Ivy921's advice column

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Q: Ok, well here is my story. Me and this guy I have known since 8th grade (10th grade now) went out for about a year. We have been "semi-dating" I guess you could say ever since we broke up, but the thing is that after we broke up we still had a relationship and I got pregnant. After he found out that I was pregnant we started to get really close again and it made me want to be with him. Both him and I know that the baby is his, there's no doubt about that. Well, today we were talking and he knows that I still would really like it if we made our dating official, like boyfriend girlfriend again. He knows that I want to be with him, and he said that we would be together. Well here is where the problem comes in, he doesn't want to make it official. To me if it isn't official then does that mean I can be with someone else? I am the type to get jealous and I think that unless we make it official I will continue to feel the way I do and its making me very depressed, what should I do? Would it be right if I just took charge and asked him out or should I just keep giving him hints that I want him to do it? HELP PLEASE

~*ConFuseD*~

More importantly, you are pregnant and need to figure out what is going on with that before you decide you want to go with other guys or be with him or anything. You are past the point of asking out or being together unofficially. Please get this part in order before you even think about your social life because once the baby comes, if you decide to keep it, you won't have one. First things first. Then, feel free to date other guys. He should want to be your boyfriend right now.

Q: ok, im 13/f and my cholesteral lever is 237....my doctor says i need to get it down by at least 30-40 points by the time i got for my next visit, which is in april. How can i get my cholesteral down? btw, dont say like go on a diet or something because i LOVE eating...im not fat though. nellie x0x

Change what you eat. Make sure you have a lot of multi-grains, veggies, cut down on fats and dairy and grease. Also exercise a bit more. That should do the trick.

Q: ok look it has been about 5 weeks now that i had sex.. well i didnt want to.. wat happended is that my brother had one of his friends coming up and im 13 and the guy was 17.. and wen i went in my room he was on the bed just sitting there and starring at me. he told me to come over and i did well he started to kiss me.. and wen he did all i said is that i just wanted to kiss.. but he started to touch me down there and i was scared i pullrd bak and said dont i just wanna kiss. and he said ok well we started kissing and he did it again he was kinda forcing himself on me well then it lead to ''''sex'''' i dont no if i should tell someody about it i mean i did it but i didny want to... help

You need to tell someone. that is terrible that happened to you. Tell your mom or someone at school or someone you trust. It will help you get the help you need physically and emotionally and it will also make sure the guy doesn't do it again. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You didn't do anything wrong. He did. Please remember that.

Q: i like this guy, i dont want to but i do. i say im over him to my friends and i act like i dont care, but underneath it all, i still have feelings for him. we have a history, i guess you can say we liked eachother, but then things got screwed up and he kissed some random girl when he was drunk. that really hurt me but of course i forgived him and i guess we were just friends since that point.. but now he met another girl, a really pretty nice girl, and of course im jealus i want him to stil like me again but i know that will never happen. recently we havent been talking as much, over this stupid hurricane it sorta put a damper in our friendship, i already lost him as a romantic figure, now i guess i just want him as a friend if thats all i can have, but i want to get over him. i dont know what i should do.

I think that being being friends because that is all you could have is going to actually hurt more. You aren't going to get over him by being friends and you are just going to suffer in silence. I think only time and distance and ultimately becoming interested in someone else is going to cure this. I know this is probably the LAST thing you want to hear, but I've been there in the past and thats kind of how it works in my experience. The upside is, he may then realize how great you are and work to get you back.. if not, you'll be that much better off to meet the right person when he comes along.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: Firstly, I'm a freshman in college right now. Right before school ended this past year, a 20 yr old guy started leaving me messages on myspace. He's a US marine, and he was in Iraq at the time. He said he was from my hometown, and was feeling lonely, just wanted to get to know some new people from the area. So I messaged back and forth for a while. Then we started IMing each other. And right before I left for school, he started calling on the phone. He came home on leave the day I left for school. We had made plans to get together while he was home; he even agreed to drive an hour to see me at school. When it came time for him to come visit the first time, he said sry, I have something to do tomorrow, and since I"m representing the Marines, I wanna look and feel my best, so I"m not gonna come see you (he wouldn't have gotten home till like 2 am) - so that's totally acceptable. He called the next day saying he felt so bad, was I mad at him? don't be mad blahblahblah...but I was fine with that. The next weekend, he was supposed to come up again, it was the day before he was gonna be deployed to OKinawa. He was getting a hotel room with some buddies to party it up before he went back, and said I could join them. I said I really didn't feel comfortable going off campus to a hotel room with a bunch of guys I've really never met before. He said that was understandable, so he'd just come to my dorm and chill for a while, and then I could decide if I wanted to go offcampus with him or not. He said he would call when he got in the area. But he never called. As soon as he got to OKinawa, he called and said he was so sorry, he had flight problems, don't be mad at him, his life has been really stressful, and he can understand why I would be frustrated, but don't be mad at him. I told him I wasn't, and it was all good. He keeps leaving me messages on AIM at night while I"m sleeping (14 hr time difference) and he just called again a coupel nights ago, but other than that, I really haven't talked to him in over a month. He said he's coming home for Christmas (I will be home from school as well) and he wants to get together then. Should I give him the chance after he totally blew me off last time? He really seemed eager to meet me, both last time he was home, and talking about CHristmas, so I can't believe he just didn't feel like it. My mom says maybe he got scared, but I can't imagine what he would have to be scared of...? PLease help, thanks
--18 yr old college freshman (female)

I guess you could see him considering how much time and effort and messages you put in with this guy... but I don't know, something sounds kind of fishy. Maybe its all legit and these things were totally normal things happening, but it always sounds like its something right? If you meet, meet in a public place and talk for aa while before you go anywhere with him. I'm sure its fine, but I'm just picking up kind of a bad vibe from him from your question.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: when you have sex and your pregnant and you have it unprotected..
is there a chance of like getting twins or something??
like you know you have the chance of getting pregnant when a guy gets in you
but when you're pregnant and a guy gets in you is there a chance of getting pregnant again??

stupid question...

no. you can't get re-pregnated. you can't have twins. Don't you think there would be millions of sets of twins in the world, or triplets or quadruplets if that was the case? You can only get pregnant during ovulation, and you stop ovulating after you get pregnant. You can get an STD if you are pregnant and have sex without protection though. And twins is an egg thing, not a sperm thing. its if two eggs get fertilized at once or the egg splits apart after its fertilized.

Q: ive been in love with my boyfriend and hes in love with me for about a year now. but now were starting to fall apart, over the summer we used to hang out everyday now we hang out like once a month. and hes the kinda guy that flirts with alot of girls, but i trust him. yesterday i told him i was mad at him (because i was infront of him talking to him nd he was ingoureing me and ran to another girl) and he was like i dont care. that hurt alot... then today i was asking him why he said this and he was laughing about an inside joke. then he came online, and this was ower convo.

HIM: do you think its time time for a change?

ME: what do you mean...? 'change' of what

HIMME: no tell me

HIM: nvm

ME:k

ME: well your really acting like ur gonna break up with me... just get it over with if you r gonna.

HIM: jump to conclusions muchh?

ME: umm... well your acting like your gonna

HIM>: how does somone act like there gunna break up with somone

ME: they act like they dont like them....

hIM: well

>HIM>: do you wanna break up?

HIM: or take a brkeakk

ME: if i wanted to break up.. i would of broken up with you already....

HIM: o

ME: whatever

HIM: k?

ME: if your gonna break up with me then just do it now cuz im leaving soon...

HIM: fine

ME: fine what..?

HIM: uhh i dont no

then i signed off. but i dont no if i should break up with him, i love him to death and i really dont wanna break up with him. but it seems like were falling apart.=( should i? or no?

--confused.

** i rate high

You are falling apart... and having IMs like that are not helping, obviously. I think that you should see if the has any free time this weekend and you two can hang out alone and just talk and have fun. If he doesn't really want to make the time, then break up. its like enough already, you know? if he doesn't treat you so great, why do that. It doesn't mean that you can't still love him or that you won't cry when its over, but you owe it to yourself to have someone treat you the way you want to be treated.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: I have really bad dark circles under my eyes all the time, i use conceler [or how ever you spell it] but it always wears off pretty quickly. any suggestions?

use the more heavy and waxy like concealer from Nars or from Aveda. they either come in something like a lipstick tube or a lipgloss tub. the liquid stuff wears off in a sec. then maybe use some powder over that, then some bronzer or blush like normal.

Q: hey, i'm a sophomore in high school and i attend an all girls school. I've been at this school since freshman year and it's a really great school. It's great academically and the activities are great, but their's one problem.. and that's the social aspect. I've been thinking about transferring because I really don't fit in at school at all. I am in honors classes and i take an AP class and i've been in class with basically the same girls and i don't fit in with them at all. They are so different from me and i've given them a chance and it doesn't work. I've talked to a lot of people that aren't in my classes that i'm in theatre with, but it isn't working for me. THeirs another school in my area thats a boy/girl school that i coudl transfer to. i don't know if maybe that would be a better option, i could start over and make new freinds .. i just don't know if its worth risking my good academic standings at my current school and the awesome extracurriculars. does anybody have any advice?? i seriously dont know what to do anymore i've been crying all week. it really sucks and it just wears on me not having any friends at school. please please please help... and let me know what you would do in my situations. thanks. any advice is appreciated-- all advice will be rated a 5.

I really admire your dedication to your education. I think that you should consider the other school. But here is what I would do before you get the transfer in the works: check out the classes, make sure your AP classes transfer, electives, etc. The academic stuff. Find out college stuff, like how many go to what schools, the guidance counselor stuff, the important stuff you'll really need junior and senior year. Second, check out the scene. How bad would it be if you thought the kids were snobs, or jerks? try and see if you can get in touch with anyone from there- maybe if you can audit a class or a day there and see what its like. Then, if all of that seems cool, go for it. High School is hard and stressful enough, you should have friends to share the good times with.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: Why is it that all the questions on here are about relationship problems? Don't people realize theres more to life then the opposite sex?

Anyway, I actually do have a question. ha.

17/F ... college next year!

I was wondering what everyones take on college is? I think I'm going to look for an all girls college. Are there many around? Does anyone know of any good ones? If there are boys around I will get distracted and won't do my work. I can wait for a boy, I dont need one when I'm in college. I want to get great grades and do all my work constantly.

Also, do you think this will effect how I view my college experience? Part of the actual experience is dorm life, parties, etc. Do you think I will regret choosing an all girls school when I'm rolling in money because I stuck to my studies?

I think you have to choose what is right for you. Some of the best schools are all female like Smith, Wellsley and Mt. Holyoke.
That said, part of the college experience for many people is going to a co-ed college. It is really fun and its not like its a non-stop party, you do study and go to class.
Also, something for consideration, pretty much the entire world after college is co-ed, companies, lawfirms, grad schools, hospitals, etc. Some would say that you may want to get used to working with men as you are going to happen at one point in your life or another, right?
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: There is a guy I like and he likes me and everyone knows it. However, I am not asking him out so don't even suggest it. Anyways, his birthday is Monday and we aren't going out yet, and I don't know what to get him. I was thinking maybe a cute teddy bear and some candy, but it was just Halloween so there is plenty of candy to go around. Please help, I want to get a winning prensent!!!

Teddy bear, eh, I'm not that into it and I would bet a guy may not be either. Maybe a really cool t-shirt or a baseball hat of his favorite team. Something that he would like and would think is cool. That's what I would do.

Q: Ok well I asked a question before about this but theres something eles.Me and my friend like alot of the same guys but she always seems to win them over because she has big breasts.Well I have noticed that everytime I say I like someone she will just say yeah hes ok and then like the next day she will see the guy I like and say something like omg look its him I looooove him!! I dont know what I should do because I dont know whats wrong with me..Is it because Im jealous?? Or feel unattractive or something.I feel like i can never get a guy because she will steal him away ( by the way she doesnt do it too be mean she just does it without knowing shes doing it)

No, she's jealous. Next time you are interested in a guy, don't tell her and just start talking to him. Obviously you've got something going on that she feels the need to flaunt her assets around you to get the guy. I bet you are great and nice and pretty and fun. Guys like that for a longer amount of time than just boobs. I'm sure your friend is a nice girl and doesn't want to hurt you, but maybe its just a little compulsive of her. Keep it a secret and see what happens.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: Well, since you said that you enjoy the OC and I'm going to start watching the actual series on Thursday...could you quickly fill me in?

I never saw the 2nd Season, but everyone said that Ryan became homeschooled and Marissa shot someone. Who did Marissa shoot? And why did Ryan become homeschooled?

Thanks

Cheyenne

Ok, well Ryan's bad seed brother Ray gets out of prison and comes to live with the Cohens. (you know because Sandy is so nice)... anyways, he does all this shady stuff like shoplifting and stuff....He ultimately moves out and finds his own place. Ray also develops a thing for marissa. So one night he and Marissa are hanging out at the beach and he comes on very strong and tries to rape her. She fights him off, but it totally freaked her out and also gets very weird around Ryan. Ryan finds out and comes after Ray, (his bro) and I'm a little fuzzy on this part, but I think Ray has a gun at his place. And there is a fight and Marissa, who comes to the apartment because she finds out what's going on grabs the gun and shoots him to save Ryan. Turns out Ray survives and moves away.
All of this does not bode well for their futures are Harbor. Both are kicked out and hence, the new school situations.
Of course other stuff happens like Caleb dying and Julie finding out at the reading of the will that he was broke, and Kirsten develops a serious drinking problem and goes to rehab.
Hope that catches you up.

Q: I'm a virgin. I thought I would start out with that.

I am 15 years old and I masturbate sometimes. But the thing is, after I do it, I feel really guilty and stop and don't do it for about a month.

It feels good when it's happening but after, I feel sick to my stomach.

I have never had a boyfriend and I'm not sexually active at all besides masturbating.

People say it's normal but it's not really publically accepted for teenage girls.

I just want to know if it's normal how I feel.

Don't feel guilty or sick to your stomach. Why should you? are you hurting anyone? No. So many, in fact most people do it. Its the safest sex you can have. You are entitled to your own privacy and to feel good as well. So don't feel bad. You don't have to talk about it with others, this is your own thing. I know that its not really socially accepted that girls masterbate and its totally ok for guys, but I think its a sexist double standard that isn't true. Rationally think about it, if you do it and it feels good, don't you think other girls do it? Also, whats the harm?
Don't worry.

Q: i am a comlumnist here but there comes a time when i need advice. c i have been w/ this guy for 4 months now and he seem to b slipping. i dont know what to say to him. he seems to be holding back all the time. i need help. please, tell me what to do!

Its so hard. I've been there. And it feels the harder you try and grab on, the more he slips away (and it makes you kind of nuts in the process). I don't advocate playing games, but in this case, it may work...Why not try and do it back to him. Make some plans with your friends this weekend, don't always ask whats wrong and stuff. Do NOT act rude, that will backfire in your face, big time. Just play a little hard to get. It may get him refocused back on you, and if he is gone for good, it will get you over that much faster.
Good luck and keep me posted

Q: I’m 13, in the 8th grade, and have a guilty pleasure. I’ve been raised in an intellectual household, with both parents having a Ph.D. Generally, I don’t watch T.V. So I was at my friend’s sleepover birthday party with 7 other girls, and she rented the First Season of the O.C. We watched 4 episodes---and I liked it! I feel kind of guilty, because I know that technically, the show is for advertising and eye-candy with a plot. But I can’t help it. That blonde what’s-his-face that stole a car and set a house on fire is really good looking. And it keeps me at the edge of my seat. Now I’m addicted! What should I do? Am I shallow for liking this?

Thanks

Cheyenne

No way. You are not shallow. If anything, if you pretended that you didn't like it because you wanted seem more intellectual, THAT would be shallow. The OC is fun and entertaining. I watch it. I love it. I graduated with highest honors from a great university. I work in a competitive and intellectual field. I also read US Weekly, I also read the Economist, and watch the news. I like to consider myself pretty well rounded. I bet you are too. So go ahead, embrace Summer, Seth, Ryan and Marissa. Have fun. You only live once.

Q: 17/m/lonesome

Ok there is a girl at work that i have feelings for, but I dont know if she likes me or not. I mean whenever I talk to her she alwasys gets a smile on her face, or starts to giggle. I will tell you this right now I'm not too good at reading the signs to tell you if someone likes you or not... no its more like i trip and fall into love., but I am a hopeless romantic at heart and I've alwasy treated women with the highest respect and dignity, and I think I could build a very long relationship out of this but idk, PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I think you are maybe putting this girl, or relationships for that matter on a pedestal and its making you more nervous than you need to be. Talking about falling in love and being a hopeless romantic, is so sweet, but it may create a distance betweeen and girls you are interested in. Notice how guys who have all the confidence get all the ladies? there is a reason behind that, they don't get overwhelmed by situations or people. Just think to yourself that you want to get to know her better and enjoy flirting with her. Be yourself and have fun. It will make talking to her easier and will make the potential for a relationship easier.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: im sooo freked out. my best friend is scaring me. he is running away and not telling anyone. i just found out that he has threatened to kill himself. im scared. hes like a brother. i love him to death. if anything happened to him id go crazy. how can i approach him about it? or how can i just stop freaking out? my sister is dating him and she is scared to. pleeze help me. im very worried about him. help!

This sounds pretty serious and probably more than you can your sister can handle on your own. Since you are involved, talk to your parents, tell them what is going on. Maybe if they feel comfortable they can talk to his parents and get him the help he needs. If talking to either set of parents are not options, I think talking to a guidance counselor in school. You may worry that this is going behind his back, you can tell him that you are really worried and thinks that he needs some help and has to trust you that you care for what is best for him. He may be really mad at this, but if he gets the help he needs and comes through this, he'll thank you in the end.
good luck and keep me posted.

Q: I'm so screwed. I haven't missed my period yet, I'm due for it Friday, but my friend is bringing me a pregnancy test tomorrow. I had sex without a condom, and my boyfriend pulled out but I'm still paranoid about it, and yes I know I have a good reason to be.

Anyways...I'm going to take a pregnancy test Saturday. I think I will be with my boyfriend when I do it. What I want to know is how do I tell my parents and what should I do? I'm so scared right now I'm crying...my parents have always known me as their good little girl that never did anything wrong. I feel like dying.

=(

Its totally understandable why you are so overwhelmed. Its going to be ok no matter what. If the test is positive, give yourself a day or so to digest it if you can. spend saturday in the morning in your room if you can and get your thoughts together, write in a journal, whatever you need to do to pull yourself together. Then go to your parents. They are probably going to see it on your face that something is wrong. Sit them down and tell them. Tell them your thoughts on what you want to do about it and ask them what they think. They may bug out. If you want to, maybe your mom is the person you should talk to first if you think she'll be more understanding.
You still are a good girl and you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't rob a bank right? You had sex and didn't use the best judgement about protection. Doesn't make you bad, at all.
The good news is that your probably aren't pregnant. Also, you may want to hold off on a test (a lot of the boxes come with two tests in it), it may not show up until a few days later until when you are truly late.
Its going to be ok, no matter what. Hopefully this will just be a scare that you need to always use condoms.
Take care and keep me posted.

Q: ok so i am 14/f and i just started high school. at my old school i had a lot of friends but they went to another school. I have some friends that went to the same high school as me but i dont really know them that well; they're not close to me. and so i found a group of friends who i hang out with and they're really nice, except i want to be popular. and here's the thing i know some of the popular kids and i talk to them and everything. and last night was the dance and i figured i would dance with the popular kids but i ended up dancing with my new group of friends. i had a great time! so here's my question..last night i didnt even want to go dance with the popular kids and normally at school i try to talk and be with them. do you guys think that i should hang out with the popular kids or my other group of friends that i just made?? thanx

Trying to be popular is so exhausting and also being cool shouldn't have to be work. If that crowd calls you and wants to hang out, great. If the other group does and wants to hang out and you have fun with them, great too. Bottom line the key to real popularity is being friendly and well liked by the most people. stay on this path, you'll probably be prom or homecoming queen in a couple of years.