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I have a date
I post poned my date tonight and my boyfriend understood but then he told me he was usually the dominate type and he wanted to know if I was the submissive type but since I am a virgin I don't know what that means
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Hi. The answer will vary a lot in degree. Basically, a dominant character, well...dominates people and situations and the submissive character submits. The dominant makes the decisions and decides what is going to be done, the submissive goes along with it. Group dynamics in social and working environments often exhibit the same idea. A kind of leader/decision-maker manifests his or her self. There will be 'challengers' to this leader. There will be some content to be led and make no challenge. I'm sure you've seen this kind of thing whenever us humans get together! We hear a lot about the sub-dom scene in sex, even if we don't participate in this kind of role-playing personally. And it can appear rather extreme. And at this level it has all sorts of rituals, like restraint, costumes, verbal domination and so on. For instance, to tie someone's hands gives the dominant partner a lot of control. Blindfolds and gags deny the submissive partner sensory perception and the ability to voice an opinion. Some role-play involves a degree of corporal punishment, like whips and crops (but it really should be SIMULATED, not actually painful. For example, some fetish toy that looks like a cruel whip gives the dom and sub partner the 'feel' of the real thing, but of course it's brandished very lightly, not such that it injures the other person. The 'feel' of the thing is really what it's all about, like playing that your boyfriend is your dominant 'master' and you are his submissive 'slave' to do whatever he wants with. It's another big subject, and the variations differ with different people. But the underlying motive is control. To have pleasure by one taking control, and the other relinquishing control. Some people engage with and indulge in this kind of sexual roleplay and love it. Some find even the idea of it unpleasnt and distasteful. Some view such behaviour (and all the weird fetish outfits and toys that go with it) as, frankly, a bit silly. More of something to giggle about than get all horny over! There's no reason why the two of you shouldn't indulge in this kind of roleplay, as long as both of you want to, and you respect each other's limits. It's harmless. Only real issues are using any toys, restraints, masks etc to control someone's breathing, which has been known to end tragically. Naturally, if you play any sort of 'tying-up' games, nothing around the neck or throat of either of you. And have a definite 'signal' between you which either can give to say "that's enough" if any act goes beyond their own limits. The idea entails one partner taking the other 'by force' as you might say, against their will. It can be an enjoyable game where both consent and agree to it, as a game and play-acting. Naturally, the game is fundamentally simulating rape. Which is certainly NOT acceptable. It's acceptable as role-play in the same way that the 'paint-ball' warfare events are fun and acceptable, while runing around and actually shooting at each other with real guns and live ammunition isn't. See what I'm saying? Away from the more extreme side, there are MUCH LESS ecxtreme ways of using sub-dom dynamics. If a woman lies on her back while her partner mounts her, then she has assumed a basically submissive position, and in doing so a submissive role. Her partner, who is 'on top' has the dominant position and role. If the guy were to lay on his back, with the woman sitting or laying up on top, or squatting over him and making all the running and controlling the 'action' then the dynamic and roles are completely reversed. Or, if a woman was laying beneath her partner, there would be absolutely no harm in experimenting with having her wrists loosely (so she could easily shake it off if she wanted to) tied behind her back. She might enjoy feeling 'helpless' and unable to resist? Or she might NOT enjoy the feeling, in which case she wouldn't want to do it again? It's all a matter of degree, as we said. There's no reason why you shouldn't try some mild experiments with control, but if your boyfriend is really keen on making it a regular part of your sexual activity, and to a degree which you don't find acceptable, and you don't enjoy it at all, then he will either have to adapt himself to this or find a different girlfriend. One who does enjoy it. You should never feel obliged, and most certainly never bullied or forced into ANYTHING you don't want to do. Again, practical and specific advice is virtually impossible. But I hope you might have a clearer picture of things now?
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