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Hey, I hope you don't mind a personal question
Hey, I read your advice on what someone asked about people who do bad things even though they have loving families. And what you wrote for some reason made me very.. restless. I want to be like your boys! (even though I'm a girl) I want to be good daughter, student, cousin, friend, partner and everything - but I havn't been as lucky as your boys. My family is terrible, and I have been terrible. I lie, cheat, steal, and about everything you could think of. Is there any chance for me being good and having a future even though my family is the way it is? Thank you.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Yes of course there is. And you don't have to start big. you can start small. The first thing is to resist temptation. When you come from a family that does bad things, it is so easy to follow in their foot steps. Copy what you see. Also, they won't be watching you, so it is easy to get away with things. But there are other powers you will have to answer too, like the authorities at school, or the police in your town/city. No matter if your family follows the rules or not, YOU could be the one to get caught, and YOU will pay the consequences of YOUR actions. Sure the authorities will understand that you come from a home where your parents are not setting a good example, but in the end we are all responsible for our own actions. You'll do the time and you'll pay the price for YOUR bad behavior.
So each journey starts with the first step. Forget what you have done before, because we all have sins in our past, and take the first step by resisting the temptation to be bad.
Next do small things that are nice. First do things that are nice for yourself. Do well in school, even if it is just one subject. Start with one if that seems more comfortable. When your teacher praises you for your outstanding work, it will feel great! Then do something good for someone else for no reason. Sure that person may have doubts about your sincerity at first, but do it anyway. Do more than one thing, do two, or do one good thing for two people. Do them a favor, do it without being asked. Help someone with a chore, problem, or just be there to listen to someone who needs to talk.
If your family is not responsive to your changing, don't choose them to do good deeds for. And if your family doesn't care if you get good grades or not. then don't share your efforts with them. There are so many adults out there who do appreciate kids who are trying to do good things and make it on their own in life.
Here is another thing to watch out for. Many kids fail because their parents don't encourage them, and also many times a kid's "chance" at success can scare the parents, and they may even try to sabotage your efforts. They'll say things like, "why are you botherin' it ain't gonna make any difference" Or "you got an A in science, I don't believe it!" PLEASE, don't let things like this discourage you. You will not suceeed if you listen to this kind of talk. Therapists call it "stinkin' thinkin'" Don't listen to them, they are just placing their problems and lack of confidence on you. Your success will scare them. Good, let them be scared. You might be scared to, but just keep going. The scaryness will go away.
It is going to take some time to build enough confidence in yourself to KNOW that this is the path that you want to take. To be sure that it is worth the effort.Please give it enough time, even when things don't go right. I believe it is easy to be good, but it is NOT easy to be good when everyone you are close to, and whom is supposed to be on your side, is making fun of you or discouraging you. This kind of behavior by your family is going to happen for the rest of your life, no matter how old you are. So you can start NOW to ignore it, and find support elsewhere, or you can be bad for the next 10 or 15 years, have a criminal record behind you.....now you will have a harder time changing your life, and they will STILL not be supportive. I hope this is clear to you. Does your school have a mentor program? That might be a good first step. Ask about it.
Make up your mind you are not going to look to your family for support, and do the right thing because you know it is right, and most of the people in this world who are successful, had to do the same thing to get there: stay out of trouble. Do it for yourself. You will see some day in the future, when you have made a life for yourself, that your family is going to be looking to you for help and guidance and lord knows what else. I'll bet one or both of your parents may even take credit for some of your accomplishments. I'll never forget the day my mother actually paid me a compliment, I almost fell off my chair. I think I was in my 40's. Point is, if I waited for her to give me the confidence I needed to be good, and be successful, I'd still be struggling today.
Don't expect it to be easy, but you seem to be very smart. I know you can do it. You can email me any time you like. I live in Wolcott CT, by the way, and my home email is cobweb2@comcast.net
I will be happy to be your line to support and encouragement. you can ask me anything.
Good luck to you
PS I know being young is hard mostly because it is boring. You don't have money, you don't have a job, you have no responsibilities. But your adult life can and will have all of these things, and it can have a great job that you love, lots of responsiblity, and you can make a difference. You'll get a paycheck each week for the work that you do, and you can live your own live. That part of you life will span 70 years or more. Your childhood will only last 18 years. Try to be patient and be good, so that the next 70 years will be great. Keep your eye on the future.
Michele
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