Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29616
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23/f, 29/m
My boyfriend made this comment about me trying out my new toner and he said, “why? your face is already breaking out. Wouldn’t that make you break out more?” Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is that supposed to be some kind of a joke? Because I don’t understand. He tends to make comments like this here and there. Does he expect me to not have a reaction to it? He subtly puts me down and it makes me lose my self-esteem.
The more I started thinking, I know that my counselor told me the signs and her thoughts on him not respecting my boundaries, but I guess that’s true. I keep thinking back on how he was hurting me during sex and I told him, “I thought you’re supposed to be turning me on, not turning me off.” And I said “ow” multiple times. He apologized and eventually stopped. He didn’t stop right away.
When I don’t give him a response that he likes very much, he ignores me or neglects me. Or he only sends me short responses until I apologize. He refuses to tell me how I feel. When I make a point like he’s hiding me from everyone and the relationship, he doesn’t answer. He tells me to be quiet while I’m talking. It makes me feel bad.
Whenever I tell him whatever he's doing doesn't make me feel very good and that he's not appreciating me or is being mean to me, he always backtracks and tells me that he's not being mean. That he supports my career change and he's encouraging me. Him encouraging me doesn't make every other comment or critic okay.
When I discuss something with him, he refuses to answer. When I’m upset, he acts extra affectionate until I act as if I’m okay again and then he treats me in a different pattern. He treats me well in person, but when he’s not next to me, he doesn’t treat me very well. He still makes those comments in person, though. Subtly putting me down.
He has this pattern of him being jealous of whoever I hang out with and he tells me that he’s suspicious. I haven’t done anything to break his trust and when I say that, he gets upset. So I think it’s a reverse psychology and maybe it’s that he doesn’t trust himself and he says it’s nothing like that and gets quiet and tells me he doesn’t want to talk about it.
I think the only person that should be worried, is me. He has done several things to break my trust and I haven’t done anything to him. I’m the one that’s paranoid and curious on who he’s hanging out with because he has broken my trust several times.
What should I do? What can I do? (link)
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Reading your question through I should say analyzing and labelling the state of the relationship further would achieve little. Jerk/controlfreak/emotional bully, whatever label you like, it amounts to the same thing. The underlying fact that he really does not, will not or cannot seem to be make you feel very secure, happy or good about yourself. So what exactly are you getting from the relationship? Unless you can come up with at least one very persuasive positive, strong enough to offset all these negatives, then I would suggest you end the relationship and move on. You may well find that taking back control with just this act will begin to restore your self-esteem right away? Yours sounds damaged right now. That's usually the result of such relationships. If you cannot rebuild your own feelings of self-worth and value within the framework of this relationship then you should take yourself out of it.
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My life kind of started to end on July 15 2014. My wife of 52 years and I were sitting on our deck when we looked at each other and said, You know something we got it made. That was because I had finally retired and we had moved into our new house in the mountains. That was around one pm when we spoke those words.
That night around seven we got a call from one of our daughters (Barb). She told us that she had just left the doctors and they had told her she had stage four ovarian cancer, and that she had 1 to 5 years to live.
This as you can imagine floored us. The next morning my wife (Elaine) and I packed her suitcase. We decided that my wife would move in with Barb to help her as much as possible. Barb lives three hours away, so we thought I would drive down on weekends and bring our dog with me.
After three months of Elaine staying there and me coming down on weekends, the stress got so bad between my wife and I. You see, Elaine is 71 years old and she was taking care of Barbs whole house. There are four in the family, Barb, her husband (Jeff) daughter (Kristin age 21) and son (Jeffery age 17). She looked like she was 90 years old. This was killing my wife. Well after three months had gone by, Barb went back to work, so Elaine decided to come home and we would go down on weekends. This lasted till 1/10/16 when Barb passed away.
When my wife came home, I was relieved that she could rest and try to get back to somewhat of a normal life. Well that did not happen. From the minute and I mean minute Elaine walked in the door I was accused of having an affair. I could not believe my ears. Her reasoning was she found Cialis in my bureau drawer. After her throwing this at me I showed her that it was a sample with my name written on it. The funny part of it was, Elaine was the one that picked it up at the doctors office. By the way our doctor not only wrote my name on the box but the date 1/16/2012. Four years before we moved to the mountains.
That was the end of that session. But two weeks later she told me my girlfriend stole five pair of her jeans from the closet. I could go on an on about the accusations but to name just a few. Cigarette butts found in the street meant my girlfriend was standing there watching the house. I was told while we where both out shopping together that there was blood on our mattress pad. When we got home the blood had disappeared. Now remember we never left each others side.
I won’t bore you with more details because there is over 50 accusations made. None of which were true.
Anyway last week a new neighbor moved in and you guessed it I was having an affair with her.
Well two days ago she left me, drained our bank accounts of over $125,000. Leaving me not only with my wife of 52 years but without a penny.
I can’t do this anymore. As much as I love her I want it all to end. I can’t stand the pain. I sit here and look at a bottle of pills the doctor gave us for depression and can’t stop thinking this would end my pain. I was a strong willed man all my life, a rough and tumble construction worker. Well I am a broken man now. She broke me and took my will to live.
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I think the main thing is that you definitely do not risk spending time alone right now. Find some friends or relatives to be around as much as you possibly can. And in a more lucid moment, find the phone number of an agency which will let you speak to a counsellor at any time. You know what I mean. The agencies who help with depression and suicidal thoughts. Because it sounds to me very much like you are in the grip of one and very vulnerable to the other. Please keep the number handy, or with you at all times. You have the means, and a plan. This is a bad place to be. I appreciate that life has given you a very rough deal lately. Your wife's reaction to all that stress (the acute suspicion/paranoia, and leaving) are awful. But ending YOUR life would be even worse. It's clearly not a case of 'pull yourself together and sort things out'. Depression does not work like that. It's a dark and lonely place. It's real. As dark as it seems though, there is a way through it. Keep talking about things. To friends, relatives and professional counsellors. There is only one thing bigger than your depression, and that thing is TIME. But you've got to stay around, and stay on the scene to give time a chance. You're badly damaged, but NOT BROKEN beyond repair. That strong will is still part of you. And throw those tablets down the toilet and flush the damn thing right now.
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Why won't my mum let me get my ears pierced? I'm 12 and all my friends have them done. I've been asking her for ages, but she won't let me. Me and my best friend started asking our parents at the same time and shehas them done, but I dont ! What should I do and\or how to persuade her? Thank you x
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Some possible approaches for a reasoned argument? You'll have it done properly by a reputable and well-known service. You'll take onboard everything they say about after-care and do it to avoid infection. She can talk to your friend's mum about the issue if she wants to. It's not irreversible (like a tattoo), if you go off the idea and don't use sleepers or rings the pierced tissue will grow over. You're not planning to have loads of them, just one in each lobe. (Lots of piercings all over your ear can be problematic, and painful to have done. Plus your mum won't like you having tons of metalwork pinned all over your ears!). All the pretty earrings you like are for pierced ears only. I should say the reasons your parents are against it are the same as they have always been (when your mum was 12, and before that). It seems a bit 'adult' and they aren't completely comfortable about their daughter 'growing-up' just yet? That's a bit difficult to argue with rationally. Your friend's mum would be a good person to put a good word in with with YOUR mum about pierced ears. So try to get her on-side. The only definite DO NOTS are, don't try and do it yourself or get a friend to do it. And don't visit a shady establishment who don't as too many questions about age and permission from parents. DIY jobs are prone to going 'nasty' and becoming infected. Even if it doesn't your mum will notice and there will be a right row.
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I'm a 12 year old female. Every day I'll have a nice day, come home happy then when she comes home and if I so much as complain because I stubbed my toe or something she'll start talking about me as though I'm not in the room. She then stsrts asking me questions. She'll ask how I am, I'll say good then she'll follow up with 900 more questions. She keeps bringing up a girl I haven't talked to in months. She makes me extremely stressed out to the point I'm about to have a panic attack and I'm hyperventilating. It annoys me, and the worst part is if I try to explain my feelings to her she'll either just pretend to go along with it to shut me up or start talling about the age. Her and my dad are always making fun of me, my interests, my hobbies, my friends, the music I like, the clothes I wear...then wonder why I just stay in my room only talk to my friends not them, listen to music all the time read a bunch and scroll through feminist accounts on instagram. How do I stop her? (link)
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Hi there! So, the situation seems to be that your parents and Mom in particular seem to: Bombard you with questions, many of which seem intrusive, like poking their noses into your business. Don't seem to 'get' the stuff you are into at all. And you: Find the company of similar age friends more enjoyable, and if not like you prefer your own space and your own company (your room, listening to music, looking at stuff online that interests you etc). I've got to say this is a very common situation indeed. It all stems from the fact that you are going through a big transition (or 'changing' if you prefer) period. Going from being a child (where most, if not all of your world is centered around parents), to becoming a more grown-up and independent person. Finding your own identity. Seeing how you fit into the wider world , not just how you fit into the self-contained world of your parents. It's nearly always a 'difficult' time for everyone involved. There is always some amount of tension, and friction (ie. arguments!). But we all have to live through it. You're maybe thinking that if that's so, and I could forsee it coming and make allowances for it, why haven't your parents? Because it's far easier to write this than to live it, and you are not my daughter. You are to some extent, 'living in each others pockets' as you might say and when people spend a lot of time together the tensions and things are going to be far more pressing, part of your daily lives, and thus likely to boil over sometimes. Basically, if you were my daughter, despite my best efforts, right now we'd argue like cat and dog from time to time too!! It does get better. They'll still be Mom and Dad. You'll still be their daughter. But you won't be JUST their daughter and nothing more any longer. You'll be an individaul in your own right. That's the key to the whole thing really. Obviously, anxiety and panic attacks are not a good thing. As you say they are the result of stress. I'm hoping you are feeling a bit more informed as to why these family dynamics are suddenly appearing so strongly? You're seeing a bigger picture? So next time you are browsing online, how about looking-up some advice/info on 'stress management' and 'anger management'? Find some ideas about how to (literally) 'manage' and control these feelings when the come up, in a good and effective way. Feelings of stress and anger/annoyance are part of life. We cannot always avoid them. But we can control how we react to them. Good luck searching. Make it a part of that 'finding yourself' process? School and work, boyfriends and late ar partner and even children of your own WILL cause you stress. A good management regime is priceless. All the best mate. You'll find a way through it. Without murdering Mom & Dad and hiding the bodies!
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Ive beeen masturbating for about 3 months now but i don't think my parents know. How can i stop them from knowing? Also, I'm 12, is that too young to masturbate? (link)
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Hi. First off, one can't actually be too young to masturbate. Neither, in case you are wondering, can one masturbate 'too much'. It's a perfectly natural and completely harmles thing to do, and should be pleasant, relaxing and enjoyable. It is in no way 'wrong'. It is not a substitue for sex with a partner. And it's not something we only do in our youth and grow out of either. It's for anyone, anytime. I'd say that right now you are very conscious of the fact that you are 'doing it' and (perfectly understably) absolutely horrified at the idea of your parents 'knowing you are doing it'. Our attitude and thoughts about it do however change with our age and experience. Your parents would not be horrified to think that you masturbate. It's something we kind of know without dwelling on, if you see what I mean? They are as unlikley to say "Hey... I was just wondering, are you masturbating yet? as you are of saying "I'm just going to my room to masturbate Mom. Call me when dinner is ready." It's a personal, private thing and they will appreciate that. On the subject of them disturbing you unexpectedly while you are doing it, they would certainly be rather embarrassed themselves. And don't expect them to confront you about it later demanding an explanation or apology. Last thing they'll want to do is make you squirm and give you a hang-up about it. Parental love and understanding is actually far more profound and deep than you might think right now. Now, your parents can't actually look at you and know you masturbate. Or whether you just have, or are just about to. So don't worry about that. Like we said, it's something we do privately. Not because it's wrong, but because it is personal and private. Just relax and enjoy yourself. I hope my reply is making sense? Parents so much like their children (all their lives!) to be happy, healthy and normal/well-adjusted. Masturbating is as normal and natural an activity as anything. And the desire/urge/need to at around the age you are now is absolutely natural too. The fact that you don't explicitly discuss it with your parents is likewise, all perfectly normal. Have a good day. And stop worrying!!
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Hi. I'm 21 and i think I've been fingering too much. More like 2 to 3x a day. Is it normal? Will there be problem if I don't stop? Any suggestions on how to stop it? I've tried to do distract myself but I still end up doing it before sleeping. I've had sex before with a woman but we didn't touch our *yknow* just kissing and stuffs. (link)
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Indeed. Fingering will cause you no physical, psychological or emtoional damage whatsoever. Regardless of the frequency or duration. If you feel the urge/need (and you happen to be in a convenient place, of course!) then do it. In bed at night is extremely convenient. If say, half an hour to an hour pleasuring yourself helps you relax and unwind, and subsequently settle down to a peaceful and restorative night's sleep, great. Better than having your mind motoring-on and worrying, trying to come up with those 'distractions'....which will undoubtedly keep you awake. Obviously, if doing it is keeping you up all night, as it were, and depriving you of sufficient sleep then it's possible you'll feel a bit tired and lacklustre next day. That's about the only time one could say they were masturbating 'too much'. But staying awake all night watching movies, on the internet, or pursuing some hobby/interest/activity would have the same effect. It's lack of sleep that would be issue in any particular case, not the activity itself. So I'm not going to suggest ways to 'stop it'. Only thing you need to stop doing is worrying about it!
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I have an idea for a new food product that will change the game. How do I go about making a business? Should I become a mechanical engineer?
I'm still young and I don't see the company I'm envisioning existing for at least 5 to 10 years. It is something in demand and very good for the world, that I can't find any other company doing. I originally wanted to major in economics, but should I switch to mechanical engineering, so I could learn devise a patent? Could I contract a company to devise a method that I could then patent, or would I have to devise the method myself? Also, how expensive would contracting be? I have no interest in mechanical engineering, and love economics, but if it's what I have to do, I'd consider switching. Or would economics still be useful and I could just hire or work with a mechanical engineer? (link)
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Interesting question. I'll try and offer a few ideas. Firstly, a mechanical engineering degree is certainly not a 'soft' degree and if one has no interest in engineering and mechanics it could be very hard to keep up the committment required. As to your ambition, if it involves pioneering a new workflow or process (perhaps more efficient, or effective than the current ones?) a knowledge of economics and the control of manufacture would probably be the most useful. And, as you say, get in the 'boffins and tech-heads' to actuually implement the nuts-and bolts of the thing. The process would more likely be you 'selling' the idea to a company, and the company then funding the development. R&D and prototyping, and then production costs can easily run into millions of pounds (dollars) for even quite simple projects. Very few are entirely self-funded. A word of caution re. patents. In practice, taking out a patent is often useless unless you have the money to defend it. If the idea is great, and a big company want it, they'll take it. They will modify it in some way to introduce some uncertainty and then it will be your solicitor versus their solicitor in a long and expensive fight to prove ownership of 'intellectual property'. You will run out of money first! If you have a great idea, I would suggest approaching companies who may be interested with a good presentation, stressing the cost/commercial benefits (not being explicit about the technical side at all) rather than than the patent office. It sounds to me you are more of the entrepreneur/commerce camp than an engineer. Hope there is a point or two in my reply to help? You can't have too much data when you are making a choice!
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Hey so I saw that you have answered a lot of peoples questions and seemed very experienced. I am very new to this website and was just wondering if you had any tips on how to answer questions, or just any advice on it in general.
Thank you. (link)
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I should say that the most essential part is to 'listen' as you read the query. What exactly is it they are asking? Try to answer their particular, specific question. And not use your reply to air your own opinions on the subject in general. If you have had a similar experience it's a good idea to look between the lines and tailor your response to what you can gather about the person. Avoiding blindly reeling-off 'what I did/always do' monologues. It's implying "This works for me....so it MUST work for you too." Sometimes personal anecdotes are a good 'fit' as you might say. Sometimes they are not so good. Sometimes not a fit at all. Don't judge, don't condemn. Point out alternatives. Inform where required, but make sure of the absolute integrity and accuracy of your sources are. If you offer a personal opinion, make sure you identify it as personal opinion. Try to edify rather than break down the person. Make criticism positive and constructive, never negative and destructive. Sure, it's easy to pursue a line of "That's all bullshit....you're wrong...you're screwing-up....etc." But that will achieve nothing. You'll simply alienate the listener, and if they continue reading your reply at all they will already be set against anything you have to say. And very unlikely to take any of it on board. And as adviceman49 says, medical opinions require consultation, face to face with a health-care professional. One who has access to all their medical history. You might quite correctly suggest a consultation, arranging a blood test etc for example. But leave it at that. Again, pursuing a line of "I felt like this and my blood tests said nothing to worry about" proves nothing and helps nobody. It's not about YOU, it's about THEM. Any help?
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Where I live, it's a very diverse middle school. I'm in seventh grade, some kids started dating. There's a lot of kids from all races (white, black, hispanic, arab, asian,jewish, etc) so it's common. A jewish boy dating a white girl, a black girl dating a white guy, a white girl dating a black guy, asian dating a hispanic, hispanic girl dating a white guy, etc. No one cares! And a lot of people are mixed. Black with white, black with indian, asian with white. It's so stupid though people in other places are like "eeeewwww n-word lovers!1!1!1" why? (link)
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It's an example of a free society, in many ways. What you, or I or anyone else does, the lifestyle choices we make etc are (providing they are not illegal of course!) OUR decisions. The reactions, opinions, approval or otherwise etc of other individuals is THEIR choice/decision and we have no more power of sanction over their views than they have over ours. So if a mixed race couple are happy together they do not actually need the approval/permission of others, do they? Their lives, their business. If they are not happy, then other people approving and telling them it's a good thing won't make much difference either. In essence, we don't really have any say in what others think of our actions, and in essence it doesn't really matter anyway. If a society passed a law forbidding mixed race relationships by law, that would be very different matter, and very wrong, naturally. By counterpoint, if a sexually-active couple comprised a guy of say, 21 and a girl of 14 then it would be futile to claim that both parties are happy with the situation...so what is the problem? Since we DO have age-of-consent laws, and rightly so in the majority-opinion. I guess freedom of speech encompasses freedom of thought. And personally I would not like to live in a society with some sort of 'thought police'. Prividing someone's comments or actions do not directly incite civil disturbance, insurrection and/or acts of terrorism they are entitled to them. And we cannot actively discriminate in the workplace on terms of race/creed/disability/sexual orientation/gender. Again, there are some exceptions. We could not employ a disabled person as a firefighter, for instance.
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Hi, I have a big problem and you are probably gonna think it's ridiculous, but anyways, I am 12 years old and I don't know how to divide. This is a big problem because everyone in the grade knows how, my dad is gonna ask me to show him if I can divide in front of him and that's a problem. It's not really my fault I don't know how to divide, nobody ever told me how. I know how to divide like, 25 divided by 5 and stuff, but I mean the long methods like 2678 divided by 568 and that kind of stuff.
Please no answers like "You should know how to divide by this age" or "Ask your teacher" only professional answers, or you are getting a 1 at rating. (link)
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Hi. Quite agree with your previous answer. Unless you intend to pursue mathematics to a very high level then it is best learned by 'drill'. Like 'procedure'. That is practice, and keep repeating it over and over again. Like troops learn from their drill sergeant, by diong it over and over again. This actually applies to the sort of long-dvision you are talking about here very well. You cannot do it in one move, as it were. So we divide, getting as close as we can (but not exceeding) the number we want to divide. Then write down the 'remainder' underneath, and repeat the process. Until we have a result. Noting that the number may sometimes fall into a pattern which we see must continue repeating (literally) 'forever. In which case we call it 'recursive'. Maths at this level is procedural. The procedure is always the same. There is only one correct answer and the procedure, correctly followed, will always lead to it. You don't have to have a 'feel for' numbers or a natural aptitude for figures. Just hammer home the procedure by constant repetition until it becomes kind of 'automatic' as you might say. Think of a simple one to get you going. 5 divided by 2. Two's 'go into' five 2 times. But 2x2 =4. So there is a remainder of 1. Keep the 2. Now divide again. two's don't go into one. So we 'bring down' a zero. This should be sounding a bit familiar from lessons I hope? The 1 becomes 'one-zero' (call it 'ten'). Two's go into ten. Exactly five times. So the full and complete answer is "5 divided by 2 equals 2.5" Whatever the numbers, the procedure is the same. It may have a lot more 'steps' but essentially, it's the same. And the 'drill' you've hammered in will see you through. Go to it!
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I'm relatively ignorant of this topic, and since I'm only fourteen, I have nowhere else to ask these questions without being judged. I've been masturbating using my clit for a while now, and it works for me. However, the only reason I was masturbating using my clit was because I've heard that breaking your hymen will make it hurt and bleed. I don't think I can hide it from my super conservative parents if there's something wrong. I know that if I'm turned on and careful, it won't break, but I don't know anything beyond that. If anyone knows something about this, please help me. (link)
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Hi there. I think your line 'it works for me' is actually crucial here. Your clitoris is extremely sensitive to touch. And stimulating it is usually the surest way to produce some very exciting, pleasant and satisfying feelings. Including reaching your climax/orgasm/ 'cumming' whatever term you prefer. Perhaps you are already enjoying a climax sometimes, or regularly? It might be tempting to think that actually penetrating yourself (with fingers, or commercially available 'sex toys') will feel much better? Because that simulates 'having sex' more closely? Butthat isn't necessarily the case by any means. It's all about the feelings masturbating produces. Not a particular technique. And most women would say that finding something that 'works for them' is the key to the whole thing. Plus, if you're getting stressed about tearing your hymen (Not a damaging thing in any way of course, but I can appreciate that you don't want to risk it. Lots of girls feel the same) while you masturbate you won't be able to relax and 'let go' enough to enjoy it as fully. You might try slipping a finger inside, quite shallow at first, and gently, to see how it feels. Stop straight if it feels at all uncomfortable. On the whole, stimulating your clitoris as you are already is actually a very good way to enjoy all the perfectly natural and desirable sensations and feelings that masturbating produces. So enjoy what you're doing. OK, us guys pretty directly simulate 'having sex' when we masturbate and that 'works' and it's about the only option for us anyhow. But it's more complex for you ladies. PS...you're not at all ignorant. Quite honestly many girls of your age (and older) don't even know how to locate their clitoris, or what it's significance is!! And as you point out, unfortunatrly it's not easy to get proper advice on the subject. Finally, don't let the idea of 'popping your cherry' while masturbating get you all stressed. Maybe look through some other older questions and answers on this site? There's lots of sound advice on THIS subjet! The term is actually a bit misleading anyway, and does not qualify as 'losing your virginity' or anything if it does happen.
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I like drawing but I'm not sure what I should draw. I tried googling things but I can only find vapid objects such as forks and eyes. Ideas? (link)
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I reckon if you aked 100 working commercial illustrators why they ended up in that line of work, most or maybe all would say "I really liked to draw things". Now, an awful lot of artwork you see in magazines, packaging, advertising etc and the animated work you see in tv/online media is of people. So the illustrators who get the biggest, best and most regular commissions will be the ones who can draw people best. So how about you concentrate on human figure work. Learn how to draw anatomically correct and well proportioned figures. And how to deliberatley distort certain aspects for impact. You might here this called 'caricature'. An impossibly tall and elegant woman, for instance if you measured the proportions, but it puts a strong message across. And so on. Even if you want to draw just for pleasure, and maybe to amuse your friends, being able to produce people should be a lot more interesting than forks, a bit dry as you say. Maybe there's a career option here? True, lot of it is done on computers today but the software like Illustrator and Flash are easily learned. And only as good, or as poor as your artistic 'eye' and your ability to communicate your concept correctly. Having the latest version of the software won't make you a good illustrator or designer. The best way to learn your craft is by using paper or card or canvas, pens and pencils or brushes. Basically, we like looking at pictures of people. Also, it's the least forgiving. Because we all just 'know' when figurework 'looks right' (or otherwise!!) even if we have no artistic ability ourselves. Worth getting good at, then? Have fun!
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I am an ex-catholic. After leaving, at 10 maybe, I was an atheist until about 12 when I found Wiccanism and Paganism, and I really felt like I fit in and found new faith. Now I've read some articles about how Christianity and all forms of christianity are declining rapidly and religions such as Buddhism, Islam, Wiccanism/Paganism and the such are growing drastically on the other hand. Islam isn't really my cup of tea, but I've met Muslims I respect and if that's the right path for you go for it. Buddhism I find admirable. Wiccanism attracted me like a magnet because all it's beliefs aligned to mine, I especially loved the idea of a God AND Godess. I also thought it was a much less strict, basically if it won't hurt anybody, you could do it when in the Bible it is super strict but doesn't persecute things such as slavery and rape. I left Christianity because I did not feel welcome as a homosexual women and it's views stopped fitting me like they once did. I notice many catholics and christians are leaving the religion extremely fast. About 99% of the kids in catholic school are there because their parents make them and the priests are desperately trying to appeal. A majority of conversations about spirituality I have begin with the person saying,"growing up I was Christian but now..." It is pretty sweet to see Paganism and Wiccanism, religions that were feircly being pushed out bounce back. I think the internet is the cause. Now many Wiccans and Pagans could interact and reach out, and new converts can learn all about our God and Godess, beliefs, majick, etc while laying comfortably in their bed in pajamas eating snacks. I also feel that theres more tolerance (not for Islam, unfourtanetly), of course there is a long way to go. But I want other's opinions: what's your opinion on what is causing the rise of Islam, Buddhism, and Wiccanism/Paganism? Why do you think Christianity is suffering while the other 3 are gaining every day? (link)
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It's a difficult one to say why exactly. Certainly in the UK the regular (christian) church has seen a huge decline in attendance. It goes back further than the internet. Around 100 years ago about 90% or more of British folk attended church, quite or very regulalry. Today it's around 10%. Once the 'church view' as you might say, held great sway with attitudes and ideology in society. Now it has very little. Perhaps it has something to do with the increase in science to answer our question? The decline coincides with the work of the likes of Darwin. A turning towards science to provide the answers. German philosopher Nietzsche put forward the idea that man's growing knowledge of himself and his environment had 'killed God'. But noted that it had not, and may never, come up with anything capable of replacing God. Or even replacing the idea of there being a God. We appear to have some 'need' to believe there is 'something more'. A divine/supernatural/omniscient agency which is watching us and controlling things. And we would like to think that there may be some 'after-life'. Perhaps where we may be reincarnated, or meet with friends and family we have lost? Essentially, death and seperation are the most basic and fundamental of all human fears, after all. And science has real no answer. We can certainly expect to live longer thanks to our medical 'cleverness'....but none of us will cheat our eventual physical death. Hence, a resurgence of interest in matters spiritual, of an alternative nature, perhaps? In terms of tolerance, it is important to differentiate between Islam (as a belief system) and Islamic Fundamentalism, of course.
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Do you ever feel like life is just so totally meaningless and you're overwhelmed by the futility of it all? Your thoughts race but you're not even thinking about anything really, and you're just so full of the sense of inherent worthlessness, so you just lay in bed for a few hours, and then you come back to earth. And it's an odd feeling while you have it, it's just nervous energy and a drive to do something but you don't know what, but it's even worse to be grounded again in the concrete world, to be content with the mundane mediocrity of life. (link)
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I think it's probably fair to say that, yes, most of us feel this way sometimes. There may be a definite reason which we can attribute it too. A reason we cannot clearly identify and link, but which is causing it. Or no reason at all. It might be a good idea to keep a record of it. How severe is the feeling? Like, are you finding it difficult to function, even impossible, or can you still manage to get through the essential. And also, how frequent are the episodes? Over that month, would it be some days, most days or every day? Then evaluate things. Not particularly severe, and only on some days....nothing to worry about. More severe, and more frequent....think about it. Can you identify a reason? Can you work at resolving or easing the cause? If you find the symptoms are severe and it's every day, or nearly every day, then it is a good idea to arrange a chat with a doctor/health-care professional soon. It's important to be totally honest in your records. Don't over or under rate the severity and frequency. Our lives can often be mediocre, and mundane I'm afraid when we look at it. And much of what we do daily can often be handed over to routine, the 'robot of habit' as you might say. Not very inspiring, exciting or challenging! But not an indication that your life is meaningless/worthless/futile either mate. So, how about you start to quantify how severe and how often for a start, and go from there? Try and stay positive. These thoughts are always introspective, kind of looking into yourself and your life, asking questions. We are very much social creatures at heart so reach out and talk to and interact with others as much as possible. Friends, family and so on. It helps keep things in perspective. When we examine life, our own life, how we feel etc in isolation we lose this (important) perspective. The desire to 'do something' is a positive force, even if you have seem to have no specific direction to channel it into right now. So that's a good thing. There is a 'horse and rider' analogy in our mental processes and make-up. I won't complicate stuff too much if I can help it. Just think of one 'part' of our minds being the 'horse' providing the energy and motive power. The other 'part' is the 'rider', the one who guides and directs the energy (the horse) in a particular direction or on a definite course. And of course, it's great when the horse and rider work together. Possibly you're a little at-odds with your horse right now, not quite working together, that's all.
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Hi, I'm 14 and I have a birthday in the summer time. I was wondering if it's worth having a birthday party for my 15th birthday if I am planning on having a Sweet Sixteen. If I don't do anything then I'll just hang with my family. But if I do shoul it be something small like a trip to the movies. And if you have any ideas please feel free to write those too! Thanks! (link)
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Any birthday is a good excuse for a party. Ones like sixteen, eighteen and twenty-one are cause for an even bigger party! Summer birthday? Adds even more options because outdoor stuff is an option. How about a BBQ/house party? Always good fun. An amusement park day out? I like the house party/BBQ type. They don't really have a set start or finish time, because they don't need one. And there are opportunities for various un-planned amusements to just sort of arise, depending on who is there and how the mood takes you. Have fun whatever you do. But mark it in some way. It's the only fifteenth birthday you'll ever have if you think about it, isn't it?
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So i'm an early teen (f) and for a couple of years now I've noticed that I have kind of... been telling myself to do stuff that I don't want to. It's nothing life threatening or anything like that but it's really starting to bug me for instance; I could just be playing with a tennis ball, bouncing it against the wall or whatever but then all of a sudden, I'll just say in my head "if you don't catch the ball now, your whole family will die," and this will happen moments before or whilst I'm (still e.g.) throwing the ball and it's just the most random and unexpected thing. And if I "fail" to do whatever I'm impulsively instructed to do I will become very agitated and maybe angry. I have looked into this in the past but nothing quite matched up to my descriptions. Some things have matched up with OCD but I don't think it's that.
It may be worth noting that it's not like there are "voices" as such in my head but more like a conscience like it's myself saying these things at random times but my only fear is that if it carries on, the sudden impulsions will become more threatening and potentially dangerous. I do tell myself that nothing will happen if I don't do whatever it is I am told to but if i resist then my little conscience will start counting down from 10 until the fear that my loved ones could die takes over and I do whatever it may be. Please help, what is it I have if anything at all? I've never told anyone or gone on this site before so ... any information or advice will be appreciated ❤ (link)
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It is actually not an uncommon thing to act out these sort of scenaria, ie setting a challenge or predicting an event and projecting some awful consequence on your failure to complete it, or witness it's 'good' outcome. It seems to amount to some sort of 'testing' of our ability to influence events external to ourselves. Which we would all like to be able to do. Sometimes with good or helpful intent, sometimes malicious or harmful. Your mental 'countdown' when you choose to ignore the challenge is common too, as is the clause that making no choice is a a 'fail' (and hence the 'bad' outcome by default). The agitation at yourself if you resist the 'test' is because we (as humans) don't like mysteries. We like things resolved, one way or another. We like a murder mystery, but we feel very annoyed if there is no last page or last scene to resove things. There's almost certainly some element of testing your ability to make evaluative decisions built in to these epsodes as well. Evaluative decision making is a necessary part of life, but not always comfortable. I wouldn't worry about it too much. But try not to let it form a compulsive behaviour pattern. These aren't good, whatever they concern or entail. It's amazing what we can become 'addicted' to doing! Clearly, the bouncing ball has no possible way of influencing the health and happiness of your friends and family. You've simply projected this sinister significance onto it yourself. You aren't weird, or crackers or having some kind of breakdown. It might be worth looking at whether there is some kind of anxiety issue in your life though? Something on your mind? Maybe fuelling this need to 'test things out' and making it a bit compelling? Something which we might term 'conflict anxiety'. Maybe you are weighing up some conflicting ideas/wishes/feelings and struggling to make a choice? If so, work at resolving this issue, and it should make these annoying 'rituals' you keep wanting to act out go away. Maybe post a question here, if it's an issue you'd like some advice or opinion on?
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Is it possible to dream about something you've never done? I'm not talking about like I've never gone for a walk with my mom and my two friends, so I can't dream about it.
I'm wondering more about physcial experiences, like is it possible to dream about kissing someone if you've never actually kissed anyone? (link)
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Hi. There is absolutely no limit to the content of our dreams. The scenaria, actions, characters etc do not need real-world models, or even have to be physically possible. Even time and distance are not safe! We can jump back and forth in time, and location at random. And the real and fantasy often get all mashed-up together too. We might, for instance, dream we are sailing through the air over a city at night. Rather like Superman! Then you land on a rooftop and your mum is there, looking and behaving exactly like your real-life mum. Crazy, eh? But it's all possible in our 'dreamscapes' mate. You might even kiss a six-headed alien from a distant planet in your dreams!
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Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this. (link)
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Hi there! Your post shows a good deal of understanding and self-analysis already, so you've already done much of the 'leg-work' as you might say! To summarise, no, we simply do not function correctly with depression. Situations we could normally cope with become something like mountains to climb. Emotions we could normally process leave us vexed and confused. Like a rabbit in the road caught in your car headlights, eh? And with 'new stuff' looking such a challenge, we tend to cling to 'old familiar stuff' mainly, as you say, out of fear and lack of confidence. A great deal of help with depression comes via counselling, and counselling is all about communication. That can be either formal ( professional), or informal (a close friend or relative). Whatever helps best is 'right'. This new guy sounds pretty much the ideal person to have around you right now. Just what anyone in depression could really do with. He's making you look outside yourself. Listenning to you. Talking things through. Maybe providing moments when you feel 'normal' again? He's a bit like a 'super-counsellor' because he's doing it all of his own free will. Because he cares. You're not one of his 'cases'. I can see why you are bonding with him so closely. OK, there are some cracks appearing in your current relationship (with your boyfriend)? He has some good points, some not so good. Just ike all of us! Your chief concern seems to be that he is pushing you away, because of the depression, maybe? He isn't really helping you cope at this difficult time, he's just kind of pretending and hoping that it will all go away? I guess some people are better at handling situations like this than others. You seem to be handling things pretty well, however you feel at times. But you need support. The new guy is facing up to it and looking for answers, or at least helping you understand the questions. Your boyfriend is trying to ignore it. Not giving you much support at all? Is he trying? Can you get him to just listen to all you're feeling? Maybe he wants to help but doesn't know how? If HE can't handle it he is unlikely to help YOU handle it. I should say that right now there's only one thing in the world that is bigger than your depression. And that thing is time. It's impossible for me to tell you which guy is the best choice. I think you have to take a good look at it. I know that's difficult with the way you are feeling. Evaluative decisions and judgement become impaied and difficult with depression. But you seem perfectly lucid and rational in what you have written, so you ARE up to the challenge. Maybe think about which guy do you see yourself with in, say, three years? Even without the extra challenge of depression, are you the sort who will always like a communicative partner? Are the negative aspects of your boyfriend's personality and behaviour which you have mentioned always likely to conflict with your own values, and thus always be a point of issue in the relationship? Do you feel your boyfriend is the sort of person who is likely to blank-out and not confront issues he chooses to ignore, rather than work at resolving them? Importantly, do you feel the new guy is looking at you as a potential partner? You seem to be really engaging with him, so you should be able to find out for sure, quite easily. Also, would your discontent with your boyfriend be as significant if the new guy wasn't in the picture? I can see that 'the future' is going to be a scary concept with the way you are feeling now. But you will not always feel the way you do now. This is so difficult for me to help with, as what you desire is a definitive answer, and it's the thing nobody can give you. Right now, I'd say don't set-up yourself a fence to jump that isn't there yet. Don't pile up the pressure by feeling you need to force an instant outcome. Keep talking to the new guy, he's good for you. EVERYTHING you are feeling is legitimate. The depression is amplifying and intensifying everything, true. Try to imagine a scenario where the depression is no longer influencing your judgement. Because you WILL come through it. Who do you see yourself with? Hope my reply has helped? If there is any point we've raised that you would like to develop or discuss further, feel free to inbox me any time. You're more than welcome.
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Im not sure he's positive, cause he tells me he isn't (but who trusts anyone hahaha) still, I'm afraid this might give me AIDS, he came inside me, but he has a condom on and it clearly wasn't broken. So does that give me AIDS? Or is there a possibility? (link)
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A condom is the only form of contraception that provides protection against HIV, because it is a physical barrier to semen. Since transmission of the virus needs contact between certain live body fluids, if the condom is intact there was no contact. As mentioned, nothing can be termed absolutely zero-risk, but the risk is very low. Both of pregnancy and the transmission of HIV. Nobody can be absolutely certain they are HIV-negative unless they have had a blood test, or are 100 percent positive they have done nothing to acquire the virus. And of course, have not exposed themselves to the risk since the test. If you are in any doubt, and won't rest easily until you know for certain, take tests. I would be surprised if you tested positive based on this encounter though, even if he was HIV+. Which is by no means certain, apparently? The humble and simple condom, used correctly, really is extremely effective against the spread of HIV.
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I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help. (link)
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Hi there! Can see you were/are really keen on this guy who loved you very deeply and purely. Can see also that you got cold feet and said 'no' just at the moment when it should have been 'yes' looking back, eh? You're definitely not the only one to have done this. Thing is, if he's really 'the one' as they say, your explanation should really have been enough to allow you a second chance. You have told him exactly what you have told me haven't you? That you spoke to another guy to try and straighten things out in your head, get some advice or help, or just ease the pain and get it off your chest by talking to someone about it? Now that's not being unfaithful in any senes of the word whatsoever, is it? You're speaking to me about it, so are you being unfaithful to him with ME too? Sure you know the answer to that. Seems he's being rather childish, and it's a massive over-reaction to me in taking-on like that because you spoke to a guy. Quite how has this dialogue with the other guy made things 'impossible' for you two? Can he tell you why it's such a game-changer? That might make you question whether he's quite the perfect soulmate you reckoned? Good news is he hasn't quite gone crazy enough to blank you completely, and that suggests to me you're still in with a chance. Keep talking, to HIM, as much as possible. You were confused, lost your nerve when he asked you to be in a serious relationship, and needed to let things out. You maybe wanted a guy's angle on the thing? You don't have to forgive yourself at all. Explain it, clearly. Let him know how you still feel, clearly. Basically mate, if he's going to get so unreasonable over something as small and harmless as this, I shouldn't think he has much hope of making a serious relationship with ANYONE until he grows up plenty!! In which case...you're better off without him in the long run. Keeping that in mind is how I suggest you get over him if he insists on his present attitude. A committed relationship needs compassion, caring, understanding and patience. LOVE in other words! He's behaving like a spoilt little boy over this. A long-term grown-up relationship will have to be able to handle much more than anything you've done. Best wishes mate. You sound a lot more mature than him already. You talk things out and look for answers, you don't have a tantrum and throw your toys out of the pram like he's doing. So don't waste yourself on someone who doesn't deserve you.
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