Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84199
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Do you think oral sex (giving head, eating out) considered sex in a way or not? Give reasons please!
Thank you! (link)
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Yes, sex is sex is sex is sex is sex. That kind of sex, as well as conventional sex is being intimate with someone. Giving of yourself. It should be reserved for a special person. A Person you love. Even for guys, but mostly they like getting laid, so they will be the first one to tell their "girlfriend" or even wife, that oral sex is not cheating. Isn't that what President Clinton tried to do? Well he was wrong. Oral sex is REAL sex. BUt that kind of sex won't get you pregnant. And that is a plus
Michele
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every morning when i wake up, my eyes are sooo puffy!! i cant take it! does anyone have an idea about what to do to prevent or treat them? (link)
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It could be from too much salt in your diet. or it could be allergies. If you have a feather pillow, it could be the pillow, heck even if you have a foam pillow, it could be the pillow. Or if you sleep by an open window, it could be pollen, or if you have a pet, and the pet sleeps with you, or sleeps on your pillow when you are not home. My cats do that, I have to keep my bedroom door closed at all times.
It definitly sounds like an allergic reaction, you have to find what you are allergic to.
Michele
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hi i just read some of your feedback and the last few (where they rated you 1's), i think those people are just stupid, perverted whores you think they're all that. you give great advice and just ignore them, they're so stupid and fucked up. you give great advice and you know it! keep it up! :) (link)
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Thank you for the kind words. I don't do this for the feedback. The people who appreciate my advice, help me a lot. That is why I do it. I won't get discouraged. Some people don't like to hear the truth, but that is OK. They will realize it sooner or later. Thanks again for your support.
Michele
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i think it's great that you have an advice column when you have 2 kids and a career. it's really nice to have a grown up on this site that kids can ask for advice. i'm not saying that kids cannot give good advice but sometimes you just need an adult to offer logical and well-answered advice. thank you for having this advice site, you have helped me so much with all my problems!! (link)
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Thank you so much. I do appreciate it. And I love doing this. I really like helping people. And I really relate to kids. Because I remember how my teenage years were, and they were awful. I know that kids have questions that they don't want to ask their parents, but they need good answers. SO I am glad to help. Thanks for your kind words.
Michele
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ok so there is this guy who is kinda friends w/ me and he has a nick name for me, and is always talking to me, and at school dances he always talks to me and then i ask him to dance he says yes and when we are slow dancing he grabs my ass, and he always brings up times when we had fun together.
i dont know if likes me or not and if he does what should i do should i ask him out or some thing?
(i rate 5s)
(link)
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No, don't go out with a boy who grabs your ass in public. You think that is a sign of love, that is a sign of disrespect.
Find a boy who treats you nicely.
What your mom would say if you asked
Michele
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i like this one girl, and she's really sweet. we've made out a couple of times, but we don't have a serious relationship. my mom is threatening to disown me because of our relationship. not because we're both girls, but because she's also my sister's daughter. but i think that my mom is completely over-reacting, because i really like this girl. should i continue to see this girl and strengthen our relationship, or should i break it off so my mom loves me again? (link)
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The other advisor is correct, that is incest. I also wonder how old this girl is? Just because the relationship is two girls, does not mean that it could not be a matter of sexual harrasement and you stand the chance of being arrested and branded a sexual predator. I know a girl that this happened to. She was three years older than the other girl, and that girl was under 16. No one oer 16,is allowed, bylaw to have sex with someone under 16, even if the minor child is willing. YOu may be under 16, that does not mean that you are out of the woods. What would your sister do if she found out. She could have you arrested. I think you should let this young girl alone and let her grow up and mature until she is old enough to decide whether or not she likes girls or guys. She is too young to be making those decision now, and you are only confusing her. If you keep this up, know that she is too young and you are an influence on her, then you are a sexual predator. This could get ugly. I stronly urge you to stop now. And don't have relations with anyone younger than you.
Michele
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Dear All,
I Hope you can offer some advice here. This is an extremely disturbing story.
Recently my Friend Angela started displaying some weird behaviour. First of all she accused my boyfriend of having sex with my best friend. I did not believe her as i totally trust my man. Anyway- we were not talking to her because of this and other malicious accusations towards my Boyfriend, and general nasty things about me.
So then its my friends wedding reception. Angela turns up dressed like the bride of Dracula and proceeds to walk around the reception telling people to watch out for my Boyfriend etc.
Then she text my Boyfriend (David) and asked him to come over to the house at 5.30 in the morning- which he did as he was worried. She apologised to him and said the real reason she had invited him round was because she needed his help on a mission, and there was a glitch in the Matrix!
I went round to her house later in the morning and she just went mad- saying that her boyfriend who she had recently dumped was a peodiphile but she had to go out with him so that she could prove he was and get him arrested. The reason for this was that she was a "Cleaner" and sent by God to get rid of all the "Black Cherries" in the village. She also said (and this is the disturbing part) that she had to examine a little girl and do Reikki on her because of what had happened to her. And that there was a cult in the village but she had nailed the leader due to the secret work she had been undertaking for the headquarters in Bedford.
Anyway- as you can imagine all this was very disturbing for me and David. She also said that she had been sleeping with David and me(!) behind everyones back which is totally ridiculous as i am straight, but she really believed it to be true.
She also thinks her name is TRINITY and the end of time is coming soon so thats why God has sent her on a mission to sniff out all the bad cherries and get revenge on them.And that i work for the devil etc etc etc
I could go on and on but i wont as you can see this is not normal behaviour!
What should i do- im disturbed about the peadophile thing and she also has 3 children - she sent me a text message saying "Hello Charlotte (the little girl) Sugar Princess- Ive got your Dummer" This is really scaring me and i dont know what to do- please help! I need some sound advice! She is Crazy and im worried what she will do or say next.
Thanks
Katy (link)
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It really does sound as if she is loosing it. Sczioprenia hits young adults. It usually runs in the family. It can only be controlled with medication. She needs a doctor. If she is over 18 though, I think she has to seek help herself unless she is a danger to herself or other people. How are her children? Are they being taken care of? Where are her parents, can they intervene? The only thing I can advise you, is if you catch her doing something harmful call the police and that may get the ball rolling. THey may take the kids away from her though, but I guess that needs to happen if she is as crazy as you say she is. Her behavior it NOT OK. The welfare of her children should come first.
Michele
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My daughter is 4 years old. Now she is in K1. For the past three years she was in a day care centre. Its been two semester now in the new scool and my daughter is still crying. In fact at first it was only in the mornings but lately the teacher has informed me that she cires for the whole day. I don't undertand . After all she was ok in the day care. I doubt if she is still adapting to her environment for it's been 2 semester now. She is very bright and when i ask her whats wrong or if she doesnt like the school or the teacher she tends to disregard the questions and leave my questions unanswered. The teacher thinks perhaps something at home is causing her to feel this way but she gets everything she wants yet remain unspoiled. She has a very loving family with no conflicts. I do not understand i'm desperate i can see the teacher's fustration causing her work to be difficult What shall i do (link)
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Dear mom,
I read your question this AM, but wanted to give it some thought before I replied, so I do hope you check back. I know you must be very anxious, and I realize that you don't want to go to school and get her when she cries because that kind of defeats the purpose. Something is definitly bothering her, and it may take some sleuthing on your part to find out. It may be that she is worried about something grown-up, and you don't realize it. Kids sometimes worry about the weirdest things. And we are suprised to find out that they were even thinking about it. Sometimes we say things at home, within ear shot of the kids, and don't realize it. They take things out of context, or take them for face value, and get upset, but they really have the wrong idea. It could be that she is anxious for you. It could be that she is worried about you. How is your job? Have you complained about your job at home? Have you comlained about some one at work, at home where she could here you? DO you have a dangerous job?, Or does she think that you do? We there a traumatic event in your lives just before she started, or soon after she started Kindergarten? Did you loose a family member. You are right in thinking that she got used to PreK and she should be used to Kindergarten by now, as long as you have ruled out nasty kids who might be picking on her, and that there is no problem with the teacher. Is she anxious at home about being away from your side? Since she does not answer your questions about liking the school or the teacher, and that could be an opportunity for her to tell you that she hates it hoping you will let her stay home, I think it is something else.
I may help for you two to sit down, get comfortable, and start talking about anything and everything and things that don't matter, and then bring up things that do matter, or that could matter. Ask her if she worries about mommy during the day. Ask her if she worries about daddy,or anyone else for that matter that she may be close to. Has she been exposed to any of the violence and talk of war on TV? If so, ask her if she is worried about War or dieing.
This is going to be like peeling an onion. Until you get to the bottom of it. But it will take gentle prodding from you.
Also have you ruled out any allergies. Some children are very much allergic to some foods, and they can cause mood swings. YOu can determine this by making sure that the foods she eats in school are the same ones she eats at home. I hope this helps.
Michele
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My husband is a thin man. Last night he told me to come look at his stomach. He had a gut! He then admitted to me that over the weekend he probably had 30-40 pieces of gum, and swallowed all of it. I know swallowing gum is really not that terrible and it's an urban myth that it stays in your stomach for years. But in that amount I am worried that it is a problem. Could this cause a blockage in his system? Should I be worried? He is currently a student and does not have insurance, so he won't go to a doctor unless needed. Any ideas of what could happen, or what to do? (link)
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Well, I think THAT much gum could cause a blockage. Because it has no fiber in it,and it is not water soluoble. In other words,it can't even soak up water to become heavier so that it can move through his system. If he is constipated, then he should take in some fiber and water,and lots of it. Like metamucial or benefiber. Also eat some high fiber foods fruits and fresh veggies. Lots more water. If he does not go in three days, then try exlax or ducolax. If that does not work then you will have to see a doctor. If he is not constipated, then I think he will be OK. And tell him not to each that much gum again.
Michele
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A while ago my phsycologist said that i had really bad ADHD and its ruining my life. For example, it took me four hours to do a language arts assignment that it took the rest of my class 1 hour. Heres my problem: my cousin also had ADHD and they put him on medication. Later, they found that hewas abusing the medicine and taking way too much so they sent him to a re-habbilitation home. Now my mom wont let the doctors prescribe me any medication because she thinks ill wind up the same way that he did. is there anything i can do? (link)
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Yes, try a natural approach to ADHD. See a naturopathic doctor. You will find that many people are helped with herbs and vitamins and changes in diet. I have witnessed this myself, and I worked for an ND for a year or so. St. John's Wort is commonly prescribed in England for ADHD and mild depression. L-theanine, a product from tea, is also good for treating ADHD. Noni Juice has also helped some kids. There a many many different remedies, which are all natural, and cannot be abused and you cannot become addicted to. You can also do the reasearch yourself on the internet, and these products are available on line or in health food stores. Your psycologist, most likely will not agree with me, but it is up to you to take the matter of your health into your own hands. Doctors DO NOT have all the answers. I wish you luck.
Michele
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Ok, my girlfriend is pregnant and she's really worried about it. We're both 19 and this wasn't planned or anything. We talked about it for a long time and we both agreed that we want to keep it. Her parents disowned her when she was 18 becasue she started to see me, because she was raised catholic and I'm not catholic. I felt that was rediculous because I have nothing against catholics and I was willing to join the church if it meant I could be with her but she decided that she didn't want that...anyway her parents won't be helping us with her pregnancy and with the baby so we're on our own. (my mother is dead and I've never met my father) I know that she's going to be going through a lot with her pregnancy and I was wondering if anyone knew how I could help her get through with a little more ease. I'm working two jobs one full time and the other part time so I'm not around that much. But is there anything that I can do to be of any help to her or is there anything that I should look out for? I was also wondering about taking care of baby. If anyone has any tips about taking care of baby that would be a big help as well. Thank you for the advice and I will rate a five for any help.
Tim (link)
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Well first she has to get on state aid so that she can get a doctor. Since she is single, and has no assets, she should be eligible for state aid. Unless she has a full time job and insurance, then she can go see a doctor. The OB/GYN will see her throughout her pregnancy and you too if you want to go to the office visits. You should go whenever you can. Welfare or state aid, will want to know who the dad is. So expect that. And don't be scared, no one will judge you. and too bad if they do. It think is is wonderful that you two want to stay together and have the baby, but your love had better be strong because you are both going to be going through things that even older couples who are married and have both their families behind them, find it hard to get through. So hang in there. Mostly you can be supportive of your girlfriend. Her hormones are going to be raging. She will be weepy and have mood swings. She will think she is fat, tell her she is beautiful. And thank her over and over for having your child.
This is hard but you can do it if
1. you are both totally dedicated to each other.
2. if you are totally dedicated to the baby.
3. Understand that things will be tough, money will be tight, and the baby needs both of your attention. Don't feel left out after the baby comes. He/she will need his mother most of all, in the beginning. But that baby can bring great joy to both of you.
It will be had for both of you, because you have both be abondoned by your families. It means you will find the feelings that you sometimes feel for the baby and for each other foreign. When things get tough, you will say, "why should I stay, my father left me, I can leave this kids, this to too hard. Why should I stay. I am missing out on life because of some kid." Just be prepared. you may feel that way sometime, but let me tell you that if you do leave, your child will experience emotional pain that will never go away, and a hold in their heart that will never be filled. If you both think of each other and the baby, and not yourselves...you will get through this. Good luck to you. I will answer more questions if you like. As time goes on, you may have more questions. Leave a message in my in box.
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I'm 14/f. I've had crushes on several guys in the past, but I've never had a boyfriend. I feel like such loser because all of my friends have had at least 1 boyfriend bfore and most of them have had more.I kno I shouldn't go bywhat my friends have had, and I know that you're gonna say "my time will come",but I just really don't know what to do anymore. I did like this one guy ALOT,and actually I still do. I think I might be in love with him, but my friend told him and he said "ok", then he said he was dating someone right now. I'm just so confused I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I'm really pretty or anything, or skinny, but I have friends who aren't like that either, and they still have had b/fs. Srry so long, I just am so confused, and wanted to see if anyone could help me.
I'l rate a 5 for nice answers.
Thank you.
*heartbroken, and confused* (link)
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WEll maybe you have to become more interesting to boys. More confident. All people are attracted to people who have confidence in themselves. Look at Donald Trump. He is a pompous ass, and not that good looking, oK so he's rich, but he has lots of women after him. Because he is very very confident. actually he is kind of conceited. BUt there is a happy medium. SO how do you gain confidence. Well be smart, and kknowing what to do and how to act in all situations. Being mature. Knowing that some day your time will come, not whining about it and wanting it to change. This don't change just because we want them to. So a mature person would know that some day, they will meet someone wonderful. Or find someone wonderful. BE outgoing and be available. When you are around boys, help them to feel good about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves. Boys love to talk about themselves. As their opinion about something. That works with anyone because people like to speak their mind, and many are flattered when some one asks them their opinion, about anything. People also like to help. Ask a guy for help with something, and the be real appreciative. Tell them you would have never thought of that, or you could not have accomplished that without their help.
And confidence comes with age. Things will get better. It sucks being a young teen.
I hope this helps.
MIchele
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what shows on broadway in new york city do you recommend besides the lion king? (already saw it) (link)
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Spamalot is show right now and receiving rave reviews. It is a comedy, and Who is Afraid of Virginia Wolf is also getting excellent reviews. But you may a a little young for both of them. I don't know your age.
Spamalot is a spoof on the MOnty Python movie Life of Brian, and Whose afraid of Virginia Wolfe is actually a remake, and was also a movie that once stared Elizabeth Taylor and her husband, forgot his name) so that is how old it is.
MIchele
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this is really embarassing..but i just had my period. i'm too embarassed to tell anyone!! omg what do i do..i'm really freaked out (link)
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You mean you got your period for the first time in your life. Well that is wonderful, you are becoming a young lady. Now you have to get some pads or tampons. I suggest pads because they are a no brainer. The first two days of your period should be the heavyiest. It usually lasts 5 days, the last three will be light, and you can use a slimmer pad. YOu can try tampons in a few months if you like but start with the small ones, or stick with pads. You should get your period now on a regular basis. Every 28 days from the first day of your period. You will be lucky if you don't experience menstrual camps. I did, they were awful. I had them for many years. But every girl is different. You may put on a little weight each month when your period is about to show up. Don't fret it goe away by the time your period is over. YOu may also get some food cravings.
If you are interested, herbs and vitamins can minimize the PMS jitters and nervousness and mood swings. Vitamins like Oil of Evening Primrose, Vit. C and E and A. Herbs like Black Cohosh and chaste berry will also help to alleviate mood swings caused by your menstrual cycle, but that is up to you.
Well all women get their period at some time or another. Hey, you are lucky you live in the USA. if you lived in the middle east, you would have to start wearing a burka, a sheet that completely covers your body and head with only a mesh to look out of, whenever you go outside. Also your family would be looking for a husband for you. Yes even at your age. That is how it is there. YOu will be OK. Any more questions, please leave me a message in my inbox. Hope you feel oK.
MIchele
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Ok so i've been eating really good i eat salad alot.I don't drink soda ..only water and gatreoade how ever u spell it. And i also walk in the morning i've been doing this for about couple weeks now.but i havn't lost weight my face is really clear now.But that the onlt thing i've noticed . What i'm i doing wrong..should i do more exerciseing ? (link)
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I think you have to give it a little more time. Keep it up don't get discourage. You must feel better too, don't you. Do you have more energy. And how about reading the nutition labels on everything that you do eat. Read the fat grams. Try to stay between 10 & 15 grams of fat a day, no more. Salads are great, but dressing can be high in fat. And it great that you are not drinking soda. It has 12 teaspoons of sugar in it, I am not sure about gatorade, but maybe you should compare the grams of sugar in soda and gatorade, maybe there is no difference, and you need to cut that out too. Good luck
Michele
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hello ms. butt. my name is Suneil Raghvan. I am kind of concerned about my life since everyone around me says im a little weird. I think its not weird for a guy like me to love the colour pink and me to only hang around girls and cry everytime i get a 90 and under on a test or quiz. I am a very sophisticated and elegant young man from the very rich country of India. India might not be really rich in real life but in my dreams and justice of peace i think it's rich and very pretty and hott. My question is "what does sexy mean" this girl names Bob asked me a question called "Do u think ur sexy its a poll" i thought she meant its a pole. i became very low blood pressured and i fainted. What does sexy mean? Is it appropriate? Tell me! thank you. I pray and support your future and past family and generations and ancestors! (link)
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Sexy like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But if you look at people on TV or in magazines and make up your mind which of them are sexy, and you emulate them then you are also sexy. You sound sexy, and I think you are flamboyant, and many people find that sexy. So I think your answer to the poll question should be yes, you are sexy.
Michele
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ok i've answered 13 pages of advice and over 200 questions. yet i've only gotten 8 ratings. now for some reason, all my ratings are GONE!! i think they only keep the ones with comments and none of mine had any. why isn't anybody rating me? please help, thanks so much! i rate high lol :) (link)
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Yes the same thing happend to me. There is a posting on the home page from advicenators, and it says that they changed the format so that only ratings with text or answers would be posted, So many of mine dissapeared to, but my overall rating stayed the same. I think they are just running out of room. You could ask people when they rate you to also leave a comment. Because how will we know what some one rated us on a particular answer?
Michele
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I was looking at my feedback and someone gave me a 5. I forgot what question I asnswered so I clicked on the link and it showed me my question and an answer. But the answer wasnt mine! It was from this other girl but not me!!! What could've happened? (link)
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THat is happening to me also, and I don't know why. I hope the people who manage this site, notice these postings and fix it.
You can find your answer in your own column, but that takes more time and searching.
Michele
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Alright. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months now and I'm having a little issue. Whenever we first started dating he cussed a whole lot, and to me cussing is kind of unattractive. Well, he stopped cussing for me. He just went to Arkansas for the weekend with his cousin and I called him today and he was cussing like crazy. I asked him how much he has been cussing and he said in a real sarcastic voice "I don't have an exact number." Earlier in the month I told him he acted sort of different around me and his friends. He sort of blows me off. He becomes very sarcastic and sort of rude, just like in his comment about cussing. What should I do? Am I right to be kind of upset about this? He knows how much I don't like him cussing... (link)
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Yes you do have a right to be upset about it. He knows that you dont like cussing and out of respect for you, he should not cuss. After all, it is not like breathing, some thing he has to do. It is a conscious choice that he makes. What is happening is that the two of you are growing apart. You are becoming the person that you want to be and he is becoming the person he is going to be, and perhaps the two of you won't see eye eye any more..on some very important issues. When grown ups date, fall in love, get engaged, get married, etc, they both realize that they have to change some things to keep the love and respect of the other person. A person who really cares or the other one, will gladly give up cussing rather than loose them, because it is a small sacrifice to make for someone who fills all their other needs. If he is so willing to discard you and discount your feelings because you don't like him to cuss, then he is not the person for you. What will come next. If you don't think he should smoke because it is bad for his health, and yours, and for any kids you may have some day, isn't that a deal breaker. And it can get worse from there. You sound like a nice girl, find a new boyfriend who respects your feelings.
Michele
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I have a friend named Felicia and she's 16/F...all she likes to talk about is beer, boys, parties, people she hates..i don't know..she tries to act like she's all grown up now or whatever...well this morning i wanted to go for a scooter run with my other friend hannah...she was like, "umm no, that's ok i don't wanna smell like sh*t" so hannah and me went for the scooter run anyway..we had tons of fun! we came in and felicia was like "eeww you guys smell get away from me.." and she avoided us the rest of the night..(but at least we had fun! all she did was stay in and watch court tv with the judges and stuff..grrr..it's like she's trying to impress people by acting that she's not 10 anymore..(this is just an example of how she acts *all that* and *grownup*...trust me, there's tons more! she always acts like she's better than us and i really don't know what to do..please help! (link)
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WEll maybe you can't avoid her, but you can avoid being influenced by her. And you are the one who is right. she wants to be soooo grown up so fast It won't be long before she starts smoking, drinking alcohol and experimenting with sex. Young kids think that those things will make them grown up. Because they know grown ups do those things. Just like yelling at you, grown ups do that, like your parents do when you misbehave or don't do well in school, so she yells because she thinks that will make her more grown up.
What kids like this don't realize is that to be real grown up, you have to be able to hold down a job, pay bills like electric, heat insurance, rent, mortage, buy food, do laundry, clean the house, drive, drive the kids where they need to go. Handle decision making, like where we will live, where the kids will go to school, what religion we will belong to, or at all, put out the garbage, bring the dog to the vet, bring the kids to the doctors, help with homework, wash the cars, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.
And acually a lot of it is boring. So keep doing what you are going. Have fun with your friends and go on skooter runs. You will grow up fast enough, no way to stop it. just don't rush it. There is not way you can rush it. And your friend thinks she is being more grown up when really she just looks stupid. I;ll bet she can't wait to hae a boyfriend....wait 'til she has her first broken heart. Then she will wish for the days when life was so much simpler and she could be happy hanging out with her girl friends. Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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