13-female & i rate high
my mom and her fiance have just decided that they would like to move in together B4 they get married. (which is sometime at the end of this year.) the lease on our apartment is up at the end of may, and my mom wants us (me, her and my lil' bro) to move in with them (him and his two kids). she says that she doesn't want to renew our lease on our house, b/c at the end of the year she would have to buy out of it b/c she will have to break the lease. his house is not big enough for all six of us to live in, so they have been doing some house hunting in his neighborhood. i have two problems with this:
#1. i am not comfortable with moving in with them right now. i don't really know hime or his kids that well.
#2. i don't want to move to his neighborhood, b/c then i would have to change school districts and leave all of my friends behind.
i have went to dinner with him and his kids. (his daughter is the same age as me.) and we try to do something "together" every weekend or every other weekend, but i feel like this is still not enough to make me comfortable with them. how do i tell my mom how i feel w/o hurting her feelings? i know that she deserves someone in her life that makes her happy, but at the same time i think i should have a say-so too. how do i convince her not to move?
You are right. This is not just a big step for your mom, it's a big step for you and your little brother too. I'm sure your mother really loves you, and has considered the circumstances, but at the same time because of her finances it might be difficult for her to stay behind right now.
All you can do is talk to your mom. I'm certain she would be glad to talk with you about the situation if you did. If you are unsure about what to say...Well, what you just said sounded pretty good. You gave your reasons, explained your feelings with out painting anyone in a negative light, and you acknowledged that you understand that her happiness is important.
When I am telling someone something that I know may hurt their feelings, I usually start by telling them how much care I about them, how I understand what they are feeling, and that I know that the situation is difficult for them too. I'm letting them know before I even start that I'm not attacking them, I just want to discuss the problem in a calm, rational manner. I try not to raise my voice, or use any disapproving language. Normally, people respond by listening, because they don't feel like they have to be on the defensive. When they aren't on the defensive, they are usually very understanding, and will try to remain calm and rational as well.
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(Rating: 5)
THANKYOU so much for your advice. you have really helped me out a lot. & also thank you for giving me tips on how not to make mom not feel attacked.
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