Ask hitler_the_goat!

Advice Column | Ask a Question | View Feedback |

About hitler_the_goat



"Screwing up America's children so you don't have to."

If I had a dollar for every question that I see regarding the function of the female reproductive system, I'd still be poor because the dollar is turning into a banana republic toilet paper currency due to inflation. I've done a lot of cool things involving guns, helicopters, explosives, parachutes, tanks, humvees, artillery, radios, and 12 hour plane flights. If you seriously want to know more about me, find another hobby because I already told you the good parts. Airborne Armor Leads The Way.

Ask Me For Advice
View Feedback
Make Favorite Columnist

Gender: Male
Location: 42SWB 30859 26028
Occupation: college student
Age: 26
Member Since: January 11, 2005
Answers: 1191
Last Update: September 28, 2012
Visitors: 50766

Main Categories:
Fitness
Nutrition
Injuries
View All

Favorite Columnists
DangerNerd
shake

Advicenators.com



14+f ...all right.. well I dont like hugging people.. i just dont.. like after achieving something amazing.. or saying hello/goodbye... i just HATE giving hugs and try to avoid them.. like.. i dont know.. I think i'm just afraid... is there like something wrong with me??


-Anti-Hug Person

really? autistic people don't like physical contact, are you autistic?
-hitler

[view]


Can you get your belly button peirced at Claire's? i heard that from a friend but i dont think you can. thanks for your help.

why don't you ask a question that has a topic that most of us can understand, like chronic masturbation or guns.
or chronically masturbating using a gun.
-hitler

[view]


i dont no whats going on with me i thinking about cutting nd running away.do i have problems? should i see some1? anyone no ne more?

i rate high

yep, see a professional, you're too cowardly to do anything life ending, so take your time.
coward.
-hitler

[view]


what can drugs do to u?

pot-not much really, just makes you think of ways to make random shit into bongs.
acid- bad trip can fuck you up big time
pcp- ever heard of schitzophrenia?
speed-really hyper
x-makes your heart stop
heroin- oh, let's see how low a human being can go.
cocaine-lose weight, heart attacks, hyper, dead.
meth-redneck crack
crack- makes heroin addicts look like outstanding citizens.
-hitler

[view]


Ok so I have a good amount of friends and everything... but I am a bit shy. I just know I'd have WAY more friends if I was more outgoing. It's just really hard for me. Can I have advice on how to become more outgoing... and what I should do? Thanks.

-Hopeful

do wierd spontaneous shit
-hitler

[view]


there is this girl named Courtney and she as a crush on my boyfriend. Well he has track with her and sits with her at lunch sometimes. Well she knows me and him are going out and she flirted with him right infront of me yesterday and then has the nerve to talk shit about me and give me dirty looks! Well me and her got into it but it was only words being said. My boyfriend yelled at me for yelling at her! He said that if I hit her at all that me and him are done! We I don't know what I should do.. its complicated! Please help!

.: Miss Confused :.

tell him what for and explain the situation to him.
-hitler

[view]


If there are any cat experts out there, I need your help! My cat has constantly been throwing up her food twice a day for almost a week! (She's not bulimic!LOL)What's wrong??? I rate 5's!

go to the vet and tell them of the problem, try switching food brands and keep it hydrated
-hitler

[view]


Okay, so I played the lead character opposite a guy friend of mine in our school's spring play. The only problem was, we were good friends before, but we had to actually kiss onstage, no stage kissing, no angling it - it was real.
The first time he kissed me, it was during an excercise we were doing for our drama teacher to "develop our characters' relationship," and we both got really into it.
The day after that, he wouldn't look at me, and ever since then our friendship has been...awkward? I mean like, we used to talk about everything, now every conversation we have seems to be awkward and forced, almost as if we're afraid to talk.
The play's over now, and our friendship is sort of going back to normal, but there's still a little...awkwardness to it. I never got a crush on him, but my character definitely liked his character, and his definitely liked mine. But we never liked each other as who we really are...if that makes any sense...Why do you think all the awkwardness happened? I'm just curious to see what you all think.

kiss him some more
-hitler

[view]


Ok i have this friend that is like a big drinker and i try to get her to stop but it is just not working what should i do. if you can help write. M.Lee

let her drive you home.
need i state the obvious? tell somebody!
-hitler
/edit
what do you mean? i already drink canned breakfast, its not like my alcoholism could get any worse.

[view]


Ok. I was planning a surprise for the best teacher of all time. I had the principal call my teacher out of the room and had the assistant principal come in and i discussed the surprise and collected some money. Right after my teacher came back, my friend shouted out, "Mrs. *******, we have a surprise for you." The class went dead silent and I almost burst into tears. During my next class, I wrote him a note explaining that if he had any consideration for other people, he wouldn't have blabbed. He is now officially supermad at me, and I feel terrible. I think I came off as a bitch and i need to fix that by the morning! Ahhh

what are you talking about?
-hitler

[view]


ok.. there is this guy that i like named ryan. For the past 2 weeks, everyone has been telling me that he likes me. Well i didnt believe them so i said i didnt like him. Then ryan found out i didnt like him, so 3 days ago he told one of my friends i was hott and he liked me but didnt want to go out with me anymore. Last night at church, he wouldnt even talk to me. I said hey to him and he ignored me. Then after church we was all outside and jordan asked bj a question about me and he was like "i dont know adn i dont care right now". I havent done nothing to him, but he found out that i still like my ex. Also there is this guy name murphy that used to like me but i never liked him(we were just good friends, not no more tho, i hate him now!!). Well murphy has been telling everyone that i like him and i dont!! Ryan now thinks i like murphy and he thinks murphy likes me. So he is mad at me and wont talk to me. What should i do?

why did you ask this twice? am i looking amused? don't touch my butt!
-hitler

[view]


Has any one ever seen the canadian comercial and the songs liek youuu and I were meant to fly who sings that?

canada!? i've seen it on the map, its purple!
-hitler

[view]


well in the begining it was me and four other girls and we were like best friends and now all of them but me and my toehr friend became best friends with other people and leave us out of everything...and were really depressed any advice?

pull an O.J. and stab them all.
if the glove doesn't fit, you must aquit.
-hitler

[view]


i was the one who asked the question about my boyfriend being mean to me all the time when a certain guy came to school, well he was so nice to me today and the day before ever since i talked to him he has been nice to me and actually tells me he loves me and holds my hand and kisses me in public.. he told my friend he wouldnt know what to do if he lost me.. does this mean he is chaging his ways

it means he is gay and trying to hide it when his lover is not around
-hitler
edit//
i am afraid that you will be dissappointed to learn that i am not thrilled by the cock, unlike your boyfriend, who seems to be using you as a "convenience job"

[view]


i've had this friend with benefits for almost a year now and i decided that i dont want to keep it going. i started having feelings for him and i told him but i don't think he liks me. i think it would be better to just end it because i dont want to get hurt so i wanted to know if anyone has some advice on a good way to end being fwb without ruining our friendship

pull his dong out of your backside and tell him he has to pay to ride from now on.
-hitler

[view]


ok.. there is this guy that i like named ryan. For the past 2 weeks, everyone has been telling me that he likes me. Well i didnt believe them so i said i didnt like him. Then ryan found out i didnt like him, so 3 days ago he told one of my friends i was hott and he liked me but didnt want to go out with me anymore. Last night at church, he wouldnt even talk to me. I said hey to him and he ignored me. Then after church we was all outside and jordan asked ryan a question about me and he was like "i dont know adn i dont care right now". I havent done nothing to him, but he found out that i still like my ex. Also there is this guy name murphy that used to like me but i never liked him(we were just good friends, not no more tho, i hate him now!!). Well murphy has been telling everyone that i like him and i dont!! Ryan now thinks i like murphy and he thinks murphy likes me. So he is mad at me and wont talk to me. What should i do?

Go talk to him yourself and stop dicking around
-hitler

[view]


my best friend, Deana decided to go punk and if you knew her you would know that she could but i tried to talk her out of it or expain to me why and all she said was that happy people are preppy and she doesnt want to be happy nemore and i was kinda fighting with her online and then shew put up an away message that was like "if you dont like it then y0u werent me friend to begin with*" and i think that was directed at me so i called her and i tried to have a normal conversation with her and she wasnt really responding much so i asked her why her away message also said she was almost in tears and shes was just like "i have to go eat now.. ill call u bak later" but she never calls me bak and i was just expressing me opinion.. i mean she only likes one punk band and loves rap and dresses preppy nd i dont see why she sees punk people as only sad when they really arent and now im afraid shes mad at me and its not fair and i canty even see her in school tomorrow because over the summer the school district spilt up so now we go to different schools

she is a poser, pure and simple.
just wait till the grunge phase comes.
-hitler

[view]


there is this guy at my school and i like him and im not sure if he likes me but everytime im around him he ALWAYS looks at me even if i walk by.. and i really wanna know how i can start talking to him more and him talking to me bc when hes around me hes really shy and doesnt talk but when i see him around other people he always talks so my 2 questions are..

1. Does he like me/how can i find out if he does

2. How can i get him not to be shy/talk to him more/him to talk to me more

Thanks SOOOO much.. I rate 5's for good advice

1 ask him
2 flirt with him
3 this is basic level stuff, what have they been teaching you in sex-ed?
-hitler

[view]


This is my science homework and I really need help

1.What's the master gland responsible for puberty and growth rate?

2.What's the female hormone called?

3.Egg travels to the uterus through this...

4.Egg producing gland...

Thanks to anyone who can help me!

1 that gland in your head, the one thats near the brain stem
2 androgen-male estrogen-female
3fallopian tube
4ovaries
5 you know where i can get a few ovaries with other pesky pieces of flesh attached?
boobs are a must.
-hitler

[view]


So I started my spring track season pumped and ready to go in the beginning of March...then my hip started hurting me when i ran so i went to the doctor and she told me i had a growth plate problem and i would have to sit out for 4 weeks then get 7-10 days of physical therapy and i looked at the schedule and i was heartbroken but i was only gonna miss 7 meets and be back in time for one of my favorite meets for freshmen and sophomores only...well i finished my 4 weeks rest and today the physical therapy perscription came in the mail saying 2 to 3 times a week for 3 to 4 weeks....which means i would miss the entire rest of the season....i told my mom i wasnt gonna do it and shes like fine go run and i want to because my hip doesnt bother me anymore but i dont know if my coach will let me run without a doctors note saying i can...i spent an hour crying over this...sports are my life and i can't imagine not doing track, ive been to the meets ive missed to watch and i almost cried because i miss it too much..what do i do now?

physical therapy.
-hitler

[view]




<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker