I really appreciate anyone who decides to read this and help me, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
I've been in a relationship, on and off with a boy for two years now - I'm just about to turn 18, while he's just about to turn twenty. For most of our being together our relationship has been really unstable, him always unsure if he wanted to be with me. I look back at myself and wonder why I spent so many nights worrying and letting myself become so attached.
We had what was supposed to be our 'final breakup' right around New Year's eve. I was hurt, and we were split for a little over a month, and started talking again. Not too long after, we started actually becoming connected in all of the ways we hadn't been before. To be honest, right now I'd have to say that he's probably my best friend, and we share everything with eachother. This is probably the best our relationship has ever been, and I should be loving every minute of it.
The problem? While we were split, I got to know a friend of his, *Jeffery, really well. This is someone who has betrayed my boyfriend in the past, there are shaky feelings between them although they still see eachother occasionally. I got to know Jefferey better and better and really began to like him, and him me. I stopped talking to him for the most part because I was afraid that it would hurt my boyfriend, although we were not together at the time. After a short time I thought that I made a mistake, but by then me and my (then ex-)boyfriend had started to talk again. My boyfriend and I have been together since.
Lately, me and Jefferey have been seeing a lot of eachother through mutual friends. We still have feelings for eachother, and it has been driving me crazy. While things are going really well in my relationship with my boyfriend, I feel like I will always have this question in the back of my mind, "what if". Recently me and Jeffery were hanging out together, and he tried to kiss me. I didn't let him, and told him we shouldn't hang out anymore unless I break it off with my boyfriend. I feel like this was a horrible mistake, but I feel very insecure about breaking things off with my boyfriend, who has been so great to me during all of this. We have no secrets from eachother, and I did not cheat on him. I think that Jeffery might have 'given up' on trying to be with me, and I feel a little defeated and negative about myself. I feel like I should have been more decisive, but I don't know what to think. I wish I had gotten to know Jeffery more while I was single.
Thanks to anyone who read this long thing, and thanks doubly to anyone who offers advice. My mind is a mess over this.
Sounds a lot like what happened to me. I can't really give you any solid advice, only a few suggestions...
In my opinion, from what you've told me, it sounds to me like you and your boyfriend have managed to work through your issues. I think that this relationship has a lot of potential.
However, I also understand that after breaking up and getting back together several times, even though the two of you are now best friends, you might still be experiencing some doubts or some emotional strain. This might be contributing to your "what if..." thoughts.
Ultimately, you will have to decide. If you decide to stay together, I would suggest trying to distance yourself from Jeffery. More out of respect for your boyfriend's feelings, since this particular friend has come between him and a girlfriend in the past. Otherwise, it may be difficult for him to trust you. If you decide to break up with your boyfriend, I would also like to point out that it may be difficult to get back together later if you date this Jeffery fellow and things don't work out. He's liable to feel betrayed and not trust you anymore. Though, a clean break all together would probably be best. It could be that my guess is wrong, and if you still remain "friends" not only would Jeffery feel distrustful, but the subject of getting back together could pop up in a lot of your conversations. I know it did for me.
I don't know Jeremy, and I don't know what happened in the past. But from what you've told me, I'm growing suspicious that Jeffery can't be trusted. The reason that I say this...Trust is important, not just in a relationship, but in friendships as well. My best friend and I have an unspoken rule: we keep our hands off each other's boyfriends, ex-boyfriends included. It would be disrespectful to each other's feeling otherwise, and seriously endanger our friendship. That's a risk neither one of us is willing to take.
What I am trying to say...If Jeffery could be so inconsiderate, and throw away his friendship with your boyfriend over a girl. If he could attempt to hit on you while he knew that the two of you are together...What would stop him from being equally inconsiderate with your feelings, and throwing your relationship away when another girl came along? Like I said, I could be wrong, I don't know the guy. But not only would I give some serious thought to how valuable your current relationship is, I would consider who you would be dumping him for.
I would also like to remind you that, when you are in a relationship, no matter how successful, you will always have those thoughts. "What if this...What if that..." It's normal. There will always be some point when things when get rough and you wonder what might have been. What I have learned: value the present, value what you have. Don't second guess yourself. Because it might be that "what might have been" might not be so much better than what you have now. As the corny old saying goes, "The grass is always greener on the other side."
Sorry I couldn't be of more help to you. My inbox is always open...Until then...Adieu ;)
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Thanks a lot for your advice. I think what you said really helped me a lot, and I appreciate your honesty.
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