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Sorry it's long, but please try to help.
This might be confusing, so if it is, sorry. But this girl I've known since 6th grade,(I'm now a freshman, grade 9) Brittany, and have had classes with since 7th, and became friends with this year, well her mom had a tumor in her eye. And Brittany's mom had it removed about a week ago. And she had to have her head shaved because they were doing surgery going through her head. Well, lately Brittany has been getting upset a lot in class, and I want to try to cheer her up, and make her happy, but her mom might be dying because the surgery didn't go to well, she's recovering, but not the best way possible, so I have a few questions.
1.) What can I say to her to comfort her, she knows I give advice, and a lot of times she asks me, but when it comes to a personal friend, it's hard
2.) This really weird teacher that none of us like who is a lesbian (not saying that's bad, but... it's weird w/ what she's been doing) Well, she, w/o Britt's permission, told the whole class about Britt's mom, and Britt ran out crying, and we didn't know how to comfort her. And then that teacher gave Britt her cell phone number, and was like call me, and don't leave a message, keep calling until you reach me, so I was wondering, is that okay for a teacher to do that? None of us like her, and Britt said she asked 2 teachers about it, and they said it wasn't normal, but Britt does tend to over exaggerate, or lie about things (she's really popular, and does whatever she can to boost the popularity, I didn't like her until this year b/c I always thought she had a perfect life and was concieted, b/c she's really rich and stuff, but now that I've gotten to know her, I've realized why she acts that way.)
3.) We're only 14, and freshman in high school. I don't associate with her that much outside of school, unless it's at a game, or if we see each other at the mall, like I don't invite her to the mall with me and my friends, but if we see each other, we talk, and/or walk around w/ each other. So please, help me try to comfort her, and is it right for that teacher to be doing what she's doing? What can I do to help, or what can I say. Also are there any gifts I could give her for x-mas that might make her feel better, or might make her laugh, or smile? I'm not trying to be weird, or act gay, but it's been so long since I've seen her smile, and it's been so long since I've heard her laugh. She's cut her wrists in the past, and I don't want her to use self-harm again, and I'm afraid about with what's going on with her mom, she might go farther than just cutting her wrists.
Oh, and about the whole teacher thing, we don't know how that teacher found out, Brittany didn't say anything to her, we figure she must've overheard Britt telling one of us. Please, any help would be appreciated! And if you're one of those people that like to leave sarcastic, or rude advice, I could do with a good laugh, so make it funny. Thanks in advance for all the help. And again, sorry it's so long. (link)
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First, I'm sorry to say that there may not be anything you could possibly say to make her feel better. What could someone say to someone who may be losing a mother? I mean, nothing you say could possibly change the outcome of this situation. At the end of the day, she'll still have her mother's illness to depress her.
1) What could you say? I'm not so sure. Sometimes people with problems such as this aren't looking for advice, because they know that there's nothing they could possibly do to change the situation. What they are sometimes looking for is someone to talk to. Sometimes being a good listener is the best thing you can do. I wouldn't try to force her to talk about something like this. Like MSH said, she's at a fragile state right now. Anything you say could be misconstrued as something else. If she asks you for advice, try your best not to tell her what you think, try to show her by putting yourself in her shoes and telling her your thoughts, or the other way around. Remember, everyone sees everything differently, so make sure she knows your just trying to show her a point of view, not anything else.
2) I'm not going to add anything. I'm completely behind MSH on this one.
3) If you really want to help, just make sure she knows that your someone she can talk to at any time. She has your phone number, yes? As for the cutting, if you notice anything new, I would confront her about it. I know this goes against what I said before, but I would want to make her see what she's doing. If you don't notice anything I would never bring it up, but if you do, you may want to consider outside help. At least talk her through what self harm won't accomplish and the harm it may cause. But again, only if the situation presents itself.
Keep me updated as situations progress if you want. I'd like to here about it.
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Rating: 5
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Everyone that was involved, (i.e, the teacher, and some concerned students, including Britt, her idea) were all called to guidance, and to the principal. The principal was really upset, that the teacher talks about religion, and what she did to Britt, and so was the guidance councelor. For the past 2 days (called to the office on Monday 11/29, today is Wednesday 12/1) there have been teachers and administrators sitting in in that class, and so were going to see how it goes from there. I'll send one to your inbox if I hear anymore on the subject, and her mom is going in for another surgery, but we're trying to keep that on the DL, so none of the teacher make a mistake like that one did.
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