|
Friendship has gotten "awkward"?
I have a good friend. For the past few years we've been so close people thought we were dating. She's my "go to", but there is nothing sexual between us. She began dating someone a few weeks ago, and since then my friend and I are considerably less "intimate" than we were. We hang out less, talk less, etc. When I pointed this out to her and told her it made me feel left out, she told me I was making things "awkward", and she's pretty much cut me off almost completely. We live together, but now we have the minimum contact possible. What do you think is going on? What should I do? I don't want to give up on our friendship. FYI... we are both 40-something females.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I can't help but get the feeling you might have been hoping for more than friendship and now you are feeling a little jealous and hurt. I could be wrong but you made a few references to dating and intimacy that I wouldn't really expect to see when just discussing a friendship. You don't say whether this "someone new" is male or female but it sort of leaves one with the impression that you considered yourself her "someone" before this person came into the picture. If this really is the case then you need to tell her how you feel. If not, then the only thing you can do is make a different life for yourself that isn't so dependent on her friendship. This might require some deep soul searching on your part to figure out exactly what you need from this relationship. I hope it works out the way you want!
]
Rainhorse is right. Its the new relationship, nothing to do with you that has her acting differently towards you.
I have heard it called New Relationship Energy and have found it to be sooo true. When I have been in a new relationship, its all I can think about or want to make myself available for. Friends and other commitments fall to the wayside.
It is also something all the young college age singles notice when two of their friends get married. All of a sudden the two married people are not available for their friends until this 'high' of emotional energy they are riding smooths down to its normal every day level, one in which they may still be head over heels in love but now have time for friends. Until you have experienced the same for yourself, you won't be able to understand how strongly this NRE affects people.
And I have not known anyone who is able to find a way to resist going through this.
If someone is dating a person and not experiencing this level of want to focus only on them, then they may be hanging with someone more like a best friend than a romantic dating partner.
Give it time, eventually, she'll come back into your life. Just act as if nothing happened, no time separation and just pick up the friendship where you left off. NRE doesnt usually last any longer than a period of a month to maybe 5,-6 months from what I have experienced. Perhaps others have seen it last longer, its possible. Just don't worry about it.
]
I'd say her 'awkward' description is pretty up front and largely explains itself. It's the very early stages of a new relationship for her. A time when we're naturally eager to seek and gain each others approval and really pour out positives and make the very best impression we can. Putting him 'on hold' as it were, even for a while, and giving the reason that it's because her female friend is feeling a little neglected is probably not a path she's keen to go down at this very formative ('probationary' even) stage of the relationship. You must admit it is somewhat awkward. You're relationship with her has obviously been a significant part of both your lives. And could continue to be so. But I'd suggest taking a step back for a while and giving her plenty of freedom and space with her prospective new partner. And let the new/revised relationship dynamics develop between the three of you as they will. It's a sea-change, not necessarily the end. Unless she feels you are 'ruining things' with him. In which case a choice and estrangement might well be on the cards. And right now the choice would most probably be in his favour. So don't force a showdown you're likely to lose. Adapt....let the relatinship evolveand you can all win.
]
More Questions: |