just warning you, this may get long!
last night me and my boyfriend of nearly 3 years were in my room and sleeping. not fooling around, literally sleeping. then my dad comes in and freaks out bitching like we had sex or something.
the situation is that i'm the only girl in the family and they treat me like crap. i do the dishes almost every night, take care of my sick grandma, do the laundry, clean the house, and do well in school yet they still look down upon me like i can't be trusted. i am a very responsible girl and i have had enough of them snooping through my room and checking up on me.
the only possible reason why i think they could be acting like this is that we don't communicate very well with each other, let alone get along. maybe bitching is their way of talking to me? even so, that doesn't explain the overprotectiveness!
my question is what can i do to make them trust me? i feel like i've done everything, all ending in failure.
i used to really HATE them for what they put me through, but when they made an effort to BE NICE things got better. our relationship has improved over the past two of months, but after what happened last night, my grudge against them has returned.
please help, i don't know what else i can do. it seems like nothing is ever good enough for them...
-frustrated
You are right, you are an adult and you deserve to be trusted.
I am not from a traditional asian family, but I am from a conservative Christian family. I understand that this is not the same, you probably have it a lot rougher than I ever did. However, there are a few things that I would like to point out.
I am twenty-two and still my parents little girl. They were over-protective in the past, and though things have changed between us, they always will be to a degree. This is probably the same for you. It doesn't matter how old you get, you will always be their child. And please try to remember that, being a parent is scary this day in age. There is a lot that parents want to protect their children from. Alchol, drugs, violence, sexually transmitted diseases, and early pregnancy.
I am only pointing this out because, maybe if you can understand where they are coming from it will be easier to help them understand where you are.
I realize that you and your boyfriend were not doing anything wrong. You have a right to feel indignant, they shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. But they did. And as long as you are living in their house, you have to make allowances for such behavior, no matter how ridiculous it is.
For example, I am in my early twenties and currently living with my grandparents and mother. My family knows that I am not a virgin. However, the idea of me sleeping with a man in their home makes them uncomfortable. (Even if I am only sleeping in the same bed and not engaging in sexual activity.) Because of this, I do not allow any male to sleep in my room. If a situation arose where a male friend or boyfriend needed or wanted to spend the night at my house, I would ask him to comply with their rules. Which means, sleeping on the couch or in the guest bedroom.
One way for you to get them to trust you is to show them that you respect their feelings. I don't know how you feel about this, but if I were you I would first apologize and tell them that you understand how they feel. THEN explain the situation. (Again, this might not be good advice, I don't know how they would react.)
As for the excessive chores and responsibilities, I assume this largely has to do with your family's culture. I don't know what to say about this, except for maybe, when things between you improve and the time seems right, express to them that you feel overwhelmed by your chores and would appreciate some help. (Again, I don't know if that's possible.)
About the bitching, I assume this does come from an inability to communicate well. I'm also guessing that this inability to communicate comes from a cultural gap. Your parents are still living by their asian traditions. While I am sure your recognize these traditions, you also have to realize that you have one foot in another culture.
All I can really suggest is trying to understand them while you are under their roof, and if that gets unbearable, maybe you need to get out from under their roof. I fear I may not have been much help, but if you would like to discuss the matter further please leave a note in my inbox or feedback. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope things get better for you ;)
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Thanks for the advice. I understand that I should abide by their rules, and I do. We fell asleep on accident when we were watching some tv so I didn't really mean to make them mad. As for your comment on the chores, as silly and old-fashioned as this may sound, they believe I should do it because "it is a girl's duty" to take care of housewifery jobs. It's hard to express how I feel in fear of them taking it the wrong way (which happens often). I understand that I am stuck between a clash of two cultures and traditions, and I guess the only thing is to wait it out until I move out. :) thanks again for your advice, I'll take your words into consideration
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