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Couples' therapy
I'm 21f, James is 23m.
I asked a question awhile ago about James and his family's trouble with me. I think I mentioned that we're starting to fight because of them, and some "blasts from the pasts" are coming back to haunt us. Me, specifically, though James bringing them up. James says he's still mad at me.
And then there's the deal with us fighting because his family hates me.
All of that crap in mind, I REALLY think we need to at least TRY a couples' counseling session. We love each other a lot, this crap is just getting to us because it never ends. We need to learn how to deal with it together so neither of us feel so alone. I really want us to go to therapy.
How do I convince my guy? He won't say WHY he doesn't want to go, just that he doesn't want to. I want to be a marriage counselor. I don't see anything wrong with the profession, going to see a professional, or anything else. I'm sure it's a pride thing for him, but how do I convince him that it would be immensely helpful for us?
HALP!!
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I'm sure you're right. He's probably too embarrassed to go to a professional and he doesn't want a random person in his business. He probably hasn't gone to a therapist before, so he thinks it would be like it is in movies. You know, where you lay down on a couch and a guy with a monotone voice says, "Mhm. Mhm. And tell me how that makes you feel.." as you ramble your list of problems.
Tell him that you really love him and that you don't think your relationship will last unless there is a big change. Let him know the reasons why you think a professional is necessary. Tell him that if he goes to a couple sessions with you and doesn't want to go back, he doesn't have to. Tell him you just want him to at least try this with you.
I think therapy can be a good idea for couples because therapists are trained to handle issues like the ones you and James are going through. Plus, a third party is always good because they can point out what each side of the relationship is doing right and wrong. They can also give step-by-step processes to get over the past and deal with things amongst yourselves. Plus, a therapist is an outside party that is not bias to either side of the relationship.
If you tell him all the reasons you want to go and ask him to just attend a couple sessions with you and he refuses to, you'll have to decide what to do next. But, for now, just try to sit him down alone and tell him what's up. Don't passively mention it to him. Tell him directly so he cannot possibly avoid you or just blow it off.
Good luck!
Darby(:
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