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I recently started dating a guy with a very very close family. I am 22, he is 24, and still living with his parents while he saves up to buy a house. The problem is that I'm starting to see signs of his parents making too many decisions for his life.
First of all, he is christian, and quite religious. Me and him have made the decision to wait to have sex, at least for now. I think this is a personal decision that is between me and him.
He stays at my house sometimes, and has already slept in the same bed at me while staying at my mothers house, at my house, and at my sisters house. There is not a problem with this because we are both adults, and are very capable of making out own decisions.
But, recently he told me that he doesn't think he should stay at my house anymore because his parents are already getting suspicious. He has already told him that we're not having sex, but, apparently, they don't believe him, and are trying to stop anything from happening.
Another thing is that I'm planning a trip to Florida, and he really wants to go. He is allowed two weeks vacation from work, and would only need one week. The problem is that he works for his father. I would not see a problem if his father told him "I don't think I can give you the time off, because I need your help here" But, instead, he said "I don't think you should go because you need to save your money"
This guy is 24 and is capable of making his own decisions on where he sleeps at night and what he spends his own money on.
I'm wondering how I could make this clear to him, that it bothers me, without making it uncomfortable. I do not want to make things uncomfortable for me and his parents, him and his paretns, or me and him. Any advice would be much appreciated. (link)
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Ah, the repercussions of being raised by controlling, crazy parents.
First off, how long is it going to take him to save up for a house? That's the type of thing you make payments for in a really long time, isn't it? Not something you just save up for and live with your parents until then. That's a little odd to me.
Well, from what I've heard about this guy, he isn't stupid. I'm fairly confident that he can see this is bothering you without you telling him anything, though I'm sure talking about it wouldn't hurt.
As for changing anything to better the situation, I'm not sure that's possible. You aren't going to change the minds of controlling parents. The only other way is to break him away from his parents, which I'm sure you don't want to do. It's possible that in this situation, you may have to approach it as you would a high school student.
"Can you hang out tonight?"
"I want to, but I'm grounded."
"Oh, that sucks. Parents can be a real drag."
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Rating: 5
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He's saving for a down payment, not the actual cost of the house. He's very smart, but seems to be a little clueless when it comes to the opposite sex. I just want him to realize that he doesn't have to go by his parents every rules anymore. Hopefully things will be different when he moves out, and hopefully he'll move out soon. anyway, I'll talk to you in a week when I get back from florida :)
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