I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172881
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What is a hand job exactly... im trying to tell my friend but i dont know how to word it (link)
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You can tell your friend that the black-and-white answer is when someone manually stimulates a male's penis. There are any number of ways to do so, but they're all the same thing - touching him, usually until he reaches orgasm.
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im so toatally straight but is it ok for me to get horny by lookin at naked women on porn sites? (link)
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Not only is it okay to be turned on by members of the same sex, it's 'so totally' okay to not be straight.
Don't worry so much about labels.
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sorry
but um... i hope im not bugging you by keep on writing you back but i know skool isn't all about my life and everything but it has to do with my future and shit. i mean...idk. butmy life has just been so shitty that wasn't even all of my probablems but im sure your getting sick of me so ill just go i don't even know wat to really say anymore anyways... (link)
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I'm not getting sick of you. Not at all.
School is about your future. That's what this is about, right? Wanting to make something of yourself?
Maybe try looking to the future instead of dwelling on what you have or have not done in the past. A few mistakes don't condone you to an unhappy or unsuccesful life.
Figure out what it is you want out of life, and then try to plan out how to get that. Write me back if you need -
What do you want?
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Do you want to go to college?
Do you want to be a rock star?
Who do you want to be?
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hey i really wanna masturbate i mean i get turned on s0o0 easily like by nething it seemz like...and i dont really kno how to masturbate..i mean ive fingered myself but it doesnt feel that good its like...nothin...idk it doesnt feel good to me....i dont own a dildo or vibrater....and i kinda wanna do sumthin rite now...does ne GURLZ hav ne ideas? like wat to use? wat to do...im sry if its a lil gross...i juss need advice im sorry!! =\ (link)
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When you say fingering, do you mean sticking one or more fingers inside yourself?
Try touching your clitoris instead; it's got a bunch of nerve endings and generally feels nicer than the lone finger inside you would.
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I'm 14 and going into the 9th grade. Guys pressure girls to have sex and I might be ready but I dont want to be called a slut. What should I do? (link)
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If you only 'might' be ready, then you aren't ready.
And if you think the guy you might have sex with would tell other people about it, then he certainly isn't ready to have sex.
It's about trusting yourself - that it's the right time, that you are making a strong and smart choice - and about trusting the person you are with. Sex is private, and if you think a guy would tell all his friends you had sex, knowing it could lead to you being judged by people, why would you want to share your body with him?
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I am 22 years old....And I dont know if I have ever had an Orgasam before. I am almost positive I have..Either that or I lead myself to belive I had one cause I have faked it so many times...I know thats mean. I have herd of females ejaculating...but that has never happened to me. If you are brought to orgasam, are you sopose to ejaculate or does this only happen to certain women. Please let me know different experiences you have had so I can better understand. I am 22 I feel bad that I am still confused with this issue (link)
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Well, one way to start getting orgasms is to stop faking them. If you pretend you're coming, then your partner won't ever realize they should be doing anything differently.
The BETTER way to get orgasms is to masturbate. You need to learn what you like before you can tell other people what you like. Do whatever makes you feel sexy - turn the lights down, read a certain book, take a bath. Then let your fingers do the walking.
When you have an orgasm, you know it. Enjoy the exploration.
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i know i want to make it through high skool but you see i just barely made it through middle skool. im not good at ANYTHING that has to do with skool. i probably just fucked myself by not going in middle skool... and then i got mixed up in drugs and drinking and not going to skool and shit like that...ya know its just so hard for me to acheave something...i hope you can understand that word that i wrote cuz im not a very good speller either... but anyways... my life is just so fucked up... i don't know wat i should do... im not saying its cuz of other people that im worried about. i know its cuz of me... all me... i just idk im probably just starting to cumfuse you im starting to comfuse myself... but skool and life in general is just a probablem for me... everone in my family can do wat ever they want and everything is just so easy for them and they never do anything wrong its like im the dumb one ya know... well im gonna go now and plz write me back...thanx (link)
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Well, I sometimes look at other people and think about how easy their lives look. But you know, sometimes people look at ME and think that I'm great and smart and together. I think there is a big difference between what people look like, and how they feel inside.
I think you feel like you are ready to make a change. You certainly don't sound happy with the way your life has been going.
Junior high is school, yes, but it's not life. Even in the grand scheme of school, it's not mind-blowingly important. I guess you need to look at what made you start getting off track. If it was drugs and alcohol, then ease up. If it's feeling like you're just generally horrible at school, try to envision yourself NOT being horrible.
Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you think you're going to mess up in high school, then you are putting yourself in the mindset to screw up. The thing about high school is that it's a fresh slate.
You're at a new place. There are more choices than there were in junior high - you can pick elective classes. There's languages, music, art, drama, writing...it's not just math and english anymore. There are more people to meet, different kinds of friends to make.
There are teachers who don't know your history. There's probably one teacher who would want to help if they DID know - maybe it's about finding that person and asking them to be your mentor?
You aren't confusing me. I think you sound like a normal, confused, pissed off, scared person. We're all that way sometimes. Forget about how perfect your family seems and start finding things that your imperfect self can enjoy. Ask to speak to an academic counselor and share some of your worries with them - they'll be able to make sure you get the classes you really want.
You make the choices, they don't make you. Good luck.
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i have a very bad addiction of fingerin myself..once i almost got caught what do i do? (link)
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It's not a bad thing to enjoy masturbation unless it is seriously affecting your life. Like all things, you don't want to let it take over you day-to-day plans or feelings.
So, it's not bad. It's probably not an addiction.
And how to avoid getting caught? Lock your bedroom door. Masturbate under the covers. Do it when no one is home.
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when is the best time to have sex without having to worry about getting pregnet? (link)
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The best time? When you are using one, and preferably two, forms of birth control. Aside from pregnancy being an issue, the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases is phenonmenally higher if you are having unprotected sex.
It's true that there is a time during each monthly cycle when you are most likely to get pregnant, but it's equally true that there's a chance you could get pregnant at any point.
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My boyfriend told me that, when you have sex your first time, there's no way to get pregnant.
I can't remember -exactly- how he explained it but it has to do with a certain thing, that cannot be penetrated by sperm, coating the male organ. And this -only- happens when a girl has sex the first time.
Is that true? Or is it equally possible to get pregnant when you have sex for the first time? (link)
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You can get pregant whether it is your first time, your tenth time, or your two-hundredth time. You can get pregnant upside down, right side up, and in a hot tub.
If I were you, I would think deeply about why my boyfriend would say such a thing. If there is even the smallest chance he would say it in order to have unprotected sex, then it's worth debating whether you want to have sex (not to mention for the very first time) with someone who places no value on your sexual health.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for months and we've decided to take our relationship to the next level by having sex.
I'm hesitant, though, because friends have told me that it hurts. I understand quite a bit about sex for my age. I know that if he goes slow at first, it won't hurt quite as much. But I still feel scared.
What should I do? (link)
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The first thing you should do is think. It's excellent that you feel well informed about sex, but think about the emotional side of things as well. Sex changes a relationship forever, and it doesn't always end up the way the couple genuinely wished it would.
If you decide that sex is truly right for you (and by saying this, you acknowledge that you are losing your virginity to someone you will probably not end up with - sad to say, but look at the statistics), there are some things you can do.
Don't rush right into intercourse - spend a long time warming up. Have some lubricant on hand, and have him smooth some over his condom before trying to enter you. Have him move slowly and know that it WILL hurt; the more tense you are, the worse it will be. If needed, he can stop where he is and allow you to breathe in and out deeply a few times.
Finally, have excellent communication. You need to be able to tell him what will make the experience better. I'd talk with him beforehand as well.
Before any of this happens, though, I'd spend some time thinking about your fear. It could be a fear of the pain, or it could be a fear of the actual act of sex. Sex, at the right time, still hurts initially, but emotionally it shouldn't leave any scars.
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ok when people have sex ....does the guy all have to insert it... or does it just "go in" when they lay on top of each other...is it lyk a magnet effect...or something? (link)
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You know how magnets, when flipped the wrong way, push against each other and don't want to lie next to each other? Well, sex can be like that the first time.
It can be difficult, and painful, for the penis to enter the vagina. If sex isn't what you're after, and you just want to lie on top of each other, be careful.
Just because the penis is not inside you does not mean his ejaculate/sperm/come might not end up inside you.
Inform yourself and think very seriously about any sexual activity before you undertake it - sex can be a powerful influence physically and emotionally, and power can be good or bad.
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this guy that i was friends with for a long time was having a bad day and when we were in art class i asked him what was wrong. and he was like back the *uck off and leave me alone. i was like jesus okay i was just asking i didn't mean to get you upset. that day we were making these clay things and there is this tool that has a very sharp edge on it and he held it up to my throat and he said if you don't get away from me i'll stab you with this. the look in his eyes was absolutly terrifying. that night on AIM i had asked him what was wrong and he was acting really funny. his typing had changed. he was making alot of errors and not correcting himself like he normally would. he threatened to blow up my school and then he threatened to kill me and himself. i got scared and i told my dad about it and the next day my dad called the school and my principal, my guidance counselor, and the schools D.A.R.E. officer sat down with the two of us and we were talking and he kept saying that he was joking about everything that he had said to me that night. We aren't friends anymore and i do not want to start a new school year knowing that he hates me. what should i do? should i try talking to him? or should i leave him alone? he was my best friend for a while and i miss having him as my friend (link)
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Truthfully, it sounds as though he has some mental health issues. Any choices you make are doubly important, as he could over-react or become violent.
Perhaps just see how things go. Maybe he's had some help over the summer; maybe he'll approach you.
I would warn you to think long and hard before approaching him - he sounds dangerous. You did the right thing by telling your dad about his problems; not only were you protecting yourself, but you were making sure he got help.
You did a good job keeping him (and possibly your school) safe, but make sure you keep your own physically safety as the top priority.
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okay well i haven't had the best of life and everything. ive done alot of bad and stupid things and i thought that i "made myself better" or watever. and i was sayinghow im gonna do so good in high school since i fucked off in middle school. but i know alot of people there and i know im gonna some how fuck off agian and all i wanna do is at least make it through high skool. ya know. and i know that you all will say then just go to class and do your work and blah blah blah but everything i do or have done its like someone else is making and i have no say in it.ya know. and i don't want to go back into my bad habits agian although i think i already have a little kinda. but can anyone please help me. there is just so much shit going on in my life i just can't think i just do wat i think of first and sometimes its not good. but im trying really hard to be good. and i don't wanna tell my parents cuz theh might think of other things and its so hard for me to not do anything bad but yet i kinda got no choice cuz if i get the cops called on me one more time they said they don't care how big or even little it it there not gonna give me no more warnings or fines/tickets ro watever there just gonna errest me. but its like i don't care anymore wat those pigs do. can you please help me. i would probably help if i told you about my life and wat i have done and my family but it would be kinda long cuz i don't know how to make things short(as you can tell) and this is probably long enuff anyways... so please help me.... (link)
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It sounds like you just want to have control over something. Getting through high school seems important to you, but you've got to make it about you and not about other people.
Maybe that means deciding to excel in just one area - maybe you really love math, or english, or science. Maybe you have an extra-curricular thing you want to do - guitar, sports, writing.
I think you need to find something that could be really important to you, and then you ned to figure out how to focus. Make life about your choices - YOU want to do well in high school, so do it. You're the person you have to live with for the rest of your life - eventually your parents won't be there telling you what to do. Why not start making strong decisions now?
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i have a boyfriend and i wonder why im so afirad to kiss himits weird isn't that i have a boyriend and im scared to kiss him (link)
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It's not weird, it's normal. Imagine if everyone was okay with kissing everyone else - what a sloppy, spit covered world we would live in.
I think the best thing is to move slowly. Really get to know your boyfriend, and let him get to know you. When the time is right, it'll just happen.
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how was your 1st kiss? some people say they should be special and all when i dont think mine will go like that since im so unexpierenced! - pLEase help, ill rate! :0) (link)
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Well, everyone is completely inexperienced when they have their first kiss. Everybody goes through it.
Mine was at the Christmas dance my first year in high school; it was with a chubby guy named Chris and really wasn't anything incredible.
Here's the thing - your first kiss might move mountains or you might feel disappointed. But I think anything physical between two people is better and more meaningful if it's not happening all the time.
You might kiss 20 people in the next week, but that doesn't mean you'll like it any more than if you only kiss 1 person in the next ten years.
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Ok, over the past few weeks a lot has been going on. I'm fixing to make some big transactions and I'm going to have to leave a lot of my close friends behined to move to a different location. Something that's always been very hard for me, is dealing with CHANGE. I know it's like that for a lot of people, nobody really likes change yeah yeah. But I always get extremely depressed when I have to change things in big ways, especially if I love the way my life is going. I just feel like everything is going to fall apart. So, I guess what my question is, is has anyone ever had a hard time with change, and overcame it.. if yes, then how so.. I mean if there even is an awnser.
Thanks. (link)
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I think you've answered your own question - look closely at what you've written. You say you 'always' get upset when your life is going well and it has to change.
This suggests that even though changes have come your way, you've managed to survive them and rebuild your life. You've created good things again and again, and there's no reason you'll stop this time.
Change might always be scary, but only you can decide how you want to handle it.
Good luck.
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theres a kid i went out with then i dumped him because i didnt have feelings for him now i like his brother and he's really mad at me because i like his brother i don't know what to do should i go back out with him so he wont be madc or like his brother? (link)
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Of course he's mad - that's how people act when their feelings get hurt. You did the right thing by not staying with him out of pity; that would be worse in the long run. You ripped the band-aid off quickly instead of letting it fester and grow moldy.
Good job.
I'd treat his brother the way you treat any other guy you like, but be aware that he might consider his brother's feelings of hurt. He might not date you out of consideration for his brother.
Either way, remember this: Don't date people to make them not mad. Date people to make yourself happy.
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does anyone know any ways to get over someones death that you were close to? weird ? i know (link)
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I don't think there is a way to get over the death of someone you care about, at least not in the way you might say you wanted to 'get over' an ended relationship.
It sounds trite, but time really does help. Time has a way of overlaying the pain with the good things - the way they looked when they laughed, things you did together, important moments you shared. Those are bittersweet feelings, because they bring both pleasure and pain, but eventually you'll feel more happiness in the memories. One day you'll find yourself smiling and know it's okay.
Until that day comes, let yourself cry. It's okay to grieve. Write about how you feel. Read a book about someone who went through this. Talk to your friends. Be honest about your feelings.
Know that sometimes, in order to be strong, you need to let yourself admit you feel weak. You'll make it through, because that's what we humans do.
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My parents have been divorced for several years now and until about a year ago I've had a good relationship with both of them. I live with my mom and I used to see my dad every second weekend. Then about two years ago he got re-married. At first things were going good and then she got pregnant and my step-sister was born just before Christmas. I spent last Christmas with them and that was the last time I've seen my dad. I don't know what happened but all of a sudden he just stopped calling me. I used to try and call him but he never answered the phone or was too busy to see me. So I've basically given up. It's gotten to the point the point I don't even want to see him anymore because I really feel like he doesn't care. Everyone tells me I need to re-establish a relationship with him, and I've been thinking about it, but he acts like he doesn't want to see me. What should I do? (link)
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It sounds like you want to do what people have been telling you - get back in contact with your dad. It's a question of finding the way that suits you best.
I think writing a letter would be an excellent way to do things, for a few reasons. First, you can't get overly emotional, start crying, and be unable to get your point across in a letter. You can write a few drafts and make sure it says what you want your dad to hear.
Next, your dad might be able to avoid answering the phone, but the mail stops for no man. He'll get the letter, and he'll open it. Letters are easier to handle - maybe your dad expects you to be upset, which you have every right to be, and is not brave enough to talk to you in person.
Finally, a letter puts the ball in his court. Right now it sounds like everything is up in the air. If you tell him how you feel in an honest, detailed way, then he can react in the way he sees best. Hopefully that would be to reconnect with you - maybe he's been busy with the new baby, maybe he's had a tough time at work - but if you've told him how you feel, then he can't pretend you aren't there.
I hope it all works out for you - this sort of situation can be so painful and awkward. I think it takes a very strong person to make themselves vulnerable enough to tell the truth.
Good luck.
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