Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84219
Main Categories:
Work/School Relationships
Families
Parenting
View All
|
| |
My boyfriend was fingering me really deep and with 2 fingers [something new] It kinda hurt for a little, you know?
Well I had purple-redish discharge.
Did he break my hymen?
-I've noticed that my fingers can go in deeper.. masturbation-
Or..?
I'm on the pill. Just started the 'peach pills'
.. is it my period ?
How would you tell the difference ?
(link)
|
I think you broke your hymen. The bleeding episode is short, and not much comes out. With you period, you should bleed for up to 5 days. and usally it's bright red
Michele
|
|
hi this is starla, yes i was really really sore down there and it was really messy. I dont what to do next i cant talk to my mom about this (link)
|
Starla, you have to talk to someone, those boys raped you. And of course they drugged you, because if they ASKED you if they could all have sex with you, you would have said NO> you were taken against your will, it is against the law.
These boys will do it again. to someone else.
Why didn't anyone at the party help you?
If you live in a small town, you can bet there are going to be problems.
I would understand if you just wanted to leave and clean up and forget the whole thing. But what if you are pregnant? You should call the police, but I understand if you don't want too.
What if everyone else in town, (all the young kids) know about it, and now they start to talk about you and call you names, and taunt you. Now all boys will want to go out with you because they will think you are easy, when you were taken against your will.
You don't have to decide this minute, but the fluid coming out if you is semen and it is evidence, it can prove who raped you. You need to talk to an adult. A rape couselor. If you were my daughter I would be upset, but I would call the police and press charges.
I am so sorry honey. I wish I could be there to help you.
Michele
|
Im an american citizen but I've lived in Europe my whole life. I've always planned on going back for University, now that it is time to do so, I found out I need to take the SATs. The SAME SATs you all take. In english. I can't do it! I've never studied MATH in english, I definitely will not be able to pass the reading/wriing part of it since the only english I ever speak is during the summer when I visit my cousins! I speak fluently, but I'm way beind in the other areas. And it's not like all I need to do is PASS, I need really OUTSTANDING scores. How do I prepare? I've heard in America you have special books that help you and professors and all sorts of preparations. I don't think I'll be able to get ahold of that kind of material. What should I do? If you've taken the SATs, and you know it was hard for you, and you sense that I wont be able to do it (becase I only have 2 months to practice for it) please tell me now, so I wont put myself through the pain of spending my whole summer studying for it to find out I failed.
Do I have a shot here? Was it hard? How should I prepare? What kind of things came on the test that I should ractice on? Thank you! (link)
|
Yes, there are lots of books that can help you study for the SAT's. Go t Amazon.com and choose books from the drop down menu, then type SAT in the searh window. A lot of choices will come up.
I am too old to tell you what the SAT;s are like, I took them so long ago, and the test has changed since. It has three parts, and one part is an essay. If you do buy a book, make sure it was copyrited in 2006 or 2007 so you will get training on the new Essay section.
Also you can take the SAT;s as many times as you like and only your highest score counts. It cost money to take it though. good luck to you. I think you will do fine. You seem like a smart student
Michele
|
|
when i have sex we usally do it 2 or 3 times in a row. in most cases the first time i do it, i dont last long, however on the 2nd and 3rd time i can last for like 45 min 30 min. i think the fact that i have an orgasm before helps me last longer. but how can i last longer that first time. also does masturbation effect your time at all? (link)
|
I think it is your age. That is why you don't last long the first time. It will change with time, but as long as your girlfriend is willing to go 2 or 3 times, don't worry about it. when you are in your 30's you'll be wishing for these days to return. No masturbation won't make a difference. Only time.
Michele
|
|
13 female me and my g/f tara, hear about this party from her older brother. so we sneaked out of house and went. well there was a lot of booze and drugs at this party. Tara kinda freak and left but i hung and start to party with these older guys. well i woke up in bed roo with them and i was naked. i found my clothes now i dont know what to do (link)
|
Young lady, you were slipped a date rape drug, and you passed out, and most likely you were molested, maybe even raped. Can you tell, at all? Is your vagina sore? Red? Do you have any cuts, bruises, are you bleeding. Honey this could be a very traumtic thing. And even though you weren't supposed to be there, it was not OK for the older guys to take advantage of you. That was against the law. They should be punished. You could even be pregnant. I think you need to talk to an adult that you trust. I hope you can find someone.
Michele
|
if i text my friend that lives in arizona
and i live in illinois
will i get charged for long distance? (link)
|
Well it could depend on your plant. My plan with Cingular/ AT & T, charges .10 cents for each text message, and my son textes his girlfriend in Illinois, and it still only costs .10 cents.
Michele
|
ACK!!!! i just saw a HUGE bug crawling across my kitchen floor as soon as i turned the light on and it's making me literlly throw up, the size of the big-sized paper clips, >.< i can't stand it...i can't even sleep now, cause all the thought of peace is just shattered...
should i call the exterminators?!?! please help (link)
|
Well, where to you live? The Mid west of the US is being hit with year with the "17 year cicada".
It is a HUGE but, with wings, very ugly, red eyes! They make loud clicking sounds. They are harmelss and don't live long, but ewww, I wouldn't like it either. Supposedly millions and millions of them are to be born this year, and right around this time. You can see one I'm sure by going to google and typing in
cicada, or seventeen year cicada.
I would try to catch it in a towel and put it outdoors.
Michele
|
|
my dog was like attacking a baby bunny and so ive kept it inside for about 2 or 3 days now. i gave it some water through a water bottle thing, but what can i feed him? he hass to eat but he barely drinks. advice please? oh yeah, hes not bleeding or anything on the outside..but i think my dog paralyzed his back legs because he cant move any of that, he just drags his back end around (link)
|
I agree that you should take the bunny to a vet. Tell them you found it, and maybe they won't charge you for the care. Bunnies are usually very fast. It could be that the bunny's legs were paralysed before your dog got to it, and that is how it got caught by your do. If the bunny is eating that is a good sign, and if it is eating a lot of lettuce, then it is getting water from the lettuce. They also like clover, which may be growing in your yard.
See if there is an animal rescue league in your town/city. They will help.
Michele
|
|
I was wondering how birth controls works.. is it important to take the pill before you have sex or the next day? And also how long does it take to become affective once you begin taking birth control? (link)
|
If you are going to go on birth control pills,and I applaud you for doing that. It is important to take them at the same time every day. Usually girls take them each AM with breakfast. Forgetting for two or more days in a row, IS A PROBLEM.
How the pill works, is that it increases the amount of estrogen in your body. Just as if you were pregnant. your body is "fooled" into thinking it is pregnant. So your ovaries DO NOT ovulate, and no new eggs are created that could become fertilized if you have sex.
For the first month that you are on the pill, it is IMPORTANT that you use another form of birth control, incase there is ALREADY an egg in your uterus waiting to be fertilized. After your first period on the pill, you should be OK after that. No more eggs will be formed. BUT ONLY if the version of the pill you are on is the right strength for you. If you experience "spotting" during the month. (small spots of blood in your underwear) then the version of the pill that you are on is not strong enough for you. So you may still be fertile until you are on the right strenght of birth control pill. ONce you are on it, you need to stay on it, until you no longer want to prevent pregnancies. Also you must be aware that the pill does not protect you from STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) and for that reason, maybe you should still have your partner use a condom.
I hope this helps
Michele
|
thanks for your kind words
a recap:
question:
why do people with a loving family do bad things?
your answer:
Michele answered Friday June 8 2007, 7:04 pm:
By this question, you are asking, I take it you mean that this person, perhaps a young person, did some bad things, even though you think he/she has a loving family. Well, my thought on that would be......
Perhaps the family is fooling you. or him/her.
My experience has been that when kids do really stupid or bad things, most often their families, are not as great as they appear to be to the outside world. Oh yeah, so maybe no other member of the family, robbed a bank, or drinks and drives, or takes drugs, BUT, have they ever had anything nice to say to the family member who gets in trouble on the time? Have they always been supportive? Have they been good parents, or selfish parents? Some kids hate themselves inside, because their parents always made them feel that they weren't good enough. These kinds of kids do get in trouble. They are just fulfilling their parent's prophecy. That they are not good enough, why be good, when no one expects you to be? If any of this sounds familliar, I am not surprised, as I see it every day in my son's teenage friends. I raised my kids differently, with kindness and patience and I rarely screamed or yelled. (just the opposite of how I was raised) They are great boys, they are musicans, one's in collge, they treat their girlfriends like gold, and they don't drink or do drugs. I trust them completely. They stay out of trouble because they want to. If you have more questions on this suject, you can leave me a private question if you like.
Michele
i just wanted to thank you for understanding my situation. it was a general question but after reading your answer i found that it relates to my life. like, if parents dont physically abuse their children it doesnt mean they dont verbally, mentally, or emotionally abuse them. im not exactly abused, i think. just kind of sad and hopeless. sometimes theyre nice and sometimes theyre not. it would be easier to fit them into a category if they did hit me then i could get help. but since they dont and it doesnt seem that they are doing anything all that horrible then i dont have any choices really. well.. i hope i raise my kids like how you did one day. your kids sound so sweet. :) (link)
|
Yes, I do understand, because it reminded me so much of what I went through. My parents never hit me, but they didn't much care about what happened to me either. And they didn't encourage me to excel or helped me to believe that I could succeed at anything. I struggled for many years. It took many more to realize that I was a smart person and capable of accomplishing a lot. Then I took a look around at the adults whose parents supported them, encouraged them, told them over and over that nothing could hold them back. If they wanted something bad enough, to succeed, they only need to work hard, stay out of trouble, and reach their goals. For a long time I was mad when I realized how different my life would have been if I had parents who saw my qualities and talents and encouraged me. That is a parents job, you know, To raise healthy, responsible, self-reliant kids, who lead successful lives. Not just feed cloth and shelter them.
But eventually I got over the anger, it didn't help, and perhaps my parents were raised the same way. So I broke the cycle by raising my boys differently. I encouraged their interest in music, my oldest son wanted to be a radio DJ. We visited radio stations, I took every opportunity to promote his dreams. While in High School he attended the CT. School of Broadcasting, and when he went to college, he chose a college that had a campus radio station, and he now manages the radio station on campus, and the college pays him. This summer he is interning at a local radio station, not on air, but behind the scenes, that is part of his training. He will reach his goals and I am very proud of him. But even if he doesn't end up in radio, it will be his decision. I just gave him the basics and encouraged his dreams.
I know you can do this too. It won't be easy, but keep at it, and along the way you will meet people who will encourage you, mentor you.
Thanks for letting me know that I helped and don't hesitate to write again. Ask me anything, even about college and financial aid from the goverment and scholarships, I can let you know where to go to apply for all that stuff.
Next time you write, you could let me know your first name to.
Michele
|
|
I've liked this boy forv bout a year and a half now. And he know I like him. We were about to go out one time, but then he got back with his ex. then they soon broke up and he was back to me. I told him that i didnt want to be his rebound girl and i didnt think it was worth getting hurt over and over again. He said that i was his best friend and that he didnt know i felt like that..and all that stuff. Now, I know that he will never like me as a girlfriend, just as a best friend. How do I get over him? After i loved him all this time? (link)
|
I think you should stick with your initial gut feelings about not wanting to be his re-bound girl. I think you were right to say that. And that would have hurt worse, than this does now. Women (and girls) posess great powers of intuition, but to often we don't pay attention to it, and that is when we get hurt. If he really likes you and want to make you believe that he would not let you be just a re-bound girl, he would act in a manner that would give you confidence in him. But I guess he is not doing that. I know it hurts because you still care for him. It won't change until you find someone else. I can only tell you that love is so much better when both people involved love each other the same and mutually respect each others feelings.
Remember this for the future:
All of us, all of our lives, will run across temptation, when we are in a committed relationship with someone else. If we are selfish we give in to the temptation, even when we know it will hurt the person we profess to love. If we are emotionally healthy, we say no to the tempation, because we wouldn't want to hurt the person we are committed too. When you find THAT kind of person, then you will not have to worry ab out being a re-bound girl.
Hope this helps
Michele
|
I lost my virginity to my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago. he seems crazy about me, i never ever guessed that he would even think about kissing another girl. but last night he kissed one of my good friends, then grabbed her boob. and masterbated like in front of her.
i really dont want ot break up with him but if i have to i will.
what should i do?> (link)
|
Your in love with your boyfriend, that is why you gave up your virinity to him, a very precious thing, and this he how he rewards you? He is not in love with you, he is in love with sex.... which is normal for his age, but no fun for you, and the many other girls that he will hurt while he is young and immature. Yes I think you should break up with him, he is only going to do more of this. He was not thinking of you when he did this, he was thinking of himself. He is going to run into to many girls who will allow him to do this, and he won't stop because you love him. He will think of his own gratification, and then cheat on you. I hope you find the courage to break up with him.
Michele
|
|
my name is Rachel and iam 18 years old and i just started smoking a couple of weeks ago and my cousin found out my cousin is 36 by the way if that helps any but anywas we use to be really close kind of like sisters but ever since she found out i started smoking she thinks i did it becouse i want to be like her becouse she smokes and now she thinks she's a bad influence on me becouse iam smoking but she has nothing to do with me smoking except that she did let me try it the first time if i promised never to do it again just to see what it was like so i promised her i wouldn't do it again but i kept on doing it and she found out so now she won't let me come over to her house anymore becouse she's afraid i'll sneak ciggerates and become addicted so she's stopping me from coming over alltogether and i want her to trust me again how can i get her to trust me if i can't even come over? (link)
|
Sounds to me like your cousin is mad at herself, because she thought her actions, and her statements warning you against smoking, would work, and they did not. And you are right when you say that she had nothing to do with your decision. It is afterall, your decision to smoke or not smoke. Is she afraid that the rest of the family, when they find out, that they will blame her. You can tell her that you take full responsibility for your decision to smoke. I mean you do don't you? If your immediate family finds out, you are not going to blame her are you? And I don't think they will either, whether they are happy with your decision or not, they must realize at 18, that you have a mind of your own, and you have broken no laws.
Give her time to get over it, people cannot stay mad at themselves for long. She is being hipocritcal if she lets it go on too long, because after all SHE SMOKES!
And by the way, she probably doesn't realize that she is mad at herself, and she is taking it out on you. Not fair. IN the whole scheme of things, if that is the only thing she had to worry about with you, she should consider herself lucky. There a so many other bad things you could be doing.
Michele
|
My whole life I've been told and thought I'm stupid. Because I'm not school-book smart. I don't get good grades in the "smart subjects" like science, math and so on. I am so sick of believing this. I'm a different type of smart. I know I can make something of myself.
I am especially good at 3 things; public speaking & reaching out to people, languages (I know 4 different languages and intend on learning several more) and I sympathize, more than anything. People always turn to me because of that, I long to help. More than anything.
I've researched at least a hundred different professions in my attempt to find a major that will equip me with the right tools to help save the innocent from the corrupt and ultimatley change the world. I need a profession that will make me come alive. I have a picture of myself speaking infront of thousands of people, touching their hearts, or working at a homless shelter, somehow helping those who have been used, or anything of that kind. But in BIG levels, it wouldn't mean anything to me as a doctor or anything like that. It's not the kind of thing that would make me come alive, it wouldn't matter to me. I don't want to help one person at a time, I want to help thousands.. at once. I want to do something that would end homelessness and stimulate world peace!
I am compassionate and am able to provide stability in people's lives when they are shaken up. I am 16 years old, female, and more than anything.. I want to do something with my life.
No one believes in me, because I am not suited for the typical "good jobs" I will never have the grades to become a Lawyer, Doctor, Journalist or any of the sort.
Help me, what can I become? And how do I get there?
Thank you so much! And please, don't read this and think "what a dreamer, everyone thinks they'll save the world.. this one doesn't even have good enough grades.. she doesn't even know how to spell" Please, I have enough people thinking that way, if you can't help me, fine. But I'm begging you, don't think like that. (link)
|
Oh my dear, you have everthing it takes, to help millions of people in the world. And you desire to help is the most important. But first of all, I think you should to to college, that you can get a job that will make a difference, and be in a position to make a difference. You need to take course in organizational management, globalization, and social sciences. These are the subjects you are interested in, and you will do well in them. And your ability with languages makes you EVEN MORE employable, and capable of reaching great levels within a global organization. ARmed with your education and ability to speak different lanugages, you could to work for the United Nations, or OXFAM, or any number of Non Governmental Organizations who help people around the world. If attending college is a problem, you could look into the peace corp. The may have an eduation program, whereby the fund some of your college education.
There are many foreign governments who look to hire US citizens that can speak different languages, to work for them. I get this magazine called THE ECONOMIST, in the back there a hundreds of jobs looking for people with your skills and talents, and they pay very well. I wish I was your age today, I would do exactly what it is that you are planning. My degree is in accounting and that is what I do best, and that is what pays the bills, but maybe when I retire, I can go to work for a non-profit agency that is making a difference in the world.
I get a number of newsletters from non profit agencies that are trying to do just that, join one of them an volunteer. Subscribe to their newsletters and educate yourself on the issues that are harming people today. Lack of clean drinking water, malaria, aids, the ability to make generic drugs in poor developing countries.
Check out this website. http://www.wilpf.org/
or this one http://www.globalpolicy.org/
or this one http://www.oxfam.org/
Please don't say college is out of the question,
each state has state colleges and universities, and state residents get to attend them at a lower rate than out of state students, and if you can commute, you save even more over living on campus. My son attends state college here in CT and he commutes, and it does not cost more than $8,000 a year, of which 1/2 was paid with financial aid, and i/2with loans. AFter four years of college he has only $10,000 in loans. That is not bad. You can do this, you have the deisre and the smarts, and all of the non-profit agencies would love to have someone just like you.
I have confidence that you will go far, and I hope that I have helped. Good luck to you honey.
Michele
|
|
okay well a while ago my parents got extremely mad at me because they found out i had a myspace when im not suppose to..well i got one again and they have no idea andd i rlly dont see whats wrong with myspace because i can talk to alot of my friends that dont go to my school and stuff. what could i say to my parents to make them understand that theres nothing wrong with having a myspace. thanks in advance (link)
|
Well both my sons have a myspace, and no I don't see anything wrong with it. And they enjoy it for the same reasons you do. You don't say if you are a girl or not, but I suspect you are, and your parents are especially anxious about your myspace because of the stories in the news about girls being lured into meeting "young guys" who turn out to be old men, and some of them have been harmed, or even worse.
But in the whole scheme of things, there are million of kids on my space, and a very small percentage of them have been harmed. VERY small.
You must convince them that you have more sense than that. I mean to meet with some kid you only know from the internet. How do you do that? I am assuming that you do have more sense than that. What if any plans, do you and your girlfriends have, to prevent that happening to any of you? Some of you must have read about, and discussed girls who fell for those traps, left home without telling anyone, so they could meet a boy, who over the internet sounded just like the only person in the world who understands them, only to arrive at the meeting place to find an older man, who then kidnaps them. What do you and your friends think about these things? Honey, this is a very serious subject, so bear with me. Some kids have "internet safety plans" where by they take steps with the help of their friends and even parents and teachers and authorities to protect themselves online.
There are so many wonderful things about the internet, including my space, and you should be able to enjoy them, and not let a few perverts ruin for you. There is one theme that is true of each encounter that a young teen had with a pervert. They young teen had to COOPERATE or it never would have happened. Of course the young person had no idea he/she was about to meet a pervert!
So here is my suggestion. Take the possibility of an encounter with a pervert on-line as being REAL,
start a internet safety campaign with your friends. Your goal is to educate kids and parents alike of the downfalls, and the benefits to kids, of the internet. You can have a my space page, but you need to keep it :private: you need to not chat with any kids you don't know, no matter how friendly they are. Make lists of all the ways that myspace takes steps to protect kids, then make a list of all the things kids themselves need to do to avoid perverts, then make a list of all of the other benefits kids get from having a myspace page. Then make a very short list of the downfalls. Educate yourself and your friends and kids at school on how to avoid problems and perverts. BE an advocate for safe internet. Show that you know all of the dangers and you know how to avoid them. Educate your parents of the ways in which you can protect your myspace page so that only you and your "known" friends can access it. And same goes for which friends you talk to. What steps can you take to ensure that each person you talk to on-line is really someone you know?
Also, never put personal information about yourself on your myspace, like where you live or you how to contact you. Don't put sexually provacative photos up there, just cute ones, group photos, pet photos, and pics of your favorite musicians,etc. Stuff like that.
DOes any of this make sense? Education is power.
Educate yourself about all of the pitfalls of having a myspace, let your parents know that you know better than to fall for them, and maybe they will trust you to be able to avoid contact with perverts. Besides, perverts are everywhere, not just on the internet. Avoiding strangers everywhere is good advice for everyone.
After all, the police do not say that kids should stay off the internet, the police just want kids to know about 'internet safety'. It is a real issue. In some large cities, the police offer internet safety courses. Maybe you could get your school to offer an internet safety course for all of the kids, on a saturday. I think with a little resolve on your part, you could work this out, and be an advocate for internet safety for yourself and your friends. By doing this you can show your parents that you are too smart to fall for any of the traps that perverts use.
Hope this helps.
Michele
|
|
Does any one know a site where I can calculate how much of a mineral, herb I should take. I want to take more than the RDA recommends, however, I dont want to megadose either. Thanks (link)
|
OMG, there are soo many sites about vitamins and health, try Dr. Mercola's I take a boat load of vitamins, and it actually is hard to overdose. We are only in danger of overdosing of vitamin A, and it would take a lot to overdose. It is best to learn as much as you can, and make your own decisions. For example I take 1,500 mg of Vitamin C a day, but if I catch a cold, which is rare, I double that Life Extension is also a good site,
Herbs you might have to be more careful about, and of course drug interactions, but I assume you are young and hopefully not on any medication.
Each day I take a good multi, plus extra VitaminC, calcium, CoQ10, E, D, Luetin, Folic Acid, and that is just the beginning. HOpe this helps. I think it is a good thing to take vitamins and belive that you will benefit from it.
Michele
|
|
how do you get rid of blackheads? the most easiest way?? (link)
|
Microdermabrasion creams will work for you. Let's see L'oreal has one, so does avon, and maybe even, Oil of Olay makes there own version of microdermabrasion crystals/cream. You can find it at your local drug store or super market. Works great at unclogging pores and eliminating black heads. Follow the directions and use it once a week. Your skin will fell smooth and soft.
Michele
|
|
So I'm doing an essay on a "soldier's experience". In the introductory paragraph I have to give a Hook, Background Info, and a Thesis Statement. This is my thesis: War is a lifechanging experience -- for the bad. Does anybody have any ideas for a hook? And also.. for the background info part it's kind of where your opinion about war goes. So what is all of your guys opinino about war? Thank youuu (link)
|
It is true what the other advisor answered you, But people who don't belive in war, and that has been for thousands of years, have always believed that. so that is old news. What I find different about this war, and what I wonder about the young soldiers who are fighting the war in Iraq and Afghanastan is this? The young soldiers who are fighting today spent hours and hours playing video games where they, well....they killed people, the enemy. They worked hard to get good at it. This is an "unusual phenomenon" that has never occured before. Sure kids my age played cops and robbers and had toy soldiers to play with, but hey today's video games are so realistic. What affect has this had on these young men. I have read a number of posts on line by young soldiers who had a rude awakening, learning that real war is nothing like virtural war. Maybe you can find a "hook" in that concept.
Maybe it is something you could explore. It would certainly be different.
HOpe this helps.
Michele
Michele
|
|
Hey, I read your advice on what someone asked about people who do bad things even though they have loving families. And what you wrote for some reason made me very.. restless. I want to be like your boys! (even though I'm a girl) I want to be good daughter, student, cousin, friend, partner and everything - but I havn't been as lucky as your boys. My family is terrible, and I have been terrible. I lie, cheat, steal, and about everything you could think of. Is there any chance for me being good and having a future even though my family is the way it is? Thank you. (link)
|
Yes of course there is. And you don't have to start big. you can start small. The first thing is to resist temptation. When you come from a family that does bad things, it is so easy to follow in their foot steps. Copy what you see. Also, they won't be watching you, so it is easy to get away with things. But there are other powers you will have to answer too, like the authorities at school, or the police in your town/city. No matter if your family follows the rules or not, YOU could be the one to get caught, and YOU will pay the consequences of YOUR actions. Sure the authorities will understand that you come from a home where your parents are not setting a good example, but in the end we are all responsible for our own actions. You'll do the time and you'll pay the price for YOUR bad behavior.
So each journey starts with the first step. Forget what you have done before, because we all have sins in our past, and take the first step by resisting the temptation to be bad.
Next do small things that are nice. First do things that are nice for yourself. Do well in school, even if it is just one subject. Start with one if that seems more comfortable. When your teacher praises you for your outstanding work, it will feel great! Then do something good for someone else for no reason. Sure that person may have doubts about your sincerity at first, but do it anyway. Do more than one thing, do two, or do one good thing for two people. Do them a favor, do it without being asked. Help someone with a chore, problem, or just be there to listen to someone who needs to talk.
If your family is not responsive to your changing, don't choose them to do good deeds for. And if your family doesn't care if you get good grades or not. then don't share your efforts with them. There are so many adults out there who do appreciate kids who are trying to do good things and make it on their own in life.
Here is another thing to watch out for. Many kids fail because their parents don't encourage them, and also many times a kid's "chance" at success can scare the parents, and they may even try to sabotage your efforts. They'll say things like, "why are you botherin' it ain't gonna make any difference" Or "you got an A in science, I don't believe it!" PLEASE, don't let things like this discourage you. You will not suceeed if you listen to this kind of talk. Therapists call it "stinkin' thinkin'" Don't listen to them, they are just placing their problems and lack of confidence on you. Your success will scare them. Good, let them be scared. You might be scared to, but just keep going. The scaryness will go away.
It is going to take some time to build enough confidence in yourself to KNOW that this is the path that you want to take. To be sure that it is worth the effort.Please give it enough time, even when things don't go right. I believe it is easy to be good, but it is NOT easy to be good when everyone you are close to, and whom is supposed to be on your side, is making fun of you or discouraging you. This kind of behavior by your family is going to happen for the rest of your life, no matter how old you are. So you can start NOW to ignore it, and find support elsewhere, or you can be bad for the next 10 or 15 years, have a criminal record behind you.....now you will have a harder time changing your life, and they will STILL not be supportive. I hope this is clear to you. Does your school have a mentor program? That might be a good first step. Ask about it.
Make up your mind you are not going to look to your family for support, and do the right thing because you know it is right, and most of the people in this world who are successful, had to do the same thing to get there: stay out of trouble. Do it for yourself. You will see some day in the future, when you have made a life for yourself, that your family is going to be looking to you for help and guidance and lord knows what else. I'll bet one or both of your parents may even take credit for some of your accomplishments. I'll never forget the day my mother actually paid me a compliment, I almost fell off my chair. I think I was in my 40's. Point is, if I waited for her to give me the confidence I needed to be good, and be successful, I'd still be struggling today.
Don't expect it to be easy, but you seem to be very smart. I know you can do it. You can email me any time you like. I live in Wolcott CT, by the way, and my home email is cobweb2@comcast.net
I will be happy to be your line to support and encouragement. you can ask me anything.
Good luck to you
PS I know being young is hard mostly because it is boring. You don't have money, you don't have a job, you have no responsibilities. But your adult life can and will have all of these things, and it can have a great job that you love, lots of responsiblity, and you can make a difference. You'll get a paycheck each week for the work that you do, and you can live your own live. That part of you life will span 70 years or more. Your childhood will only last 18 years. Try to be patient and be good, so that the next 70 years will be great. Keep your eye on the future.
Michele
|
|
i like a guy who is 17..and i'm 14. he will turn 18 3 days before i turn 15..is it like not illegal with parents permission (link)
|
No, this is not legal. Most states have laws against relationships between 18 year olds and girls under 16. The ONLY time it is not a crime is when the girl and boy are both under 18, and there is only 2 years difference between them. At this point, your relationship is already illegal. He is more than two years older than you. Once he turns 18, he is an adult in the eyes of the law. And the other advisors are wrong, your parents don't have to say it is OK. Statutory rape means a violation of a law that is on the books. The state can press charges against the boy, and it doesn't matter what you or your parents say. It does not even matter if you say it was consensual. Adults (18 and older) are not allowed by law to have relations with children under 16.
Listen, don't get turned off. I am on your side. Knowledge is power so I am giving you the information you need to save you both from a lot of trouble, so please read on.
The worse that can happen is that he will be labeled as an sex offender. He could do time. The sex offender status will follow him for the REST OF HIS LIFE. Have you seend the sex offender registries on line. There is one for each state. ON it you will see young men, like your boyfriend, who fell in love with a young girl and had relations. They got caught, and the state pressed charges. That is because this issue is so prevalent in the news. The police department wants to look like it is doing it's job. So they press charges. The boys, in this case ran up thousands of dollars in legal bills, and have records that, like I said, follow them for the rest of their lives.
Now, if you are SURE 100% that you two can keep sex out of the relationship until you are over 16, then by all means develop your friendship and look to the future. That is the onlyway you can be sure that you will not invite more trouble than you can handle into your lives. I know it is possible to accomplish this. Always keep this in mind. If you both love each other, and hope to have a future together, or even a future with out each other if that is how it ends, up, but a future with the pain and hearth ache of a criminal conviction, that you need to respect each other and yourselves, and keep the relationship platonic until you are 16. I would not stear you wrong. I know nice young men that this has happned to. They too, thought that something like this could never happen, it was like a night mare for them and their families and the girl, and the girl's family too. I hope you heed this advice. You will be glad in the end that you waited.
Michele
|
|