Hi, what I will address won't mainly be asking for advice, but for the input of the columnists on advicenators on a very controversial issue of morals against faith in the latter of sex.
I know that among some religions that premarital sex is sinful and highly prohibited without any exceptions, but what are your opinions?
I myself am a Catholic-Christan, and believed in the "sex until marriage" thing when I was together with my boyfriend. But as we got to know each other over the years, we got into intellectual conversations about this topic and if it's argument is valid and reasonable. I'm not saying that our relationship prompted a shift in mindset on this issue, but knowing him and being with him for so many years along with witnessing other married couples made me think about this a little more thoroughly.
I started to think about it as I grew older, and I began to feel differently. The divorce rate in the U.S. is at an amazingly high rate, and more couples are breaking it off even after saving the sex until marriage "policy". On some occasions I even think that these breakoffs are due to the quality of the sex. If the sex isn't good, usually lovers leave and commit infidelity. Unless the couple is really committed to one another, they will keep trying to make the sex work out.
The way I think about this scenario now is that I believe that it is acceptable to have sex before marriage, under certain circumstances. Because a couple must establish that intellectual intimate bond with commitment, devotion, loyalty, etc. Even then does that take years to accomplish, and the time spent shows respect to each other that both partners are willing to stick it out this long and wait for each other to take action that is of great importance. Also after all that is done, the relationship goes to the next level in the stage of sex. Having sex before marriage lets the couple know how how much they really love each other and how much they are willing to commit to each other. In a sense it tests us on how much we value sex and what factor it plays in our life. And if we don't pass the test in avoiding adultery, it was never meant to be with that person, so how can a couple get married if sex and passion got the best of them to steer them toward someone else?
To conclude, although you could say I'm going against my religion, it doesn't mean that I don't have faith. A lot of the "rules" that we have to abide by sometimes do seem unreasonable, in order to understand love and all the goodness that it brings, I really don't think marriage is enough to keep someone faithful.
In no ways am I encouraging premarital sex, especially on advicenators with teeny-boppers running around having sex with their semi-erect penises, but what I am saying is that before sex comes commitment, loyalty, devotion, understanding, civility, and vice versa. But I do believe that before marriage comes sex. Why because marriage is the highest level that a couple can go through to show their love toward one another for all of eternity, and how can you reach the highest level without sharing everything of yourself to your soulmate, including your most prized possession?
I apologize if I come off a little bias, but that isn't my intention at all. I'm not promoting anything, nor am I objectifying "sex before marriage." Those couples who are able to succeed through this lifestyle, I admire you, I really do. Especially in a society that is centered around sex nowadays. But I would like to know the opinions of others to better understand this controversial subject.
Thanks and sorry for the long read! I hope to hear a lot of responses!
You are obviously very intelligent, and I respect your beliefs. Please understand that what I am about to say is not meant to offend you. I believe in a higher power, and I believe that religion was created as a path to that higher power. Every path should be respected. I am just going to share with you what I learned while walking down my own path...
I believe that marriage is an invention of religion, and that religion is an invention of mankind. Mankind has an idea of what love is, that love is eternal. And so, mankind has invented marriage to give ourselves an idea of what real love is.
However, I think that this particular invention is flawed. When we marry, we must promise to love another, and only one, that we will love them forever. Making such a promise wouldn't be a problem if we could choose what we are going to do tomorrow, today. In reality, we can only promise to _try_.
I agree with what you have to say in regard to sex and marriage. Sex should be the ultimate expression of love, an expression that must be used when words will not prove sufficient. To love someone you must know that person, accept that person, and at least try to understand that person. When you have done this, and come to the conclusion that you love this person, sex is an appropriate reaction.
And you should express to that person how much you love them before promising to even try to love them for the rest of their lives. Your right, you want to know WHO you are making that promise to. And sometimes you can only discover who they really are by exploring the subject more intimately.
Which is also why I believe that it is necessary to live with a person before you marry them. You want to make sure that you can live with them today before you promise to live with them tomorrow. It's sort of like, knowing the product before you buy it. If you buy, say, a CD before listening to all the songs on the album, you're bound to be disappointed in at least one of the tracks after you've all ready spent your money on it.
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I agree completely with what you have to say considering I have gone down that path myself. I also agree with what you said about living with the person of whom you intend to marry, cuz it give you a better idea of what the future will hold in this mate on how they will hold the responsibility for some things, along with giving both partners a general idea of what marriage life will be like before acting upon it. I respect the beliefs of my religion, but we have to admit, our society grows more corrupted each and every day where sometimes that belief does not apply as well as it did for our ancestors. Thank you for your input, it is greatly valued and I appreciate it!
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