Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29623
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Hey guys!
I want to get my boyfriend a record player for Christmas and after researching record players for the past two weeks and finally making up my mind and getting one that I'm not too thrilled about and am returning, I thought I'd come here to seek some advice.
I have the Crosley record player and the sound quality is terrible, it's super old and I am looking into a new one after the holidays and he comments on the sound quality of mine a lot so I want to get him one that sounds good and looks older just because that is the kind of guy he is, an old soul. All of his friends have a record player and collect vinyls so I don't want him to have a techy one or anything when I know all of his friends have vintage looking ones.
My boyfriend is also a musician. He plays guitar in a band, sings, and plays piano so he definitely has an ear for music and wouldn't be too pleased with a record players that skips or fuzzes some vinyls. I don't need a fancy recommendation either, one that comes with a radio or cassette player or bluetooth because I know all he's looking for is one for him to be able to start collecting records and play them on his own instead of playing with mine or his friends.
Any help is appreciated, if you're into collecting vinyls or what kind of record player you would want (or have) if you have a knack for music.
Thanks!
(If it helps, he's 23) (link)
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If you're looking at record decks which will transfer your vinyl to electronic audio file formats and/or listen to them maybe look at the ION Pure LP or Sony PLX300. The Sony is a more 'hi-fi' (as the music fans of the vinyl age used to call it, just meaning high fidelity, meaning good sound quality. If he's really getting into vinyl (and great if he is, there's nothing like it for warm, lively and exciting sound!!) then check out ebay for a Technics SL1200 or 1210 (the same as the 1200, but in black and dark grey). You should find some, but even old ones still command a good price. Classic decks and classic sound in every way mate! Every nightclub, mobile and many radio stations used these decks. They're rock solid, professional bits of kit and last forever. I used to be a club and mobile DJ in my (now distant!) youth and I owned a flightcased pair of SL1200's with a Numark mixer. I sold it when I gave it up as a job but I wished I hadn't for a long time afterwards. Not much of a fan of music these days, so I can't justify buying stuff like this again. You'll need an amplifier and speakers, but for the vinyl lover and old original SL1200 is iconic.
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How to grow in career (link)
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Some tried and tested ways. First be very good in the position you already have. Get involved in any projects which have a high-profile (which the big bosses will certainly be monitoring closely. But in your quest to impress, try not to make promises, especially regarding deadlines, which you really cannot keep. Not delivering when promised shows unreliability, and unreliable people are rarely promoted. Keep your standard of appearance high and your personality positive, on-board and 'can-do'. You notice some people in jobs, at the lower end of the responsibilities and pay scales, who just somehow seem destined for 'bigger things'. That's the aurra you want to project. When vacancies arise apply. If there's an internal application path, use it. If not, why not apply via the agency handling it or direct to HR/recruiting. Naturally, you'll want to apply for anything which is the next natural step-up, but apply for the positions that you think are maybe beyond you at present too. It will definitely show ambition at the least, and anyway, who knows? You might even get it. Get in the habit of being proactive in your job, rather than reactive. Meaning you're always on the lookout for things that need to be done, and then do them. Rather than waiting to be told/given a list or schedule. This shows initiative (in noticing the need) and good time-management skills (in delivering them alongside your other responsibilities). Definitely two core-skills that will get your bosses noticing you. Also, although you're loking to 'move-up' don't rule out a tactical 'move sideways'. Have a good look at how your company works, and chat to other employees. It could be that few, or even no people from your department seem to progress upwards to management? They seem to favour recruiting from other departments? It makes sense to get into one of their favoured ones then? The sideways move may not gain you a big, or indeed any, more earning power. Think 'not yet'! View it as a step towards promotion, putting yourself in a better place. Good luck in your career plan mate!
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Could we just have a moment and give thanks, and show our appreciation to Dragonflymagic for always stopping just to answer our questions. This thread would be dedicated just for her. So come on and say your thank you's! :D (link)
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Sincere and knowlegable. I'll go with that! Committed and dedicated too as she certainly must put some time in....working on all those replies. Absolute diamond! Keep on keeping on. X
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Ok, all my life, I've been praised of how well I can do essays and novels. When I speak, people always listen and they believe whatever I say. Now here's the problem, I was bored and researched on ISIS, and I found out (from reliable sources) stuff that could really scare the crap out of the reader. Now I was really anxious so I posted my thoughts online and left a message ("I'd really appreciate an intellectual conversation on the matter"), after that everyone left me messages saying they're afraid and asking if they should be. Now this is really shocking for me, I knew people actually read what I write, but damn, I'm 16 and this crowd is killing me. Should I delete the post? I'm hesitating because of some insecurity building up inside me. Please help (link)
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If your sources are sound and the information is substantiated then leave it up. It's all very cosy to say 'You worry too much....chill out' etc to people. There are in fact cases where being worried is justified and the appropriate response. Denying this is living in a dream world. A free press and freedom of speech are the hallmarks of a free and democratic society. Deleting it is giving in. Like saying you were wrong. Or right and ashamed, or scared of your own words. Publish and be damned!
"Je suis Charlie"
Say it, and live up to it.
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While my boyfriend is eating me out, my legs and my arms and everything go tingly and I cant control my body and I want to close my legs. Am I about to orgasm or what? Why does it make me want to close my legs? (link)
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That definitely sounds orgasmic to me. There's the emotional side, of orgasm (basically you brain produces a flood of feel good transmitters, which is why it feels pleasurable) and the physical side (the tension you've built up approaching climax is released in a series of rhythmic contractions, an alternative tensing and relaxing, centred around what's called your pelvic floor muscles). And it's common for lots of other muscles and tendons to 'join in' as it were, which accounts for the tightness. Now this is all a reflex response when you climax. You can deliberately control the pelvic floor muscles (you might have heard of 'pelvic floor excercises' which some women use after childbirth to improve and regain good muscle control?). Give it a try? Deliberately tense-up the muscles 'down there'. Think in terms of the muscular action use when you want to have, or avoid having a pee. Sorry if that sounds a bit gross, but they're the ones we mean. Imagining you controlling an elevator. Tense to raise the elevator (as you might say), hold it at the top for a few seconds, then release steadily (like you're letting the elevator go down again). Repeat the whole thing a few times. What do you find? If you are sitting or laying on you back with your knees apart (slightly, or a lot) the elevator up part tends to pull your thighs together. Try it sitting down with your legs crossed. It tends to make you squeeze your thighs together even more firmly, right? Thigh muscles are big and long and strong. This is why you find that at climax your legs tend to need to close. They tense (and shorten). When you're about to climax and feel that tingling, tightenning and tensing start to really kick in, just go with it. Don't try to control it at all. When you're with a partner let your thigh muscles clench (trying to close your legs) and release, which will make your legs squeeze against/around him. I reckon that's the key. You sound like you are reaching your climax (a guy performing oral well is a very good way to reach climax for many women, even more likely than during full sex). You've done all the 'hard work' as you might say, so just let go, roll with the flow and enjoy the sensation of your orgasm. The tensing and tighteninig and feeling of a 'loss of control' are all part of why it feels so good. You don't have to 'do anything' more at the point you're reaching. You're there. Just let your body do it's thing to fully enjoy and enhance and extend the experience mate! The physical, and the emotional side we talked about, come together of course. All part of your orgasm. Have fun!
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Hi guixe i'm fingering myself and i kinda feel that i'm pregnantbis it really possible (link)
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Hi there. Another question that may have two meanings, I think? Like Dragonflymagic says, you can't detect whether you are pregnant by fingering yourself, a test kit is needed. If you have been having full sex (where your boyfriend penetrates your vagina with his penis) then you may be pregnant. Especially if you haven't used a proper and effective means of birth-control. But if you mean you are, and have been enjoying fingering yourself, and can doing so have MADE YOU PREGNANT then the answer is a very definite NO. It's just not possible, however long/often/deeply/in fact, whatever you do or have done. Male semen (or 'cum' or whatever you like to call it) needs to be introduced into your vagina to do this. Fingers and toys etc can't supply semen.
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i love everything about the universe. the spiritual side and outer space with the galaxies, stars, planets, black holes just everything!!!
what all are the jobs related to that and describe them pleaseeeee!!! (link)
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A lot of people are employed in research groups, looking into all things pertaining to the universe. The pathway would usually be university (bachelors, or masters or PhD level) in particle physics, astro-physics or astronomy. Possibly pure mathematics? There's one possibility. Mostly academic pathways get people into this line, purely because it's a theoretical topic. Takes a lot of study, but there isn't really a practical/vocational route. Possibly a teacher/lecturer in the subject? Basically, going to university to learn it, so you can 'come back' and get paid to teach it! A lot of top universities have research-groups, and/or work alongside groups in the outside world. So you'd really be involved with the world of cosmology. That's another possibilty. There's a lot of number crunchin and processing involved with research work, and a lot of digital image creation and manipulation. A really good computing degree would be a possible path into the world of the research groups. Really good coding, or computer graphics, or statistical analysis skills would be welcomed. These won't have much to do with the spiritual or fantasy world of cosmology. If you want to immerse yourself in that, possibly being a sci-fi author would suit. Actually, there's no reason why you couldn't have a go at writing some sort of sci-fi or 'mystical' novel or short story in your spare time (alongside study, for instance....but don't let it take-over and eat all your time up!) and fire it off to a few publishers. You never know. One only has to look at someone like J K Rowling and her Harry Potter books, later made into films, and she's minted! The daddy of all space/universe authors must be Arthur C Clarke, and he has been very much involved in the real-life side of the subject too. I'm sure you'll get plenty of other suggestions in your replies here. Watch this space, and good luck. It's a fascinating subject for sure.
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So I have to do a presentation in my Grade 12 Chemistry course, and the teacher says a significant part of our mark will be based on preparedness and engaging-ness of presentation. Basically, what he meant is that I have to be really excited and happy up there, and be able to answer pretty much any question people ask me.
The problem is, I am super shy. When I get up there my voice goes really quiet, and no matter how prepared I am, I stutter and can't seem to remember what I was all going to say. This is going to make me look like I'm not prepared, no matter how hard I try.
Also, I am presenting with people who have naturally loud voices and exciting personalities, which will contrast me and make me seem even less prepared.
Any advice on how to deal with this? (link)
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Hiya mate! The dreaded 'presentation' eh? First up, the person bubbling with confidence and more or less shouting at the audience is NOT necessarily giving an informative and prepared presentaion. Make no mistake about that! The people grading you will know that. There's sometimes going to be people who DO give a very charismatic 'performance' (which is what it is, when you come down to it) and a good presntation. Most of the group, however confident they appear, will be nervous. It's quite a challenge. We've all seen the professionals who give really engaging presentations, but you only get that good by doing it. A lot. As part of your job. The markers won't be looking for quite that degree of shine and polish. How to prepare. Write down what you want to say. Read it. To family of friends. In front of a mirror. You'll notice that what looks like pages of handwriting on A4 paper take surprisingly little time to actually say. And don't try to memorise it absolutely word for word. You can ad lib when the actual presentation comes. But you must address and cover the points you planned. Visual aids are indespensible. Might be a computer 'slideshow' or pre-prepared sheets on a flip board. Make them big and bold, whatever media. These are your cues. They should display what you are going to 'talk around'. It looks much better looking from your board or screen, then back to the adudience in turn, than looking down at some written notes in your hand or on the desk. If you trip over a few words, stop, smile and say 'ecuse me' and say it right. Then forget it, move on like the slip didn't happen. Your visual media must be in an appropriate order. Don't jump from subject to subject at random. So, that means you're talking about and around whatever is up on the screen or board at that time. Like, if you're talking about production costs of a projected new product, the slide on the screen shouldn't say 'Our Target Market'!! Rehearse the show. Over and over again. If there's a QandA session at the end, try to predict what they will ask and have some notes which will allow you to give either a direct figure, or good estimate. If you can say a fact with the air of it being an unargubale 'truth' they'll see that in you, and not challenge. Any part that could be challenged is what they'll challenge. So have something jotted down somewher to say to defend your methodology and data. It's perfectly acceptable to say 'May I refer to my notes to answer that question?'...then read it to them. Nobody expects you to keep every fact and figure in your head for instant recall. Practice projecting your voice. Standing up very straight, shoulders back, and try to visualise speaking from your chest, not your throat. That sounds a bit odd, but try it and you should see what I'm getting at. Sometimes there comes a point a when you've been talking a while, and suddenly something seems to 'switch' in your mind. And you hear your own voice going, like "waak...waak...waak...' as if it's someone else speaking. the swithch is completely in your mind, the audience neither hear or notice a thig. So just keep talking through the odd sensation, it quickly goes away again if you do. Take a deep breath and go out there. You'll look prepared because you HAVE prepared. One trick to keep and audience engaged is to move a little. I don't mean pace up and down and dance about. But try not to stand there like a statue made of marble. Animated facial expressions engage people well too. We all look at peoples faces when they speak and the expressions which appear, come and go, linger a while etc tell much. We're always 'looking for' these expressions and micro-expressions to 'weigh-up' people in fact. Don't overdo them in intesnsity or frequency though. You'll be fine. Presentations are important. You might have the best idea on earth, you may have ground-breaking theories. But unless you can communicate them to others, who will ever know about them? You've got stuff to say, your mission is to make people listen. Go for it!!
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I post poned my date tonight and my boyfriend understood but then he told me he was usually the dominate type and he wanted to know if I was the submissive type but since I am a virgin I don't know what that means (link)
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Hi. The answer will vary a lot in degree. Basically, a dominant character, well...dominates people and situations and the submissive character submits. The dominant makes the decisions and decides what is going to be done, the submissive goes along with it. Group dynamics in social and working environments often exhibit the same idea. A kind of leader/decision-maker manifests his or her self. There will be 'challengers' to this leader. There will be some content to be led and make no challenge. I'm sure you've seen this kind of thing whenever us humans get together! We hear a lot about the sub-dom scene in sex, even if we don't participate in this kind of role-playing personally. And it can appear rather extreme. And at this level it has all sorts of rituals, like restraint, costumes, verbal domination and so on. For instance, to tie someone's hands gives the dominant partner a lot of control. Blindfolds and gags deny the submissive partner sensory perception and the ability to voice an opinion. Some role-play involves a degree of corporal punishment, like whips and crops (but it really should be SIMULATED, not actually painful. For example, some fetish toy that looks like a cruel whip gives the dom and sub partner the 'feel' of the real thing, but of course it's brandished very lightly, not such that it injures the other person. The 'feel' of the thing is really what it's all about, like playing that your boyfriend is your dominant 'master' and you are his submissive 'slave' to do whatever he wants with. It's another big subject, and the variations differ with different people. But the underlying motive is control. To have pleasure by one taking control, and the other relinquishing control. Some people engage with and indulge in this kind of sexual roleplay and love it. Some find even the idea of it unpleasnt and distasteful. Some view such behaviour (and all the weird fetish outfits and toys that go with it) as, frankly, a bit silly. More of something to giggle about than get all horny over! There's no reason why the two of you shouldn't indulge in this kind of roleplay, as long as both of you want to, and you respect each other's limits. It's harmless. Only real issues are using any toys, restraints, masks etc to control someone's breathing, which has been known to end tragically. Naturally, if you play any sort of 'tying-up' games, nothing around the neck or throat of either of you. And have a definite 'signal' between you which either can give to say "that's enough" if any act goes beyond their own limits. The idea entails one partner taking the other 'by force' as you might say, against their will. It can be an enjoyable game where both consent and agree to it, as a game and play-acting. Naturally, the game is fundamentally simulating rape. Which is certainly NOT acceptable. It's acceptable as role-play in the same way that the 'paint-ball' warfare events are fun and acceptable, while runing around and actually shooting at each other with real guns and live ammunition isn't. See what I'm saying? Away from the more extreme side, there are MUCH LESS ecxtreme ways of using sub-dom dynamics. If a woman lies on her back while her partner mounts her, then she has assumed a basically submissive position, and in doing so a submissive role. Her partner, who is 'on top' has the dominant position and role. If the guy were to lay on his back, with the woman sitting or laying up on top, or squatting over him and making all the running and controlling the 'action' then the dynamic and roles are completely reversed. Or, if a woman was laying beneath her partner, there would be absolutely no harm in experimenting with having her wrists loosely (so she could easily shake it off if she wanted to) tied behind her back. She might enjoy feeling 'helpless' and unable to resist? Or she might NOT enjoy the feeling, in which case she wouldn't want to do it again? It's all a matter of degree, as we said. There's no reason why you shouldn't try some mild experiments with control, but if your boyfriend is really keen on making it a regular part of your sexual activity, and to a degree which you don't find acceptable, and you don't enjoy it at all, then he will either have to adapt himself to this or find a different girlfriend. One who does enjoy it. You should never feel obliged, and most certainly never bullied or forced into ANYTHING you don't want to do. Again, practical and specific advice is virtually impossible. But I hope you might have a clearer picture of things now?
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Its just I am a 26 year old female and I have never been sexually active before in any way shape or form or fashion and didn't know how to go about it. (link)
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Hi there! I assume you intend to have sex with your date? That's fine. Many couples are active sexually, as you might say, before committing to full intercourse. Often for quite some time. that does make things much easier, but of course, there are no rights or wrongs. And if you've chosen not to indulge in any sort of horseplay/petting (or call it what you will) with a guy before, that's perfectly OK. I'd suggest that when the moment comes that it's lloking like you're about to begin foreplay, leading to sex, then you tell him straight and outright. Basically, that you haven't met anybody yet that you have felt the urge or desire to become physically/sexually intimate with. But you want to with him. You'll want him to be patient (if necessary) and understanding (definitely). The urge and it's associated physical/sexual responses are of course, completely natural and spontaneous. You don't need to do anything to make these happen. You'll want to make sure you've discussed a sound method of birth-control in advance, obviously. That removes any pregnancy fears which won't help the anxiety you'll be feeling. It's natural to feel anxious, at whatever age you first have sex. And indeed when having sex with any new partner for the first time. You may or may not agree, but personally I think you could take a lot of the pressure off by telling him that you're NOT saying you're going to have full, penetrative intercourse today/tonight absolutely certainly? Maybe say that you'd like to explore the (new to you) physically intimate side of relationships, and see what happens? That you need him to respect your limits and acknowledge your hesitancy (if your find you hesitate, you may not!). You impose the boundaries as, if or when they come up? Hopefully he'll be the kind of guy that can take all this on-board and comply? If he isn'tt, if he seems overtly annoyed or (even worse) a bit argumentative or aggressive about it...you might want to ask some questions about the sort of guy he really is before you commit anyway? Activities which fall short of full sex, but further than a kiss and a cuddle, would include him touching/caressing (and kissing if you fancy) you initimately. Your boobs and tummy and neck are very sensitive and sensual areas, in addition to your sexual organs. If you're comfortable with him handling you sexual organs, go with it of course. And guys might well be completely satisfied in the early stages with the 'handjob' (or whatever term you like). It would be very pleasnt for him to have you make him ejaculate. Or oral-sex, if you like the idea? Most guys love this. Such activities are much less 'threatening' (intimidating might be a better word) as you might say than leaping straight into full sex. It's quite impossible in a QandA format like this (or anywhere else to be honest) to give you a full description of everything you and he might want to do, everything that might happen, how you do it and what it will feel like when a couple 'get it together (to any degree) first time. I hope I might have given you some ideas to think around? I guess, bottom line, is you're going to need to put yourself in his hands to some extent, and display a lot of confidence and trust in your boyfriend. So make sure he respects you and fully deserves that trust. If there's a big element of doubt (at any stage) thenYOU have the confidence to put on the brakes, as it were, and don't go any further. It's NEVER a good idea to go any further than you feel happy and comfotable with. A bit nervous, and excited is fine. But if it's too much too soon, recognise the point and stop. Hope he's a sound, trustworthy and loving guy, and you BOTH have a really great, enjoyable and satisfying time. Note, I'm saying BOTH of you!
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My sister has had a tough time recently. She got sacked but not through fault of her own. She doesn't have friends to go out with so she suggested we see the fireworks tomorrow night (every year Nov 5th here in England ) because she finishes her job then.
However my boyfriend whom I've not seen in weeks is coming to see me and we're planning to see the fireworks.
Neither knows the other wants to come. They get on to a point but I'd rather it be me and my boyfriend on a romantic date. However I really don't want to upset my sister as she has no one else because she doesn't make as much effort with ppl. We're twins incidentally.
What should I do? What I want or support my sis ? (link)
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Definitely, be a sport and invite sis along. There's only one fireworks night a year and since you point out she's a bit 'off' socialising at the moment then it's extra-nice to include her IN! She's a twin too, I see? Even more reason. Think about it, she was your sis long before you met your boyfriend. And (though obviously, I hope he is the one, and makes you happy.. for always maybe?) she might actually be your sis after he's gone? Not every boyfriend comes up to the mark mate! Sis is definitely for always. And there's not actually any competition or rivalry is there? We don't have a twin sister or a boyfriend, they can exist together. Losing a job (even if it's not your fault, or even if you weren't particularly fond of it anyway) isn't a great time or a great place to be. Family is family. Some times they drive you mad, sometimes you could cheerfully murder a sibling, but at the end of the day, if it came right down to it, you'd probably do anything for each other, right? Blood's thicker than water. Show some solidarity, in a genuine, warm and very tangible way!
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how do I talk to a boy or bus driver who keeps looking at me like every 4 minutes? I don't know what to do about this especially the bus driver (link)
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Myself, I'm not sure whether you mean how do you talk to them to to get them to stop, or how do you progress it further than looks, and get a conversation going? If the looks are unwanted, then ignoring them is the best bet. Since a guy won't tend to keep looking at a woman who doesn't respond in the slightest (with even a smile or look back) indefinitely. Even the thickest-skinned will realise "Oh well....ain't gonna happen" and give up. Don't look down in a shy way, then peek back to see if he's still looking. Very deliberately do something else. Check your phone for messages or emails, or just pretend to. Make like you're answering. Fake a call, and answer "Bye...love you" as though it's to your boyfriend? Just cross the road, or gaze out the window with fake interest in something (anything!) outside in the bus situation? You get what I mean? look neither concerned, interested or bothered. Like you hadn't really noticed at all, in fact. If it's the other way, well any reponse will be seized if he likes you and he's looking to see if you like him. Really! Loads of people worry about what to say, but if the other person is interested it doesn't matter a damn what you say. Even just a returned smile and an eye-contact held for a little longer will hit a spot which he'll want to, and try to develop. Even a dumbass comment like "Hi...err...nice bus!" will make his face a picture of happiness mate!
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I have a date Thursday with a guyi have been dating for 2 years he wants to have sex but I don't know how to yell him I can't because I am on my period (link)
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It's best to tell him outright and straight that it's not the right day/night for sex because of your period. Maybe say that you want everything to be perfect first time you have sex with him, and when a woman is having her period it's really not a great time. As you've been dating for two years already, one could hardly says he's been 'pushy' and waiting just a tiny bit longer shouldn't be an issue. Don't be shy about period, it's a perfectly natural (and unavoidable) part of being a woman. Quite a lot of guys don't know much about the actual facts and effects of the menstrual cycle. And obviously it's not an experience they share in! Mostly guys don't want or need to know the details, so it's very unlikely he'll ask you much, or anything about it. "I'm having my period" (just a few words, when you think about it) should be enough to get a kind of "Oh, OK sorry...didn't know" response and they (we) are quite willing to wait for a better time.
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what does it mean (link)
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In academic circles, I believe it usually means a project in higher education where you are expected to submit something which represents a new, or at least personal, body of work on a subject. The raw data is from your own research. That does not necessarily mean you have to instigate and set-up experiments yourself. It could be that you are analyzing existing data in a new way, looking to 'drive out' some previously unexplored correlation or conclusion? Or perhaps sourcing data from previously unexplored sources, which you believe may have significance? Or it might be actual, physical lab/testing work. Depends on the particular 'subject' of the 'special study'? The real difference between this and structured formal studies, is there are not specimen assignment templates, or written formal exams with correct answers, which your stuff is judged against. Like, pass or fail. Personally, I did many years of the formal, graded stuff. Then for my Honours Project, the special study/research thing was the brief. You set your objective, get it approved as representing a fair amount of work, then develop it. Handing in your findings and giving a presentation to finish. That's quite often the way on many academic pathways. So, something that's 'yours' and 'new' sums it up, rather than passing pre-set tests.
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I have invited another woman to have sex with my husband while I watch. She and I have meet and I like her, she is just the type I wanted for this experience.
She and my husband have not meet and won't until the night of the event. She is coming to our home where we will enjoy drinks and conversation first.
I'm looking for ideas on how to make the transition between conversation and sexy time smooth and less awkward. She and I have talked about bondage and restraint being part of the evening.
Ideas? Suggestions?
(link)
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I'm assuming that although they have never met, your husband is fully aware of the invitation and the projected outcome? You're not producing the woman without having disclosed the purpose, as a complete surprise to him? Of course, if that was the case then I should think it would be very difficult, however diplomatic and convincing your conversational/social skills, to do it smoothly! I assume your husband is OK with the bondage/restraint aspect, at least in theory. Or you're at least very sure he'll be 'up for it' as you might say. And not thrown way out of his comfort zone. The 'drinks and conversation' start should really be your touchstone on how to continue. It's important that you hit it off on a social level if you plan to be this intimate, naturally. You seem to be the 'team-leader' as you might say, (rather similar to business conferences/meetings?)so adopt a similar approach? Listen carefully and watch how he interracts with her. You'll want to do your best to put them at their ease, and stay calm and relaxed yourself. It's a good idea not to push the subject too soon, let the meeting unwind naturally. Quite often a natural 'point' tends to occur, when it feels correct to push through the idea and get down to details, which again, you're probably best placed to do. So, spot that point. You'll want to discuss personal preferences, and limits and boundaries, in advance. That will help stop any embarrassing moments later. You don't want anyone suddenly interrupting the flow by saying "Hold on...that's not for me." Or something similar. Chatting about the action will normally start all parties becoming aroused. It's the 'anticipation' thing, and that's always very sexy! I'd certainly suggest you all 'flirt' a bit, compliment each other, sexy comments, be a bit playful (toching and kissing). I can see what you mean. You're not too happy about saying, in effect, "Everyone ready...let's go and do it then?" It is expecting people to perform on-demand a bit, I know. So I'd suggest, good old-fashioned suggestive comments, flirting and touchy-feely stuff. And let the situation progress naturally. It's a controlled situation, which you're all agreed on, so flirting isn't a threat or challenge to your relationship, is it? You wouldn't want your husband saying 'You look great...you're getting me so horny" or something to a woman at random, but here it's got your full consent and you can safely encourage it. The usual 'rules' don't apply, so relax and let go! Flirt verbally and physically. Show-off a bit, ladies? Flatter him and encourage him? Also, remember that 'relaxed' (which is a good thing here) does NOT mean drunk as a skunk/hammered(possibly a disaster!)So keep yourself and the others sensible with the drinks and within reason. It will definitely progress to the next stage quite naturally, I'm certain. With no defined 'start time'. Hope my answer helps. And I hope you all have lots of fun!
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Hi first off I'm a female adult, but still a young one living at home attending college. And I apologize for the long inquiry
My entire life I've been abused ( physically, sexually, and emotionally) by people my own age that I trusted. Ever since I can remember I've preferred associating with people older than me, they treat me better, make me feel safe, and I relate better to them. This also counts for guys I am attracted to. Unfortunately this has become a very big issue with people. People I know close to my age, and even my own mother, have started degrading me for my feelings. I'm called a slut for liking older guys (yes even by my mother) and pathetic for having older friends. My mom makes it a weekly point to remind me that none of my older friends like me, because what could they see in me, and that it's pathetic that I think they do....Are they all right? Am I really a freak for preferring older friends? A slut for liking older (10-15 years) guys? I can't tell anymore. (link)
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It's very unfair of your friends, and especially so of your mother, to strongly criticise and start using words like slut (simply not accurate, never mind not appropriate) because you prefer older friends and boyfriends/potential boyfriends. This is in itself a form of emotional abuse when it's causing you to doubt yourself, and your own judgement, and making you feel like some kind of 'freak (which again is just not accurate or fitting). You're not a slut or a freak. It's a big shame that you were let down and abused in such ways by people in a position of trust. There may be some relationship of course, you link friends of your own age with abuse and exploitation and breaking of trust/confidence? And thus are drawn to older company, both social and romantic? I can see that your mum is probably a bit concerned, knowing your history I assume, and can probably see that older and more 'worldly' (more life-experience) might in her mind pose a greater threat of you being hurt again. The common view of this kind of exploitation is usually a younger female as the victim of older people. However, this was NOT the case with you ('general cases' are meaningless anyway, all cases are paricular/unique in some respect). And undermining you and destroying your self-confidence like this is completely the wrong way to go about expressing concern too. It's no less imposing her will on you than your previous abusers. At the end of the day you'll spend time with, and date/have relationships with people you connect with, identify with and in the case of partners, find physically attractive too. If they're a little older, that's not a problem. You can't live your life based on whther your mum and/or friends approve of your actions. Saying you can't fancy a guy say, 12 years your senior and urging you towards a same-age boyfriend is really not a sound policy. Just doesn't work like that, does it? Obviously, you choose your own friends and boyfriends. There does seem to be a bit of an issue unresolved here that you really should do all you can to resolve though. This lingering fear that all people your own age are not trustworthy and out to use, abuse and exploit you. Now this certainly cannot be the case. The fact that you have encountered some who obviously were is going to make you feel like this. But this does not mean all friends your own/similar age are going to be like this. So I'd advise you reach out and connect with same age friends NOT INSTEAD OF but IN ADDITION TO your older acquaintances? If they seem decent, give them a 'clean sheet' as it were don't judge them up-front based on what you've (so sadly) experienced before. Use your judgement to evaluate the friendship (how 'close' you feel happy to let them become etc) on an on-going, day-to-day basis. Keep your mind and options open, don't pre-judge anyone. You're a bit more savvy, a bit more wary because of what happened and that makes you a much better judge (though it's hard-won knowledge I know). The people who become special to us kind of evolve and develop into that relationship. They nominate and 'choose themselves' as you might say. Regradless of age, or anything else for that matter. So could we say, spend time with the people you feel happy, safe and comfortable around? If they're a little older, no problem. But don't simply 'shut out' potential friends from you own age group either purely because some have let you down in the past. It's difficult to rebuild your trust and confidence once it's been knocked down, but it is perfectly possible with effort. I wish you all the best.
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Hi Im Jay and Im 15 and my boyfriend who's 17 is forcing me to send him nudes. I told him about 5 times that im not comfortable with putting myself out there like that but he says he doesn't care and that i should do it for him and if i don't I'll regret it big time. I hate how he gets mad at me if I don't do something he wants, and I'm scared of not doing it cuz he'll get mad and hurt me. I just really don't want to send him nudes and idk what to do he won't take no for an answer. I need advice please help. (link)
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You'll regret it more if you carry on doing it. You're in a bit of a hole, so the first thing you do is stop digging. Tell him no more nudes. He's exhibiting a very strong tendency to controlling behaviour indeed here. It won't stop with forcing you to send pictures, backed up with the threat and prospect of getting mad and hurting you. It will be everything. Every tme he wants and demands his own way. In big things and small things. You just don't want to get into an on-going/long-term relationship with a guy like this. Soon the bullying (emotional and/or physical) will undermine you to such a point that you won't dare leave him. You'll think you're worthless and can't function without him. This is what he wants. Dependency on him. To control you entirely. Ditch him now. Abusive messages, calls, face-to-face behaviour etc are not acceptable. Make the break and then report any instance straight away to the relevant authorities. If he lays a hand on you bring assault charges. Send him a message telling him firstly, he's over and you don't want the relationship, or him. Secondly this zero-tolerance approach and reporting to the authorities is going to be your policy (as of this minute) if he intimidates or pursues you in any way. Honestly, this is only going to end up one way. With you trapped in an abusive relationship of physical and emotional cruelty and violence. I'm not being dramatic. They're very common. And they're most often silent. The victim (which will be YOU) doesn't dare tell anybody what's going on behind closed doors. This is how they always start. Get out now. He's bad news. And like all control-freaks, he's behaving like this with you because basically, he can't truly control much at all. He's the loser with a history ultimately of getting the shit-end of every stick. You don't need a guy like that. Kick him into touch, let him prey on someone else.
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21/f
I feel like I am 100% straight in "real life". Women don't turn me on and I never have fantasies about them.
But whenever I watch porn, women turn me on more than men do. It really depends on my mood, sometimes I like watching a guy masturbate but whenever I watch porn with a Women in it, I get way more turned on by her.
Is this normal? I wouldn't call myself bisexual because other than in porn, I am not interested in Women at all, and even when I fantasize without watching anything, I only think about men.
(link)
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Here's a fine example of the (often overlooked but very significant) difference between porn and our real-world/real-life values and aspirations etc. You consider yourself 100 percent straight in terms of real connections and relationships but find the women in porn movies/pictures arousing and stimulating. I'd say in most heterosexual porn the female gets 'top billing' as we might say. She's made-up and presented well, attractive, and gets most of the camera for most of the time. The male actor quite often just providing a penis! The allure of porn is the fantasy aspect, or as you say if you only liked watchings male cocks, you'd only ever watch the male masturbation scenes you mention. It's all a complex psycho-visual package. So, watching, and finding the woman/women the centre of your interest and arousal is absolutely nothing to worry about, and doesn't signify or suggest and lesbian or bi-sexual desires bubbling away below the surface. That will be encouraged or 'fed' by what you're doing. Another attraction towards porn is that basically, all of us are 'interested' in sex, at least to some degree. And I really DO mean all of us. As a general rule, few people get the opportunity to physically (in real life) watch couples having sex. And certainly not on a regular basis! And probably a lot wouldn't actually want to realise this act should the opportunity arise. Porn provides this opportunity, which we 'live out' in a perfectly controlled and safe environment via our fantasy. Really, it's no different from engaging with an action/sci-fi/romantic/horror/war/ movie. Or any other gentre you care to mention, basically. On a fundamental level, lets say a guy watching would, in fantasy, like to be the guy in the porn movie, and it's arousing. You might project yourself into being the girl (in fantasy, remember!) and find it arousing. In the same way as a guy might like the idea of being Captain Kirk of the starship, shooting-up the bad guys and saving the earth? I've kind of run-on a bit here in discussing your query, hope you haven't fallen asleep reading it!! Bottom line? Stop worrying. View if you enjoy it, like any brand of visual arts/media. And if you find yourself responding to the female actress/model, it's nothing to worry about either.
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I started nursing school in February. I originally was just going to go for an AA and then found out that nurses with AA's wind up doing all the lower level stuff and decided I wanted to transfer in January to a Uni to do a BSN.
Now I'm almost through my first year of nursing and I'm not so sure I want to make this my career. I like learning about the body, but I don't think I'm up for dealing with angry, injured, sick people for the rest of my life. At first I just figured "Well I'll just go straight for a Masters and do something specialized and not so hands on like Anesthesia" but a Masters is so far away and will cost so much money in tuition.
Now I'm considering switching to another major when I leave for Uni like: Political Science, International & Cultural Studies, or Government & World Affairs.
I would like to work for some kind of international agency and have a job that includes politics, government and traveling. It's really important to me to be able to get involved in world events and to be able to travel globally. I also really enjoy doing research and writing reports. I'm a female and would like to be a game changer in politics and such.
Do you think the majors I'm interested in will get me a good job or do you think they're a waste of time? My parents are very happy right now that I'm in nursing so I'd hate to disappoint them, but I just don't think I want to spend the rest of my life cleaning up gross messes and bandaging wounds when there's so much more in the world to do.
(link)
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Are their pathways to the administrative/managerial side of healthcare from the 'customer-facing' (as you might call it, dealing with angry and injured patients) environment? That might be a possibility. In which case the hands-on/not so hands on is not going to be your long-term target, merely a route to the administrative side. There's plenty of research, and report writing/presenting here. Making the strategic choices for your ward or department rather than serving on it? Funding, logistics, budgets and targets. Policies, if not actually politics. If it's absolutely gotta be affairs of state and foreign policy and all things government then you should really switch. It's a broad field indeed. A lot of political media presnters and journalists came down this route too. Look at the credentials of many a known tv political 'face' and you'll find a similar academic background, and very often a list of extremely well-known international agencies they've worked for. Nursing is indeed what we might call 'dependable' and safer. But at the same time it's more limited, and limiting. Government & Worls Affairs is obviously a massive arena. So we could hardly call studying towards a career somewhere in this vast landscape a waste of time. I'd say that if you're describing patients as 'sick people' and their afflictions 'gross messes' then you are maybe not likely to engage with a life of nursing at the 'sharp end' of things?!! But think about the administrative and managerial side of health care maybe, too?
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is it a good idea to have a "goal chart"??? Like having a goal for a short length, then when I get to that length go for another goal and do that until I get to my ideal length? (link)
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Excellent idea! Setting goals and objectives can really keep us on track. A way of logging progress, and inspiring us on to the next goal. I honestly believe that you've got to be able to see a target if you plan on hitting it. And you usually hit whatever it is you're looking at, eh? Maybe keep notes of what you did too. What meals you had, walked such-and-such a distance on so-and-so many days, and so on. Sometimes the final result can look a bit too distant, and you maybe feel a bit daunted and lose heart? Lose sight of what you're aiming for? We can all suffer from this mate! This way you're setting your sights on each step, keeping it real and live. And of course, celebrate each goal along the way as you achieve it. Treat yourself to a something as a well-earned reward. A good way is to choose a treat, but you can ONLY have it when you get there. A lovely designer perfume when a big goal is hit? How about a totally luxurious scented foam bath/essential oils? Your reward is a long lazy and luxurious soak when you hit the mark! A new outfit? I bet you can think of loads more (and better) ideas. But you get the picture? Something that's a reward. And don't cheat!! Nice chatting with you again. So. Goal chart? Yes. Run with it!
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