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LindascounselE-mail:
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March 14, 2005Answers:
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Hi! I'm Linda. I would love to try to help you with advice about love and life. I can also try to help with Health: Mental issues in particular. However, you can ask me anything. I believe in the value of honesty and I will do my best to be ethical, fair and genuine. xoxoxoxo
advice
i am a freshman in highschool and so is my best friend , there is this guy that is a junior that i have known for a while named chad and i intoduced chad and cat and i started to like chad then i was asked out by another guy i named sam so i went out with sam. then chad and cat went out and i still liked chad but i never said anything about it, now me and sam are broke up and cat and chad are broke up and i like chad but i know cat would be really mad if i went out with chad because sghe said she would be cause i asked but now he aske dme out what do u think should do?
~blundered blonde~
Dear blundered blonde,
You don't say how long Chad and Cat have been broken up. It may be too soon and there may still be some unresolved feelings that she has which is why she gets mad when you bring it up. However, because he asked you out and you obviously like each other, it is ultimately your decision to make. First, I would talk to Cat and find out why she would be upset if you went out with Chad. You may find out that there's some insecurity about the two of you exchanging stories. (it's always a possibility because Cat is the one thing you both have in common for sure) Also, of course there could be some jealousy. I would be very discreet in dealing with Chad before you speak honestly and directly with Cat. When you find out more, you will be able to make a more informed decision about whether or not to go out with Chad because you could get the guy and lose the friendship. Don't be too hard on her, but let her know that he is someone you would like to get to know better but you also want to respect her feelings. If she's not at all open to it, your friendship will definitely be put to the test. If nobody dated anybody that someone else had gone out with, I'm afraid there wouldn't be a whole lot of dating! Good luck!
Linda
Hey, so heres my problem, theres this girl. We like each other. But we have(more like she has) made the decision not to date until were like 16. So thats fine i'm willing to wait. But theres a lot of other girls that like me. And i do want to date and she said that she doesn't care if i date while i wait. But.....well i really like her. Like almost love her. Cus we've known each other since like the age of 3. But i moved when i was 8. And now at 14 she shows up at my church. So i'm really confused on what to do. So PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Hi! First things first. DO NOT PUSH. A little patience will go a long way with this girl. Try to get to know her more by talking to her. You will have a better idea of how much she likes you. I think it's very admirable that she has chosen not to date until she is 16. However, your dilemma is that you like her now and you want to date her now. If you really, really like her, (almost love her) give her time and space but keep talking to her. Smile, be friendly without pushing for anything else. If you keep her at arms length, (within reach) you may find that she comes to you in her own time.
Good luck!
Linda
My parents (my mom mostly) want to move to Ireland. My mom grew up there and most of her family is there. I love it when we go up there because it's so fun. I love my family and I love the times we have when I go there but I don't want to move there.
But, I don't exactly like it here. I mean I like the area I live in but not my school. The people that go there are so...actually, I can't come up with a word for them. There is so much drama and everyone is so fake and they all have such big mouths. I know most high schools are like that but other schools in my district aren't. I have a chance to switch schools because of rezoning but not until the school year after next (I'm a freshman I'll be able to switch after my sophomore year).
Well, my mom wants to move after my sophomore year. I need to convince my mom to let me stay at least one more year than planned so I can see if I like my new school.
And if that doesn't work, I want to try to get her to let me switch schools now (at the end of my freshman year) because I honestly don't know if I can go through another school year at that school.
Dear Moving,
Hmmmmmm....you're asking for advice here when the person you should be speaking to about this is your mom. In this matter, she really does hold the power for the decision. A few thoughts though...
It sounds as if your parents are just at the stage where they are batting around the idea, so it at least gives you a little bit of time. (it's a big move to pack up and live in another country) I think you should first try to determine how serious they are about moving to Ireland. (I've heard it's a lovely place!) Then before you approach your mom, have some questions ready so you can figure out how close they are to making that decision. It doesn't sound as if you are totally opposed to the idea, so if you come at her with that good attitude, you may be able to suggest some options that would accomodate the whole family. Good luck!
Linda
I used to be a fairly good student. However, this year(I'm in 11th grade) I have a total lack of motivation. I always do my work at the very last minute because it seems impossible to make myself do it earlier. I've had a lot of narrow escapes when it comes to handing in projects late and stuff, but I never seem to learn from it. It's like I've got the Lazy Disease and it can't be cured! But seriously, that's how I feel. I can never concentrate on my work. It's like I don't realize it's important and then I end up stressing out, but my experience doesn't do anything for next time. I really don't know what to do about this, so any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
Dear lazy,
Wow. The fact that you are so aware that you have a problem with procrastination, is a sign that you are definitely ready to change it! A huge problem with someone who puts off and puts off comes from thinking too much about whatever it is that you're putting off. If you put half the effort into doing what you need to do, that you do in thinking about it until it's almost too late, you would probably come up with awesome projects, and your grades would come up drastically. Baby steps honey, baby steps. The first thing to do is think about the project or work assignment for just a few minutes. Try to break it down into parts. For instance, if you have a project to complete, what do you need to do first? Perhaps gather the supplies together? So gather them together and take a small break. Think about the next thing you need to do. Research maybe? Give yourself 15-30 minutes for some research. Well, you get the picture. Do this until you finish your project. And don't forget to start the baby steps the first day it is assigned. The first time you do this, and actually complete a project or assignment on time and brilliantly done, it will get much easier the next time. Good Luck!
Linda
My hair is gets all this static in it and it's driving me crazy! It's like when you rub a balloon to your hair and it just sucks! Does anyone know of any hair products that would help with my problem??
♥ Mee! (=
Dear hearts,
Frizz Ease. A drop or two on your palms, rub them together, and smooth over your hair. Voila! No more static. Sold in any drug store.
Linda
Ok, theres this guy i like, hes a really shy guy till he gets to know you and stuff but anyways, theres this pretty girl that knows him pretty well cuz she has known him longer but she ask me if i thought he was cute and if i liked him and i told her i do and she started flirting with him a couple minutes later. like hitting him and giggling and picking on him and stuff. she was so flirting but...
she KNOWS i like him, and i thought she was my friend. how could she do that? what should i do..i dont have the courage to say anything. that and i dont wanna mess up our friendship but i have been trying to get him to like me and it was working so well, he did like me and then she started that and now i dont know. how can i get him to like me over her and get the point across to her that I like him and shes needs to back off without making her mad?
he is shy and so am I so im not sure about just talking to him cuz he like, never ever talks. but if she flirts with him again this wensday what should i do?
Dear Kirsten,
It sounds like you were off to a great start with this guy! But...... Okay, here's the deal. First of all, your friend asked you if you thought he was cute. Second, after you told her that you thought he was and that you liked him, she began to flirt with him. It sounds to me like there's a lot of insecurity there on her part. She may have been wanting your approval and then when she got it, she thought she would see what his reaction to her would be. The good news is that she feels like you may have a chance with him. The bad news is she was trying to divert attention away from you and onto herself. A true friend would not have done that...however, you have to realize she is coming from a place of deep insecurity and you should not judge her harshly on that. Try to talk to this guy away from her. Ask him about himself, get to know him a little bit better so you can determine if this is really a guy you would like to get to know better. But if you happen to be with your friend when you are around him and she starts flirting with him, just laugh it off and remember where she is coming from. Don't let her get to you and don't let him see that her behavior bothers you. Rather than focus the attention on yourself, try to focus the attention on him. Everybody loves nice, playful attention and that includes the guy you like. I think you'll do great!
Linda
Okay, well I am in 6th grade. Me and my best friend have been soo close through elementary school and are families are so close and we even own a beach house togehter. Well, see Through out this month we have started to grow apart. She is trying to be like her older sister (preppiesh) and like that but before she started wanting to be like her older sister she hated the way preps were and that they were retarted and stuff. Well, now she has become a prep and is being someone she isn't. She used to hate this one prep and now she is like trying to be her closet friend. I hate the way she is being. I am hopeing it is just a phase but if it isn't I think we will be spilt up and stuff. I wish I could tell her this but since we are growing apart I don't know what to do. I used do everything to be her best friend because she wanted to end the friendship but now it's different I don't know if I would really care to not be her best friend. I have a boyfriend and since this one night I haven't told her really much about him. I don't know why I want to but then there is something stopping me. I need help. She thinks I don't trust her anymore but I don't know if that is true or not?? Please help!
Dear growing,
You sound like a very intelligent girl and your first line says it best. Growing apart....
People come into your life to help you to grow. When that purpose is served, sometimes you or the other person may move on. Do not be sad about this. This is a good thing. As you get older, you will try all sorts of things and try to be all different ways. This is to help you decide what you like and help you to be comfortable with who you are. Your friend is probably going through this 'phase' right now because she is testing it out. She's trying something different. And that's okay. Believe me, you'll do it too. Think of it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. In school, begin smiling and being friendlier to others. You will begin to make all sorts of new friends. Act confident and you will eventually feel confident. Fake it until you make it. Please don't be mad at your friend or judge her for trying something different. Be the bigger person and enjoy the fact that you have helped someone else to grow just as she has helped you to grow. You'll do fine!
Good luck!
Lindacht
[note: this will be long]
I'm 19/f he's 20/m.
I've been with my boyfriend for what will be 3 years in August and I love him very much. But sometimes I can't help but think things like what if another girl comes along that appeals to him and will take him away from me?
My boyfriend always reassures me that he will never cheat, and I believe him for the most part, it's just that I can't help thinking these morbid thoughts. He's a people person who gets along with everybody. But as you know some girls mistake being nice with flirting...and I'm afraid that his social skills might get him into trouble someday.
We don't live as close to each other and don't get the opportunity to see each other as often as we'd both like. He lives a half hour away and we only see each other on the weekends. I don't know if I'm being paranoid or what, but I've never thought such things before...why all of a sudden now?
Some say I'm just overreacting but sometimes I don't know what to think. I am a good girlfriend who's stuck by him through everything and supported him through his ambitions; I don't restrict him and let him go out with his guy friends; I'm moderately attractive; the sex is good...so odds of leaving me are very slim unless there is another part of a guy's standards that I'm not fulfilling? Even so, what can I do to banish these thoughts? And can someone tell me WHY am I even thinking such thoughts when I should have no reason to...?
Thanks!
-Devoted
Dear Devoted,
Funny thing about trust. It requires a little bit of faith. Also, a funny thing about thoughts, you begin to feel them and then you start acting them out. First thing, learn to control your thoughts. If your boyfriend is going to leave you, which judging by your letter, I don't believe he's planning on it, what you are thinking right now will drive him away faster than anything else. When you have these doubts, I don't believe it's him that you're worried about. You are doubting yourself. Try to do things and think thoughts that make you feel better about yourself. Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable, happy and good about yourself. Smile. Be friendly. Be positive, in your thoughts and your actions. Everybody has doubts, however, give yourself some credit. You sound like a great girlfriend and I'm sure he realizes it. Please, please, please, just make an effort not to act upon your doubts. Good luck!
Lindacht
okay.... i really like this kid... but he has no idea, and ii dont kno what to do... he just broke up with his girlfriend..((a couple of months ago)) and is finally free.lOl soo what should ii do?? ii really like him!!!ii also talk to him on AIM... but ii dont kno what to say to him..pleaze help me with that 2!
lOve...
troubled love life
Dear Help,
Well, it sounds as if you're already talking to him. Here's a secret...guys love to talk about themselves. You really don't have to say a lot.
Ask him about his hobbies, what he likes to do, about his family, if he has any pets, plays any sports, what kind of music he likes, what he likes to watch on television. Let him do the talking at first. The more he talks, the more he will think you are absolutely brilliant! He will want to share more with you and confide in you. Don't push. Don't be aggressive. If he doesn't want to talk after you ask a few questions, let it go. He will come back to you eventually, because guys want a girl who understands them and wants to hear about him!
Good luck!
Lindacht
Ok, where to start? I'm a freshman in high-school, and I totally hate high-school. I mean, its not THAT bad, but I'd prefer middle school, anyday. Last year, (in 8th grade) I had it all. Great friends, boyfriends, pretty decent grades, and everybody liked me pretty much. I was Ms. Perfect, and I was supposedly SUPER-HOT, or so everybody said. Now, I feel like crap. I'm always trying to be someone I'm not. My best friend moved away, far and we barely ever keep it contact. My other best friend, well we don't even ever hang out because I ditched her for my current best friend, and so now she had better friends, and I'm just a nobody. And my new best friend, well we've only been friends for about a year, not entirely, but the fights we get into, its unbelievable. I haven't fought like I gought with her, with my other friends for two years. I mean, she's a good friend, but gets pissed easily, I mean we're two different people, I've talked to her about it before, but ehh. I don't know what to do. Now, guys. Yeah, people still like me, but not as much. There's lots more prettier girls! And life, my social life is horrible, my parents don't let me do shit. Guys, I've had two big crushes that both liked me but things got screwed up because I was too shy. I know how people say, that if you're popular and stuff in middle school, in high school you won't be, and vice-versa. I don't know what to do about ALL of this. Please help with everyhting, get my life back o track anfd better., Thanks os much!
Dear Life,
I think you're going about the whole popularity thing the wrong way. Here's a secret....the harder you try to be popular, the harder it will be. The trick is to act as if you don't care whether you are popular or not. Just take for granted that if you do the following things, popularity will naturally follow...
1. Act like you are having fun in school and you will eventually feel as if you're having fun and people will be drawn to you.
2. Smile and be friendly. People like people who like them.
3. Regarding your current best friend...sometimes people are in your life for only a time in order for you to grow. When that purpose is served, if the friendship is no longer serving you, and you are miserable and unhappy with this person, sever the relationship.
4. With guys...guys like confidence. They like girls who are friendly and nice. (But not overly nice.) If you feel good about yourself, it shows and people will feel good about you.
I think you're gonna do fine. Start by making small steps to make yourself feel better about yourself. Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself. Smile. Act as if you are a happy person. Stay positive. Don't be negative about the little things. You'll begin to make lots of new friends, guys will be more attracted to you and you will easily become popular again.
Oh, by the way, the being popular in middle school and then in high school, you won't be, well....that's just crap.
Good luck girl!
Lindacht
Does anyone know any good suspense, mystery, horror, or drama boks. Im not goth or anything they're just my favorite types of books. I also like comedy. So if anyone knows any good (those type) books please suggest them to me!
I rate!
Dear books,
I love the same kinds of books. There is nothing wrong with these types of books, it just shows you have an inquisitive mind.
My favorite authors are Patricia Cornwell,
Jonathan Kellerman and Richard Patterson.
They write excellent stories about these topics.
Have fun!
Lindacht
some of my friends are really making me mad.. they say that im jealous cause my 2 best friends are hanging out and their leaving me out.. and they said that i have a big mouth and that i tell my friend everything that people tell me.. and they said im nosey.. ughh.. thanx for reading this but what should i do???? cuz my friends have been treating me really different lately cuz my 3 best friends think i like one of my other friends better then them.. please dont say to talk to them cause that doesnt work.. trust me ive tried it a million times! thanx sooo much!
Dear Help,
It's wonderful that you are asking these questions because it shows that you are aware and you care about your friends. Friends are there for each other in good times and bad. It sounds like you're going through a rough patch right now. If there are questions in your friends minds about what you say to other people and they think you are nosy, there is an issue of lack of trust there. Can your friends trust you? Would you trust you if you were in their shoes? Think about your answers and if it's something you need to work on, think about this... trust is earned. If you want to earn someone's trust, you have to be able to use judgement when relating stories or events that happen with your friends. If it isn't kind, or it's a sticky situation or something that you think they may want to remain confidential, then don't repeat it. Good luck!
Lindacht
14/female
A lot of people at school thinks my life is perfect. it is far from it. i wont get into too much detail and make this too long but i have a few good friends that i love but there are so many morons that get mad because i get good grades or whatever. i just wanted to know does this go away in high school? or will people still asume my life is great because i get good grades?
thank you
Hi! I can tell just from your question that you are a very intelligent girl. You have already shown that you value your friends and you are not afraid to make good grades regardless of what other people think. Just so you know, this doesn't go away in high school and even when you're out of high school or in college. However, your feelings towards what other people think will. Think about it this way, you are investing in your future. You won't be in this position forever. What you will have, is the education, the pride that you will have and keep from getting good grades. And as you get older, you will realize that if you do your best in whatever you do, you will have many more options in life than the people who got mad at you or made you feel bad about getting good grades. You are doing great! Keep up the good work! And I promise you, the people who made you feel bad now....later, they will wish they had the same options that you will have.
Lindacht
I guess this goes under this category but oh my gosh! i need HELP! Ok i am 13/f and i go out with this guy named David...well im his first girlfriend which is UNBELIEVABLE because hes SO sweet and hes not really hott but ya know! and so since im his first girlfriend his mom wants me to have dinner with them on friday...which REALLY sucks! because of ME! well i dont know if i can even go yet because i might have to go to my dads but still....i am SO SHY! like only around older people such as adults! but not people my age! see im so shy that when i talk about something thats kinda embarassing to me about my family, i get all shy and turn red...i dont know why and it makes me MAD! and its stuff thats not even that emabarssing!! anyone know what i can do to prepare or anything!?!
Dear Help,
Please go and meet his family. At first, you may feel out of place, shy or embarrassed. But this is a chance to meet his family and see how you like them too! Some suggestions might be to think before you speak. Just a slight pause will give you time to show them what a lovely girl you are for their son. You will not be the only one who is nervous and if you pretend you feel confident, a funny thing happens...you will actually begin to act confident and then you won't be pretending anymore. And don't take things too seriously, it will be a time to get to know them and have fun with it! You'll do fine! Lindacht