I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172857
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Can someone help me to find steps to help my son who has been housbound for 2 yrs. he is 22 but every doctor says he has to come in. where can i find help or at least steps to help him. he is so desperate. He wants to go out but after being out for 5-10 minutes has to go back and it has to be at night or early morning when no one is there. please someone help. (link)
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If your son cannot leave and stay out of the house without extreme anxiety, he may need help from a mental health professional. There are therapists who specialize in working with people who cannot leave the house. They are used to doing home visits.
If your doctor refuses to provide this service, ask her/him for a referral to a professional who CAN do a home visit. This needs to be someone qualified to assess your son's emotional and physical health. If needed, he may be able to access specialist support.
This isn't just as simple as mind over matter if it's a mental health problem. A structured programme and expert support may be needed to help him have the life he would like.
I wish you both the best.
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Hi i am 16 as is my boyfriend, Me and boyfriend who i have been with for 8 months have started having sex for the past month. It's both our first time, and we have had sex about twenty times. On this one time we were fooling about and he was erected, so we put it in for about 15 seconds, he didn't cum and he hadn't cum beforehand. This was about a week ago and we have both worried and regretted the situation, my period isn't due until about another two and a half weeks. But i am still worried that i may run a risk of pregency. My boyfriend has looked it up and just found symptons of pregency, i havn't had any of them. But i am still very worried about the whole situation, but i just wanted to know the risks and the chances of pregency are.
Thanks (link)
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The risk is low, but still there. As soon as the penis becomes erect, a bit of moisture comes out of the tip. This is mostly lubrication (like what females have), but may also contain sperm.
Based on the timing of your mistake and the shortness of the experience, chances are you'll be fine. Your only option at this point is to relax as best you can and wait for your period.
If it comes, then you can both see this as a great learning opportunity. There is ALWAYS a risk of pregnancy - no matter the time of month or whether the boy pulls out. The risk obviously varies, but is it worth taking?
You guys might want to think about having a chat to see what you can do to prevent this from happening in future - you also going onto birth control, always keeping condoms handy, etc.
I wish you the absolute best.
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ok before i even begin i dont want anyone sayin that havin sex befoer marriage is bad and stuff so if thats all ur gonna think of me just dont even bother answering ok.
ov had sex many times befoer and yesterday was the first time i popped well u know the hymn that breaks is it like suppossed to just rip off at the end and be just like hangin there or wat? cauz it looks sooooooooo gross and i was just wonderin if it was like suppossed to rip off completily so it wouldnt be hangin it would be just gone. is that how its suppossed to be? (link)
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If you have had sex a lot before, chances are your hymen was 'popped' long before yesterday.
What you are describing is something that needs to be checked out by a doctor. Ask for a female doctor if that will make you feel more comfortable.
This could be something that has always been there and you're only just noticing it now, or it could be a sign of something else. I'm wondering what gave you the idea that your hymen popped yesterday - if there was pain when having sex, after having had it many times before, you'll need to get checked out.
You can also ask your doctor to use a mirror and show you what's what. This way, you can keep tabs on yourself and will know in future what is normal for you.
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ok so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years and im 17, i like being fingered but he never wants to touch me down there and when i ask him like whats wrong hes just like, jessica it temps me to have sex with u. I think hes lying.. do u know whats wrong with him, i feel like i do everything for him and he never touches me (link)
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Sex is a two way street. Both people in the situation can be tempted to have sex, but there are other ways to resolve the situation.
If you are doing things to your boyfriend and he will not reciprocate, you might want to have a discussion about this. You have a right to pleasure as well, and your boyfriend is making some assumptions that aren't correct:
1. That you, too, won't be tempted.
2. That once tempted, people can't choose to not have sex.
Have this discussion in a neutral time and place, when you are not engaged in any sexual activity. If you both decide now is not the time for sex, fabulous. Decide on what is and isn't okay, and agree to stick to your boundaries. Things need to be equal and shared, and this can best be sorted when not in the heat of the moment.
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is it possible to get an abortion in london when you are under 16 without a parent present...if so where? does it cost a lot of money?
thanx...really urgent (link)
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In the UK, there are laws about confidentiality and sexual health treatment for young people under aged 16.
A doctor is accessing to see if you are capable of understanding the information provided, and that providing you the service is helpful to your health.
You need to get a referral for termination. You can do this by going to your local sexual health clinic for young people. You can find out where this is - google 'Brook'. You can email them or call their free, confidential helpline.
Different areas of London have different services, but it is best to act quickly. Do be sure to ask about your right to confidential services (meaning they won't tell your parents). All sexual health treatment is free to young people - this includes contraception for after you have a termination.
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15(F)
I'll be 16 in a few weeks.(Feburary 7th)
My boy friend is 17 (a year and a half older)
First off I just want to thank all of you in advance for reading. I really appreatiate you taking the time! But please refrian from bias opinons. Please don't judge my choices or tell me I'm wrong. I'm just looking for honest advice (experiance recomended)
ok well let me start by saying my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months. I am totally in love with him and this will sound stupid, but I really feel that he will be the man I marry. He's my best friend, but also one of hte only people I trust. (Here's where you won't judge me! =0])
We're not sexually active as of right now. We do alot of foreply but no sex.
The other night, we were in my basement and we just really started going at eachother. We were both totally turned on. So after a little foreplay, I asked him if he wanted to try to have sex. He always keeps a condom on him...just in case anything ever happens. He said "Yea, but only if you're sure you're ready. I am a virgin, so is he.
One of the reasons I'm in love with him is because the way he looks out for me. He always makes sure I'm comfortable with what we're doing, and that he's careful.
I said I wanted to, so he put the condom on. I was really scared/nervous since I'm no on birth control. He said that he wouldn't cum in me, but he would still use the condom. He also wants me to be on birth control.
The second after, my mom yelled down to tell me something and I felt a little releavied. I just was so scared about getting prenant, I forgot how much I wanted to share this moment with him. I kept asking him what he was thinknig but he seemed to maintain composure. Is his age at all a difference as to why he was so calm?
This has happened a few times in the past week where we have ALMOST had sex. About 3. This was the closest.
So the mood was gone and we stoped. I felt bad because I know we're both ready and he really loves me. A few days after I told him that i felt relieved, and he told me I probably wans't ready. He doesn't mind waiting. He said he'd wait forever.
Sorry for the lenght!
but here are my main questions!
Will he change after sex...will our realationship be any different?
Are there any ways I can approach the birth control situation with my mom?
Will I get pregnant if I'm on birth control, he uses a condom, and he pulls out?
PLEASE HELP!
Sorry for the length
Please don't judge!
Thanks in advance.
I will rate you!
(link)
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It makes sense that you are more worried about pregnancy than your boyfriend is - after all, you are the one who would have to be pregnant. Also, any big decisions about what to do with the pregnancy would ultimately be yours to make. It's a lot of pressure.
If you feel you would be calmer if you were on birth control, you've got a few options. If you would like to talk to your mom, perhaps this is because you feel she could offer support. You could always start by casually introducing the subject - 'my friend is having sex..' 'in school we are talking about birth control...' etc. She would probably get the hint.
Alternatively, you may have the right to free, confidential services depending on where you live. Should you choose to not speak with your mum, or if she isn't supportive, it might be worth researching these options.
You'll also want to make sure that you and your boyfriend feel confident with the correct way to put condoms on - and take them off! Using condoms incorrectly isn't a great help.
If you are correctly using both condoms AND birth control, you significantly reduce your chances of getting pregnant or contracting an STD. Even if neither of you has had sex, please be aware that oral sex and foreplay can pass on infections - so if either of you have done these things with other people, a condom is the smart choice. Testing might be needed as well, for peace of mind.
It's perfectly okay to wait until things are exactly as you would like them to be - and it's fantastic that your boyfriend is being so supportive. It's impossible to predict what sex can do to a relationship. If it's not the right time, worries about pregnancy, having sex, etc can put a lot of pressure on things.
If it IS the right time, with the right person, sex can be a wonderful experience. Only you can make the choices about when is right for you, and it sounds like you are really being thoughtful about things.
I wish you the best.
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Hi... I'm a little concerned about what happens with me after sex... My boyfriend and I are very serious, and I am on a birth control pill. We don't use other sorts of protection anymore, but he regularly cums insides of me. The problem is, as soon as he pulls out, it all leaks out! It totally ruins the romantic atmosphere, not to mention I feel really gross and messy - what should I do? Is this normal? (link)
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Yes, this is normal. The fluid on the bed is a mixture of his cum and your natural lubrication.
There is no solution that'll get rid of it, short of going back to using condoms. Things that can help include keeping a discreet box of tissues by the bed, and wiping yourself after sex.
Your body is doing what bodies do after sex - while it may feel gross, it's totally natural and human. Rather than thinking of it as a pain, look at it more as an inconvient side effect of a great relationship.
I wish you the best.
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i put my hand in some of his sperm and then wiped it 8 houres later i fingered myself could i be pregenent ?? (link)
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Sperm might be an amazing thing, but not amazing enough to live outside of the human body for eight hours. This is particularly true is the sperm has dried.
You might want to consider washing your hands with soap and water regularly after sex, though. Hygiene is always a good thing!
I wish you the best.
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ok so my bf and I fooled around in the shower, we did not have intercourse. but i did give him a hand job in the shower and he came but not near me. I got my period already. Is their a chnace I can be pregnant? (link)
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No. The chances are so tiny, I would not be able to even guess at them. I'm assuming he came onto the wall or floor. Unless you touched this semen and then yourself, or you somehow smushed your vagina onto the surface where the semen was, you're fine.
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when my boyfriend gives me oral i leak a lot of fluid, is this normal (link)
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When a girl is aroused, her body produces lubricant. Depending on the individual (and how aroused she is!), this can vary from a light moistness to loads of liquid. Either can be normal, it just depends on what's normal for YOU and your body.
Some women also ejaculate clear fluid when they have an orgasm, which can make things even more fluid-ish.
Keep in mind that your boyfriend is probably letting loose a little of his own drool during the act, and it's perfectly normal for there to be a lot of fluid. If things are painful, or the fluid changes in colour or smell, then you might want to get checked out.
I wish you the best.
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(I am female and 39)
I understand you can get pregnant by semen coming anywhere near the vagina. But, I am confused about the clitoris...whether it seeps in through it or if it's that the semen can migrate and enter the vaginal canal even though it started out on the clit. If I am using a contraceptive gel inside my vagina and my boyfriend cums on my clit, can I get pregnant? I would love a definitive answer once and for all. Thanks. (link)
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Semen on your genitials is semen near your vagina, whether it's on the clitoris, vaginal lips, or anywhere else. Not to mention that things get a bit messy when ejaculation is involved - even if he's aware and in control enough to aim for your clitoris, the semen is bound to cover a much wider area.
Why take the risk? Use a condom. If by contraceptive gel you mean a spermicide you insert into your vagina, it has a less successful track record than other forms of birth control. If you combine it with condom use, you not only lower the chances of pregnancy, but you also reduce the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.
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Theres this kid that i REALLY like and I cant stop thinking about him. I asked him out and he said no and I seriously CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM! We IM eachother (or DID) but he hasn't been on in forever and I really want to talk to him. I've sent him e-mail after e-mail with no reples. Earlier tonight, my older sister said that his cousin was on her basketball team and the girl asked how many sisters she (my sis, we'll call her sally)had and Sally's like 2, and pointed us out. And then the girls like oh ______ ______ (my name) and then Sally's like yeah her. and then the girls like, oh my couson Bob frank (not his real name) had a HUGE crush on her and im not sure if he still does" and if i ask him he'll reject it, I'm possitive, other rumors like this have been around and he denies it. I dont lknow what to do, i told him that i like him and he wont talk. I need help THANKS!
~person~ (link)
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It seems pretty clear that this guy is giving you a message - he's not replying to your emails, told you no when you asked him out, and has stopped IMing you. Whatever the reason might be, right now you might want to consider the fact that this relationship isn't going to work.
This isn't to say it might not happen in the future, but the things you do now might make it NOT work. This guy might like you and be embarassed, or he might not like you. Sending him email after email will not help with either problem, and will probably make things worse.
Why not back off and give him and yourself some time and space? Put your crush energies into other things - writing, painting, etc. Anything except directed at him. I'm not encouraging you to play hard to get, but I am suggesting that you take a realistic look at how things are shaping up - and make a decision based in your head, not your heart.
I wish you the best.
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Ok so i just used my first tampon
and i was wondering:
how do you go to the bathroom with a tampon in?
and ...
what if the string goes in you and the tampon gets stuck? (link)
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Your period and your pee come out of two different holes. Many girls and women think you can't pee with a tampon in, so you're not alone - but it shouldn't cause any problem at all!
The string is designed to be long enough to stay outside of your vagina. It is extremely unlikely that the entire string would actually go into your vagina, though it might sit just inside your vaginal lips. You would still be able to feel it.
If it somehow DID go all the way in, you would probably be able to easily reach the string and pull the tampon out like normal.
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Do you feel it's okay to change your significant other? Let's saying, you liked to drink. Do you think it's okay for your bf/gf to persuade/threaten your relationship for you to stop? Vice versa. Do you think it's okay for you to tell them to stop or make them feel guilty because you don't like it? What if they only drank on special occasions or every other week/month. Is it okay to control them?
I'm curious on your thoughts :] (link)
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The simple fact of the matter is that whether we want our partners to change or not, it's next to impossible to change another person. The only way people change is when they really want to do it - not when they feel forced to do so, not when an ultimatim is put down, not when they feel they have no choice in the matter. Because they're likely to only temporarily change - no matter how much they love or respect the person asking them to stop.
Of course, the flip side of this is that they may feel unloved or devalued. When we enter into relationships with people, I think we need to be prepared to take them warts and all.
I'm not denying that people can change, but usually only if they want to - and at that point, the support and encouragement of someone who loves them is probably invaluable.
It's more than okay to explain why you are worried about someone, or to talk about the impact their behaviour has on you. But to try to control another person? Not only will it not work, but it could ruin the relationship.
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im bi and i want a boyfriend! but no one knows it and the people who are gay at my school im not attracted to at all! im not into femine guys im mre into guys who are stright but arent because thats how iam and i feel that i wouldnt be able to relate with someone diffrent! and i really wnat someone???? (link)
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There are probably a lot more bisexual or gay guys at your school than you realise - particularly as guys who aren't so flamboyant might not attract as much attention.
If you feel afraid you wouldn't be able to relate to someone different than you, I think you might want to consider checking that out. Not that you have to date one of the guys you talk about, but maybe see what you've got in common, and if you feel any attraction.
If you still feel you want a more 'butch' kind of guy, then you may have to keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. It might be worth seeing if local high schools or universities have bi/gay social groups, which will allow you to meet a wider range of people.
It can be difficult to find a same-sex partner - all the normal issues of trying to find someone you like, but complicated by wondering who else might be bi/gay. Be patient, try to speak to new people, and perhaps see what else is available in your local area.
I wish you the best.
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I think my vagina is too big. When I lay down on my back, it like, sticks out from my pants. It's so annoying because I'm afraid in the future a guy will be like feeling me up and be like woah what the hell. I'm currently losing weight and I plan on losing 15-20 pounds..will my vagina size be smaller? Help! (link)
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Losing weight will not affect your actual vagina in any way. If you are talking about the part on the outside - like where you have/will have pubic hair - it also will not be affected by such a small weight loss.
Your body is supposed to have curves and areas of small fat reserves. Every single girl has them. You will definitely be more aware of things that bug you about your body than other people - particularly boys. When you get to the point where you decide to do sexual things, the last thing a boy is going to care about is your perfectly normal shaped genitals.
The area you are talking about is called the mons. The little layer of fat is present in both sexes, and is there to offer protection to the pubic bone.
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Is it normal to have oral with girls...? I have heard that there might be oral infections when v have it? would it b better to shave pubic zone n wash before one goes for it....am confused?
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Anytime you come into contact with the bodily fluids of someone who has an STD/STI, there is a chance you could contract it.
Shaving or washing has nothing to do with protecting you from an infection - or the girl being protected from something you might give her, either. Shaving is simply a choice about how the girl feels comfortable. It does not affect sexual functioning or health.
Washing is a good thing, as it's good to wash other areas of your body. Once a day with soap designed for sensitive skin can help the vagina be fresher.
To avoid contracting an infection if you have oral sex with a girl, you can use a dental dam. This is a square piece of latex you place over the vaginal area. Or you can cut a condom down the middle and put the lubricated side against her skin - it does the same thing.
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My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old, we've been dating almost two years. We have been sexually active for some time and never had a problem.
Last night, though, he seemed to be having some male issues. That is, getting hard enough to have good sex. He was able to keep it up enough to get off once, but it was pretty obvious there was a problem. He was very embarassed and I feel bad for him, it's the first time it has happened to us. Any advice on what I should say to him? Or what the reason for this could've been? Thanks (link)
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Loads of things can cause problems with erections - drinking too much, certain medications, being tired, etc. It's not necessarily about you or the relationship.
It's a rare man who hasn't had this problem at one point or another. If this is an isolated occurance, it's probably nothing to worry about. Be aware that if he feels really uncomfortable about it, it could make it more difficult for him to get an erection the next time you have sex - so think carefully about what you will say before you say it!
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Okay I move way too fast with guys. I don't think I'm a slut because I don't go out with that many guys I'm kind of picky. I'm in this relationship with this really great guy and we have been together for 9 now and on the 7th month we had sex on the 8th month we did four play (hand jobs,fingering etc)and oral. he doesn't have a problem but i do is that bad????? (link)
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You've already answered your own question. You've used two very telling phrases:
1. 'I move way too fast with guys.'
2. 'he doesn't have a problem, but I do.'
It really doesn't matter what your friends, advice columnists, or your boyfriend thinks about you. It matters what YOU think about you.
If you feel you are moving too quickly or are uncomfortable doing certain things, don't do them. You always have the right to stop doing things even once you've started.
You need to be looking at how you think and feel about these situations, decide what you want from a relationship, and figure out where your boundaries are.
I wish you the best.
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im a 14 year old boy and i was exploring my self and i put my finger up my bum. i later then started to put the end of the toilet cleaner up my ass and i live in africa so could i get aids from anal penetration or not? im not gay though.
pls help im scraed (link)
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AIDS/HIV is passed from contact with another person who has the virus. It is passed by bodily fluids like blood or semen. The virus needs an opportunity to get into your body - like an open sore or cut.
The reason anal penetration is often linked with AIDS in people's mind is because if you are penetrated by a large object (such as a penis), it can cause tears in the anus. If someone ejaculates into an anus with a tear, this increases the chances of passing AIDS.
You have nothing to worry about regarding the virus.
However, basic hygiene means you will want to be careful about what you put into your body. A clean finger is fine. Toilet cleaner, however, could have chemicals that could irritate your skin. The container could also be dirty or have rough edges. You will want to keep everything very clean, using things that are smooth on the outside.
I wish you the best.
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