15/f
the only reason why boys want to hang out with girls these days it to hook up & what not. so when a guy asks when were gonna hang out i say never & they never talk to me again lol. (most of the time these guys are players) whats a good responce to respond to "when are we hanging out?" .. i still wanna talk to them just not hang out with them cause they only want ONE THING. >:(
Well, not every guy only wants to get in your pants. Don't be so quick to assume that everyone you meet is so awful. Plus, when you're a teenager, if someone kisses a couple people, they're automatically a slut/player. It's totally ridiculous. The rumor mill spins so quickly. People don't even know the definition of those words.
No one is going to want to just text constantly and never hang out. Sometimes, hanging out means hanging out. It doesn't always equal hooking up. Just make it clear to the guys before you hang out that you're not interested in pursuing anything sexual with them. It's as easy as that.
If they suddenly stop talking to you or don't want to hang out after you say that, you'll know they were talking to you for one reason. But if they're like "Yeah, that's cool" or "I don't want to either", then give them a chance.
It's good that you're not wanting to hook up with people at your age, but that doesn't mean you should lock yourself in your house just in case that's all a guy is looking for. It's good to have a guard up, but it's not necessary to say "Never" in response to "When do you want to hang out?"
When you respond with "Never", the guys probably think that means you dislike them for whatever reason. That would be a reason that they stop talking to you. I know if I asked a guy when he wanted to hang out and he responded with "never", I would respond by never talking to him.
People don't want to waste their time just texting/calling people. Sometimes they really want to just chill and watch movies or listen to music.
Darby
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hey i'm the one who asked you all of the questions about breaking up with my boyfriend and taking him on vacation in the summer, etc. i'm sorry to keep bothering you but i can use all the advice i can get.
alright so my friends have been more than great to me, always taking me out and having a good time, i went to a concert last weekend and the beach the weekend before, it's been great. but then the second i get home it hits me right in the face: i miss him. since i've been at school it hasn't really been a problem but theres only like a week and 1/2 of school left and i was gonna wait 2 weeks after to text him if he doesn't text me first...so it doesn't look like i'm desperate. so my questions are, what should i do to stop thinking about him and when he's gonna text me and when he does have it be more of like a surprise? and what should i say when i text him? thanks so much, i owe you.
Things are going to take time to get over. Hanging out with your friends a lot is good for a temporary fix, but the second you're alone, you'll think of him. The only thing that can truly get you over a person is time.
But until then, get a couple hobbies. If you've always wanted to do photography, get a camera and start going to classes in your area. If you like writing, write down how you're feeling. If you like to read, go to your local library and get a few novels by your favorite authors.
You have to let yourself feel upset. If you try to completely push your thoughts away, they're only going to come back and haunt you later. It's okay to be sad for a little while. Just don't let yourself start staying in bed all day everyday.
Keep doing things with your friends. If you need further distraction, get a part-time job. You'll be completely distracted AND you'll get money. It's a win-win.
I don't know when he's planning on texting you. If you really feel the need to talk to him, just say 'hey'. It's not like fireworks are going to fly out of your cell phone when you do talk to him. You'll see that it's just going to be a simple 'hey' 'hey' 'what's up?' 'not much, you?' 'same'
That's the way it always is. Don't build it up to be some monumental moment that you're waiting for. You're definitely not going to get over it if you keep looking forward to him texting you or you texting him. Once you're out of school, it will be easier, but it's not going to be perfect. You're still going to miss him. That's just what you're going to have to let yourself do.
If you truly want to get over him, let yourself be realistic. It's okay to think of him every once in a while. If you're going out with your friends in the state of mind that you're going out in order to not think about him, of course the first thing you'll do when you get back is think about him.
The same with talking to him. Don't worry about when he's going to talk to you or when you should text him or what you should say. If you're going to talk to him anyway, just do it now. You'll see that it's really not going to be a huge deal. Don't build it up to be something big. You'll only be disappointed when you do finally talk to him.
Good luck,
Darby(:
:EDIT:
I think you should bring it up once you guys are out of school and hanging out together more often. Just bring up your vacation and ask him if he wants to go with you. I'm sure he will, it's vacation. (:
And as far as things to do, you only have a week and a half (yay!) Just get a book and read it every time you start to think about texting him. You don't have much longer to go, so just stay strong
(:
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okay so i go out with this boii i really like him alot . but me and ma ex love eachother still . He said that we can go back out on the last day of sckool and continue through the summer again . Idk what to do because i love ma ex but really like my new boyfriend he is super sweet and funny . I dont know what to do . Please help ...
You just have to decide which one you like more. Think of why you and your ex broke up in the first place. If it was for a specific problem, you can rest assured that the problem will still be there when you start dating again. If you and your ex just broke up because things ran their course, you'll just be chasing ghosts.
Think of the pros of your current boyfriend. Think of the pros of your ex boyfriend. Then, think of the cons of your current boyfriend, and the cons of your ex boyfriend.
Once you have these pros and cons listed, you'll have to see who has more pros and who has more cons. Then, you'll have to choose which pros/cons are the most serious/important to you.
Only you can make the decision of who you want to be with. The worst thing you could do in this situation is try to date both of them. They will undoubtedly both find out and you will then be alone.
Just pick which one makes you more happy and has the better pros and lesser cons.
Good luck,
Darby
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How do doctors tell if you're overweight? Is there a guide to go by or something?
Go to this website. Type in your height and weight. Once you get your BMI, look at the left side of the screen where it tells you what is considered underweight, normal, overweight, and obese.
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
That is the typical scale or guide that determines whether or not you're overweight.
Darby(:
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It is 68 outside and 78 in here. Yet I have all the windows open and a fan going (I have no ceiling fans though). I don't understand why it is 10 degrees different outside.
I'm in a 2 bedroom apartment, what can I do to draw cold air in? Thanks.
If you just have the fans sitting on the ground in your apartment, it won't do much good. You need to put the fan on the windowsill. I put the fan to where it's blowing air into the apartment. Some people say if you but it the other way, it sucks air out, but I've had much better luck doing it the other way.
Darby(:
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I wrote a 455 paged book. What exactly are the steps I would take to get it published?
Here are a couple sites that have the step-by-step processes to getting a book published. It's cool that you're a writer. I am a writer also.
I think a big part of getting your book published and getting the name out there is networking. You have to meet people and let them know that you just finished a book and are currently trying to get it published. If anything, it will help get the word-of-mouth out there. You never know who knows who, so keep your options open.
http://www.publaw.com/book.html
http://www.ehow.com/how_2143154_book-published.html
http://www.rightreading.com/publishing/howto.publish/howto.publish.htm
Good luck!
Darby(:
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How can I tell and/or show my teachers how much I appreciated them this school year?
I had two teachers this year that I will really, really miss. They were great teachers and amazing people. I was really blessed to have them in my life this year. I really admire them and want them to know that. What can I do to show them how I appreciate them?
Get them something at a local place that sells little knickknacks. We have a cool place here called Open Door. I'm not sure if that's a nationwide company or not. It's a Christian store, but they're selling tons of things to give to teachers right now since it's the end of the school year.
Try not to get them a religious-related one because it most schools, they're not allowed to have religious decorations in their class. But most of them aren't religious. They just say things like 'Thank You to a Great Teacher' and they're picture frames, or glass/plastic apples, or little mini chalkboards.
You can also give them a little thank-you card with the gift. At the bottom write, "You're an amazing person and a great teacher. Thank you" and sign your name to make it more personalized.
Darby(:
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So, my uncle had something called polio when he was a little boy and one of his legs is all small and weird. He has trouble walking because of it and so now that he's aged a bit he is in a motorized wheelchair. I don't want to bring up touchy subjects about the illness or disease so I don't want to ask him but I am curious...
What is polio?
&
Does everyone with polio have one skinny leg and one regular sized leg or was that a freak occurrence?
Polio is a very, very serious disease. Before they had vaccines for it, it killed thousands of people a year. It's really contagious too. It's not uncommon that your uncle has a bit of disfigurement from it. Polio caused paralysis a lot.
Here are a couple of websites to find more information about it:
http://polio.emedtv.com/polio/information-on-polio.html
http://www.mamashealth.com/polio.asp
Here on GoogleImages, you can see that a lot of people with it are using crutches and have some disfigurements also:
http://images.google.com/images?q=polio&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi
There are vaccinations for polio now, so don't get too alarmed by the sites/pictures. It's just some information so you know what it is.
Darby(:
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ive been dealing with my ex for a few weeks now we're the on and off couple we've dated about 5 times and now we might get back together.. well im not sure anymore. what had happened was i wanted to see how much he cared about me because he always says he loves me and because im still young i believe such strong words that actually mean nothing when boys say it most of the time >.< .. but anyways i said i was moving and he got all sad and upset and made it a big deal which made me happy he cared and hes like i was planing on asking you out but since your moving i guess i cant.. so the next day i told him im kidding im not moving and i guess.. he wasn't really planing on asking me out it was more he just said to make himself seem like the caring whatever because when i told him i was kidding he was like oh .. and stop texting and calling.. i dont think he was really planing on asking me out.. *sighh.. ive been waiting for his call or even a message for a few days now and nothing.. should i wait a bit longer or forget about him because he's all talk?
He's probably mad at you. You should never trick people into believing something in order to see what their reaction is. Especially when you're trick is something that makes them emotional/scared/hurt.
He most likely got upset when you said you were moving. He might have really wanted to get back with you and was sad when he found out you were leaving. Then, the next day, you're say "Ha! Sike! I just wanted to see your reaction!" (I'm sure those weren't your exact words, but he probably sees it as that)
Now, he's not texting/calling you because he's mad and upset that you would trick him into believing that just to see what his reaction would be. You can't play with people's minds just to see what they would do if it was actually true.
Instead of asking if you should wait longer, you should be asking of ways to apologize to him and explain why you did that. It's not his fault that he's upset with you. Unfortunately, you're going to have to take the blame for this one.
Darby
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So after working 6 months of 9 hour days on my feet...
I have lower back pain so bad it takes my breath away. My muscles are super tense and wound up all of the time. My lower back appears swollen, and when my boyfriend gives me a back massage in that area it creaks and cracks under his hands a lot?!
I'm taking 4/6 extra strength Tylenol a day just to get by now. (For the past 2 weeks)
Do you think I should I see a doctor?
I'm looking for some advice on back pain, remedies etc as well.
You should probably take a trip to your doctor just to make sure everything is okay. It sounds like you just need a good therapeutic massage. (Possibly from a professional?) You have a lot of tension in your back right now from standing all the time, but I'm sure six months of doing it wouldn't completely ruin your back. Try putting a heating pad or IcyHot products. They work really well for lower back pain.
Here are some sites that provide tons of home remedies as well:
http://www.ayurvediccure.com/homeremedies_backpain.htm
http://health.howstuffworks.com/home-remedies-for-back-pain.htm
Darby(:
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I want to go on a picnic with my boyfriend this summer sometime. I thought he would really like it since he's working all of the time and we always do the same things over and over together. A picnic would be a big change, you know? :) Sort-of like a nice surprise as long as I can figure out how to do it all by myself!
Anyway, what would one need to bring on a picnic to make it be considered fairly good? I've never been on a picnic before really :/
I would keep it simple. Make sure you don't bring anything with you that could spoil, like Mayo. You don't want anyone to get sick.
Cold lunch meat sandwiches would be good. Peanut butter sandwiches are also a good option. If you're just going to be going out for the picnic and it won't be a long time that the food is not out of the refrigerator, fruits are a good choice too. They're healthy and good to snack on. Bring some individual bags of chips too. Trail mix or Chex mix are good too.
As far as drinks, freeze a couple bottles of water (Not completely frozen solid, but just until they're extremely cold) and bring individual tea, kool-aid, or other drink mix packages that you poor in and shake up.
Have fun
Darby(:
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My 9 month old Maine Coon cat was spayed last week. Her operation went well and her cut on her belly is healing just fine; however, I have noticed that now after a week she is getting a little pot belly/lump right under the incision on her belly. Is this normal? Has this ever happened to anybody's cat after they were spayed?
Yes, it actually is very normal. It slows down the cat's metabolism and it makes them get a sort of pot belly that hangs down, like you explained.
Here is a site you can go to for more information:
http://www.petplace.com/cats/pros-and-cons-of-spaying-and-neutering-in-cats/page1.aspx
Scroll down to the "Negative Side Effects"
Darby(:
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What does it mean to trade stocks?
What is a stock even? lol.. I've never understood that. I've never understood what the stock market is.. what it does.. what it means when it goes up or down, lol
Please explain. thanks.
Stocks can be really confusing. Pretty much, each stock represents a share of the company. If your stock is blank%, that means the person owns that percent of the company.
You buy your portion of the company. If the company does well, typically your stock rises. You make money by investing money in a company that is doing well.
If you're going to buy a stock, you buy it when it's at a low price to you, then sell it when the share grows because that means you made money out of it.
That's pretty much the basics of it. Here's a site that explains it, probably better than I can:
http://money.howstuffworks.com/personal-finance/financial-planning/stock.htm
Darby(:
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I need a fast and effective way to get rid of my cold sore because my graduation is coming up and it's really important to me that I look my best. I need this coldsore gone in a few days.
I don't care if it's painful as long as the remedy works. It's okay if it's like a home remedy for cold sores or something.
So please help me!!
PS&&yeah coldsores are herpes and stuff and I know all about it and I'm careful not to kiss anybody or anything. I just want to look good for graduation!!!!
Carmex usually works good. But I would think that Abreva would work even better. There's also this thing called L-lysine. It would probably work better than Carmex and Abreva. Abreva is good at the first sight of a cold sore, but it's not much use after it's already broken out.
Try L-Lysine:
http://www.llysine.net/
http://shopping.msn.com/prices/l-lysine-500-mg-100-capsules/itemid20883714/?itemtext=itemname:l-lysine-500-mg-100-capsules
http://www.drugstore.com/qxp41957_333181_sespider/gnc/l_lysine_1000_tablets.htm
You'll be able to find it at your local drugstore or pharmacy. These sites are just to give you a price range and an example so you know what you're looking for. It's a pill that you take daily. I've heard it works great.
Darby(:
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This probably sounds really stupid but I heard something on TV the other day about somebody (Demi Moore, I think) being a raw foodist. haha it sounds weird but I don't know what it is...
It's a diet where people eat mostly or only uncooked and organic foods. There's a whole raw food diet.
Here are a couple websites explaining it further and telling what types of food they eat:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raw_foodism
http://altmedicine.about.com/od/popularhealthdiets/a/Raw_Food.htm
Definitely new to me, too.
Hope this helps(:
Darby
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Hey thanks so much your advice really helped and it nice to know that theres someone who gets it and that I can relate to.
I was strongly thinking about giving him a chance
and thinking what you said was true,
until i
got a text from him about two nights ago he was drunk, okay so heres how it went..
(btw the weekend i didnt get with him a girl called claire and this guy shane had sex)
in one of the texts he said to me that night he said so you be claire and i be shane..
and i said meaning?..if your incinuating what i think you are you know im not like claire..
and he said yea ino but we'l just do what they did (have sex.) and this really shocked me because I honestly didnt think he was like that.
I replied and said ehh I dont think so..and he said ah we will love itl be our birthdays and all (our birthdays are really close and we would be celebrating them together,we were talking about ithen it led on to this)
I said birthday or no birthday its still not happening he said why not and I said have I not made myself clear?im not easy like that and I thought u knew that.
he said but maybe a once off? and your friend can get with mine.
i said then so thats all im good for?not a hope in hell drop it.
then i get a text the next morning saying sorry,and that he was really drunk last night.
so here I am now totally confused again after that everyone has said its all hes after so stay away..but ive been trying to make excuses and convince myself it was just the drink talking you know?
and that he really is a decent guy,because ive known him about a year and half and when i first met him everyone thought he was lovely but i had stopped talking to him for a few months and during that time he changed,well he grew up for one and it was like he was cocky in a way..anyway
my really good friend dave said he thinks hes just messing me about and that so ive asked him to find out his actual feelings towards me and what hes looking for..if its just sex he wants or does he actually respect me..but hes not going to say I asked,then hes going to warn him not to mess me about because he said he doesnt want to see me get hurt and that I should just try to keep distance for now,but im sure you understand how hard it is not to text back when you see their name just pop up,but im gonna take your advice though and distract myself and try to focus and think about other things.
I just thought id let you know what was happening and to thank you =]
sorry this is long any more advice or opinions on this whole thing please let me know! if you dont mind.
Yeah, that definitely gives me a few more thoughts and opinions if it's cool.
Well, I would agree with your friend, Dave. You should definitely keep your distance for now and keep your guard way up. Blaming things on alcohol is way too easy. Plus, you know what they say, alcohol breeds honesty. Usually when people are drunk, they're saying what comes to their mind and not thinking of the consequences.
That could mean one of two things:
He either thinks that all the time. Which hearing this new information makes me think is a definite possibility. If it was just the alcohol talking, how would he already have the idea of your friend having sex with his friend, too? It seems to me that he and his friend have discussed this before and decided that they want to hook up with you and your friend.
The other possibility is that it really was just the alcohol speaking. Maybe his mind was just really clouded at the time and he wasn't thinking straight. But I definitely wouldn't put my money on it. You need to have your defenses way up.
It is really hard not to text back when you see their name on your phone. Your heart just skips a beat and you have to know what they're saying. You want to text back and see what they want or what they have to say. But you need to check those urges as much as possible. It's not that you can't answer necessarily, just try to be short with him. End conversations quickly so he'll get the hint that you're really not into his idea of just hooking up.
Also, you should give yourself a pat on the back for standing up for what you believe. This guy has tried really hard to get you to hook up with him, and you've stood up for yourself every time. It's really hard to do that when it's a guy you're interested in. Way to have some self-respect. I hardly ever see it anymore.
Darby(:
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im 40 (man) and live in chicago she 23 lives in michigan we have been talking for 1 yr and a half we have fallen in love to the point of she had said she allways wanted to be with me and planned a future allthough we talk sevreal times a day she has put off meeting and now says she is overwhelmed with our realtionship and wants to slow down is she with someone else? or is it her age ? why the big change she has written me many letters and cards saying how she wants us to be a (family)and she never wants to not be in my life and im the man she has been lookin for she does like older guys but im the oldest she has met and she says she has fallen for me we do exchange pics and cam and exchange gifts im toatally in love with her as well she is a smart profesional woman college educated and im a single father with a house what do i do to find the truth out she has a difficult time expressing her self unlike before were she allways told me she wanted us to allways be toghether she said shes becomeing messhed with me and shes geting scared i know she does love me ive tryed to break away and she crys and says she doesnt not want me in her life ? im so confused and in love ,,,help
I think it's exactly like she said. She's only 23 and still in college. She's getting ready to start her career life and family life. Of course she's overwhelmed. Maybe she didn't think of the seriousness of your relationship until now. Since she has put off meeting you, it makes me think that she likes the security and support of your relationship, but not much more. Now that it's getting down to the wire and it's time for her to follow through with all the dreams and plans she said she had, she's getting nervous. She cries when you try to break away from her because she doesn't want to lose your support and love.
She's seventeen years younger than you. You should have your life in order by now. She's just now starting to arrange her life the way she wants it. If you're trying to get her to move to Chicago to be with you, maybe the problem is that she wants to stay close to home. Maybe she's scared of what her parents would think about the age difference.
She's probably scared since she hasn't met you in person before. She might be thinking about all the bad things that could and do happen daily to people that meet others on the internet. I'm sure you're a fine guy, but she doesn't know that for sure. It would probably be a lot easier for her if you lived nearby.
You need to talk to her and lay things out for her. Let her know that you understand that she's at a confusing stage in her life. But you also need to tell her that you're ready to have a serious relationship. Tell her that you want her near you and at your age, you don't have time to play games with people. Tell her that the way she's behaving is very contradicting and that it's leaving you confused and hurt. Tell her that if she needs you out of her life until she gets things straightened out, you understand.
Good luck
Darby
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I'm 21f, James is 23m.
I asked a question awhile ago about James and his family's trouble with me. I think I mentioned that we're starting to fight because of them, and some "blasts from the pasts" are coming back to haunt us. Me, specifically, though James bringing them up. James says he's still mad at me.
And then there's the deal with us fighting because his family hates me.
All of that crap in mind, I REALLY think we need to at least TRY a couples' counseling session. We love each other a lot, this crap is just getting to us because it never ends. We need to learn how to deal with it together so neither of us feel so alone. I really want us to go to therapy.
How do I convince my guy? He won't say WHY he doesn't want to go, just that he doesn't want to. I want to be a marriage counselor. I don't see anything wrong with the profession, going to see a professional, or anything else. I'm sure it's a pride thing for him, but how do I convince him that it would be immensely helpful for us?
HALP!!
I'm sure you're right. He's probably too embarrassed to go to a professional and he doesn't want a random person in his business. He probably hasn't gone to a therapist before, so he thinks it would be like it is in movies. You know, where you lay down on a couch and a guy with a monotone voice says, "Mhm. Mhm. And tell me how that makes you feel.." as you ramble your list of problems.
Tell him that you really love him and that you don't think your relationship will last unless there is a big change. Let him know the reasons why you think a professional is necessary. Tell him that if he goes to a couple sessions with you and doesn't want to go back, he doesn't have to. Tell him you just want him to at least try this with you.
I think therapy can be a good idea for couples because therapists are trained to handle issues like the ones you and James are going through. Plus, a third party is always good because they can point out what each side of the relationship is doing right and wrong. They can also give step-by-step processes to get over the past and deal with things amongst yourselves. Plus, a therapist is an outside party that is not bias to either side of the relationship.
If you tell him all the reasons you want to go and ask him to just attend a couple sessions with you and he refuses to, you'll have to decide what to do next. But, for now, just try to sit him down alone and tell him what's up. Don't passively mention it to him. Tell him directly so he cannot possibly avoid you or just blow it off.
Good luck!
Darby(:
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19.f
My boyfriend is going travelling around the states with his family for a 6montsh to a year and i promised him i wouldnt leave him when he goes. What can i do or give him to prove to him i wont leave?
You should talk to him and let him know that you're not going to leave him. To prove this, go on several romantic dates before he goes. While he's gone, call/e-mail/text him as much as possibly. Send him random e-mails or texts saying cute things like 'I miss you. Hope you're having fun (:'
Once he's gone for a while, tell him you have a special surprise planned for him when he comes back. Set up a 'Welcome Back' surprise party. Invite all of his friends and all of your mutual friends. After the party, spend the night together. Go on a romantic date. See a movie, then go hang out a park/lake/beach, whatever is closest to you.
Also, before he goes, make him a mix cd of 'your songs'. Any songs that have been special in your relationship. Any songs that remind you of him. Give it to him to listen to while he's on the road. As the person below suggested, you might also want to give him one of your jackets or a shirt that you know he really likes. Then he'll know that you're serious about waiting for him.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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What i want to know is, what are the first signs to show you that your lover is obsessed about you? and What are the sings that shows that your lover is abusive and controlling? Cause where i am, i very puzzled about how things turned up between me and my ex-girlfriend.
Many of the things the person below said. If the person calls alll the time and expects you to call just as much. If the person doesn't want you to talk to anyone but her. If the person gets extremely upset if she so much as hears a female's name come out of your mouth. If she expects you to spend every waking moment with her. If she doesn't want you to hang out with your friends. She gets angry if she calls and you don't answer. Even if you have a legitimate reason for not answering. (You were at work/school or sleeping)
She wants to know every single thing about you way too quickly. She accuses you of lying about where you're going or where you've been, even when she has no reason to believe you're lying. If you can never get a break from her in any way, she's probably obsessed. Also, if you try to talk to her about how she's making you feel and she reacts completely irrationally (Crying, threatens suicide, gets violent, hits something, hurts herself, hits/pushes you)
You know your lover is becoming abusive/controlling when you start getting scared of how they're going to react when you're not even doing anything wrong. If you're wanting to go hang out with your guy friends but you're afraid to tell her because of how she might react or you're tired and need to sleep but you can't tell her because she will get too angry/upset.
Darby
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