Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29841
|
| |
|
About 2 years ago my aunt (moms sister) passed away. Before she passed away my mom experienced a few weird things. This one cupboard we have would always be slightly opened even after we shut it closed. Also she began dreaming about her phobia, cockroaches. Soon her night mares started becoming true when she would see them everywhere! They even crawled on her while she was sleeping. I would always wake up to her bloody screams. Then my aunt passed away and the weird things stopped occurring. Several months later my mom began seeing cockroaches everywhere again! About a month later my grandmother passed away.. I feel like it could be a coincidence but then again its her phobia so its pretty odd to have it happening to her before someone passes. Is this a sign of something? (link)
| |
Hi there. Sorry to hear of your losses. It is relatively straightforward to explain IF your aunt and grandmothers deaths were expected. Were they in poor health up to their passing? If so your mum will have been very worried and anxious. But we do have a tendency to look on the bright side and 'hope against hope' that they will pull round and the worst will not happen. It's in our nature. If your mum was facing this battle in her mind (expecting the worst, but trying to hope for the best all the time) then it will cause a classic 'conflict' anxiety. Fear of death and separation are very strong and deep human fears. Perhaps THE strongest. We cannot dream of 'the fear of death and separation' it's just a concept. What we call an 'abstraction'. So her subconcious mind will 'choose' (if you like) a real, tangible physical object of fear (cockroaches) to represent it. You might be thinking 'Why didn't she just dream about them dying then?' This would be too direct. And too much against her conscious 'hoping for the best' approach. It's generally accepted that dreams act as a medium for our mind to face things we do not wish to confront in real life, but nearly always do it through 'coded' (not literal and direct) imagery. So during a time of anxiety our mind has many issues to deal with, some we are very reluctant to...and the dreams act as a 'safety-valve' to release some of the pressure, as it were. If the deaths were completely unexpected, 'came out of the blue' as you might say, and she had absolutely NO fear or expectation of them at all, then we must put it down to coincidence. That something else was causing her anxiety/fear at the same time. By the way, phobia 'lives' (as it were) in the subconcious mind, the part that we cannot 'talk to' directly. That's why we cannot reason and talk someone out of them. However many times you say to your mum "Be reasonable, roaches aren't dangerous...they won't hurt you...I'm not scared of them, neither is dad" and so on...it will not make a blind bit of difference. She'll remain phobic and scared of cockroaches. The fear is beyound the reach of reason and rationale. And that is precisely WHY phobias are so strong! Any help?
|
|
Someone is blackmailing on kik. I sent him nude photo of mine, he want me to send again if I will not he said that he will post it online website wherein all country can see it. I dont know what to do. He said that he will spread it and all my friends can see it. Im afraid Im fron Hungary. Need help (link)
|
Hi! I think you could learn a lesson from this and it might not be exactly the one you expect. The lesson is that a thing is only embarrassing and humiliating if YOU LET IT make you feel embarrassed and humiliated. Even though what he has done is wrong and might not be legal it will be very hard to stop him from posting this picture somewhere, somewhow, sometime. Firstly you do not give in to his blackmail and send him more. You have nothing more to do with him. Let us assume that he DOES post this picture then. OK. The whole contry will see it. But most people who see it do not know you and will never meet you. They will just see a picture of some random girl they do not know and hardly take any notice of it at all. It is one of millions of photographs on the web. Many will not even see it at all. With your friends, I would not let them see I was embarrassed although I would be. You might decide that you will make them see that you think "So What?". Say that you were talking to the guy online, you thought it might be fun to send a sexy picture. And it turns out he was a real jerk. He posted it because you would not send him any more. Tell them what a sad little creep he is, and this is the only way he can get a girl to send him pictures of herself. Do not look ashamed. Try to make a joke about it. If you think people will laugh at you, they will find that it is very difficult to laugh at somebody who is already laughing themselves. A bit of psychology! I know this is difficult because you feel bad and upset about it. It is about putting on a bit of an act and not showing it. And people will not find any fun in something if they do not get a reaction. They will forget about it and find something more fun. Which is what we want! Regarding parents and family, I would try a different approach. Be very straight and say that you made a mistake. You were foolish, perhaps a bit bored as well and did something because you and your friends thought it was cool. You realise that now it was a bad and not very clever idea and you will not do it again. I should think your parents will be a little annoyed but I do not think they will be disgusted or hate you. I think they will understand. We all have to live and learn and make mistakes and they will know that. I think if you were my daughter I would be a little angry, but I would mostly be thankful that it was not something much worse you had done and were regretting. I would be happy if I felt you had learned from the mistake. We all make mistakes. Do not let it spoil your life even for a short while. But do not do it again will you?
Best wishes and be brave. CJB X
|
|
So my boyfriend is still a virgin & i know hes a clean guy. I gave him head the other day and i swalled. Now im paranoid because i read that HIV can be passed through oral. Is that true even though hes never been sexually active? (link)
| |
Hi. Close friend of mine worked in HIV counselling many years, often giving phone or face-to-face advice to people who believed they had been exposed. So I can give you some solid facts. First off, it would be a foolish man who claimed there was absolutely ZERO possibility of being infected with the virus through oral sex . But it's true that there is no documented, verified case of it being transferred either way via ONLY oral sex. By "either way", I mean male to female, female to male, male to male and female to female. The reasons are that although there could be a blood-to-infected semen or blood-to-vaginal fluid contact there are other factors. Barring those with chronic medical conditions our mouths do not bleed profusely for long periods. Sores, ulcers, bleeding from dental work or just brushing teeth too hard quickly 'seal'. Secondly the cells/tissue of the mouth are not good 'receptors'. This means the virus or has a hard time 'latching on' as it were. The virus must find a receptor. Also, saliva (spit) is a pretty complex bodily fluid. The virus cannot live in saliva, and in fact saliva has been shown to damage the virus badly. Making it effectively impotent. Swallowing the semen does not make oral sex a high-risk activity. So HIV gets a very hard time in your mouth! Therefore oral sex is regarded as verly low-risk (but we cannot of course say zero-risk). Fact remains though, that if you DID test hiv positive and the only sexual contact you had experienced was oral sex you will be the first recorded case. Even more importantly, if your partner is being totally honest with you and he is not sexually active there is very little chance of HIM being HIV positive. If he hasn't had penetrative sex with an infected partner himself there are really only two ways he could carry the virus. One is extremely slight. The other...only you will know. Firstly, a blood transfusion with infected blood. The chance of this in the modern western world is virtually zero, donated blood is screened carefully (In the early days of the virus appearing this was tragically not the case. Today it's simply not a real threat in the industrialised western countries at least). And if he's never had a blood transfusion...we can indeed say absolute ZERO possibility. The second possibility is that he injects drugs (illegal...like heroin) and shares needles with other drug users. Sharing with an HIV-positive user is probably one of the highest risk acts possible. In fact, it's almost certain that you WILL become infected. Again, forget about needles used by medical professionals, in clinics and hospitals or paramedics and home health visits etc. They're sealed, used once, sealed in containers afterwards and burnt...every time. No exceptions. You wouldn't really expect the pro's to make mistakes or be unaware of risk, would you? So, if he's being honest about his sexual history, and he ain't an injecting drug-addict...then he ain't HIV+ and neither are you. Bear in mind the older we get the more difficult it becomes to be sure of a partners sexual history. And unprotected, penetrative vaginal and/or anal sex is definitely NOT low risk. The risk is very real. And for your further information the virus cannot live unless it is supported in blood, semen or vaginal fluids. It does not live in urine either, so you cannot catch the virus using public toilets (there were real fears in the early days, and people believed kissing could transfer HIV too, among many other myths stemming from fear. HIV IS scary, there's no cure...only drugs to delay the inevitable progression to full-blown AIDS, and death to be blunt. Internal contact between infected blood, semen and vaginal fluids is the factor. Wherever this can occur there is risk. But ONLY where the operson is HIV positive). And that's ALL the dope, promise you. Get tested if you still can't relax.
|
|
I'm not delusional, and if you don't believe me, leave now. I will only ignore your answer if you don't believe what I'm saying, don't waste your time and typing. For example, someone I just met and only interacted with once and never spoke to again. I suddenly had a hunch on her relationship with a girl and found out every last detail was correct. At school a woman was talking about her spinal cord injury, and said she cracked her neck, and a back bone got broken or whatever. Then my neck and spine inexplicably started hurting. Happens for everything. Is this weird? Mom says I'm an empath or something like that… (link)
|
No delusion here. Some have great powers of empathy and intuition. The more you do it the greater you build a subconcious 'database' (as it were) of experience and the more intuitive you become, the more you are able to see from other the perspective of another (not simply your own). We might hear the ability called 'people skills'...'great communicator'...'she seems to read my mind and know what I'm thinking' and so on. Far less intuitive people recognise the ability when they see it. The mirroring of physical sensations when you hear about them, read of them or observe them in others is something called 'auto-suggestion' and it's quite common. (If you've got a minute look up some info on testing of new medical drugs, and in particular, look at 'The Placebo Effect' if you want to see how powerful auto-suggestion can be. Look at use of subliminal techniques in media advertising too...it's prohibited, and you'll see why. Our minds can be 'screwed with', and it's not that hard if you know how!!) It's more acute in some than others, some may feel direct sensations and symptoms...but most people will for instance 'squirm' or feel their 'toes curl' when hearing about someones discomfort. You're not delusory. You have strong empathy, are very intuitive and strongly auto-suggestive. If you ever think you can PREDICT, or have premonitions of events that will happen either to yourself or other people...then, sorry...you're delusory! It cannot happen, even the theory of it being possible is not coherent on any level. Your intuition and that partly subconscious 'database' of experience might suggest that a certain couple are destined for relationship clashes for example...and you might many times be proved right. But to predict it with certainty...this we cannot do. Thought-transference belongs in the world of science-fiction too I'm afraid. When our thoughts converge with others it's because all human minds assimilate and process information in the same way. The tendency will naturally be towards convergence. A good example is that in our distant past, ONE MAN did not invent the wheel and take his knowledge all over the earth. There was no facility for intercontinental travel for a start. Neither did he somehow 'beam' his knowledge through the atmosphere, across oceans etc. Each nation and culture, even community, invented its 'own' wheel. They were all round and they all worked the same. The ancient Greeks attached great spiritual significance to Mount Olympus, the Japanese to Mount Fuji, the Tibetans to Mount Everest and so on. The civilisations never met. There was no dialogue. Yet their thoughts all converged to mountains. In short, I believe you completely. The intellectual powers of the human mind are awesome at times. But not supernatural!
ps. The auto-suggestion/feeling pain link is so strong because regardless of which part of the body is afflicted and CAUSING the pain, we FEEL the sensation of pain in our mind. That's why pain-killing drugs are not specific (ie there's not a leg-pain killer, an arm pain killer, a shoulder pain killer etc.) They all work by targetting the brains 'pain centres'. You bandage the cut leg (to stop the bleeding), but the pain killing tablets or injections act neurologically (to 'stop it hurting'). Morphine would perhaps be the most extreme example. In a strong enough dose it will mask (or suppress) the most agonising pain imagineable anywhere in your body, but it won't cure what's causing it in any way. It just totally zaps your ability to 'feel' it.
|
|
I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't feel happy at all lately I know this has nothing to do with relationships it's mostly about me but I feel like I need to talk to someone , iv changed so much in like 2 years I don't myself anymore I'm hardly happy.. I feel like my mood changes a lot , lately I feel so alone like there's no one I can count on. The past few days I just randomly break down crying cause I feel like I'm trapped and there's some sort of void missing in my life I feel like I need to be happy , and it feels so weird because I'm someone that has everything in life but what's everything with out happiness? I don't know what to do I feel like I cry a lot I feel like I'm going crazy mentally broken down. (link)
| |
Hi there. Those cunning Germans (who virtually INVENTED psycho-analysis and the like!) came up with the term \'Weltschmerz\' (pronounced \'veltshmurts\') and meaning in English \'World Sadness\'. It\'s distinct from clinical depression, not the same thing at all. I fancy it descibes your feeling, and the answer you rated is pretty much the gist of it. It\'s part of our make-up. It\'s not the result of our achievements, posessions and well-being etc. Would you describe yourself as mood-sensitive and atmosphere-sensitive in general? A person who feels deeply in general? If so you\'re more likely to feel weltschmerz more acutely than some. The feeling that something is missing or just \'not right\' is pretty typical. Trying to identify precisely \'what\' is wrong or missing can be virtually impossible...there may well BE no \'what\'!! Crying may seem extreme to some, but if it\'s your \'safety valve\' and method of managing it then a little weep will do you no harm. But try not to form a pattern and let the whole thing feed on itself and grow to an unusal height. Without happiness seems a little bleak. Try perhaps to think of happiness as something YOU bring to events along life\'s road. The road itself is not happiness, and happiness is not a destination. Not something you can reach, somwhere you can live, something you secure once and for all. It happens along the way sometimes. The man (or woman of course) who wishes to find happiness must in many ways bring happiness with him. The post\'s about you, not me. But for what it\'s worth...I fancy I know exactly what you\'re \'feeling\' and it\'s not a stranger to me either. Best wishes. XX
|
|
I am i girl and i am a young teen. And i am 13 . I have this friend n we watch porn together.. Dont hate. We have been THAT horny that we hump n grind, but with clothes on.. Normally. A couple of time we have done it naked under a cover , n another time we like played with each other not put our finger up just did circles around the top of each others fanny. I enjoyed it tbh n she did to but weve never kissed n we r into boys still. But i REALLY want someone to like finger me but what i would really like is someone to lick me out .. But im definitly not gunna ask her that would be embarrassing . But ive got this other friend that watched porn with me before but not full on porn . N we decieded to play dares but we didnt no what dare each other so i searched it on youtube. I wanted it to come up with like kissing but it didnt. And i havmt had my first kiss yet(emebarrassing..)But i want to be able to kiss somebody. Im sorry for being long i just need some advice so pleeeaase help me :) thankyou xxxx (link)
|
Hi there. Your sexual orientaion does not seem in any doubt and is really not that open to influence. No young lady who was a lesbian would ever say she was \'into boys still.\' I\'m male and heterosexual (meaning \'into girls\'!) but it\'s not something I choose daily to be, or picked. I just AM. People have different views on porn. I believe it\'s best to consider it a visual entertainment that we either enjoy or do not enjoy. Not get on our high-horses about it being wrong or right. (I\'m talking ONLY about adult pornography featuring professional models or consenting adult \'amateurs\' who choose to do what they do here). We have war movies, horror movies, crime movies. They are entertainment, nothing more. So, you enjoy watching some adult entertainment with a couple of close friends? You obviously enjoy it, and it makes you feel a bit horny, right? So you enjoy a bit of a grind and a hump with your friend...and that feels even more fun? And enjoye stimulaing each other at times? It\'s absoultely NOTHING to worry about mate, I promise you!! It does NOT make you lesbians, and won\'t turn you into lesbians. You seem a bit vexed because you\'d like to go a little further? Kissing and kissing intimately? Again, no worries. Your mate might want to as well, but be too embarrassed to ask. You might try it. You might enjoy it. You might think \'not for me\' and just carry on humping and touching sometimes. Or it might remain something you never feel comfortable with together and never \'move on to\'. Any of the above are still fine. If a much older woman was trying to persuade you or even force you into any of this against your better judgement or will it would of course be VERY WRONG. This is NOT the case. Your exploring your sexuality, with girls your own age, with the same curiosity. And it feels good. OK, technically porn is meant for over 18\'s but show me a girl or guy of your age who hasn\'t watched it? So watch a movie and hump a bit and if you both feel the urge to do a bit more it\'s fine. And if you don't it's fine too. If or when you both want to kiss, you\'ll kiss. Sorry for being \'long\' myself here. Basically stop beating yourself up. You're just being NORMAL!!!
ps...Don't try an silly 'dares' that involve pushing objects inside yourselves, will you? It's much more likely to feel uncomfortable and make you feel sore than sexy. Trust me, the 'cicles at the top' bit you described will feel MUCH more exciting and enjoyable anyway!
|
|
I'm Catholic/Christian (not sure the difference) and I've heard of these evil cults, who worship devils and help demons, the devil, and other evil spirits to harass innocent GOOD people such as Jews, Christians and Catholics, and unsuspecting atheists who I don't support but are most vulnerable since they don't even think it exsists so don't know that they need to tell a preist, and I've heard a group of occult practicers have kidnapped 200 girls from school and started selling them for sex. How horrible! Despicable, evil runts! Why? They isolate and torture they're children, raising them without running water or electricity, never letting them leave, poor tortured helpless children, I hope they run away! And they teach them you'll go to hell if you masturbate or have sex! Plain awful! They do unspeakably evil, horrible thing and have the nerve to call Christians and Catholics evil, those who are happy, peaceful and loving, and the Jews who they seem to hate and torture the most, but are actually loyal: always having each other's back, rich and smart with money, and have great education. They should be the one being killed and suffering, those hideous cults! God bless those who suffer from they're evilness. (link)
| |
Personally I believe we have to acknowledge that the despicable, deplorable acts of man are just that. The conscious, deliberate acts of mortal humans. Having no religion I do not subscribe to the idea of anonymous/abstract \'evil\' as the cause, using man as it\'s \'tool\'. Those who claim to be in leauge with dark and evil forces which either force them or \'permit\' them to carry out such despicable acts I believe are delusory. And dangerous. And I think they are the same \'despicable, evil runts\' you do. The 200 girls? Your post hits the nail on the head, (quote) \"and started SELLING them for sex\". It was money behind this, not abstract \'evil\'. Just like it\'s money and greed for it behind all organised prostitution, and drug dealing, and gun-running etc. Forcing unwanted and/or depraved sexual acts and human rights violations are again the acts of man. Those who believe they can step outside the conventions and laws of society which sound people have established and fought to preserve since the emergence of man. It disgusts me too. We only differ in our opinion of what\'s driving it. I believe the responsibilty and accontability starts and ends with man. Not \'forces of good and evil\' being abroad in the world. Too many attrocities have been committed in the name of religion, and using belief systems as the excuse for me to accept any of them...but I acknowledge that this is purely MY opinion and choice. I do not have your \'faith\' but I agree totally with your obseravtions and feelings.
|
|
My friend found a baby kitten at her work and I ended up taking it because she couldn't. It looks about no more than 2 weeks. It can bearly hold its head up and shakes when it walks, its eyes are fully open and it fits in the palm of your hand. I have a bottle for it and it takes a few drinks then pushes away. How do you know how much to feed it? Do you know exactly how old it i? Do you know what I need to do for a kitten this young? Please help!!! (link)
| |
Are you in the UK? If so there\'s free PDSA vets. And private vets usually have an arrangement that they can recover the cost of treating animals that are bought in with no apparent owner. I\'ve taken an injured animal (always cats as it happens) to a vet a few times and he told me that, and was as good as his word each time. One got loads of treatment (hit by a car). Or if funds permit, and you want a cat, pick up the bill yourself. I\'m sure the little chap\'s worth it. Very young, you\'ll need a little help probably. Good luck, hope he/she pulls through. At the very least you\'ve already given the little tyke a fighting chance. Nice one. X
|
|
I have a good friend. For the past few years we've been so close people thought we were dating. She's my "go to", but there is nothing sexual between us. She began dating someone a few weeks ago, and since then my friend and I are considerably less "intimate" than we were. We hang out less, talk less, etc. When I pointed this out to her and told her it made me feel left out, she told me I was making things "awkward", and she's pretty much cut me off almost completely. We live together, but now we have the minimum contact possible. What do you think is going on? What should I do? I don't want to give up on our friendship. FYI... we are both 40-something females. (link)
| |
I\'d say her \'awkward\' description is pretty up front and largely explains itself. It\'s the very early stages of a new relationship for her. A time when we\'re naturally eager to seek and gain each others approval and really pour out positives and make the very best impression we can. Putting him \'on hold\' as it were, even for a while, and giving the reason that it\'s because her female friend is feeling a little neglected is probably not a path she\'s keen to go down at this very formative (\'probationary\' even) stage of the relationship. You must admit it is somewhat awkward. You\'re relationship with her has obviously been a significant part of both your lives. And could continue to be so. But I\'d suggest taking a step back for a while and giving her plenty of freedom and space with her prospective new partner. And let the new/revised relationship dynamics develop between the three of you as they will. It\'s a sea-change, not necessarily the end. Unless she feels you are \'ruining things\' with him. In which case a choice and estrangement might well be on the cards. And right now the choice would most probably be in his favour. So don\'t force a showdown you\'re likely to lose. Adapt....let the relatinship evolveand you can all win.
|
Today I got a random noise in my ear. All my life, I've had this 'high pitch noise' in my ears/head but assumed everyone had it. Well anyways, my mind kept focusing on the noise and now it won't go away. I don't know if it's ringing because nothing would've caused the ringing. But I also don't know if it's just something in my mind. What could this be? Also, how can I sleep with this? It's kind of loud.
Also, I have to keep tapping on my ear so my mind focuses on that sound and not the high pitch sound. Help asap. (link)
| |
Loud music in earphones would count as a cause, if it continued for a long time. Needn\'t have been louder than usual, just for longer. Infections are generally accompanied by pain, usually quite severe pain. A good guess, if you can rule out all obvious causes would be earwax. Our ears secrete the stuff naturally all the time. Somtimes deposits of it build up and it goes quite hard. It can cause this high pitched note/ringing in the ear in question, or both. You might find your hearing a bit duller and \'muffled\' in the noisy ear too. Chat to a mate on your phone, holding it to each ear in turn and see if you hear a difference. You can get drops which soften the wax from chemists, no prescription needed. Follow the instructions and as all medicines tell you...\"if symptoms persist consult your doctor\". Plus try the divers trick of blocking your nosrils and closing your mouth and blowing gently, increasing the pressure bit by bit for a second or two. You may feel a slght \'pop\' in your ear and suddenly no more ringing noise. This evens up pressure in your ear with the air pressure outside (underwater diving always throws them out of step but it can happen to anyone, anytime. Worth a try. But blow gently, if that doesn\'t clear it , it ain\'t pressure and blowing harder won\'t help and could actually cause damage. Best wishes. My bet\'s on plain old earwax mate. Ps...loud earphones or a noisy nightclub or rockband....it\'ll fade on its own over a few days.
|
|
Me an my friend are very close n we are very dirty minded, we are only 13 nearly 14 and borh girls n we hump each other (dont hate) n sometimes we play with ourselfs together n i really want her to play with me or lick me even (i dont fancy her..) I just want someone i no to lick/finger me?? Help?? (link)
| |
Hi there! I fancy I can see where you\'re at and where you\'re coming from. You\'re not a lesbian, bi-sexual or confused or curious about your sexual direction? You don\'t see yourself in a same-sex relationship now or any time soon? OK, girls are often more physical and \'touchy-feely\' with their girl-friends than guys are with their mates. Kissing and hugging when they\'re sharing a laugh, or sharing troubles. A couple of (maybe married) women curling up in bed together, having a drink and watching a romantic movie. Guys almost invariably DO NOT \'share\' on this level with their male friends. To put it mildly, it\'s just not acceptable to us. What you\'re enjoying with your friend is of course what we can only describe as sexual behaviour. And sexual behaviour is something that IS meant to be shared. Obviously you\'re both comfortable about being sexual together. If either of you wasn\'t it wouldn\'t be happening. Would pleasuring each other even more directly (a little more than humping, in the ways you descibe) be an unacceptable step \'too far\'? No. Not if you\'re both comfortable with it and enjoying it. So discuss the possibility with her. What I\'m hoping to say is that you are NOT doing anything to feel guilty about, there\'s no suggestion that you are lesbians, or that it will make you lesbians. And it\'s definitley NOT freaky or unusual. Maybe neither of you particularly want a boyfriend right now? You\'re much happier enjoying your sexuality with each other? If you\'re happy with it, you trust her and feel confident with her, and it feels good, enjoy it. I might add that given your ages, well...other friends could well be a bit over-judgemental and you might find yourselves the subject of some teasing and hurtful comments. So keep things just between you and your close friend. We do not all mentally and emotionally mature at the same rate. You\'ll certainly have similar aged other friends who would not be as aware of, or comfortable about the idea as you two seem to be at the moment. And some will identify with where you\'re at right now completely. Either way, it\'s actually your business and not theirs anyway, isn\'t it? There\'s really nothing worrying, harmful or remotely damaging in what you\'ve said here. And certainly no cause to \'hate\'. Stop worrying and thinking too much about it and just have fun. X
|
15 / F
My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of months now and recently I have noticed one girl in particular showing an interest in my boyfriend. Before I had met my boyfriend I was not exactly friends with this girl because she is a bit of a bitch and I hate to use this word but she is what would be described as a "slut", but ever since we started dating she suddenly started hating me and being really rude to me. At first it was just her but now she has her friend against me as well and I feel really uncomfortable around them and always feel like I'm being watched. Every time i walk past them they stare at me and i know they are talking about me because they all turn and look at me at the same time. Individually all of the girls in this group are nice to me but when they are together they are horrible. Also, the one girl in particular is acting very "fake" around my boyfriend and when I'm with him she treats me completely different than what she would if I was alone. I have talked about it with my boyfriend and he is very understanding of everything and the way I feel but I still don't know what to think about it all. Even worse is that he was at a party they were at and all he girls were drunk and were hanging off him and the one girl was looking at him like she wanted to have sex with him (his words not mine). He hated the whole night and was texting me the whole time telling me how much he wanted to get away from them but he had no way of getting home until the time that he had arranged to be picked up from the party. We have a very open relationship with each other and are 100% honest which makes me feel a little bit better but I don't like the way they are treating me as if I have done something wrong when really I'm just with they guy they want. i really do like him and I afraid that it's going to get to the point where I'm just going to give in to the pressure and l don't want that to happen because I'm scared to lose him.
ps. I go to a small school and there really is no way of avoiding these girls
Sorry it's long I just really don't know how much longer I can take this. Advise please! (link)
|
Hi there! OK, so the girls at school seem a bit hostile toward you since the new boyfriend. And they\'re all over him at parties after a few drinks. It sounds to me like you\'ve caught yourself one of those guys that girls do tend to fancy and find desirable. There are guys like this. And so you\'re finding yourself the object of their envy, jealousy if you like. And so, you\'re now feeling that the girl who makes \'come to bed\' eyes at him is a threat. And the \'slutty\' (it\'s OK, I know what you mean!) one, she\'s another predator too, eh? And it\'s piling-up the pressure on your relationship? It\'s good news that he\'s finding their attention rather unwanted. A guy who knows other girls fancy him could use that against you...which he isn\'t doing. And that\'s making him look EVEN MORE desirable to the girls who fancy him, they\'ll be like \"WOW! He\'s loyal to his girlfriend as well.\" It\'s a complex thing this envy isn\'t it? It\'s a part of life unfortunatelty. Invite friends to your house and it\'s much bigger than theirs, drive a more prestigious car....whatever. Some (maybe the more \'true\' friends) will be be happy with you and for you. Some will resent you and envy you stongly. OK, where are we? You can\'t avoid them. You shouldn\'t really have to or want to. You\'ll have many same-sex friends all your life, and only one partner at a time. They are and will be important to you, nobody can make their boyfriend the one and only aspect and human relationship of their life. First thing is not to play-up to their envy. Try not to project a \"Don\'t you wish you were me?\" attitude. It can be tempting, can\'t it? But don\'t. If you can give the appearance that you feel a bit lucky it might help. Perhaps the odd comment that you didn\'t expect him to want to go out with you? Be a bit \'humble\', mention that \"guys usually seem to fancy...\" and choose the most glamourous, or the \'slutty\'(no offence!) friend. If there\'s any guys you know they\'ve got their eye on (excluding YOUR chap, of course!) big them up. Say so-and-so\'s a great looking guy. DO NOT suggest \'so-and-so\' isn\'t a patch on your guy! In general when people are happy with what they\'ve got they are less likely to envy others. So take every opportunity to show them that they have lots going for them. If their responses and answers make you boil-up a bit, bite your lip. At the end of the day, the guy DID choose YOU. Ok, the girls fancy him. DO NOT let this make you suspicious of him. DO NOT question him about them all the time. He said that he wanted to \'get away\' from the party...let that be enough. It will be very easy to
fall into a suspicious mindset in this situation (which is often partly what the jealous friends want) and if he has keep answering questions about other girls, and keep having to prove he\'s loyal to you, it really will put him (and the relationship) under even more pressure. Remember too, that your friends will fancy, and date other guys. And each will normally then get the idea that their boyfriend is \' actually the best boyfriend\' (this mental mechanism would take a very long time to explain, but trust me, it happens). Then there will be far less envy and hostility flying about in the air. I\'m afraid I haven\'t been able to give you one specific cause and cure. It\'s all part of the dynamics of human relationships and they are complex and varied. You kind of have to get used to it and play along, be diplomatic, not brag and be too \'in the face\' of people you have to live with. It\'s part of being an adult. Probably as a little girl you and your mates envied each other\'s toys? Dresses? And there were a few arguments, tantrums and harsh words? You could say you\'re just facing the \'grown-up\' and adult-world version of these playground jealousies and power-plays. Hope there\'s something in here that you find helpful. CJB
|
|
I don't have a question to ask but I would just like to say thank you for your advise on my "My boyfriend wants to have sex but I'm not ready." question as it really did help me to clear my thoughts! You were very helpful. Thanks! X (link)
| |
You\'re welcome. Feel free to inbox me anytime, about anything that\'s on your mind mate. Talking doesn\'t solve all your problems all the time of course. But I\'ve NEVER known an open and honest chat make any problem worse. CJB X
|
|
So my crush, in response to a text I sent her, sent this: aww ♥ you're so fucking adorable, I can't stop thinking about you. Cute right? Except she was drunk. So what does this mean? Drunk words equal sober thoughts? Should I ask her about it or just let it go? (link)
| |
I\'d definitely not let it go completely. Up to a point alcohol can serve to reduce and remove our inhibitions. It liberates us in a way and we are far more likely to say (and do!) things we lack the confidence and certainty to say or do when we\'re sober. It gives us the proverbial \'Dutch Courage\', you might have heard the term? If she was with a group of drunken friends they might have egged her on to play a prank of course (cruel, but those inhibitions and our conscience desert us a bit when ratted, as we\'ve discussed.) After a point the booze will tend to deny you your motor-functions (can\'t walk straight, fall over etc) and at this point anything we say tends to be total nonsense. If she typed the text correctly, and picked you as the correct recipient (hopefully it WAS meant for you??) and sent it she probably wasn\'t completely hammered. Leaving either 1. a prank, or 2. the booze gave her the Dutch Courage to say what she wants to say sober. There\'s only one way to find out my friend...you\'re gonna HAVE to follow it up. If she\'s got NO MEMORY of sending it at all, bad luck...she was totally hammered and probably hit the right keys/touchpanels \'on auto-pilot\' because she uses the phone such a lot. Follow it up in any case man. Nothing to lose...everything to gain!
|
|
My boyfriend and I are both 15 and we are both virgins. He wants to have sex with me but he knows that I am not ready. He says he will try not to do anything that I will not be comfortable with but he told me he doesn't know how long he can hold it off for. Also, I don't really like the idea of giving him head or him fingering me as I have not done any of this before. Any advise? (link)
| |
Having full sex is a big step, especially for a girl and you are absolutely correct to wait until you feel ready and comfortable with it. Guys generally have fewer doubts and just want to have sex as soon as possible, I\'m afraid it\'s one of those generalisations that is so often true. Of course, you want to be much more than just some convenient female for him to have sex with, and quite right too. Love-play, as you mention (him touching you intimately, handjobs, oral sex) is a lot less pressure, there\'s not the emotional entailments of you \'losing your virginity\' and most importantly perhaps, there\'s much less that can \'go wrong\'. Which must be why it\'s so common for young couples to start off like this, not rush into having sex. Not all relationships last. He may not ever be the guy you want to have sex first time with. You could think of it as a (usually very enjoyable) way of exploring your sexuality, but make it quite clear that you do not intend to have full sex, not until you feel ready. If your love-play includes making him \'cum\' (via handjobs or oral sex) it can reduce the tension in the relationship quite effectively, hopefully avoiding some of the \'can\'t hold it off\' feeling you mention. And if he feels that he can please you physically (without full sex) that should help too. It\'s one thing for me to tell you this, and another for the pair of you to actually implement it. If he really can\'t or won\'t give you the time and consideration you want and deserve you\'ll just have to take a deep breath and let him go. I can honestly tell you that agreeing to have sex is not a guranteed way of a girl keeping a boyfriend. It\'s a bit of a power-play, a kind of emotional blackmail. \"Have sex with me or I\'ll dump you...you choose\" in effect. It\'s not unusual or anything sinister to worry about in a lad of that age. He\'s just trying his luck. It doesn\'t mean he\'s a bad guy. Call it, see if it\'s a bluff. If it is he\'ll back down. If it isn\'t and he dumps you...well, you can do better than this and you\'re better off without him. No-lose either way, eh?? Best wishes, and be true to yourself.X
|
So I slept with this guy last week Sunday (over a week ago) and he came from a handjob! Then we had sex and he came in like 5 minutes.
THEN, I slept with him again a few days ago and it took him SO long to cum. we were having sex, changed positions several times, and it was to the point where I was just plain tired.
Why is it that he came so early the firs time? Did I do something wrong? (link)
| |
There\'s a common paradox here. Most women like their partner to hold off their climax long enough to satisfy them and not have it all over too soon. A woman has a much longer period where she can remain aroused. But if it goes on \'too long\' sex can become tiring and might make her a litttle sore or uncomfortable. It\'s about finding what works well for you. It\'s probably fair to say he\'ll sometimes cum a bit too soon for you, and there\'s not much you can do if he\'s a bit eager at times. If he seems to be taking a bit too long he hasn\'t gone off you or stopped finding you arousing either. There\'s not a \'right\' amount of time that sex should take. Only \'right for you and how you feel at the time\'. You might sometimes fancy a passionate, spontaneous \'quickie\' as it were. Sometimes you might want to take things slower. There\'s no \'best\' position for every time either. Or every couple would have sex in that position, every time wouldn\'t they? It\'s more a case of variety and going with how you feel at the time. Some positions mean the man feels more dominant and in control. Some give that dominance over to the female. The \'vibe\' is completely different. A positon where you are \'doing the driving\' as you might put it can give you more control over when he climaxes in many cases, as you might gather, and work out how. No right, no wrong...and no \'standard time\'.
|
So i've slept with this guy twice.
Both times he used a condom, but came while he was inside of me (in his condom). That always scares me because what if the condom breaks?! or Something! Then all that stuff is in me! That's not the best.
Anyways, is it normal to be afraid that something like that could happen?
How do I tell him to just pull out before cumming? Is that rude?
Also, I know when hes going to cum because he goes SO deep in me and pushes real hard - it feels great for me and probably great for him, but I'm so scared!
advice? (link)
|
Hi there. Literally millions of people use condoms daily without any accidents. There\'s always SOME possibility. People are hurt and killed in car crashes daily, but we all drive our cars and of course we generally aren\'t involved in any sort of collision. Just to set the \'probabilities\' angle. OK, there\'s nothing sharp inside you of course, which will tear a condom. It will slip a little during sex quite probably, but it\'s not at all likely to slip right off. Possibly it might if he loses his erection completely, but he\'ll also lose his ability to penetrate you and ejaculate too if this happens. The most likely cause of a condom breaking is if he gets air trapped in it when he\'s putting it on. If it\'s put on correctly you won\'t get air trapped in it. If there is air the tip of the condom will look like a little balloon which you\'ll clearly see above the head of his penis. If you see this, it\'s on wrong and you increase the possibility of it breaking quite a lot, especially when you\'re quite energetic having sex. And as you note, he\'ll be pressing quite hard and deep when he\'s about to \'cum\'...us guys are like that, and yes...it does feel great for us and shows we\'re very excited over our partner. And yep...that\'s NOT a great time for the condom to pop! I\'m sure he\'ll be very eager when he\'s about enter you but he has to be patient enough to get his condom on properly. It\'s a case of gripping the end of the condom tightly between his thumb and forefinger of one hand. His thumb-width is a good distance from the end. Then he should roll the condom down smoothly over the length of his penis until it reaches the base. Avoiding tearing it with a sharp fingernail of course. And he should put it on when he\'s fully erect and ready to penetrate you. If he does snag it on a nail, chuck it and use another. And if you see that little \'balloon\' of trapped air it\'s wrong. You could refit it, but it can be awkward once it\'s unrolled. Best bet is to use another. You don\'t want to trying to save a few pennies when safe sex is involved. This might sound a bit of a procedure, when you\'re both anxious to get started. But it very soon becomes automatic. And it then goes on \'right\' pretty much every time without thinking. If you\'re just starting using condoms, try and keep your emotions down a bit until it does all become automatic. It doesn\'t take THAT long! Condoms with extra lubricant built in will \'roll on\' that bit more easily too. So see what\'s available and read the box. Used correctly condoms have just about the highest protection rate of any form of contraception. And after he\'s ejaculated it\'s a good idea for him to hold the condom on his penis at the base as he withdraws from you. No, it\'s not rude for a girl to ask a guy to pull out when he\'s ready to cum. But it does interrupt the fun and pleasure rather, don\'t you think? Used correctly there\'s no reason why you can\'t both enjoy the feeling of him cumming \'inside you\' (as it were, he\'s cumming safely into the condom, but you know what I mean) as the climax of your love-making. None at all. In the event of an accident, despite everything, you\'ll no doubt be aware that there are after-sex contraceptive pills which can be taken relatively soon after sex. Next day is fine. So if the unlikely does happen some time, there\'s a solution available. It is unlikely, make sure that condom\'s on correctly and you might well never have to use them. Also, have an agreement that if it did burst during sex, he stops having sex IMMEDIATELY and sorts out a fresh condom. He will almost certainly be able to tell. It\'s a \'trust\' thing. If you don\'t trust him, why on earth are you letting him have sex with you?? Remember, you are using the most common and reliable form of contraception. Have fun!
ps. The lubricant in lubricated condoms is often called 'spermicidal' (meaning it kills sperm). That could be very handy as a guy may 'pre-cum' during sex (he releases fluid which may contain sperm). There's a low-ish risk of pregnancy if if it did break during sex, which is even more reduced with spermicidal lubricant. So choose condoms that are spermicidally lubricated if you want to put your mind even more at ease. And that's exactly why you shouldn't ever be tempted or persuaded to 'start off' without a condom. And he might well ejaculate quickly and unexpectedly if he's very excited. It goes on BEFORE he gets inside you AT ALL, OK??
|
|
There's this really nice girl I've known for awhile and we've been good friends for a long time. Now I think I might love her, what should a girl do in this situation. (link)
| |
Strong feelings for someone can easily give us the idea that they are reciprocated. The belief that because you feel so passionately for them, it must make some mark on them, the must feel the same. Intuition can be your best friend but in a way can sometimes be your enemy to some extent. A knock-back is a knock-back, in the boy-girl scene and it doesn\'t feel nice when you\'ve read the situation wrong. It can be bitterly dissapointing. With a prospective same-sex relationship there\'s a possibilty that declaring your love for her may leave her feeling horrified. I should say tread very carefully. I assume you want to realise the love you feel for physically? You need some strong signals that she wants to enjoy the relationship on the same level before you say or do anything you might desperately want to un-say immediately. On the other hand, there\'s no point \'worshipping her from afar\' indefinitely, as you might say And wondering if your feelings are/would be returned. A case of make your move, but don\'t make a move too soon. And be realistic. Get some dialogue on the subject of same-sex relationships going, and listen to her replies, watch her body-language and look at her face. If there are very strong signs that she\'s not at all comfortable with the subject, be honest with yourself and step-back. You clearly ARE ok with it. It can be easier to discuss some things objectively, rather than subjectively. Meaning start of with a suitably abstract topic of same-sex relationships per se, and carefully personalise it. \'I think they\'re ok\' has to lead to \'I would like one\' and finally \'And I want one with you\'. It might of course hit a receptive spot straight away. In which case...you\'ve pulled. Enjoy yourselves. Or it might go more slowly (she\'s partly receptive, curious but by no means sure). Any sign that it isn\'t going to \'go\' at all, abandon it. I do not believe you can change anyones sexual orientation if they\'re set against it, however much YOU love HER. It\'s too deep-set. I mean, I\'m male and heterosexual. I do not consciously make the effort to be. I do not think about it or wish to change it. I don\'t question it at all...I just \'am\'. There are men I have and do admire. I can appreciate that some men are \'good looking guys\' and see why women think they are. But I can\'t \'fancy\' a bloke or want to be physically intimate with him. It\'s not \'in me\' as you might say. She may love and admire you and value your friendship highly. But have no capacity to \'fancy\' you and likewise be intimate physically. Hope there\'s something in there you might work with or find useful. Best wishes.
|
21/f, he's 27/m
I met this guy, he's 27. We expressed interest in each other when we first met (but it was online). I was nervous about meeting him in person at first because I felt like I would be too young or too naive for him. I know that's not right for me to assume but I guess that's just how I feel.
After our first in-person meeting, I realized how much we had in common and he makes me smile, in the longest time, I was actually nervous. And even afterward, he seemed to actually still expressed interest in me but I can't help but have doubts in my head.
For example, I have an older sister that is a year younger than he is and even though she has a boyfriend, I sometimes fear that if he ever met her, he may like her instead just because she's closer to his age. Another is that our lifestyle is different. I obviously still live with my parents and I'm trying to get into graduate school; whereas, he already has a career going.
I have already had two relationships that has ended because my lifestyle and my family issues was "too much to handle." (Money issues, parents aren't getting along, etc.) My mom thought my last relationship ended because my boyfriend's parents didn't like the fact that we made less money than they did. Maybe that's why I may have doubts in my head?
He's aware that I have a 26 year old sister and he still seems to "like" me, I guess? He said he wanted to see me again but I'm afraid to appear in front of him, even afraid to show him my car just because of our lifestyle is so different.
Doubts in my mind. Maybe I'm not good enough? (link)
| |
Hi there. You\'re a real bag full of insecurities here, aren\'t you? He\'s got a secire job, worried his parents earn more than yours, worried your family are dysfunctional...and he\'s gonna fall for your sister instead of you before long!! Well, most people are rather nervous in the early part of a relationship, mainly because we\'re each seeking the approval of the other, looking for things to like about each other...and so on. And do you know, if you really click and you love each other you it won\'t matter much. And if you don\'t click, it doesn\'t matter if you\'ve got a list as long as your arm of things you have in common, however much \'proof\' you have that you\'re \'a matched pair\'...it won\'t work out. Plus of course, if two people are completely alike...well...one of you needn\'t really be there. You need a little point/counterpoint, you each bring something a little different to the party as it were. Have confidence my friend. Self-confidence and self-belief. Roll the dice. Don\'t defeat yourself before you start. And good luck...cos we ALL need a little luck. Funny though, the bolder you are, the luckier you seem to get! X
|
|
Hi, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 20. He loves soccer. He's birthday is coming up and I don't know what I should get him (link)
| |
I\'m guessing soccer means the UK version of football, so it\'s not mixed up with what WE call American Football? Over here a big fan of a particular team loves to wear one of the team shirts they wear while playing, and they\'re quite readily available for sale. Or the supporters shirts, jackets...woooly hats and scarves (it\'s a winter season game here and it\'s cold watching soccer from the stands) in the team colours and with their name on. Don\'t know if that\'s any help? A DVD of his favourite team in action if there\'s one out there? Some of our top clubs over here have massive ranges of items for sale from a little keyring to mattress and quilt covers for a whole bed in their colours and with the team badge on!! Some are \'official\' and some not, just like rock star fan club stuff. If he\'s more a player than a supporter maybe you could go to the sports gear shop with him and when he next wants some boots you offer to pay part of the cost, or buy them for him completely if your funds permit. Then he\'ll think of you every time he plays, and who knows...they might inspire him to score extra goals...just for you! New sports bag for his kit? Something he hasn\'t got, or he has got but it\'s getting a bit worn and needs replacing would be good. If his kitbag\'s nearly new anyway and/or in good nick...well he doesn\'t need two bags. So make another choice. If I was a keen player I\'d like the \'boots\' idea best I think. They\'re an essential part of the kit and I\'d feel pleased thinking \"Hey..my girlfriend and I got these together for my birthday...so they\'re special.\"
|
|