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Feelings for Ex-boyfriend
My ex-boyfriend and I have remained friends for the past 2 1/2 years after we broke up. We haven't seen each other in 2 years. He lives many states away from me. A year ago, he started living with this girl and had a relationship with her. He broke up with her a couple of months ago. We made plans for me to visit him at the end of May. They got back together a week ago.
I mean, he still wants me to come too. He's still excited to see me. He said she's cool with it too. It's so painful to know he's back with her. But I want to see him, I need to see him.
I don't understand, when all he talked about was breaking up with her for months before he actually did it. He always told me he didn't want to be with her. And so now...? I mean, he told me he stayed with her for as long as he did because of her kid (from a previous relationship). He adores the kid. I think that's a big part of the reason he got back with her.
Is it hopeless for me to even want to be with him? I love him and I want this friendship more than anything. He really cares about his friendships and friends...and I'm a good friend to him...like a best friend...and I know he wants that. But how and why? Why not more? Does more ever come out of it?
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No, you need to drop him like a bad habit. I know because I have been there. It took me a long time to get it, and I still struggle with it. My best advice to you, is the same I will give to every female in the world: Read the Book: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
I don't get into all that self-help crap, that's why this book is so great. It's not written by some doctor. It's written by a guy, who's honest. It makes more sense than anything I have ever read or been told in my life. Trust me on this. Hop on Amazon.com and read about it.
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You need to talk with him and let him know how you feel. Weather or not the other girl is there, you need to let him know, and ask him if he feels the same way. Be as straightforward as possible, because you don't want to be confused when it comes to love. If he doesn't want more than a friendship, then you aren't helping yourself by keeping in touch with him. If you want to move on then make a clean break. Expalin to him that you love him as a friend and have tried to maintain a freindship but it is just too painful. Holding onto him is preventing you from finding love again. (And yes, you can). Be ready, becuase it will not be easy, and don't let him manipulate you into hanging on (it needs to be everything or nothing. Dont hold onto the dream of him). Call your other friends and get in touch, even if its just to chat. It may not bet the same but it will be a distraction. If you are going to do it then make sure that it is once and for all, becuase you have to get over this love that you have been hanging onto or you _both_ have to work at keeping it.
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Well, first of all i suggest not listening to Flamepopa he or she,ok...IT has been giving out bad advice to everyone on this site so, yea who cares about what it says, now about ur problem, seems like you guys are very close and i think you should interfere with this relationship and tell him how you feel although this chick's got 2 things that might be a problem.
1. she lives in the same area
2. shes got this kid who he obviously can't seperate from
i wish u the best of luck
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Tell him how YOU feel. if he really loves you and not this other girl, he will understand where you ar coming from. you need to be open and make sure he knows that you want to be with him. if he already knows that and he is still with this other girl, he may be very confused right now and may be unsure of what to do. as a freind, you need to support him with whichever decision he makes. Set more trips to visit and be sure he sees how awsome you are. he needs to know you like him, and if he doesn't understand, no matter how hard, you have to move on.
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I think you should tell him of your feelings. I don't think I would go for a visit until he knows and has time to digest it. If her child means that much to him, he may drag that relationship out for years. I think you may feel worse if you go see them together. That is just an opinion of course...good luck with your decision. :)
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.__. Just tell him how you feel
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Ouch...I feel your pain. But I have to say...
"If he's not dating you...He's just not that into you."
We girls tend to over-analyze this guy-stuff way too much, when really it's fairly simple. I'm not trying to insult your intelligence, I'm re-assuring you that WE are ALL guilty of doing this on a regular basis.
But what it comes down to is this...He had two choices. 1) Get back together with that other girl, or...2) Pursue a relationship with you. He chose the other girl.
Yeah, I think the kid definitely might be a factor. Because if he talked so badly about her, and then dumped her, I don't think he's "into her" either.
But that doesn't change the fact that he basicly chose a kid over you. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have done that. Instead, he would have dumped this girl a long time ago and started driving across states to see you on weekends. Trust me. I know. When a guy really wants you...he'll be more persistant than you would ever imagine.
Doesn't mean you can't be friends. If he cares about his friends, and values his friendships, super. But I think that it was a little inconsiderate of him to get back together with this girl and then tell you that he still wants you to visit. Why? She might say that she's fine with it, but I think that this is a really akward situation for the both of you. She's got to spend time with her boyfriend's ex, and you've got to be around her. I just don't think that's very...erm...nice.
As for your other questions...Guys need friends too. Especially friends that are girls. I've been told by guys that they often feel like they can be more open and allow themselves to be vulnerable when they're with their friends...who happen to be girls. Apparantly, with some guys it's a different story...
And will you two ever be anything more? I don't know. (I lost my crystal ball...Darn! :P) All I can say...I don't think so. If he's this confused now, he probably will be for a while. I would say...Don't wait around for him, you've got better things to do with your time.
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