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I recently found out that my boyfriend drinks. Every fiber of my bones is completely and utterly against drinking and alcohol. I hate it like you would not believe. My dad was an alcoholic and my best friend died from drinking and driving a few years ago.
I love him. I really do. I care about him and beg him not to drink. But he tells me he knows his limits. He says he doesnt get drunk just "tipsy". The other night he went out with a few of his friends and they played drinking games. He didnt tell me about it but his friend did.
I feel lied to. I feel betrayed. I know it's his life and he can do as he pleases. I dont want him to think Im trying to control him. But I dont want him to die either.
Help me. Should I leave? Should I stay? How can I look past his drinking habits?
I know how you feel. My grandfather, step-grandfather, father, and step-father were all alcholics. Sadly, my ex-boyfriend was an alcholic too.
I know you love him, and I know your hurt. I _truly_ understand. All I can do for you is share my experience...
My ex didn't drink every day, but he did binge drink at least twice a week. He would go out with his friends and drink a ridiculous amount of alchol. He would then call me at an equally ridiculous hour of the night and want to brag about lastest drinking record.
I expressed how much I disliked his habit. He didn't take me very seriously, and did not think that his habits would jeopardize our relationship. After all, he wasn't abusive wasn't when he was drunk, not even verbally. I tried to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation. He just didn't get it.
Obviously, we aren't together anymore. We broke up for various reasons, his drinking was only one. Yes, I still love him. Yes, sometimes I miss him. However, I know that we couldn't have a healthy relationship, not with our values being so different. I am sure that I did the right thing. And now I am looking for someone who shares my values.
You can't change him. I have said this to many people, many times, and I will say it again. You can't change other people. People can only change themselves. He will only put down the bottle when he is ready, he will only do it for himself.
You can try talking to him. Make him understand how much you dislike alchol and how much you are afraid for his sake. Also, make him understand that what you say comes from the bottom of your heart with love.
Maybe he will realize he has a problem and _want_ to change. Maybe not.
If he doesn't, take your cue. The best thing for you to do, in the end, is decide to do what is in your best interest. That might be to let him go and move on.
I hope that I have provided you with some help. If you would like to discuss the matter further, do not hesitate to leave a message in my inbox. I am always here to listen. I wish you the very best. Adieu ;)
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Thanks, you are amazing. You really did help me look at it from a different perspective. And it comforts me to know you've had a similar situation. I will take your advice and confront him about it. Thanks again. :) I will definately leave you a message to let you know how it went.
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