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My ex-boyfriend and I have remained friends for the past 2 1/2 years after we broke up. We haven't seen each other in 2 years. He lives many states away from me. A year ago, he started living with this girl and had a relationship with her. He broke up with her a couple of months ago. We made plans for me to visit him at the end of May. They got back together a week ago.
I mean, he still wants me to come too. He's still excited to see me. He said she's cool with it too. It's so painful to know he's back with her. But I want to see him, I need to see him.
I don't understand, when all he talked about was breaking up with her for months before he actually did it. He always told me he didn't want to be with her. And so now...? I mean, he told me he stayed with her for as long as he did because of her kid (from a previous relationship). He adores the kid. I think that's a big part of the reason he got back with her.
Is it hopeless for me to even want to be with him? I love him and I want this friendship more than anything. He really cares about his friendships and friends...and I'm a good friend to him...like a best friend...and I know he wants that. But how and why? Why not more? Does more ever come out of it?
Ouch...I feel your pain. But I have to say...
"If he's not dating you...He's just not that into you."
We girls tend to over-analyze this guy-stuff way too much, when really it's fairly simple. I'm not trying to insult your intelligence, I'm re-assuring you that WE are ALL guilty of doing this on a regular basis.
But what it comes down to is this...He had two choices. 1) Get back together with that other girl, or...2) Pursue a relationship with you. He chose the other girl.
Yeah, I think the kid definitely might be a factor. Because if he talked so badly about her, and then dumped her, I don't think he's "into her" either.
But that doesn't change the fact that he basicly chose a kid over you. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have done that. Instead, he would have dumped this girl a long time ago and started driving across states to see you on weekends. Trust me. I know. When a guy really wants you...he'll be more persistant than you would ever imagine.
Doesn't mean you can't be friends. If he cares about his friends, and values his friendships, super. But I think that it was a little inconsiderate of him to get back together with this girl and then tell you that he still wants you to visit. Why? She might say that she's fine with it, but I think that this is a really akward situation for the both of you. She's got to spend time with her boyfriend's ex, and you've got to be around her. I just don't think that's very...erm...nice.
As for your other questions...Guys need friends too. Especially friends that are girls. I've been told by guys that they often feel like they can be more open and allow themselves to be vulnerable when they're with their friends...who happen to be girls. Apparantly, with some guys it's a different story...
And will you two ever be anything more? I don't know. (I lost my crystal ball...Darn! :P) All I can say...I don't think so. If he's this confused now, he probably will be for a while. I would say...Don't wait around for him, you've got better things to do with your time.
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(Rating: 5)
Thanks so much!
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