don't know anyone in the Dominican Republic, what the hell am i supposed to do there, where the hell am i supposed to go to high school, and where the hell am i supposed to live, my own family members can't decide were to put me, since none of them want me there
-There's SOOO much more pain in my life write now, there wouldn't be any space to write it
-I have a serious addiction to cutting myself, and i think i may even be developing an addiction to pills, i mean, why wouldn't i be depressed
-And i know it's not a sex question, but it's a popular topic, and i just want to know, is there anyone who cares, anyone who can help me, anyone who can tell me, why haven't i killed myself, what the hell do i have left to care for, and what in the world am i supposed to do with my piece-of-crap-for-a-life
-I've tried proffesional help and advice, it seriously doesn't work
P.S.:plz, no wiseasses, i really don't want to deal wit that right now, cuz ur not gonna get a pleasant reaction

Sincerely,
Life Falling Apart(13/f)

First of all;
Professional help can be worse than no help at all sometimes. I've always found that when you go to some professional who deals with these kinds of things all the time it's just really screwed up and dead. First, they have a nice friendly chat with you, but it's not normal talk. They don't really care who you are, because they're trained not to get attached to the people they talk to. They're trained and that's what makes it so dead. Their chat revolves around you, they don't tell you who they are often. Anyway, after they've "assessed" your situation, and your life at home they go in to problem solving mode, and everything will be alright soon. It's a serious bunch of shit, and you're never alone in not getting a thing from a professional counselling session.
I just thought I'd start off by letting you know that it's alright if you've been to professionals and not come back a happier girl.
Secondly - you wanted to know why you haven't killed yourself. Don't take anything I say as right, because chances are that it won't be anywhere near, but everything is a little bit of use when you feel like nothing matters anymore. I think the reason you haven't killed yourself is that you hope things can get better. You're 13, and you don't want to be gone yet. You know that your life isn't everything that it should be, or anywhere near that, and you want to live to see it get better. You're alive because you're smart enough to know that the future exists, and the chances are that if will get better.
You're addicted to cutting yourself. You have passed the first "stage" (I'll try not to sound like one of those professionals, o.k.? I'm 17, I'm a screw-up, I'm trying to get over it...). When you're trying to give up an addiction, the hardest thing to do is to admit that you're addicted, and commit to stop doing it. I think right now, your cutting is something to make your pain visible. You're doing it because of the stress that surrounds you, eats at you, and makes you so miserable. The first -step- is to get away from it. I think that the best thing you can really DO right now is to do your best to make sure your parents send you off somewhere. Have you got any friends that you can stay with? Be kind of careful when you're looking for a place to stay, because 13 year old girls can tend to be vulnerable in the big bad world. What I'm saying is that there are situations that you could go into that are a whole lot better than where you are right now. Wherever you go, you will find a way to make new friends, better friends that you might even have now, because you'll be that much better at picking them out of the crowd than you were 3 (or however many)years ago when you started at your current school, and made friends with some of the leeches that just won't go away now.
Anyway, to try and keep it a shortish kind of long - GET AWAY FROM IT! It's the best thing you can do. It will let you think, it will hopefully get you away from the cutting. Another thing for the cutting is physical exercise just to take your mind away from it. Any time you feel like cutting, do 20 sit-ups. Either you'll end up too stuffed to cut yourself, or maybe it will have passed by then. The pills are a different story. I'd recommend going to see a doctor or a pharmacist or someone "professional" :( If you've got a drug addiction, get rid of it now, because the only thing it will do is keep your life shit, and help to screw it up over and over again. Perhaps if you went to a shrink again they would prescribe anti-depressants, which might also be useful for stabilising your mood.
"what am I supposed o do with my life" kind of question - Make it better is my most straightforward answer. It's your life, and it's going to take your sweat and blood (Urgh, bad phrasing) to make it better. It doesn't mean it's your fault, that it's gone crap, but eventually things even out. Bad things happen, and you have to do a lot to fix them, good things happen, and they make you happy when you haven't done anything to earn them. You're the best possible person to help yourself out of the hol, because only you know how deep things are, only you know what makes you happy, how you can change everything to make things work out.
Depression is like falling into a pit-toilet out in the bush somewhere, and then just kind of sitting there, getting 'shitty' (oh yes, a pun!) about what's happened to you, and waiting for someone to come rescue you. Some people show they're depressed pretty well, and sometimes they've brought friends along in a campervan who go "where's larry?" and come find you, and get a rope. Other people keep feeling sorry for themselves, and a few die down in the pit, lonely, and depressed. In my book, the real heroes, the people who know where they are, realise they're in the bush and their friends aren't there to dig them out, keep trying to climb the shit brown walls, until two weeks later, they find the maintenance-man's foot holes, climb out into the sun stinking of shit, and go jump in the lake (ok, well I can't think of a very good end to the story, but the meaning is in it already)
It's up to you to decide to climb out of the shit-hole, and you're the one who has to find the foot holes. Simple as that, however complicated it may be. When you're out of there, your life is up to you, but it will start to look a whole lot rosier after you've had a shower, and decided what you want to do. Life is about change - Change is one of the worst things people can go through sometimes, and sometimes it's the thing that saves their lives, makes them truly happy.
I for one really care about you, and anybody like you because I know pain, and it's the same for everyone, and I know that the kind words of a complete and utter stranger are often the best thing in the world. -Even if they do write like a 1000 word essay on it - sorry! :)

And I truly hope that's where I came in, along with everyone else.
-K

I thought after answering this that maybe I could help you further if you wanted someone to just email. The email I post about is me@sadloser.com , and if you email me there I'll reply with a hotmail. I don't like posting my hotmail up because it just screams "spam me"...

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(Rating: 5) Yea, it may have been an essay, but at least it really helped, and even though u r a complete stranger, it's ALWAYS nice to no someone actually cares, without judging me, and i seriously want to thank u from the bottom of my heart for doing so, if only there were more plp like you in the world...like, maybe my parents, maybe i wouldn't suffer so much, and if i could, i swear i would reta you so much higher
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